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Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

heatherr

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I have a major issues going on and am really scared to talk about it with anyone I know!

I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks ago. I have not told anyone yet. I don't know how far along I am. I took 2 tests at home and they were both positive. Could they be wrong? Is there any way to get a false positive? I put in the date I think my last period was and an online calculator says I am 11 weeks pregnant. I can't believe I could be that far along.

I met this guy over the summer. We got along really well and were hanging out a lot. I found out he was 22 and I lied to him and told him I was 19. We sort of dated casually and had sex. Before him, I'd only had sex with one other person and he was my age. I just really liked the guy, but didn't plan on it going very far. I wasn't thinking when I lied to him, I just figured he obviously wouldn't want anything to do with me if he knew I was 17. I started to feel weird about lying to him and keeping it a secret from my parents and everything, so when school started back up I just made up excuses as to why I didn't want to see him anymore. I haven't seen him in several weeks.

I am FREAKING out. I don't know what to do. I was not on birth control, but we always used condoms. Sometimes he'd go in me without a condom and put one on later. I stil can't believe I could have got pregnant from that. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone. I don't want to tell my parents. I'm always so paranoid that they've found out somehow. I just need some sort of advice. I am trying to tell one of my friends in real life, but she was mad at me when I told her I was having sex with him. I don't want to admit to her that this happened.
 
I think your best first move would be to make a doctors appointment. Regardless of how you feel about telling people, you need to make sure your baby is healthy! Especially if you could be as far along as you think, you will be due your first scan soon!

Secondly, address telling people. Maybe wait until after your scan, but you will need to tell people at some point. You may be able to hide a pregnancy, but sooner or later you will stop being pregnant and start having a baby. Pretty hard to hide lol.

You should probably also talk to the man, he has a right to know he's gonna be a dada :) and you're gonna have to start being honest with him too :/

Congratulations btw :)
 
I don't even know what to do about making a doctors appointment. I can't afford to pay for it and my family has insurance but I'm sure my parents will find out if I use the insurance card. I know they always send us notices in the mail after we go to the doctor, but I guess I could try to get it before they see it.

I can't imagine myself having a baby. I don't know if I can be a mom right now. I don't want to have a baby like this, with someone I lied to.

I don't know how to tell my parents. They have no idea I've even had sex and they definitely don't know about this guy.
 
When I fell pregnant with my son I was just turning 17 and FOB was 22.

I just agree with Mana, you need to tell the dad and you should probably just tell your parents so you can get to the doctors and not sneak around them, as you can't be sure you will get that letter before them, though surely it doesn't say exactly what you went to the doctors for? (I'm in the UK so it's different here) If it only says that you saw a doctor and not what for then why not just go and speak to a doctor before telling anyone? Surely your parents don't need to know why you went? I think you need to speak to this guy though, he has the right to know! Good luck. :)
 
I think every time we go to the doctor for anything we get a letter that states what it was for and what our charges are and other stuff about how it applies to the deductible on the insurance. I only know this because a few months ago I went to the doctor for a routine preventative exam, which is supposed to be free on our insurance, and they sent us a letter that said what the appointment was for and they had incorrectly charged us. I don't really know all of the info that is on there for sure though.

I'm sort of thinking of not telling the guy at all. Maybe it'd be easier that way. I sort of want to tell him just so maybe he can help me figure out what to do, but at the same time I'm not sure if I want him to know. I don't want to tell him that I'm pregnant, let alone that I'm really 17 and still in high school.
 
But that is his child too and I believe he has a right to know that you are pregnant with his baby. Not meaning to be harsh but you have to stand up to your lies and tell the truth. Actions and consequences. It's not fair on him if you don't tell him.
 
And honestly I wasn't saying that to be mean :hugs: I know it can't be an easy situation!
 
I know you didn't mean it to be mean. It's my fault for lying to him in the first place. I just didn't think this would happen and I'd ever have to tell him the truth. Part of me was thinking about just not telling him because it'd make it easier for him not knowing. I don't know if that'd be selfish or not. I just feel like chances of him wanting to have a child right now, especially with me, are very slim, so maybe I should just not bother him with it.

But I know if my parents find out they will want to know who the father is and then I'd have to lie to them and say I didn't know or something. No option really seems good.
 
It would be very selfish IMO, towards him and your child growing up without it's dad. You don't know how he will react, so it would be awful if he was willing to step up but he had a child he will never know about. If you tell him and he doesn't come around, it's his loss but he may come around to it all, you have to take the chance!

Telling the truth will be so hard but eventually it will settle down, unlike if you keep the lies up, it wouldn't be good for anyone. :(
 
I think you need to stop lying tbh, it hasn't done you very well so far. If they ask who the father is, you can just say your ex boyfriend. It's not a lie, and it's not as bad as saying you don't know.

As for telling him, you have to think, not only does he deserve the chance to be a father, but your child deserves a chance to have a dad. Even if he doesn't instantly drop to one knew, you should at least have the capacity to be civil with him for the sake of the kid :) have a heartfelt conversation with him, tell him your sorry for lying, tell him about the baby, that you don't expect anything from him for yourself, but your child would really like to have a daddy in his/her life! Even if it's just a visit once or twice a week :)
 
First of all, congratulations :hugs:

I think the advice you've been given here is really good and I definitely agree that you should really consider telling the father. I know it seems tough but he may be able to provide you with some support; he may be shocked about your age and about the baby but he is involved too.

Big hugs :hugs:
 
If I tell my parents the father is my ex boyfriend they won't know who I'm talking about. They will probably think I'm talking about the boyfriend I had before this guy. That's the only one they know about. That won't be enough for them, they'll want more information.

I guess the other issue is that I don't know if I will keep the baby. If I don't plan to keep it I don't feel like I would have to tell him. Or I guess I just tell him I'm pregnant and not keeping, that way he can't say he never knew.
 
I would tell him first. How do you know he's going to react badly? Once he knows he's going to be a daddy he may just accept it and forgive you for lying. I met my partner when I was 17 and he was 24. I'm now nearly 21 and we are still together. I don't really think your age gap is that major. Once you've told him hopefully he will support you & it will be easier to tell family. Even if they fly off the handle I'm sure they will love little one once he / she arrives. You also need to get some medical care asap to ensure everything is going well in your pregnancy. Being a mummy is an amazing feeling, and trust me you will cope. Everyone finds their own way. Good luck xx
 
You're right, ClaRav, I don't actually know how he'll react. I don't think he will be happy about any of it, but I won't know unless I tell him.
 
Maybe if you write him a letter then you can get it all down in a composed way, then give it to him in person :)
 
Yeah, a letter might be a good idea. I just worry that telling him I'm actually 17 will make him mad, but telling I'm pregnant first will upset him too, so I don't know where to start. Maybe writing it down all at once will be better.
 
First of all, congrats! I'm Briana and I'm 19 and 25wks pregnant. So I know how you're feeling.

You need to be honest, with your parents and with the father, it's easier said than done. I was told I couldn't have kids and told my little one's dad that, then I had to tell him I was pregnant. I dreaded how he would react. I sent him a text and told him straight out what was going on. He wasn't happy, but he was somewhat supportive. Even now, he's still strange about it but he has agreed to meet his daughter once she's born. So he'll come around babe - and even if he doesn't it shows that you're better off without him.

As far as doctors appointments go, have you considered seeing family planning? I'm not in America so I'm not sure if they charge to insurance or what the age restrictions are but it's worth having a look into if you're not quite ready to tell your parents. Do you have another adult friend that you trust who you could talk to?
As far as telling your parent's who the babies dad is just tell them it's an ex. I told mine straight out that he wasn't someone I wanted around baby and that I didn't want to speak about him and they respected that (mostly:haha:) You do need to see a doctor, especially if you think you could be 11 weeks.

Good luck hun, pm me if you ever need to talk xxx
 
I agree with writing a letter, it seems like a good idea in your situation so he can't walk away and not hear it all if he does get mad.
 
So, I decided I am definitely going to tell the dad, but I'm trying to determine who I should tell first. I don't know which will be worse - him or my parents. Also, do you think it's ok to not tell him in person or should I do it face to face, even if it's giving him a letter?

I just keep telling myself I'll just do it, but then I start over thinking it.
 
I think it's best to do it face to face, I'd just do it and get it over with so you don't have to keep thinking about it. Do it today! I'd probably tell him first, you never know he might help you tell your parents :)
 

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