Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[polaris]

Hi Bananaz, I agree with Noelle about shifting the nap forward gradually.

 

[Boo44]

Ohh bananaz big hugs from me. I too absolutely hate early morning wakings with a passion so I understand feeling angry!! Hopefully it's just a random phase. I try to console myself that whenever LO starts a new random thing it *usually* only lasts 2 wks max...

Unfortunately I'm starting think her sleeping in until 6am was the random phase rather than the other way around

Eek!!

 

[easyrhumba]

I am seriously thinking about going back to co-sleeping for a bit. I don't know if that's a silly idea or sensible!

Both of us are quite unwell at the moment with a rotten cold and the last two nights I have brought her into bed with me at about 10 or 11 p.m. (a combination of her not settling at all in the cot and me not feeling well enough to cope with going in and out to her room every hour or less). Anyway the first night she was really unwell and awake crying a lot in distress so neither of us got very much sleep. Last night she was quite distressed at about 10 p.m. and I had to get her up for an hour and walk round with her to calm her down, then I brought her into bed with me and she actually settled down and slept for pretty much the rest of the night. She stirred a couple of times but went straight back to sleep when she realized I was there and she had a very brief feed at 4 a.m. but other than that straight through to 6.30. Now I realize this could be a once off due to being exhausted after the night before or whatever, but this is totally different to when we used to co-sleep when she still woke every hour and needed resettling or a feed or whatever.

So here are my reasons for and against:

For co-sleeping:
She would be happier with that sleeping arrangement (no question about that)
She would possibly sleep better?
I would possibly sleep better in that I wouldn't have to get out of bed a million times a night.
I might be less tired and irritable during the day

Against co-sleeping:
All the reasons that I stopped in the first place.
Our bed is too small for three of us so OH would have to sleep in spare room
Would it end up being a long term arrangement, which I don't really want?
What about naps and evenings before I go to bed, would she start refusing to settle in cot at all (which was the case in the past)
It feels a bit silly to go back after all the work I did to get her comfortable settling in the cot.

Thoughts anyone? I never had this with DS, he never wanted to co-sleep and actually I ended up having to move him to his own room at four months (earlier than I had planned) because we were disturbing him. But Clara is so different to him in regard to sleep.

I have been part time co- sleeping since the very beginning. I always start him out in whatever he is currently sleeping in ( first rock and play, then pack and play next to me, and now crib in his room) and then when he wakes up I bring him in with me.

I think that since he starts in his crib Im not too worried about it being a long term arrangment. Well it could be, who knows right? But thats a bridge I will cross when I get to it. I am not the happiest person without sleep and I think everyone benefits from our current sleeping arrangments.

I feel its whatever works best for you and keeps you sane!!

 

[NotNic]

I am sitting here nodding in agreement about the early wake ups. I have friends who wake at 6am and have a peaceful hour to get dressed and sorted out for the day before their Los wake. I would love that opportunity. Finlay still wakes between 5.30 and 6.30 every day. The later wake ups are normally after a restless night so I'm not in the best mood even with a later start. Like I tried to explain to my oh, he gets an easy start to the day - get dressed leisurely, walk to the station, train journey and then 2 hours after waking his working day begins. Mine starts before 7am and I'm on duty immediately. I have noticed we have more luck getting him back to sleep if oh settles him rather than me. If he sees me then its normally game over. Sometimes he's a happy chap but sometimes he's a real whinge bag and I spend much of the morning before his nap reminding him that its his own fault he's so tired!!

 

[Boo44]

^^I'm exactly the same!!! I spend so long saying to Jack 'well it's your own fault for waking up so early!' then always have to remind myself he is ten months old and has no idea what I'm going on about! Pleased I'm not the only one

Also many a time have I lamented how OH gets a lovely drive to work listening to the radio with just his own company. Never thought I'd miss that kind of stuff!

Although I now have only 3 weeks until I return to work and I think it's sinking in, so over the past week I feel infinitely more patient and have actually missed Jack after bed time. I think I'm going crazy finally

 

[Twister]

I think tonight is going to be more of the same old s**t. She woke 1 hour after bed, abs then every 2 hours after that. I came to bed at 10:30, LO woke at 11 which I knew she would. Really could do with a 4 or even a 3 hour stretch of solid sleep so I have done energy for tomorrow.

I just don't know why she wakes so much. Seems like nothing I try works. It would be a lot easier to deal with if she was like this from birth but she was doing 4 hour stretches from the off, then 6, and right before it all went to pot she did 3 nine hour stretches in one week which was amazing and I thought we were on the right track.

 

[Twister]

I'm getting seriously annoyed now. It's coming up to 11:45 and every time I set her in her cot she wakes up and lifts her head up, tries to roll over etc. Why won't she just let me sleep. I feel like putting her down, going to bed with some ear plugs and just shutting her out. Of course I would never do that but it's getting old now I want my decent sleeper back. I cannot cope with this at all. As soon as it starts to get better it all goes to shit again and I can't do it anymore. I need some decent sleep. I know this won't last forever but the house is a tip and all LO does at the moment is moan because ages tired and I hate it.

Sorry for the pity party but its all starting to grate on me again, happens every couple of weeks or so then I'm ok again for a while.

 

[daneuse27]

Twister, is she breast or bottle fed?

My girl is 8 months, and if I didn't boob feed her to sleep, shed probably be doing the same thing. I nurse her until she's out cold, but her down and then she doesnt wake up when shes set in the crib.

If she does wake during the night, I pop a dummy in her mouth and she passes right back out. Will your girl take a dummy for sleeping?

 

[Twister]

BF.

She's bf to sleep most of the time and always during the night (especially on days like today but she can self settle when she wants to. It's 2am and I'm currently trying to fight with her to feed to sleep, but if I try any other method she'd just cry.

Dummy in the night she just spits out or turns her head away from.

 

[seaweed eater]

to everyone! I'm sorry so many of us are having a frustrating time

Twister, I know how that feeling of "OMG, this is SO not good enough" can come around. Hang in there! Things WILL get better. I know it doesn't help that much to hear that when you don't really believe it. But we will support you whether you choose to wait it out or try to change things. I really hope it gets better soon.

I totally get the early wake up rage. I know I am really fortunate to be able to have this arrangement, but after I feed LO when he wakes up, DH takes over until he needs to get ready for work, and I get a nap. It's not always a long nap, but when it is, sometimes it's seriously the best sleep I've had all night.

Polaris, I think all your reasoning is sound. It sounds like a tough decision, but whatever you decide, you know what you are getting into. Sorry, that's probably not very helpful. I guess I wonder whether both options really are options though. I can understand your reservations, but if you ask yourself whether you are really open to having things continue this way...are you? It doesn't matter how much work you've done to get C into her own bed if that's just not a workable arrangement for you right now. KWIM?

I thought today was really good, then LO woke up after 45 minutes in bed and won't settle I give up, it's all random. Isn't it? No sign of teeth yet, so...so much for that theory.

I guess we'll just have to wait it out with the nap stuff. Polaris, I like what you said about going with the flow. And Bananaz' suggestion about the late catnap. I don't want to confuse him by not having enough of a structure, but sometimes he really does need that third nap.

Bananaz, to answer your question about his usual schedule-- his first nap (at home) starts 9-10, then he often naps for about 5 minutes in the car around 12:30 on the way to daycare, then his daycare nap usually starts 2-3, then he naps for 5-10 minutes in the car around 5:15 on the way home. I can't really prevent him from taking those tiny car naps, because he can now apparently fall asleep almost as soon as the engine starts, but I don't mind too much at the moment because they seem to get him through (especially the long WT between naps).

50 minutes and counting trying to re-settle why, baby? Argh, after a 70-minute nap at daycare, and a peaceful early bedtime, too.

 

[seaweed eater]

I just hate hearing him cry and not going to him. Even for a minute. I know he won't fall asleep with me in the room so I have to give him time. But I hate it. I also don't want to stop hating it no matter how much sleep training we do. Know what I mean? I just want it to stop!

1 hr 11 mins...longest one yet. And we are 12 days in

 

[seaweed eater]

Hour and a half...what the f is going on?? Should we call the doctor? I don't even know how to deal with this.

 

[stephie_corin]

Has he been crying for an hour and a half? Sorry SE I haven't got up to date with the sleep training you are doing. X

 

[stephie_corin]

I think tonight is going to be more of the same old s**t. She woke 1 hour after bed, abs then every 2 hours after that. I came to bed at 10:30, LO woke at 11 which I knew she would. Really could do with a 4 or even a 3 hour stretch of solid sleep so I have done energy for tomorrow.

I just don't know why she wakes so much. Seems like nothing I try works. It would be a lot easier to deal with if she was like this from birth but she was doing 4 hour stretches from the off, then 6, and right before it all went to pot she did 3 nine hour stretches in one week which was amazing and I thought we were on the right track.

((((Hugs))))) I could have written this. This is my LO exactly. He was a brilliant sleeper until 3.5 months and since then it's been hell!!

 

[stephie_corin]

So we tried two naps and I just couldn't make it happen. We did wake up 530, nap 820-9, nap 1145-1220 and I couldn't get him back to sleep, so he had another 30 minute nap around 3 to get him through to 6 when he fell asleep.

Night was usual, horrible night! Not counting the wakeups before I went to bed, he was awake between 11-1245, 2-230, 4-430 and up for the day at 510am. Yawn.

Until he starts taking longer naps I'm not sure we can transition to 2 naps but I will keep trying!! X

 

[seaweed eater]

He hasn't been crying the entire time, but most of the time. We are doing 3-min intervals with comforting/PUPD in between. The goal is just to get him to sleep without nursing but that seems to be the most effective thing. He's not really willing to accept comfort tonight but sometimes he will stop crying when DH picks him up. He's not screaming, just angry.

We took him out to the living room for 20 mins and sat with him. He was perfectly happy. His eyes look really tired but he was super alert and wanted to play. We just sat with him, though, and tried to keep it boring. When he got fussy I took him back in, sang him his bedtime song, and put him in bed. So now here we are again.

I really want to give up. But I don't want to change course in the middle of a night. DH is done. He wants to take him for a ride in the car and then let him sleep in his carseat. I don't want to do that but I have no idea how he's going to fall asleep otherwise. We started his bedtime routine over 3 hours ago.

 

[gaiagirl]

Oh Seaweed xxxxxx That is a rough night. I am about losing it here too, seriously. It feels like we have taken about 6 steps backwards right now.

I know I haven't posted recently but I've been trying to follow now and again.

Polaris - I part time cosleep and love it, it seriously saves me soooooo much precious sleep time. Up until this week it's been no problem with him sleeping in his crib naps/evenings and then bed at night. But then now he's gone insane and its all crap so I can't promise that won't happen! Lol

Twister - I know I have told you before but we have SUCH similar babies sleep wise! Mine was progressing so well until 3.5 months and then it's just been a roller coaster since. I get really irritated with evenings lately and last night was the worst in a long time. I cried, he cried (as I tried to get him to sleep without bfing). It was awful.

Sorry, those three are most recent in my mind so I can't remember everyone else's current situations.

Ahhhhhh so I'm back to feeling annoyed and impatient. Trying to just roll with it and stay calm. Wonder week 26 is kicking our butts. He's whiny and fussy and sprouts tears when he normally RARELY cries. And sleep is ridiculous.

Overnight actually isn't terrible but evenings have sucked for a long time and this week they're even worse. No way will he let me transfer him to the crib.

Today he even battled me on naps which usually are his HIGH POINT! Yikes!

Anyways just feeling a bit stressed that we are yet again moving backwards. Naps today were lying down nursing in my bed, then I could roll away and leave him. Same deal for bed tonight. That feels like a huge step back

 

[seaweed eater]

I'm sorry you are struggling, Gaia

I just nursed him and he still won't settle in his crib. But now I guess he knows that if he cries for 2 hours he gets to nurse?

Edited to add: he fell asleep during the interval after nursing. Kind of makes me feel worse, because he still nursed to sleep after all that. Where do we stand with the training now? Can we try again or is all lost?

 

[socitycourty]

i think you should just keep trying.

i would resist doing the car thing because then that just becomes another sleep aid. it works short term but you don't want to have to do that every time he gets wound up.

can you pump and have your Dh give him a bottle? that might help, night weaning is hard because it seems that's when they want to nurse the most

 

[polaris]

OK so we had an absolutely dreadful night last night. She napped most of the day yesterday so that might have been something to do with it - 3 hours in the morning and 2.5 hours in the afternoon - which I would never usually let her sleep that long but she has a rotten cold so I wanted to let her sleep if she needed it.

So she didn't wake up from her second nap until 5 p.m. I tried bedtime at 8 p.m. but she didn't want to settle, she finally went to sleep at about 8.30. She woke up at 9.30 and again at 10.30, at which point I took her into bed with me. She continued to wake up every hour until 2.30, at which point she woke up and stayed awake for 3 hours. For the first two hours just wanting to play and chat, pulling my hair, trying to crawl off the bed, etc. Then she started crying and cried inconsolably for about an hour despite me trying to nurse her, cuddle her, pain meds, etc. I tried putting her in the cot, I tried lying her on my chest, lying her on the bed beside me, tried nursing her to sleep. Nothing worked. In the end I had to bring her down to OH who somehow managed to get her to sleep.

I just feel so disheartened today. OK I know that she is sick and teething but I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I was so optimistic about the co-sleeping option but after last night I really don't feel like it is going to be a runner. I just don't know what to do. Don't know if I can face letting her cry if it's going to be an ongoing thing - I don't have a problem with doing CC for a week or whatever (which we have done) but I'm really not willing to keep letting her cry a lot on an ongoing basis. I know I just have to wait till her cold is better and reassess the situation then.

Seaweed - I'm so sorry you had a rough night too. I would just keep going with the sleep training because it has generally been working really well for you, it sounds like just a random blip, who knows what that was about. Hope he slept OK the rest of the night.

Stephie, I think you're right, there's no way you could do two naps when he's still only taking short naps especially when he's up so early.

Gaiagirl, so sorry that things have taken a step backwards for you too. I so know that feeling. Wish I had any useful advice.