[rant] I did not think I would be this self concious

[GemM83]

I had the indent by my belly button for ages, but literally over the last week it disappeared.

I was wearing bigger clothes to try to complement it, but yesterday I went shopping with my sister. I picked up a couple of shirts and I put them on and I looked like a barge, but was still going to buy them! My sister had picked up this really slinky horrible feeling material maternity dress and told me to try it on. Would never in a million years picked it out myself, but when I did I looked HOT!! Went out of changing rooms to show sister and I actually had people admiring me! Did ALOT for my confidence! Go treat yourself, and go for stuff you wouldnt normally but.

Picture attached!

 

[dairymomma]

I'm quite overweight. I've tried losing weight but for numerous health reasons, my attempts have ultimately failed to this point. And this makes it super discouraging when I am pregnant because for once my belly isn't all ME! Like right now. I have a bump. Trouble is only I know I have a bump because the rest of my belly overhangs my baby bump. I just look fat...So I 'cheat'. I wear maternity pants and more fitted shirts that smooth out my 'Me' belly and my 'baby' belly so they look like one smooth perfect bump. Granted I look about 8 months pregnant this way but at least I don't feel like a flumpy frumpy housewife...

 

[SGmom]

Oh hon, I know. It's hard. Partly hormonal of course, but also partly because pregnant women attract a lot of attention--much of which is focused on your body. It's almost like you become public property for a few months. Sometimes I just want to disappear.

I get it. Last pregnancy I got really self conscious (and my bump was high and round and pretty obvious as my limbs are fairly slim, so I think this has little to do with the shape of your bump) about people thinking I was fat instead of pregnant. Suddenly everyone seemed to be giving me double takes (I'm sure they weren't). Once I was really obviously pregnant the looks seemed to continue but this time I thought it was because people thought I was too old to be having a baby (35).... See, it's always something. If you had an obvious bump you'd likely be self-conscious about something else.

This time around I find I am borderline obsessed with the size of my bump, continually comparing it to last time. You tend to show sooner and be bigger with subsequent pregnancies and I find I'm overly worried about showing "too much" or "too soon." I've gained more weight at 21 weeks than I did at this point last time and fret I'll gain too much. I'm constantly looking at my belly and just about burst into tears when someone commented "you're spreading." At a party last night a woman didn't realize I was pregnant and when she found out I was 21 weeks along said "you're TINY!" This pleased me more than I should admit. I mean, I'm growing a human life--why shouldn't I appear to be? And yet society praises you when you somehow don't appear to be. Another form of sizeism, I guess. It's not like anyone exclaims, "wow, you're HUGE! You look GREAT!"

All that to say if your feeling are "stupid" or "shallow" then so are mine! No doubt more so! I think it's not uncommon though (at least, that's what I tell myself!). It's uncomfortable to endure all these physical changes (remember puberty?), no matter how positive the outcome.

I know I'm not helping, but I do empathize....

You are totally helping!!! It's really good to know I am not alone, and that my feelings aren't stupid... because I feel pretty dumb. I should just embrace this and be happy with because I will miss it when it's gone! My brain is fighting with itself because I know that, but at the same time I can't help how I feel. It feels good to write it down, get it out, and talk to people who can relate. I love your comparison to puberty! I didn't even think about it like that but you are right! Puberty is full of hormones and body changes just like pregnancy haha.

Thank you both for this... I feel the same way... Hate it when others tell me they didn't show as much..,hate it even more when others say i am not really showing (so I just look fat??). My usual cloths barely fit me, and they don't really look good.. What helps me out is to eat as healthy as i can, work out, get some maternity cloths so i def look preggo and i dont have to squish into pants..,and really really try to remember that in the end, my daughter will be worth ever fat cell I put on...some days i just cope better than others with my weight gain

 

[xQuinnx]

Oh hon, I know. It's hard. Partly hormonal of course, but also partly because pregnant women attract a lot of attention--much of which is focused on your body. It's almost like you become public property for a few months. Sometimes I just want to disappear.

I get it. Last pregnancy I got really self conscious (and my bump was high and round and pretty obvious as my limbs are fairly slim, so I think this has little to do with the shape of your bump) about people thinking I was fat instead of pregnant. Suddenly everyone seemed to be giving me double takes (I'm sure they weren't). Once I was really obviously pregnant the looks seemed to continue but this time I thought it was because people thought I was too old to be having a baby (35).... See, it's always something. If you had an obvious bump you'd likely be self-conscious about something else.

This time around I find I am borderline obsessed with the size of my bump, continually comparing it to last time. You tend to show sooner and be bigger with subsequent pregnancies and I find I'm overly worried about showing "too much" or "too soon." I've gained more weight at 21 weeks than I did at this point last time and fret I'll gain too much. I'm constantly looking at my belly and just about burst into tears when someone commented "you're spreading." At a party last night a woman didn't realize I was pregnant and when she found out I was 21 weeks along said "you're TINY!" This pleased me more than I should admit. I mean, I'm growing a human life--why shouldn't I appear to be? And yet society praises you when you somehow don't appear to be. Another form of sizeism, I guess. It's not like anyone exclaims, "wow, you're HUGE! You look GREAT!"

All that to say if your feeling are "stupid" or "shallow" then so are mine! No doubt more so! I think it's not uncommon though (at least, that's what I tell myself!). It's uncomfortable to endure all these physical changes (remember puberty?), no matter how positive the outcome.

I know I'm not helping, but I do empathize....

You are totally helping!!! It's really good to know I am not alone, and that my feelings aren't stupid... because I feel pretty dumb. I should just embrace this and be happy with because I will miss it when it's gone! My brain is fighting with itself because I know that, but at the same time I can't help how I feel. It feels good to write it down, get it out, and talk to people who can relate. I love your comparison to puberty! I didn't even think about it like that but you are right! Puberty is full of hormones and body changes just like pregnancy haha.

Thank you both for this... I feel the same way... Hate it when others tell me they didn't show as much..,hate it even more when others say i am not really showing (so I just look fat??). My usual cloths barely fit me, and they don't really look good.. What helps me out is to eat as healthy as i can, work out, get some maternity cloths so i def look preggo and i dont have to squish into pants..,and really really try to remember that in the end, my daughter will be worth ever fat cell I put on...some days i just cope better than others with my weight gain

Thank you for this! It really gets me down when people say 'you can't possibly be showing yet!' Or that it's not a real bump which I've had a lot.

How do you ladies respond/mange this type of stuff?

 

[emicakess]

Thank you ladies! It feel good to know im not alone and I can relate with all of you! And you all look great Sorry I haven't replied yet, I want to reply to each of your statements and I will when I get to a computer
Quinn I am not sure.. I am a pretty socially awkward person and I usually just laugh when I don't know what to say. But that doesn't help you lol....

 

[mysteriouseye]

I had the indent by my belly button for ages, but literally over the last week it disappeared.

I was wearing bigger clothes to try to complement it, but yesterday I went shopping with my sister. I picked up a couple of shirts and I put them on and I looked like a barge, but was still going to buy them! My sister had picked up this really slinky horrible feeling material maternity dress and told me to try it on. Would never in a million years picked it out myself, but when I did I looked HOT!! Went out of changing rooms to show sister and I actually had people admiring me! Did ALOT for my confidence! Go treat yourself, and go for stuff you wouldnt normally but.

Picture attached!

The dress looks gorgeous where did you get it from xx

 

[pooch]

I was having this struggle in my head this weekend when i went home to visit my parents...not worried about what they would think but if i saw other people i knew (i didn't). A lot of it has to do with the fact i've outgrown my maternity jeans; they're just not comfortable...so i don't have a lot to wear. that doesn't help with me feeling good. after i had my DD two years ago i was a lot better with my appearance than i ever was...a lot better about everything, really. i don't care much what other people think of me because everyone has issues and nobody is perfect. i reminded myself of that this weekend and feel better. still, not having somewhat nicer clothes that are also comfortable doesn't help much and i don't want to go out and buy more maternity clothes that i'll only wear for the next few months.

 

[lilmonkey86]

I LOVE this thread, it makes me feel less alone, I have been feeling so self conscious lately, which isn't like me, even though i'm not super tiny normally, I am pretty confident and usually feel pretty good about myself, but lately i don't feel sexy (even though DH keeps telling me how sexy I am looking these days) I just don't feel it, I am in the awkward fat or pregnant stage too, the worst part is I was never really small but since i found out i was pregnant I lost 17 pounds which made a fair amount of difference, it made me look a fair bit smaller, but now i am getting a gut. the rest of me has stayed my new smaller me but my belly is just protruding but not in a cute round bump, just in a blobby mess. And because of this new insecurity I am blaming DH and asking why he has started neglecting me (which when i'm not being emotional i realize isn't true). we had an argument yesterday because i feel so alone and ugly and i actually said that I wished I had never got pregnant (now i feel so guilty for even thinking that). It took us 15 months to get pregnant and we were told we had less than 10% of conceiving so i feel like such a jerk for even thinking that let alone saying it out loud.

 

[KcApple]

I feel/felt the exact same way! I have been in that weird awkward stage where my clothes dont fit, but my bump is not round!
I am 20 weeks not and with the sweater I have on today, I definitley look pregnant now, but it was so frusterating! I had multiple break downs about it. I thought my stomach would be round the entire time, and that is obviously not the case.
Feeling the baby move more and more and reminds me that it is all worth it, and belly round or not; the baby is perfectly healthy!

 

[xQuinnx]

Emicakes - it does help, it's better then me lol I just feel like I'm going to go into a rage or cry :-/ I've found buying some new clothes that actually fit my newish shape has helped my confidence a lot

 

[tryfor2]

SGmom and xQuinnx: people actually say those things to you? B----es (are you allowed to use that word on here?!) Oh my, people really lack manners these days. Shockingly, even many women who have been through this themselves, don't have a clue. A mother of two said this in my presence the other day: "I don't understand why pregnant women are offended when you tell them they're big." Um, really? How about I call you fat right now and you see how it feels. I said nothing of course.

To answer your question xQuinnx, I can't offer much help I'm afraid, as I generally don't really respond to these sorts of comments and I manage them quite poorly! I haven't had many comments yet this pregnancy but last time I had quite a variety, from "Whoa!" (meaning "you're the size of a house!") to a snotty, judgmental "you're not very big" from a fellow preggo. I usually just ended up grinning and bearing it, but those comments would sometimes affect me for days. This time I'm two years older and care less about what people think, so I plan on calling people out on it. Not a lecture but a retort of some sort. Who knows if I'll maintain my nerve!

Honestly, as far as I can tell, unless you have rock steady confidence, there's always something to shake your confidence during pregnancy (the hormones don't help). My bump is round and looks like a baby bump and probably isn't really all that big yet (though it often strikes me as huge), but I have a broad rib cage so I'm looking fairly wide (from the front) and thick (from the side). You'd think my bump would make my rib cage look smaller in comparison, but not so far. I tried on maternity clothes today for the second time and it was a fairly dismal experience. I somehow look so much bigger in maternity clothes than I do in regular ones. And empire waists are not my friend! Sigh. At least I'm not alone in feeling less than fabulous!

 

[tryfor2]

I had the indent by my belly button for ages, but literally over the last week it disappeared.

I was wearing bigger clothes to try to complement it, but yesterday I went shopping with my sister. I picked up a couple of shirts and I put them on and I looked like a barge, but was still going to buy them! My sister had picked up this really slinky horrible feeling material maternity dress and told me to try it on. Would never in a million years picked it out myself, but when I did I looked HOT!! Went out of changing rooms to show sister and I actually had people admiring me! Did ALOT for my confidence! Go treat yourself, and go for stuff you wouldnt normally but.

Picture attached!

The dress looks gorgeous where did you get it from xx

I agree! The dress looks great on you GemM83! Great find.

 

[Jessicamora17]

That's how I feel right now. This is my second pregnancy and I'm in m second trimester, and I'm just getting my baby bump and I feel huge! I keep thinking I'm bloated but I can't be because I've been like this for three days. My first pregnancy I didn't start to show until I was about 5 months.... I'm not even 4 months yet and I'm already showing. Because of the type of work I do, I am choosing to hide my pregnancy , and only a few people know. I literally feel like everyone is going to just start thinking I'm fat and gaining weight because people don't know I'm pregnant. So I feel like when people are talking behind my back...that they will literally be talking behind my back about my weight. I work at a juvenile detention center, and I just rather not have all the kids knowing I'm pregnant, or the employees I work with until I can't keep it a secret anymore. I just got promoted and I don't want people to think I can't handle my job because I'm pregnant, or that y pregnancy will get in the way of my duties. Plus I don't know anyone really and I feel like pregnancy is a happy private thing that I don't want to share with people who don't really care.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I think everyone who's posted a photo here looks great. Beautiful bumps, definitely with babies inside, not too many Cheetos.

If you find someone staring at you on the street, just assume it's me, thinking "Wow, she looks lovely! Wish I was in her shoes!"

 

[xQuinnx]

Tryfor2 - yeah people do say things like that lol not very nice. I'm starting to feel a bit more confident about my growing bump...maybe because we got to see baby on the scan yesterday ^_^

I went maternity clothes shopping and some of the stuff was good some was awful haha! Here is something that I actually LIKE my growing bump shape in...