Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Noelle610]

Hi Noelle, when he wakes I always offer nursing first and if he's not hungry I rock him until he falls asleep. Thanks for the tips. Ill try put him down sooner in the morning but its tough - he fights me at every nap for ages!!!

I'm hoping you'll find if you put him down sooner he doesn't fight you. It's all about finding that magic window!

Have you tried putting him asleep at bedtime awake?

 

[stephie_corin]

Hi Noelle, we've got a different but related problem that he only feeds when going down for naps or at bedtime. He is too distracted any other time and won't feed no matter what. So he always feeds then passes out asleep and I put him in his cot asleep. Sometimes I've let him lie in bed when he wakes and just watch him on the video monitor. He just gets himself more and more awake and ends up crying if we don't go to him. Thanks very much for your advice

 

[Noelle610]

Have you tried feeding him in his room with dim lighting and no distractions?

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Hey guys, haven't been on here for a while but always enjoy reading this thread Sofia has been sleeping through consistently the last 2 weeks or so and now we're working on me sleeping through

She's getting her first tooth so she cries whh we out her down but she still dies sleep till 6:30 or so. That's with the Advil we give her at the start of the night. Teething has not been as bad as I thought. I think the crawling in sleep milestone (around 6.5 months) was worse for us.

 

[Noelle610]

Glad to hear she's doing well Shadowy Lady!

I can't believe how far we've come since I started this thread. I'm terrified I'm going to jinx it, but we're consistently getting 11-12 hours of STTN without a peep and great naps over the last month. I'm sure it won't last - I know there's a sleep regression around 1 year and than again at 18 months - but I'm enjoying it!

 

[gaiagirl]

So happy for you two! Definitely enjoy it while you've got it, I think it's never safe to assume its permanent (until maybe age 4/5?!). But you both know that better than I!

I know I've already complained about this on here but what's my baby's deal with evenings?!?! Naps and overnight both are fine, at least manageable. We hit road bumps with both but in general they're ok.

But evenings...I have tried earlier, later, late nap, no late nap, bath, no bath, seriously everything. And it's getting frustrating! Yesterday for example he napped amazingly! After struggling with no swaddle crib transfers all week (heat wave) I finally found a good middle ground with just diaper and muslin cloth. Naps, transfers went flawlessly and he took 2 40min naps and a big 2 hour nap. Awesome. Then 7:30 rolls around and he falls asleep nursing/rocking as always but no matter how long I waited to transfer he would wake up INSTANTLY when I tried. I tried resettling in the crib, I even left him in there for 30min (just rolling around playing not crying). Arg! I miss my free time in the evenings!

Finally rocked to sleep, took into my bed and read a book. But wanted to hang with DH and watch hockey game

 

[Radkat]

My LO is going to be 7mo later this week. The rest of the night wasn't much better. She was up every hour. Standing up in the cosleeper. I tried putting her back down, shush and pat, ignoring her, which just caused her to start crying. OH walked her for a bit, that didn't work so I finally fed her. Not sure what else to do. Her naps are still pretty bad. 3x30minutes. I tried to stretch her in between times this weekend a bit and it didn't seem to make any difference in the length of time she slept. We are both really tired and trying to decide what to do to help. Any suggestions?

 

[polaris]

Gaiagirl, would you consider trying putting him down awake just at bedtime? My son started wanting to self-settle at bedtime at about four months, or at least feeding and rocking stopped working to get him to sleep at bedtime. I put him in the cot awake and kept my hand on his tummy to soothe him and he was asleep within ten minutes (with some crying/fussing). It really helped with bedtimes for us as previously I was spending hours trying to get him to sleep. I kept rocking him to sleep for naps for quite a while longer because it worked for naps but just not at bedtime.

Obviously this might not work at all for you but just thought I'd mention it.

 

[stephie_corin]

My LO is going to be 7mo later this week. The rest of the night wasn't much better. She was up every hour. Standing up in the cosleeper. I tried putting her back down, shush and pat, ignoring her, which just caused her to start crying. OH walked her for a bit, that didn't work so I finally fed her. Not sure what else to do. Her naps are still pretty bad. 3x30minutes. I tried to stretch her in between times this weekend a bit and it didn't seem to make any difference in the length of time she slept. We are both really tired and trying to decide what to do to help. Any suggestions?

Wow, our LOs are so similar!!! We get three x 30 minute naps too, although the middle nap can be slightly longer (up to 45 mins/1 hour on occasion). My son is just over six months. Sorry no suggestions as I am in the same boat as you. Sending you lots of sleepy vibes xxx

 

[stephie_corin]

Have you tried feeding him in his room with dim lighting and no distractions?

Yep and he will still only feed when really sleepy. He goes from flat out refusing the breast to crying for it when he gets to a certain level of sleepiness.

 

[Noelle610]

radkat, have you tried her in her own room? I wonder if your presence is stimulating and causing more waking.

gaia, I totally agree with Polaris - I would try putting her down awake at bedtime if you're open to the idea.

stephanie, that's hard. How established on solids is he?

 

[stephie_corin]

We are only a week into solids, doing BLW so he isn't eating a huge amount. He's been on this nursing strike for almost two months now! I've done something seriously wrong to mess up his sleeping AND feeding. Hopefully when he is eating more it will help the situation.

 

[Twister]

Just an update for today:
Morning nap was great, slept for around an hour and 15mins.
Then we all went out shopping for a couple of hours, she was tired on the way home.
Second nap only lasted about 45 minutes.
And I've just put her to bed, self soothed with no fuss or whining, tried to roll over a few times but nothing new there. Fingers crossed for a repeat of last night. If she wakes after an hour again I'm going to do what I did last night and wait a couple of minutes then go up as after that initial waking yesterday she slept for 4 hours, and went 5hours without a feed so I know she can do it!

 

[Noelle610]

Stephanie, I'd try feeding him every time he wakes us - do a relaxed EASY routine.

Twister, that sounds great. A 45 minute nap isn't too bad. Good luck tonight!

 

[Radkat]

Stephie - I know, our LOs seem very similar. Hopefully they will both improve soon.

Noelle - We don't have a room for her to be moved to, unfortunately. We can move the side of the cosleeper up so that it will be harder for her to see us when she does stand up though. We will do that today. I'm still feeding her to sleep at night. Do you think that has anything to do with it? I'm just confused as to why the past two nights have been so awful. Before that we were having 2 night feeds and then maybe 2 other wakeups that just needed shush and pat to resettle her. Not sure what has changed so much in the past two nights.

In order to switch up when I feed her in the bedtime routine, what do I do if she falls asleep when I'm feeding her? Just wake her up and then change her into pjs, story, etc? I'm anticipating lots of fussiness, but I guess that's just how it goes?

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Glad to hear she's doing well Shadowy Lady!

I can't believe how far we've come since I started this thread. I'm terrified I'm going to jinx it, but we're consistently getting 11-12 hours of STTN without a peep and great naps over the last month. I'm sure it won't last - I know there's a sleep regression around 1 year and than again at 18 months - but I'm enjoying it!

I know I try to enjoy now too and thankfully been sleeping better myself

So happy for you two! Definitely enjoy it while you've got it, I think it's never safe to assume its permanent (until maybe age 4/5?!). But you both know that better than I!

I know I've already complained about this on here but what's my baby's deal with evenings?!?! Naps and overnight both are fine, at least manageable. We hit road bumps with both but in general they're ok.

But evenings...I have tried earlier, later, late nap, no late nap, bath, no bath, seriously everything. And it's getting frustrating! Yesterday for example he napped amazingly! After struggling with no swaddle crib transfers all week (heat wave) I finally found a good middle ground with just diaper and muslin cloth. Naps, transfers went flawlessly and he took 2 40min naps and a big 2 hour nap. Awesome. Then 7:30 rolls around and he falls asleep nursing/rocking as always but no matter how long I waited to transfer he would wake up INSTANTLY when I tried. I tried resettling in the crib, I even left him in there for 30min (just rolling around playing not crying). Arg! I miss my free time in the evenings!

Finally rocked to sleep, took into my bed and read a book. But wanted to hang with DH and watch hockey game

Hope you get a break soon I remember there were times when I thought I would never sleep again . You're saying you have changed many things in the evenings. Can you try and do the EXACT same routine for a whole week and see if anything will come out of it?

Re - sttn not lasting. I think at this point Sofia knows how to sleep through and she hasn't had a night feed in over 2 months. If she does wake up sometimes in the future, it's fine by me. Babies get sick, teeth,...the important thing is that she responds well to her routine and goes back to sleeping again

 

[gaiagirl]

Thanks ladies! Shadowy I have tried consistency as well, and he just seems to randomly go through a few weeks of (relatively) easy bedtime and then suddenly decide he's done with that!

I have tried just putting him down drowsy before, and for about 3 days just before 16 weeks (when he still took a soother) it worked! I was so excited! And then a few days later sleep went totally crazy AND he stopped taking a soother. Ever since then he does NOT settle in the crib. I mean, sometimes he will be lightly asleep, eyes open a bit when I put him down and then I can get him to close them again but that's rare. Usually it just escalates. I will try again though, maybe he is ready. He has a strong sucking/motion association with sleep, and at this point I'm not willing to put him through great stress to end that, but I am willing to try soothing him in the crib and see! You never know

 

[polaris]

Stephie, Clara is a bit like that with feeds too, but not to the extent of your LO. I did EASY with my son and it worked really well, he never fed to sleep and had his feeds immediately after waking from his naps. I really really tried to implement a similar routine with Clara and she was having none of it. She really only wants to feed before naps and bedtimes - she will take a very small feed at other times but I always end up having to feed her again before she goes for a sleep because she just won't take a proper feed at other times. It's very tricky to break the cycle and I have really given up. Having said that, she has improved recently and has been looking for feeds at other times and only having a smaller feed before naps so maybe she's slowly changing her routine herself.

 

[mellyboo]

Melly - Yay! So pleased that you had a good night even if you didn't sleep for the whole of it yourself. I think the good nights do give you back hope that this isn't going to go on forever and these babies will eventually sleep!

Tess - I would go ahead and put time limits around feeding at night. I do think it helps. I'm never able to be totally consistent with it either because I will end up feeding her if nothing else works but at least it means feeding isn't the first thing that I turn to and that she is learning to go back to sleep without being fed every time. You could maybe start with a 3 hour limit, she should easily be able to go 3 hours without a feed I think.

Stephie, if he's fighting you for naps in my experience that is often due to wake times being too long. He might actually settle easier and nap for longer with a shorter wake-time. Then once he's sleeping better and less tired his wake-times will naturally lengthen.

Bananaz, what worked really well for DS when he was in that in-between stage of the 2:1 nap transition was waking him from his morning nap after 30-45 minutes and then giving him his longer nap after lunch, I think it was about 1.30 to 3. Otherwise he would have a long nap in the morning and either refuse to sleep at all in the afternoon or just have a cat-nap and neither worked well for him. Just another option to consider, it's so difficult trying to figure out what is going to work well for the overall sleep pattern.

I totally agree with you it gives you that tiny bit of hope i put her down by 8pm again today to see what it would do we've been going outside before bed ya never no the fresh air maybe helping her out..

She's been down for 2 hours with out a peep yet!!.. Heres to hoping for a good night tonight im almost off to bed!

I agree noelle , Its almost like you have to re-train yourself to sttn after you've trained baby.. funny how that works out but then i sit here night after night complaining how tired i am.. lol

 

[bananaz]

Thanks ladies! Shadowy I have tried consistency as well, and he just seems to randomly go through a few weeks of (relatively) easy bedtime and then suddenly decide he's done with that!

I have tried just putting him down drowsy before, and for about 3 days just before 16 weeks (when he still took a soother) it worked! I was so excited! And then a few days later sleep went totally crazy AND he stopped taking a soother. Ever since then he does NOT settle in the crib. I mean, sometimes he will be lightly asleep, eyes open a bit when I put him down and then I can get him to close them again but that's rare. Usually it just escalates. I will try again though, maybe he is ready. He has a strong sucking/motion association with sleep, and at this point I'm not willing to put him through great stress to end that, but I am willing to try soothing him in the crib and see! You never know

Self-settling is a long process for many babies but it sounds like your guy is on his way. You just have to take it a step at a time and celebrate the small victories as you go. Being able to soothe him in the crib would be a huge step in the right direction.

On a side note, it's so irritating how people push the "drowsy but awake" thing from birth, as if all babies will just drift off if you time it correctly. It took over 10 freaking months before my LO would go to sleep on her own for naps, and that's with me trying every technique and bit of advice I could find. It's so much more stressful when you feel like you must be doing something wrong because you've been told repeatedly that all you have to do is swaddle them and pop them in their crib with a pacifier when they yawn. I swear the people who say that must have a different species of baby!