Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do

[ClairAye]

I agree with Mana! Face to face is the hardest but best way IMO Good luck!

 

[Breeelizabeth]

I actually disagree with the PP's, I think that face-to-face isn't always the best way. Sending a text was the best way for me. It meant I could get everything out there without being interrupted or yelled at and had an opportunity to explain everything I had too. When I did talk to him in person he didn't want to listen to a word I had to say about why I wanted to keep bubs. It was much easier through text - and he actually took it in (cause he could look over my reasons whenever he wanted too)

Again, it's whatever works for you and what you're comfortable with. I'm not saying do it one way or do it another. Just giving you my experience

 

[heatherr]

I called him to see if we could talk, thinking I might just tell him that way, but he said he was busy and would call me back. I know if if I will tell him when he calls back. I planned to try to see if he would meet me somewhere, but when I think about being face to face with him I don't know if I will actually be able to admit to everything. I'm thinking I might just text him everything (I was already thinking that before I read the most recent reply, btw).

 

[MummyMana]

Did you do it? How did it go?

 

[CathiiNoo]

Congrats hun. I know you're in a difficult situation, I had to help my best friend through it when she found out she was pregnant at 17. It's an emotional roller coaster. But first things first, your baby's daddy has the right to know he has a child growing, then you together can discuss as to whether you gonna keep baba or not. I personally think you will regret it if you make a rash decision before thinking it through. You will learn to manage, every baby is a miracle. I hope everything turns out okay for you and I'm sure your parents will come around especially when they see their little grandson or grand daughter. Just know, it's not the end of the world having a baby. My best friend managed to finish school, get a food job, her license etc even with a child and without her parents help really. Be strong xx

 

[atleastthree]

So, I decided I am definitely going to tell the dad, but I'm trying to determine who I should tell first. I don't know which will be worse - him or my parents. Also, do you think it's ok to not tell him in person or should I do it face to face, even if it's giving him a letter?

I just keep telling myself I'll just do it, but then I start over thinking it.

Well done for making this decision - it's never too late to do the right thing! As women we often feel like they are our children more than theirs, but that's not true - a child has 2 parents and needs them both equally. I agree that face to face is best, coz that way you know he really got the message.

 

[happybeany]

Good luck hun. Have you told him? He might be willing to step up and be a great dad if you give him the chance.xx

 

[heatherr]

I told him everything over the phone. First I told him that I was pregnant because I figured he probably wouldn't hang up on me right away over that. He didn't really say much at first, but then just asked me a lot of questions like when I found out, how far along I was, etc. When I told him I think I'm 11-12 weeks, he seemed really freaked out. Then I told him the worst part - that I'm 17. I mean, I know a baby is bigger than that, but I was more embarrassed to tell him that I had been lying to him. His first response was "You're f%*king kidding me." Then he just said oh my god a bunch of times and that he didn't know how to react. Then he questioned if everything else I had told him was true and if I was sure the baby is his. Then he said he felt gross knowing he was sleeping with a girl in high school. I told him I hadn't told my parents yet and I didn't know anything for sure since I haven't been to the doctor. He wasn't much help there, just said that was great so he can deal with this news and wait for my parents to show up and kill him. He said he couldn't handle it right now and had to go and would call me back.

 

[Eidson23]

Give him time...you dropped a pretty big bomb on him, and men's brains don't work the same way as us. As for your parents, If my highly christian republican mother can accept that I got pregnant at 17 and then came out as gay at 23 and married a woman at 25 who's now pregnant with our first child together...then your parents will be able to deal with it. Of course every situation is different, and they might be mad and disappointed at first...but they also may surprise you. Just give it time. They deserve to know and may be more hurt that you didn't tell them sooner.

 

[skyesmom]

good job for telling him.

i also agree, don't worry about his initial reaction - you've dropped two big bombs on him, confessed you lied to him and it is normal for a person to doubt all your words, if you've lied for a while about something and then disappeared without a trace and then called him back to say you're pregnant.

he'll come around but leave him time.

now it's time you face your parents and/or get a doctor's visit asap as you're around 12 weeks by now and you need a check up.

also, when you tell your parents, i'd be honest about everything so at least everything is out on the table - and by this i mean, tell them that you've lied to him about your age and about still being in high school. so that they don't see him as some prick who has seduced their innocent teen daughter and then left. this will just make your future relationship more difficult, have them hate him unnecessarily and so on.

i say this as both your parents and him are gonna be a part of your and babies life for good, so it's way better to start that relationship with open cards and clean bill, rather than lies and unresolved doubts they bring hanging here and there around.

 

[MummyMana]

Well done for telling him! You did good I'm sure he will come around, about the age thing as well as the baba after all, it's not as if you told him you are 15, it's not like you were underage or anything, it could be worse!

I agree that you should be completely honest with your parents - put an end to the lies!

Seeing as you think.you could be quite far along, I really think you should get a drs appointment asap! I'd suggest inviting the dada along to it, that way he can see for himself that the pregnancy at least is true, and also feel involved

 

[CathiiNoo]

Well done for coming clean to him. I hope him and your parents surprise you with accepting baby.

 

[ClairAye]

Well done! Hopefully he comes around soon!

 

[northern_me]

Good work! I can only imagine the anxiety you are dealing with.

I promise you it isn't going to be as bad as you think if you tell your parents. Despite what their first reaction may be, they are your biggest allies in this.

 

[RubyRedLips]

Heather, I'm just seeing this thread now and I wish I'd chimed in earlier. Sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of tough stuff for a teenager.

Right now, the most important thing you can do is be seen by a medical professional. If you can't face telling your parents yet and are unable to visit your regular doctor, please find a Planned Parenthood clinic in your area. You need to be examined by a doctor and now is the time to make some very important decisions for yourself and the baby you're carrying. At Planned Parenthood (or a similar organization in your area) you can talk through your options with someone who's trained to assist women in your situation. Good luck to you in whatever you decide!

And I should add: If you haven't done so already, go to a drug store and purchase some prenatal vitamins and begin taking them daily.

 

[heatherr]

Thanks for all of the support.

When I tell my parents I will definitely tell them the entire truth because I don't want them to completely blame the guy and be even more upset with him than they already will be. Earlier today I thought I might tell them tonight. I have a tummy now where I never had one before. I am always paranoid that my mom is looking at me weird, like she knows something is going on. I try to avoid being alone with her because I feel she'll ask me. I bet if she really knew she would have said something already. I just couldn't tell them tonight. I got too nervous.

I talked to the father and he said I have to tell my parents NOW. I asked him what I should do and he said he didn't know, he's still processing it all - it's all he can think about, but he can't make me do anything and doesn't want to make me do anything. So, he isn't much help.

I thought I found a good solution and that I would just go to Planned Parenthood for now because I honestly don't know if I can tell my parents any time soon. I went to their site and it looks like the closest one is over 100 miles away.

 

[Eidson23]

I promise, it won't get any easier as time goes on. You need to tell them ASAP. These are your parents. Do you really think they're going to throw their pregnant 17 y/o daughter out on the street? The worst thing that could happen is they get angry. You can't tell me your parents haven't been angry at you before, even had full blown screaming matches? They will eventually have to come to terms with it if they want to be a part of their grandchild's life. The sooner the better, because it's only going to get harder and give them less time to process it.

 

[MummyMana]

It,sounds to me like the father is being pretty good!

Honestly, I'd just go up to your mum and say "I've got a bit of need for you" if you act positive you are more likely to get a positive reaction. I think the hardest part for you will be telling them that you lied to the father, but you have learned from that so make sure you let them know that

Everyone is right that the sooner the better, especially if it is the only way to get medical attention.

It's great that you and the dad have been keeping contact, really! Especially considering how you thought he'd react!

 

[skyesmom]

i agree he sounds pretty promising despite the shock and still taking it all in. and i agree with the previous poster, approach them upfront, and the sooner you do the better.

if you think your mom has noticed something, well.. maybe she did. moms have a 6th sense sometimes. and if she did, maybe it is tough for her to break the silence as well and she sees you behaving strange (ie avoiding being alone with her)... so the sooner you spit it out, the easier it will be, at least it's out there and you can start making a plan and considering your options all together.

good luck!!

 

[LeahLou]

Just wanted to stop by and say, you're doing great and will be fine! Congratulations feels funny to hear at first until you're ready to celebrate.
I got pregnant at 19 with a guy I had dated in the past but had broken up with and hooked up with one night. It was a really sucky situation because he was abusive and my parents HATED him and didn't know 1) I was even sexually active 2) that I was seeing him somewhat again.
Now I have a healthy 3 year old, married to an amazing man and trying for our 2nd!
Life throws curve balls but depending on what you do with what you're given, it can be the best thing that's ever happened!
Keep us updated and know you have a ton of support on here!