Selfish...

[indy and lara]

Can I just say that I am LOVING this thread? I had no idea it would turn out this way. This really is the thinking-woman's section.

It really is. Was just thinking this morning that I was really enjoying reading well constructed arguments and posts. Sadly I have little to add to this section but I may linger!!!!

 

[Freya]

Haven't read through all pages, but so glad it's been mentioned. It's soooo hard to ignore some negative posts because I personally want to rant and rave back at them to say no, I'm not putting baby at risk yada yada.... Mervs is so right, other folks baggage being imposed on to others. Got to remember what 'may' be their truth, is NOT mine.

Honestly, wishing for patience because it makes me mad grrr

 

[Bournefree]

Canadabear - If you are still thinking of homebirth as an option, and I don't know if it varies by region, but Pimento1979 booked a homebirth in Spain.
She transfered just before the birth.. here is her birth story. I don't think she would mind me pointing you towards it, or if you got in contact to ask how it was arranged. https://www.babyandbump.com/home-natural-birthing/522235-my-birth-story-arrival-eva.html
Xxx

Sorry, but my birth was in the UK xx

Sorry - I don't know why I thought it was in spain??? WHO am I thinking of??! That is really going to bug me... someone was in spain! lol
Xxx

 

[rachiedata]

Adding to the every woman and every baby is different point... had a nice conversation with my close colleague about it today. She has had some terrible pregnancy stories, miscarriages and a very late stillbirth, and finally had a daughter born by emergency C/S after failed induction. Whenever I've mentioned my plans for HB, it seemed she could not be supportive because of her history, because all she could say was "Well, you wait and see what happens".

Today she told me some of the awful things "friends" and other mothers at a mother and baby group had said to her, like "Oh, I forgot you've never given birth properly" and "Too posh to push, were you?". She told me she agreed to a lot of interventions in her daughters birth due to purposeful ignorance, not wanting to make a birth plan or hope for anything except the worst, after what she'd previously been through.

Conversations I am having every day about my plans just reinforce that we - and so obviously we are all preaching to the choir here! - can only ask to be respected in our own choices and to respect others.

 

[PeanutBean]

The 'bad' birth stories is an issue. I find it a conundrum because I want to tell everyone mine together with the footnotes about how it could all have been prevented. I don't want women to become afraid, I want them to learn the moral which is that we have a choice and better understanding our options and their pros and cons allows us to make the best choice for ourselves be that home free birth or elected section. I don't think having had intervention means it was a bad birth, it might mean it was a life-saving birth and I think that is what medicine is for. Every time intervention is used it should be for real need.

 

[rachiedata]

Exactly... I'm surprised my colleague didn't knock some of these people out, I mean you wouldn't dream of saying some of those things even if you were misguided enough to think them. I think she was terribly brave and very strong of character to go through all that and come out safe and with a healthy daughter.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I had a pretty horrible birth experience. Partly because I was made to lay on my back with a monitor attached, meaning I couldn't move get comfortable and do what I wanted too. My previous birth experience makes ne petrified of labour. I'm glad Aidan wad healthy but it's not the birth I wanted and I think my labour could have been managed mire effectively x

 

[PeanutBean]

Hi Heather! Are you WTT? I so know where you're coming from and going through a big journey to overcome my fear. I was unafraid of birth last time, excited about it, so it really knocked me for six when it all went wrong. I have found it really helpful to look into what happened and analyse it. I'm going to do a debrief with the hospital as soon as I have time and have spent probably about a year figuring it all out and motivating myself for change. Maybe you'd find a debrief helpful too?

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Hi hun. Yeah I am WTT. I think a debrief will be really benificial. I am also looking into having a doula for my next labour. I have become very interested in hypnobirthing and learning to put trust back into my body xx

 

[chuck]

I think my husband thinks I'm being selfish or trying to prove something to myself by wanting to have a natural homebirth.

He's not 100% on board.

he would much rather I was in hospital as he feels it would be safer - but he is one of these Dr knows best people. When many of us here know full well more often than not when it comes to labour and birth they do not - they have too many targets/deadlines/recommendations to follow.

I think I'm lucky so far I haven't had any opposition or bad comments being made to me about my choices - apart form the OB but that goes without saying really LOL.

Many people have said well done hope it goes well, and I wish I had done that. I've had a few you must be brave/arent you scared conversations but nothing bad.

I speak to them about my horrible experience - one to which many can relate (strange that ) and that if I or the baby is not ill then why go to hospital?!

 

[KandyKinz]

I think my husband thinks I'm being selfish or trying to prove something to myself by wanting to have a natural homebirth.

He's not 100% on board.

he would much rather I was in hospital as he feels it would be safer - but he is one of these Dr knows best people. When many of us here know full well more often than not when it comes to labour and birth they do not - they have too many targets/deadlines/recommendations to follow.

I think I'm lucky so far I haven't had any opposition or bad comments being made to me about my choices - apart form the OB but that goes without saying really LOL.

Many people have said well done hope it goes well, and I wish I had done that. I've had a few you must be brave/arent you scared conversations but nothing bad.

I speak to them about my horrible experience - one to which many can relate (strange that ) and that if I or the baby is not ill then why go to hospital?!

That's good that you haven't come across too much judgement other then husband who's not 100%. Though I must admit I'm almost jealous of that. Mine couldn't care either way at all. Home, hospital, midwife, doctor, hanging upside down from a tree..... Whatever I want is fine with him which is kinda annoying.... It would be nice if he "cared" a little one way or another and if we could actually discuss these topics rather then him just dismissing everything with a "sure, you know these things best"

And as for opposition I wish I could say the same. I can't say that I've run into anyone who has outwardly expressed their disaproval but I have had many encounters with individuals close to me in my family who just don't understand the natural birth concept. Everytime I speak to my grandmother she asks me if I still intend to have a homebirth and asks me if I have decided to go see a doctor yet. I've gone over with her what a midwife does time and time again but in her eyes they are just not as competent as physicians Then there's my mother Love her to death but sometimes the things she says makes me wanna like yesterdays 'I don't understand you yuppies and your insistence to have a natural waterbirth at home....... it just complicates things.... The whole purpose of birth is to get the baby in the end.... I just don't get why you want the gender to be a surprise or make the birth experience enjoyable.... Labour is just not an enjoyable thing....." Again

 

[PeanutBean]

Yuppies?! lol

 

[Bournefree]

'I don't understand you yuppies and your insistence to have a natural waterbirth at home....... it just complicates things.... The whole purpose of birth is to get the baby in the end.... I just don't get why you want the gender to be a surprise or make the birth experience enjoyable.... Labour is just not an enjoyable thing....." Again

Your mum makes me smile!! Sounds a bit like mine!
Although my folks have offered me keys to there house (they are overseas a lot) and I’m allowed to birth in my mum’s kitchen (not the sitting room, as I might ruin the rug) - this is incase I don’t have any MWs in Bournemouth. Bless her, it’s a start!

Mums hey - god!! What am I going to be like if and when my daughter is expecting a baby? ... and what if she decides that she would prefer to have c-section for a first baby over anything else??! She might be on here saying how mum my said this that and the other and is totally unsupportive because she had a home birth with me - hahahaha!
I like to think that I would be supportive.. but perhaps if I’m honest with myself, I’ll prob be adding in my opinions and persuasion. thinking I’m doing what right for her; as all mums do!
Hey by the time my girl gets to have a baby maybe they will be teleporting babies out! I'd still go for the push method!!
XxX

 

[chuck]

LOL 'might ruin the rug'

....thats brilliant. part of Hubby's reasons not to have a birth pool was think about damage to the TV/electricals etc.

 

[Bournefree]

It's really silly, because last time I gave birth it was at my sister's flat, and all her nice brand new cream carpets were all fine - she knows this.. she was round 2mins after my daughter was born! I was saying, why not the sitting room, what if I want to watch tv?! ;-) She said I could bring the TV into the kitchen. So the silly handmade silk indian rug they lugged halfway round the world, has priority over me..? to which she could only say "yes darling, that is about right"
Hahahaha!!! I know my place! Oh don't they drive you bonkers!

 

[KandyKinz]

'I don't understand you yuppies and your insistence to have a natural waterbirth at home....... it just complicates things.... The whole purpose of birth is to get the baby in the end.... I just don't get why you want the gender to be a surprise or make the birth experience enjoyable.... Labour is just not an enjoyable thing....." Again

Your mum makes me smile!! Sounds a bit like mine!
Although my folks have offered me keys to there house (they are overseas a lot) and I’m allowed to birth in my mum’s kitchen (not the sitting room, as I might ruin the rug) - this is incase I don’t have any MWs in Bournemouth. Bless her, it’s a start!

Mums hey - god!! What am I going to be like if and when my daughter is expecting a baby? ... and what if she decides that she would prefer to have c-section for a first baby over anything else??! She might be on here saying how mum my said this that and the other and is totally unsupportive because she had a home birth with me - hahahaha!
I like to think that I would be supportive.. but perhaps if I’m honest with myself, I’ll prob be adding in my opinions and persuasion. thinking I’m doing what right for her; as all mums do!
Hey by the time my girl gets to have a baby maybe they will be teleporting babies out! I'd still go for the push method!!
XxX

Gotta love moms and I have to say I'll probably be just like you when mine become of childbearing age and be pushing for the push method lol. In real life I try to be very respectful of other people's choices in regards to pregnancy/parenting choices (not online ofcourse ) but when it comes to my children I have to admit that I have certainly done my fair share of moulding them into believing what I want them to believe.... And perhaps I have gone abit to far as last time I went shopping and passed the formula aisle my 5 year old daughter blurted out real loud "Ewwwwwwwwww formula, when are those women going to learn that breastfeeding is better"

Ooopsie.....

 

[KandyKinz]

Yuppies?! lol

LOL Yep

Isn't my mom lovely????

 

[NaturalMomma]

That bothers me too. After having PPD and PTSD after my first birth, excuse me if I don't want to go through that all again. It's not fun knowing all your life that you want to be a mother, and then when it happens you can't bond and your whole world is thrown upside down all because of what happened during birth, things that didn't need to happen. A healthy baby isn't all that matters, a healthy mom is too. And believe me, you'll remember your horrible birth for the rest of your life, and in my experience, it's a lot stronger memory than my subsequent wonderful birth.

 

[rachiedata]

My own mother was actually quite supportive... was a bit scared to tell her I preferred to give birth at home at first. She just said how near the hospital we were should we need to go, and I'm sure you'll be fine, you know what you're doing!

Nearly 24 years of asking her opinion, then doing whatever I want to anyway has finally got through to her!!

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether people actively disapprove, or just need more information for the decision. If your husband/mother/any other family won't listen to any reason, that's a real shame, being open minded and listening to reasoned arguments could turn disapproval into surprise approval!

 

[PeanutBean]

My mum's reaction has been interesting and complicated! She has had four kids, two at home, first and last (me) induced. Don't know why my brother was but she had bad pre-eclampsia with me and was on bed rest in hospital for weeks. She was disgusted with the treatment I received at my birth long before I was. She's never had any issue with my wanting a home birth either time but she is nevertheless terrified about any of us going into labour! Seems a bit mad. She had very quick labours, all less than 7 hours, fairly straightforward, no complications except with me. But she has seen my sister's long labours and clearly saw too much of mine last time! She just seems always worried about us. Yesterday she randomly asked me about blood pressure and swelling because I was feeling a bit faint (bearing in mind I have low iron and am at the tail end of nearly 2 weeks of bronchitis and had no complications in pregnancy last time) and said how she knew a woman who died very suddenly from pre-eclampsia but the doctors had said it was so fast no-one could've done anything. What that sort of anecdote achieves I don't know! I think she just doesn't know how to handle the worry for us more than having any real aversion to any plans.