Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Boo44]

Stephie I just read your post and want to say how you're feeling proves what a fantastic mother you must be. Naps and timings and awake times are so complicated and the others are right - their needs change all of the time it's impossible to keep up! Given that info it's not surprising that we all try to follow these plans in the hope of getting the best sleep for our babies. But the fact that you've taken a step back makes you a fabulous mum and much better than me! My husband says I am far too driven by the book and I think I agree! So hats off to you and I'm so pleased your baby is happy xx

 

[polaris]

Poor Clara is quite unwell, she has developed a rash to go along with the fever, the GP says probably just a viral rash but she has sent off swabs for possible measles. Feeling a bit miserable and exhausted today. It just feels like she's been sick so much and she's only 11 months old. Going to go to bed now even though it's only 8.50 p.m. Will reply to posts tomorrow.

 

[seaweed eater]

So sorry Polaris. I've heard of this happening to a few friends' babies recently and it was just a virus. I hope she's on the mend soon. Get some rest both of you

 

[bananaz]

Bananaz :wave: I hope your silence means that things are going well!! I've been wondering how you and E are doing.

Yes, her naps are all over the place and she's up at the crack of dawn every morning but she's still sleeping through consistently so I can't complain!

I'm sorry to see so many familiar faces in here LOL I was on this thread for several months though and my LO was a crappy sleeper before then too, so if we can get there I'm sure all of you will too!

 

[seaweed eater]

No crying at bedtime tonight. Such a relief!!
Not getting my hopes up too high, but it would be great for things to go well through the night, too!

BTW, I didn't mean to imply earlier that I feel anyone in this thread would give me a hard time about sleep training. You've all been nothing but supportive! Just too much Internet...you understand.

Stephie, I never answered your earlier question about why I decided to try it again now. No particular reason...just conversations recently with a friend and with DH. I feel like, if I don't expect him to SS, I am teaching him that he needs to rely on me to go to sleep. It just feels a bit silly when I really believe he can do it on his own. A month ago I didn't think he could, but now I do. So I guess I'm just catching up to my own thoughts. In fact if I'd been looking for the perfect time, this probably wouldn't have been it, because he's made some breakthroughs in gross motor development AND it's the height of a wonder week. I guess it comes down to the fact that despite all that I simply think he's ready!

Amy, I'm sorry for not responding to you before, I hope you have some better nights what you described is what we call the pirate crawl! Mine is doing some hybrid of that and butt scooting. Whatever works!

I hope everyone else is having better nights, too

 

[stephie_corin]

Polaris, I'm keeping Clara in my thoughts and hoping she makes a speedy recovery. If it's any consolation, at least she is building up some good immunity now. Our paediatrician friend is of the view that these early childhood sicknesses are important to strengthen the immune system. I do hope it's just a virus and she is on the mend soon. I hope you managed to get some sleep also. Being a mother is so hard when they are sick.

Bananaz, so glad you have great night sleep now!! Awesome news!

Boo, thank you so much. You're very sweet good luck with your pregnancy. I hope you manage to get some rest before baby number two arrives!!

SE. No crying already?! Wow! I think your mummy instincts were spot on and he is ready! You should feel proud of yourself for being such a caring and responsive mummy. How cute that Munchkin has developed his own special crawl technique!

Our nights are definitely getting better. We had a few crying moments (which I'm sure are due to his crazy slow teething) but he slept a few 1.5 hour stretches and settled pretty quickly. Thanks again everyone for the support yesterday. I was feeling like a bit of a failure. I really do try hard to be a good mummy, and it sucks when you realise you've made a huge mistake. It's nice to be supported by friends when you have those low moments - so thank you.

 

[seaweed eater]

So glad to hear your night was better I still wouldn't consider what you did to have been a failure. Maybe he really did do better on 2 naps for some time. There was a reason you switched. Their needs really do change! I hope you are ok and getting some rest yourself

Our night was good!! He was up 3x (including 60 mins after sleeping) and didn't resettle himself without nursing any of the times, but he almost did once. It was the 2 AM waking so I think you all are right that that's the feed to drop! The best part, though, is that he went back to sleep 5:15-6:15 no idea whether that has to do with the change in routine but it was certainly nice!!

Yeah his crawl is cute. I guess it counts as a "crawl" because he's forward on his arms, but neither leg is in classic quadruped position. He also goes diagonally at the moment I'm sure it will change as he becomes more efficient! I still think he may be walking soon anyway so maybe it's just a short term solution! But I think it really helped him at daycare so I'm thrilled about that.

 

[bababas]

I'm sorry I've been such a terrible thread citizen. This week has been very busy, and I'm very confused. LO is barely napping and seems tired during the day, but he is sleeping much better at night. Last night was actually the best one ever (asleep 7-4:30 and 5-6, and I got my longest stretch since he was born, too). Is it possible that he's too overtired to be waking up at night? I didn't think that was possible.

He was at daycare the whole day yesterday and he had one 35-min nap in his crib. Which is a success, but one that's hard to get excited about! I can't really rearrange my schedule next week to go in and sit with him while he SS for all his naps, and I'm not going to ask them to sleep train him without me there. I'm not comfortable with it.

Hope you are all feeling well today and had a good night last night

so happy for your long stretch of sleep. my ds1 slept less than ds2 during the day. and he sttn at 5 months. was a better sleeper in general .

oh i havent been around either. my dad was here from germany. we had aron's baptism, and just been busy! and more visitors from germany. and thursday we go WAY NORTH. 8°C it says. buhu! why!

 

[bababas]

Seychelles is really great, the fresh air is wonderful and I am drinking lots of fresh coconut water! It's lots of fun... The local guys sell them on the beach and hack them open with a machete in front of you. Cully is loving practicing his new straw drinking skills with the coconuts.

Oh, one exciting development I forgot to mention: since shaking up his routine he is now breast feeding at 830ish, 1230ish and 7ish... But I am having some success with an afternoon feed around 5pm! I'm so pleased!! It's the first time he's feed at a non-sleep time for months and months.

Hope everyone is well xxx

mmmm miss coconut water bf seems going great good good

 

[bababas]

I take it all back - the B&B curse got me good last night! We had a really terrible night and I really have no idea why. She was just really unsettled, waking very frequently and unable to get back to sleep for ages. I did give pain relief even though I don't think she is teething but it didn't seem to help much. Sometimes I just run out of reasons why she's not sleeping. I really hope it was just a once off or I will be picking all your brains for suggestions.

hope it is better now. im reading way back in the thread coz i havent had time.

 

[bababas]

NOOOO BnB curse. I think Charlie is just in this weird transitional phase where 2 naps are too many and 1 is not enough. She woke at 7 yesterday and then napped from 9:30-10:30 and again from 1:45-3:30. So of course she wasn't tired enough to sleep at bedtime. For some reason, I just find that really stressful!

Aron is starting this. 3 too many, 2 too few. hehe. hate it. he can go 2.5hrs in the morning. just wont sleep after 2hrs, and is just happy. but all this makes the 3rd nap sooo late. and ble... i want him to go to bed early not later.... so i walk with him at 5pm to make him sleep in his pram. i try to cook dinner before that now. which mostly fails so i end up later than 5pm ...

 

[bababas]

SORRY girls. i just realised that i have been quoting really old NEWS posts. coz i tried to catch up where i left off since my dad came from germany for a visit.

now i read everything and have too much information in my brain all is mixed into one dough well i will stop answering super old posts i think it is better i start off here. but i will go north by thursday.

anyway an update here. yesterday was ok, except he woke up right away before i could go swimming. and i cried to OH please make him sleep!!! i need to get to go me time! OH managed to make him sleep! i was quick 30 min. when i came back he was asleep! that never happened.

then he woke 00:30, 3:00 and 5, and 7. which is ok. or the usual, nothing worse. just drinks and sleeps. the other day was worse. he drank a lot, but at least just drink and sleep. i think he is just in constant growth spurts since he was born everybody says he is huge!

he wants to wake 2,5hrs now after morning. also after that nap. but i try to make it 2hrs before the 2nd nap so he wont go to sleep too late for his 3rd nap.

im a bit scared when he will drop his 3rd nap. coz then i would have to put him to bed earlier.... like 7-8, but i have ds1, who will be noisy, his bed time is, well shower 7.30, then reading... if he aint sleepy he talks in his bed for some time until he falls asleep.... now we do ds1 first to bed. then i go up with aron 8.30pm to make him sleep. but seems like he aint so sleepy anymore around these times. he is usually awake 3 hours before bed time. it seems he is going for longer stretches. hate these transitions. would love to keep the schedule of toddler first to bed then lo.

 

[bababas]

another thing aron started sleeping on his stomach. seems to be his favourite position now. maybe thats why yesterday was a good night. well for me, coz im not used to any better

 

[Noelle610]

Stephie, I crow you "Queen of Sleep". Take care of everyone, darling!

 

[seaweed eater]

Noelle, I want to thank you for starting this thread. It and your advice have been invaluable to me and I'm sure to many others!

 

[seaweed eater]

I hope everyone's having a good night. I'm a little scared of what tonight will bring. LO was super excited about crawling and cruising around and stayed up over an hour past his usual bedtime. He napped for a few minutes in the car (which he only does maybe 70% of the time now) so I'm sure that didn't help matters. I tried putting him down at 7 as usual but didn't want to put him in bed and then have to force the issue since we're sleep training now. I'm glad we waited, because bedtime was much easier than it would have been, but I'm afraid he'll be up super early tomorrow morning, etc.

 

[stephie_corin]

Noelle, you aren't going anywhere are you??!

Bababas, I'm so glad your OH managed to get Aron down! That's awesome news! If you are nervous about the boys' schedules clashing, I wonder if (when the third nap is dropped) you could play around with Aron'a schedule and get his bedtime to fall half hour later. Maybe let him sleep longer in the morning or take a longer afternoon nap.

SE, Munchkin is just having too much fun it seems! I hope he sleeps well and sleeps in

Our night was good - 1.5 hourly stretches I think and he was reasonably easy to settle. So we are now officially GWTF (going with the flow) and I'm open to him some days taking two naps and some days three (thanks Amy, it's good to hear this works for you guys!). I think it all depends on the length of his first nap, but I'm not going to extend his naps anymore. When he wakes, he wakes!

I'm working on some 'rules' to help guide me a little, so we aren't strictly GWTF I guess.

My next thing to tackle is rocking to sleep. I know I tried to fix this before with little success but I NEED to get it under control. I feel like rocking to sleep all through the night defeats many of the benefits of cosleeping. I have to sit up in bed and rock him at every waking.

Any ideas?? I feel stuck and not sure where to start. Should I just slowly stop rocking so much? I've tried cuddling him, jiggling him, nursing lying down but none of it works.

 

[NotNic]

Stephie do you think it's the motion or the closeness to you? My gut feeling is that cold turkey is your best approach, especially as you'll be next to him through the night. Or perhaps just do no rocking once he's initially gone to sleep. A reassuring hand on his tummy / back depending on which way he sleeps or maybe a cuddle of its the heartbeat he needs. Or is there a part on him that you can rub that makes him sleepy? It's F's forehead and cheekbone that lulls him to sleep (though he will take my hand off if he's fighting it :haha) for my niece it's up and down the bridge of her nose. My nephews were both their ear lobes. While officially that's still motion, its a good stepping stone to self-soothing. My niece and F both nuzzle against loveys and blankets to nod off on their own. Also on your pp, really don't worry about suggesting awake times to others. I'm sure your advice has been invaluable to many, and I'm sure just as many have been helped reading about you reverting to 3 naps. I bet there are a lot of people who lack the confidence to give up on a routine that isn't working because they feel like they're failing. Well done Hun xx

Boo - on the 2-1 nap thing I reckon you are right in trying to extend the morning wake time. We had a painful month of pushing his naps back by 15mins until we found the best time was 10.30 or 11am. It means he has lunch later but it works. He normally has 2 hrs and I give him 30mins at least before lunch so he's properly awake. Some days he will need a cat nap at 4pm but they are fewer now as long as he has at least 2hrs. If he doesn't then he will sometimes need an hour depending on how busy the day has been. We tried to push the nap until after lunch but really he needs a 20-30 min nap mid-morning to make that possible, and i dont like waking him from a cot nap. My top tips for keeping him awake is to arrange an activity to coincide with nap time (sounds crazy, but it works for us) whether its a trip to the supermarket or a baby activity. Sometimes Finlay will briefly nod off en route and those 10mins will keep him going. He does the opposite at nursery now, with an early cat nap around 9.45 (20mins ish) and then 2/2.5 hrs at 12.30. On nursery days he's up 5.45ish and in the school by 7.15am though and his morning nap tends to be in the snug, where he can still hear the children play. Also since holiday his preferred wake time on non-school days is usually after 6am now. Only 30mins later but so much more palatable! Hope the pregnancy is going well lovely. We're contemplating TTCing soon. Honestly how tricky is it being pregnant when you have a pickle on your hands? x

 

[kitabird]

Aaach! LO had been doing so well with his night time sleep the past few weeks and now it's all gone wrong! He was sleeping from around 7:30 - 5:30 with a couple of wake ups but resettling easily. Now for the past few nights he's been very unsettled. Last night he was awake from 2 until 5, doing a mixture of grumbling, crying and then going quiet to get our hopes up! Could he be hitting 8 month regression early? He is trying to crawl at the moment (still nowhere near but desperate to be moving) and isn't teething at the moment. Any advice would be appreciated

 

[stephie_corin]

Thanks so much NotNic - I do think it's the motion, because even hugging him really close at night won't put him to sleep. I rocked him for his first nap before I read your post but not for his second nap... He had such trouble falling asleep! He's just now nursing to sleep after 5 hours since his last nap. Usually I rock him until he is sleepy and then nurse him (or vice versa). So it looks like a two nap day! I think you're right though - cold turkey is probably the best way. I stroked his hair just now and it seems to have helped wind him down.

I'm not looking forward to tonight! Lol!

Kitabird, it could well be crawling! I'm sorry you are having bad sleep right now. How do you respond to the night wakings?