Ready to try for #3! But bridesmaid in August!

[fuschia]

Would this stop you ?

We are ready to try for our third and final baby but I am a bridesmaid in August and, I don't know if it's selfish of me ! If I feel this month, I would be 28weeks pregnant at my friend's wedding .

No idea if he dress would fit or not ! She's chosen one but not ordered for me yet .

Any opinions ?

 

[kirstybumx3]

I may be alone but I wouldn't stall my life plans because of that, and having a baby is a big life plan. Could you perhaps explain to bride to be that you're ttc and ask could she perhaps hold off on buying your dress til a little later. Or get a size bigger anyway and have it altered if needed? X

 

[fuschia]

Thanks kirsty , I know , I agree - I know k could be at her wedding anyway and I would be a part of it !

I think the thing is , I know she would be a bit miffed with me ( you know how brides get !)

I have considered saying to her ' look I really want to try for a third , this means I may be pregnant at the wedding ' but then it's like I'm asking for permission lol.

If I just wait another month, it would make me 24weeks max , which I don't think I'd have a bump too big for the dress anyway . But we all know what it's like when we have been waiting so long already to ttc! X

 

[CaliDreaming]

I agree with pp. You shouldn't put your TTC plans on hold. A wedding is a big event but a baby is forever and more life altering. I wouldn't even share your TTC plans with her unless you are the type of friends that share that kind of info. If she is a true friend she will understand.

My best friend was 9 months pregnant at my wedding. My bridesmaids all wore different style dresses in the same color so it was not difficult to accommodate her, but even if it were I was so happy she was still able to be in my wedding in her state.

 

[Monix]

Hi I agree with everyone you shouldn't put off your plans but it is thoughtful of you to consider it.
I was in 2 weddings during my pregnancy - 16 weeks at my sisters wedding and 26 weeks at my best friend's. I had already ordered the dress for my sisters wedding before I knew I was pregnant, so I took it to a dress maker and they altered the back into a corset back which turned out amazing!
For my best friend's wedding I ordered the dress way too big and then had it taken in a week before the wedding. That worked too good luck!

 

[ashleyg]

I agree with everyone lol. You def shouldn't put off YOUR plans because your in someone else's wedding. And if the bride would seriously be irritated with you because you're pregnant, then she's a little bit of a bridezilla and should chill out for a bit.

If you're worried about the fit of the dress, I would buy a size or two up and then just have it altered a week or two before the wedding to be sure it fits

 

[angelbump]

Im in a similar scenario. Im bridesmaid in September and although were not waiting to try because of the wedding I'd feel like a bit of a pain needing my dress altered riht before the wedding because of pregnancy but i think my friend would be fine with it. I agree with pp if she is a true friend she'd congratulate you and realise that a dress can be altered its no big deal. Good luck whatever the outcome is xx

 

[staralfur]

One of my bridesmaids knew she was going to be trying for her second soon when we set our date and would be potentially 6 months pregnant at the wedding, wasn't a big deal, she just bought a size up and then said she'd get it tailored if need be closer to the day. She didn't end up having to do anything with it, the size up was fine, but it was also a pretty flowy and not very fitted dress in the first place.

I'd just let the bride know before she orders so you can figure out what the best plan is. I wouldn't want one of my bridesmaids putting their life on hold for my wedding, they were my closest friends, I wanted them to be happy! And I'm sure your friend does too.

 

[babyfaith11]

I am in the same situation now. I am the matron of honor at my best friends wedding in September. My DH & I have been TTC since last July. My BF became engaged in September of last year. She had known we were TTC since before she became engaged, but then after expressed her feelings that she would be "highly disappointed" if I became pregnant before the wedding.

Last week I text her and let her know we were still trying, hoping I would have her full support. Her response was that she would support me because I am her best friend, but then she went on to say "When you get pregnant, you have no idea what it is going to do to your body, you have no idea how you're going to feel. And waiting this close to September, you have no clue if it would come early." She then proceeded to tell me she thought it would be best if I waited a few more months, that way I would be "less pregnant". She also expressed her feelings of being worried about how I would look in my dress. And she worried that if I were put on bed rest, that I could miss the wedding. She then let me know that she also "always thought it was best to be married two years before you even think of having children" (I will be married two years in September, we have been together 11 years.) She then said she was stressed out even thinking about it. And then she said "the one selfish thing I will say about this whole thing is I want to be celebrated and have my wedding time just like you did."

We are not going to stop trying until March. I skipped last month, because I didn't want to be 9 months pregnant at the wedding. We ordered dresses Saturday, and I did go up two sizes. I asked her what she thought about that at the bridal store because I was unsure what size I should get, (I am typically an 6-8, I ordered a size 10) but she proceeded to give me a look like she was upset I even asked her and did not want to tell me what she thought I should do. Instead she just said that "you know they can't take it up more than two sizes." And that was that.

From the outside looking in, I will say do not wait on anyone! If they are a true friend they would understand. I had two pregnant bridesmaids in my wedding, and if something had happened close to my day, I would have been more concerned about them than "my day". Of course your wedding day is an important time, and you want the important people in your life there, but at the same time, health is more important and I wouldn't have been upset. BUT, since I am the one going through it now, I actually feel like I am the one being selfish for not waiting to try.

 

[staralfur]

Babyfaith, your friend is being unreasonable, selfish, and honestly not such a good friend. You're not selfish for not putting your life on hold so she can control every aspect of her wedding day. No one should even think to ask that of you. Don't feel guilty, please. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, she's not worth having around.

 

[CaliDreaming]

babyfaith, please don't feel selfish at all! You did more than I would have done in texting to remind your friend that you are still TTC. Your friend is being a bridezilla, end of story. That is crazy. Hopefully she will calm down and go back to normal after the wedding!

 

[KalonKiki]

It isn't my only reason for WTT until September 2018 but I will be waiting partly because I'm going to be in my best friend's wedding in April 2018. I know what my pregnancies are like having had 2 children before, I have debilitating morning sickness from 6-21 weeks and I had complications in the 3rd Trimester with both of my kids and I go into labor around 38 weeks. I'm only going to have one chance to be a part of his big day and I can always wait longer for another baby. That's just how I see it though, I'd rather not take any chances that something would go wrong and I couldn't be at his wedding. I know that the time will pass by very quickly as well. You should do what you feel is right in your heart though, if you know that you'll have a low risk pregnancy then you should TTC now if that's what feels right to you. If she is a good friend then she will understand and be happy for you.

 

[babyfaith11]

Thanks everyone for your response! This friend has a way of at times making me feel bad for things I probably shouldn't feel bad for. But you all are right, if she is a good friend, then she will understand.

And KalonKiki, I can absolutely see why you feel that, for you, waiting is the best thing. If we had not already been trying months before she came engaged, I probably would have thought about waiting myself, or just waiting closer to time. But in your situation I see why you would like to wait. I am healthy myself and have never had any known issues (but of course, that doesn't mean I would 100% have a healthy pregnancy) But you are being a great friend making sure you will be there on his wedding day! You understand the possibilities of what may happen in your situation, given your past pregnancy's.

 

[KalonKiki]

To be fair he's also my very best friend though, for most people I'd be like "Nah, I'm gonna do whatever I want whenever I want".

 

[fuschia]

Babyfaith - best friends eh ! We love them but that doesn't mean they will always be reasonable ! She isn't being fair in strongly suggesting you wait - and if you became pregnant and it was a reality - my guess is that she will get over it pretty quickly but she giving it a go at swaying you as it's not yet the case ! I know people can be bridezillas but I don't really think anyone will be looking at a pregnant bridesmaid over the bride ! That's just silly you shouldn't stop trying - it's not like you have completely disregarded the wedding - you are obviously considering her feelings and she should appreciate that .


On my part- I talked to my best friend and she was awesome about it ! She got a bit carried away and said 'I think I'm just going to let you choose your own dress - just whatever is most comfy ' when I'm not even pregnant and we are only talking 'what if' but overall she was very cool and just made it clear that she needs me there and that's basically it ! So that's nice.

We have decided to start trying next month, so that the most pregnant I would be is 24weeks. Although I dunno , if we feel like it and want to bd then I prob won't use protection, but we won't actively try

It was nice to get it off my chest X she was really appreciative that I considered her x

 

[MindUtopia]

It wouldn't put me off. You can't schedule your life around everyone else's and there will always be someone's wedding or hen do or whatever that gets in the way, if you take that approach. I would just let her know as early as you feel comfortable telling her, if and when you find out you're pregnant, so she can think ahead about dresses. If she truly doesn't want a pregnant bridesmaid (which is a bit rude and doesn't sound like something a real friend would do), she could always ask someone else. But when I got married, I let my bridesmaids choose what dresses they wanted to wear (given a common colour scheme), so everyone could get something that fit them and that they felt comfortable in.

 

[kirstybumx3]

I'm glad you told her and it went well! I'm sure there really is only a tiny fraction of people who would actually have a problem with it. Good luck ttc!

 

[babyfaith11]

Fuschia -- I am glad that your friend understood! And most of the time its best to just not "not try" anyway instead of actively trying. They say when you stop trying, that is when it happens. Haha. But I wish you the best on your journey!

KalonKiki -- That's good! He has a great friend in you

And hopefully, if I do fall pregnant, she will understand. She stresses out easy and over analyzes everything. She even said that herself when we were talking about the possibility of me becoming pregnant. Haha. But I told her I would be there for her and that me becoming pregnant would not mean she would not be celebrated. Of course she would! And still, its a big what if! Thankfully the dresses she chose are long and flowy, on the chance I do get pregnant, and we get to wear flats if that is our choice.