Question for moms of young girl toddlers

[SarahBear]

Only read the first response so far (about to read the rest). It doesn't bother me when people think she's a boy. What bothers me is the different treatment based on gender. And I think I notice more than most because I've been around some radical feminists lately.

 

[SarahBear]

Also, part of what bothers me about it is the gender messages children get constantly bombarded with. It's not just about taking personal offense.

 

[FAB mama]

I agree, just let them be kids! If I had a girl I'd probably let her wear my son's old clothes or even buy "boy" clothes for her. I'm not very girly myself, I can't stand dresses and hated being in them as a child.

On a side note, I've overheard a few different kids at the play areas talking to each other about my son going "is it a boy? are you sure? how do you know?". I do think it's funny to hear them but I wonder if the little boys wouldn't play with him if they mistakenly thought he was a girl??? He's almost always in "boyish" clothes. I guess gender stereotyping starts early!!

 

[SarahBear]

I agree, just let them be kids! If I had a girl I'd probably let her wear my son's old clothes or even buy "boy" clothes for her. I'm not very girly myself, I can't stand dresses and hated being in them as a child.

On a side note, I've overheard a few different kids at the play areas talking to each other about my son going "is it a boy? are you sure? how do you know?". I do think it's funny to hear them but I wonder if the little boys wouldn't play with him if they mistakenly thought he was a girl??? He's almost always in "boyish" clothes. I guess gender stereotyping starts early!!

This playground example is an EXCELLENT example of why gender stereotyping is a problem. People do it without noticing and people receive it without noticing, yet it shapes our children and sends them incredibly strong messages even if they themselves don't actually notice it.

 

[fannyadams]

My lo is 2 and sometimes wears dresses, sometimes 'boys' clothes and sometimes outfits so ridiculous she barely looks like a human!
I haven't noticed any difference in how she's treated and wouldn't expect to.
Sometimes I dress girlie, sometimes masculine and I don't notice any difference in how I'm treated either.

I don't know what you mean though really? Are people asking her if she likes trains when she wears jeans and dolls when she wears dresses?

 

[jd83]

I agree, just let them be kids! If I had a girl I'd probably let her wear my son's old clothes or even buy "boy" clothes for her. I'm not very girly myself, I can't stand dresses and hated being in them as a child.

On a side note, I've overheard a few different kids at the play areas talking to each other about my son going "is it a boy? are you sure? how do you know?". I do think it's funny to hear them but I wonder if the little boys wouldn't play with him if they mistakenly thought he was a girl??? He's almost always in "boyish" clothes. I guess gender stereotyping starts early!!

This playground example is an EXCELLENT example of why gender stereotyping is a problem. People do it without noticing and people receive it without noticing, yet it shapes our children and sends them incredibly strong messages even if they themselves don't actually notice it.

I guess I'm a little unsure what you are meaning as well. I do think gender stereotyping starts at an early age, but that's because kids DO start to take an interest in learning who's a boy, and who's a girl. I've heard my older son asking his friends about other kids being a boy or girl, but it was out of curiosity, not because they were going to not play with them because of it. I've always encouraged my kids to play with ALL other children, and they enjoy playing with girls AND boys. Obviously once they get school age, this may change and they may prefer playing with boys, but I don't think that's necessarily due to gender stereotyping, but more to do with common interests in how they play and what they enjoy playing with. I let my boys play with all sorts of things, but they do tend to favor mainly "boy" toys, not by me forcing them on them but by their own choice.

 

[little_lady]

I agree with jd83. We do all have gender identity, like it or not. I think giving our children gender identity is a good thing, as it forms part of who they are. I don't mean forcing all girls to wear pink, but talking in terms of what a girl is as opposed to a boy. Both personality and gender identity are on a spectrum but kids still have one of both. I don't understand why everyone wants gender to be so ambiguous.

Me personally, I like to wear dresses and skirts and that's how I dress Isabelle. But as she grows if she wants to be a tomboy I'll let her. But I don't see the need to worry about it now.

Dunno if this makes sense but just some quick thoughts

 

[ktod]

I might have read your OP wrong but I think you are saying, people who definitely know violet is a girl are awkward around her when she is dressed boyish?

I have never noticed anything like that with my son when he wears gender neutral clothes or his jeggings. I don't think people who know him really look at his clothing that much.

He does get mistaken for a girl by strangers but the long hair doesn't help and they don't mean any offense, they just use the clues they have to guess a gender.

 

[JASMAK]

I have never noticed this with any of my children, but Improbably wouldn't care so maybe it has happened and it just didn't register.