Rant of an Infertile Woman

[ermm23a]

So my best friend and I had a shopping outing today in another town, and we stopped by her 94 year old grandmother's house on our way back.

The 94 year old proceeded to ask me why I've been married 5 years and don't have children yet. I was kind of taken aback.... but I laughed it off and said, I'm working on it. To which she replied, "Oh, God just hasn't blessed you yet?" And I just kind of looked at her. Then she said, "You do know that we are supposed to 'be fruitful and multiply, don't you?"

My friend quickly changed the subject, and I know the old lady didn't mean anything ugly by it. She's known me for years, and I guess she is just at that age where she thinks she can say anything to anyone..... It kind of got me down though.

and I couldn't reply back with anything snarky to her. because she is so old.

 

[Bradpittswife]

Sorry to hi-jack this thread- not sure if I am classed as long term as it's only been 16 months but I feel out of place in the other forums especially when people start to moan about how they are not pregnant and they have been trying for two months. So here is my rant.
Conflicting advice about when to see a doctor- a year.. 18 months...2 years I just wish someone would make it clear!
Being told I'm still young- no I'm not I'm 32 not 22!
My stupid friend who keeps asking me if I've considered adoption- WTF!! Or telling me to talk to my mother and ask about infertility (My Mum knows nothing about TTC- we are not that close) I am one of 7, my sis is having her 5th My Mum is one of 8. I don't think it takes a genius to work out we have no family history! Or the fact that she seems to think it's ok to tell me that me and dh would make such good parents and she knows it will happen soon. Oh really well while you are looking in the crystal ball can you give me the winning lottery numbers as well! It's not helpful, supportive or kind so FUCK OFF!!
The lack of control and not knowing- if I just knew it was going to happen at some point then at least I could relax a little.
The fact that my life feels like it is on hold.
Sorry, I know some of you have been trying much longer and probably think about me in the same way I think about the people who complain after trying for two months lol!

 

[hopes fading]

Well, Bradpittswife; that's at least something to smile about, no?!

I agree with all your points, well said!

When we had been trying for less than a year and hadn't yet seen a FS, one particular friend (who is a mother so should understand the workings of a womans body) used to ask me at least once a week if there was any news? I mean, how could I have my period one week and find out I am pregnant the next?! She also used to keep telling me to ask the Dr for clomid. As it turns out, I just started taking clomid this month but back then there was no real reason for anyone to assume we needed assistance; it was just taking us a little while to conceive. She also knows someone who has adopted recently and someone else who is attempting IVF and talks to me about it constantly, as though I am in the same situation. It maddens me! Yes, we have unexplained fertility but I still like to think we are some way off IVF and a long way off thinking about adoption. Of course those options are amazing and should the need arise, I am sure we will be grateful to have them. But for heavens sake!
I work with this girl and another girl we work with recently announced an unplanned pregnancy (I had a rant many pages back)! It has been traumatic for me watching her grow big, it really has. Anyway, the original girl I mention has blatantly talked about the other girls bump all day long, loudly, standing by my desk at times! It feels personal now, as though she is really trying to rub my nose in the fact that we can't conceive. Hasten to add we are no longer friends, just poilte colleagues and thank goodness, she has just resigned! We just don't need these unkind people in our lives, it just adds to an already sad and stressfull time in our lives...

 

[Bradpittswife]

I don't know if she thinks she is being helpful or what, I guess it's like anything it's difficult to understand until it happens to you! How long have you been TTC?

 

[hopes fading]

We started trying Aug/Sept 2008, had a mmc in Feb 09 and nothing since then. Half way through 1st cycle with clomid and praying it works, though haven't detected OV yet... Have you seen FS yet?

 

[Bradpittswife]

No I have to wait apparently! My cycles have not been regular but doc doesn't think there are any issues as....... I am still young lol! Initially couldn't see a doc and was patronised by a nurse practicioner then had another appointment with a lovely nurse for a smear and she booked me in to see a very nice young lady doc. I rather naively thought it would just happen so have now started basic charting etc but I am reluctant to go whole way as I think I could become very obsessive about it. Been investigated for PCOS due to going 3 months with no periods had lots of blood tests, a tv scan which found a structure... then had a week of freaking that I had a tumour! Saw gyn at hospital who prescribed provera and also had a look inside and did a scrape that was in March. Periods still not regular and I am back with him in October so will see what he says. Not sure if to go back to GP or wait as they did initially say they wouldn't be able to do anything until we had been trying two years.Been trying since April 09. If I 'd have known it was this difficult I wouldn't have been so obsessively careful for the past 15 plus years

 

[maaybe2010]

Bradpittswife your doctor sounds like an ass!!
We got referred to a FS after trying for 12 or 13 months and we were 20 and 22.

x x x x

 

[Bradpittswife]

maaybe2010 that made me laugh as I can just picture a donkey as my doc! It seems like there are no hard and fast rules as to when you get referred which is so frustrating. Getting to see a doc at my surgery is hard enough as you have to get past the receptionists from hell who demand a full description and then judge that it's a nurse thing not a doc thing! Grrrr
Who knew that trying to have a baby would be so hard

 

[maaybe2010]

Gosh it sounds awful
My doctors are really good, if I rang up now I would get an appointment for later if not tomorrow for definate

I know!
I really thought it would be easier than this.

 

[sequeena]

Thank the lord for this thread.

I am so fed up of hearing pregnant friends say 'I want this baby out!' when they're around 33 weeks. I would give anything to be in their position!

My sister had 7 children at the drop of a hat and only one lives with her!! What's wrong with me?

I'm fed up of people brushing off my losses as if they don't count because they were both early losses and then saying 'you're young, you've got plenty of time', 'there was something wrong with it obviously' 'oh but that's not really a miscarriage' and 'relax!! It will happen when you least expect it'

Really? REALLY?!

All of those people are either pregnant or have children of their own!

I'm just fed up of it all. I feel like I'm becoming a horrible person but I cannot sympathise with whinging pregnant women anymore. The latest one was a friend who had a craving late at night and automatically expected her partner to go out and get her what she wanted! 'I'm pregnant so I'm milking it'

ETA: SIL just gave birth (she is OHs step sister) and his dad said he was so proud that she gave him the one thing she wanted. That really really hurt and then I got really angry because it was his birthday the week before and he didn't even receive a birthday text.

 

[Bradpittswife]

sequeena
I am so with you on feeling like you are a horrible person lol!

 

[sequeena]

sequeena
I am so with you on feeling like you are a horrible person lol!

I really do feel terrible but then I think 'they obviously don't care how I'm feeling so why should I!' which is true!

 

[Bradpittswife]

You shouldn't feel bad, you can't help the way you feel and it's not like you are doing anything to hurt them in any way- they are probably completely oblivious to your thoughts! I think as long as you don't start harassing random pregnant women in the street then you don't have anything to worry about ;-)

 

[sequeena]

You shouldn't feel bad, you can't help the way you feel and it's not like you are doing anything to hurt them in any way- they are probably completely oblivious to your thoughts! I think as long as you don't start harassing random pregnant women in the street then you don't have anything to worry about ;-)

God no, I comply avoid them!

 

[maaybe2010]

I'm turning into a horrible person too. . .
I'm anrgy at pregnant woman (I don't harrass them in the street though^^ )
Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't be, but I am
At a party Saturday night and there was a woman there due in January the same as I should of been and she didn't plan her baby didn't want it at first and already has a child. I was just sat there like wow, what do I have? Nothing. Grrrrr!!!

My OH keeps saying why do you care so much about other people and I'm like because they have I what I want and he just doesn't get it. . . .

I spoke to a friend I haven't spoken to in aggges and she had a baby last year (after three months off the pill).
Turns out she had got pregnant by accident again when the baby was 6 months. . .
It was twins, she lost one and chose to lose the other.
I felt sick.

Ovbiously I told her all about what's happened with us and she was like well at least you know that getting pregnant isn't the problem. . it took us 14 months
Now I know there are people out there that take much, much longer than that but for me 16 months is a long time and does indicate a problem in getting pregnant.
She also said well you go out a lot (I friggin do not!!!!) so maybe you should drink less, I could not believe it!! I've drank twice this month (one was my 21st) and once last month and that's a lot for me. . . .
I just wish she had been supportive rather than trying to act like she knew it all!

God that rant felt good

 

[hollee]

So here is my rant.
Conflicting advice about when to see a doctor- a year.. 18 months...2 years I just wish someone would make it clear!

i have a confession i lied....exagerated....bended the truth just a little to my doctor & although id only been trying for 8mths i told my doc i had been trying for 13mths just to get seen quicker....i knew deep down something was wrong & wanted to get sorted, though i never thought id get to the 3year mark

try telling your doc a porkie pie or 2 esp as he's such a ass

 

[Bradpittswife]

I have already told them when we started trying so sadly I don't think it will work. It just seems so unfair as it depends on where you live and who your doc is. I just keep hoping and counting down the days till October!

 

[Cuffy]

Yes, yes, yes this thread hits the nail on the head!! From my least charitable thoughts to the are you fricking stupid moments! Such as today having told my friend my tubes were blocked leaving me pretty much sterile she reassured me with "well once you've had an ivf baby you will definitely have one naturally" Erm how do you suppose the egg is getting fertilised or getting to my uterus exactly?!! Still she cannot help the fact she has managed to conceive three beautiful babies in the time I have been trying and always apologises whilst beaming at me-just aswell I love the daft bat to bits eh!

 

[Bradpittswife]

Sorry guys I feel another rant coming on...
This rant is aimed at me- this week I found out a very old friend is pregnant from a donor egg. Whilst I am overjoyed for her, I had a little cry for myself and then felt mean. This tcc thing is so not bringing out the best in me!

 

[Oniongirl]

Hello all. This is my first post. In fact I joined just so I could post it.
I'm 32. TTC for 2.5 years. I have thyroid disease, which is under control, and my husband has a barely low sperm count. We are unexplainable. And I'm quite tired of it. So here goes my own rant.

1. Why can't you tell me why I'm not pregnant yet?
2. Why do my best gal friends get it all? They get the family AND the dream house. I can't afford the dream house because I'm trying to pay for a family.
3. Why did my husband's company decide to cancel our fertility coverage and charge us retroactively for IUIs?
4. Why am I volunteering to be the birth partner for my single girlfriend with major endometriosis who got pregnant the FIRST time with donor sperm?
5. Why can't I be grateful to have the one son I have? Why am I so sad at the thought of him having no family when we're dead and gone?
6. Why did my friends who used IVF the first time each (yes, all of them) get pregnant accidentally the second time?
7. When will my mother stop telling me that yoga will fix all my problems?
8. When will sex be fun?
9. Why are IUIs and IVF so much like Vegas? You Gamble every time, and the house is always favored to win.
10. When will *I* be the one to have it all?

I realize I sound petty and childish. My final rant would be that I hate feeling petty and childish inside.

Thanks for listening. It's been a bad day around here.