Sensitive kids group

[cutie4evr01]

Tacey that's great about Alice's kisses and snuggling - how wonderful for you. I'm glad to hear she's doing so well at the CM too.

Christina could recognize all letters capital and lowercase and say the sounds they make by about 2.5, and started writing letters a few months ago. She can write nearly all the capital letters, but not lowercase ones, and she can't write her name on her own because she doesn't know how to spell. If I spell it out for her, she will write the letters I tell her to, but generally by the time we get to C-H-R-I-S she has gotten bored with it and moved on to drawing people/cats/snowmen. She recently loves drawing snowmen, which is so odd because we don't have any snow. I think she's wishing for snow because she keeps asking me when it will snow (but it probably won't snow here this winter). I'll see if I can get her to write her name tomorrow so I can post a picture.

Our bedtimes have been fine since that rough night. I put her down Wed and Thurs evening b/c DH was at bball practice, but tonight he was home at bedtime so he put her to bed. Before we went upstairs to give the girls a bath together, I told her that Daddy would be putting her down so she needs to listen to Daddy if she wants Daddy to read her a story, and I told her that I would be just downstairs. He put her to bed with no problems - she listened and followed her routine without a hitch, so we'll certainly be doing that more often.

Christina does get embarrassed if she can't do things right, and often gets mad/upset too.

Hope everyone gets some sleep tonight!

 

[Siyren]

I'm on low battery so I can't explain much for now- but is it ok to come in here?

 

[Quartz]

Hello can I join too. Its DD who is a sensitive child at the moment DS does not seem to be. In fact at the moment he is one of the most laid back easy babies I have come across (although that might change) is very physical and just managed 8 hrs sleep in his cot at 3 months so its clearly not parenting!

Anyway DD will be 4 in March and has always been advanced in with numbers and language can write her name and a few other words and can also read quite a few words. She is really good at drawing and imaginative play.

So that is the positives! What she is not so great at is social skills. She is at preschool and goes 4 mornings a week - she started this time last year at two afternoons for two terms and then one term of mornings. Settling her in was a very slow process (in fact I think it probably was one of the slowest the school had ever done) but we lucked out with an amazing set of teachers who worked with me to get her settled. We had a half a term of shorten sessions building up to the two hour afternoon, half a term of me coming to regsitration and a whole term of me coming in and drawing a picture. We had timers at home and at school to help her play independently. For the morning sessions they created a visual timetable for the class (but for her) so she could see where she was in the day so she could grasp when Mummy was coming back (she would continually ask) and they made sure they stuck to more of a routine for the class as if they did something out of it it would throw her. The upshot of all of this is that she now loves school and told me yesterday it was great!

Feeding wise - it has literally only been since Christmas she has started to feed herself all of her meals before she would want me to do it. Sleeping we still cosleep with her - we have tried a couple of times to get her into her own room and it did not go well with night terrors and a load of upset. With being pregnant I stopped trying as I did not want her to link it to him coming. She has told me she wants to start when she is 4 so we have been leading up to it by spending a lot more time in her room playing and we have bought a new duvet set and a night light - she knows she should sleep in her room its just waiting for the right moment.

Dressing wise she is ok although she does still need help - she hates tops going over her head (I think it feeling stuck and being in the dark). She also has a tendency to want to do everything perfectly so if she cant she wont do it. At school they ask them to put coats on and at the beginning she refused as she could not do up the zip but I convinced her she does not need to so we are fine.

Physical skills - she was an early walker but never really crawled. She can throw and catch a little but shows very little desire to go on a trike or scooter - again I think its the fact she can do it perfectly. And at school she avoids going outside unless she has to. They are going to start doing group throwing activities to see if that helps with her. She can swim though - I went swimming classes with her for 3 years from six months and last term she started swimming by herself (I stayed in the adult pool to begin with and now her nan does so she knows someone is close) and she has just being able to swim a length by herself.

Social skills - she just will not talk to adults if she does not know them - lots of mums who we have known awhile will try to talk to her and she just wont so I find myself answering for her. Although she will offer up comments if unprompted. She has just started since September to get the idea of friends and is slowly starting to make them at school and play with children and she will now tell me her friends. She can still be quite anti social though.

So that in a nutshell is DD - I have learnt now just to let her do things at her own pace!

 

[Jchihuahua]

Welcome ladies.

Quartz, your daughter sounds VERY like my 3 year old, Daisy.

 

[DaisyBee]

Welcome siyren and quartz!

Tacey - that's wonderful news!!! It made me realize we had something similar with Megan... I used to rock her to sleep.. And from 9-13 months I was rocking her hours and hours a day. But at that time she didn't seem cuddly. Once we stopped rocking to sleep she became cuddly. I think she was getting her quota of cuddles with the rocking. Maybe daisy has been the same with the breastfeeding?

I reread a bit of the sensitive child book last night and also starting Raising Your Spirited Child... a guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and energetic. And I'm finding it a very positive book. Has anyone else read this? It's by Mary Sheedy kurcinka. I also bought her other book Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles... And it's supposed to be helpful to bring down intensity. Tacey - I will look into that book you suggested as well, it sounds like something that would be helpful! Thanks!

The raising your spirited child has some great phrases and ideas of how to handle certain situations.... And it breaks them down for this is how you handle a sensitive child with this situation.... And if your child is energetic - this is the appropriate response. So although Megan is all of those things, it breaks it down and that is helpful because it talks not only about her sensitivity but also her intensity. The highly sensitive child book doesn't bring in intensity and that is where that book was harder for me to bring some of it into our life, as Megan isn't just sensitive.

Omarsmum - Megan doesn't like any shouting OR stern voice. She tells me shh or be quiet. And if anyone didn't know her they would assume she was being sassy but she isn't I don't think, I think it's just her way of letting me know my tone bothers her. I've found she hears my words better if I don't have a stern tone, otherwise she just hears the tone.

Megans obsession has been reading, talking, singing. She isn't interested in writing them but she wants to say them, hear new words, read new books, sing songs, learn new songs. She is not a quiet kid, she is talking or singing constantly. We read and read and read. It's like I can't get enough books for her, we read A LOT.

 

[DaisyBee]

https://www.southaustinapi.org/pdf/Spirited Child Handout.pdf

I found this after reading some of the raising the spirited child book. This isn't from the author, or this book, but it relates to it. The temperament part in the boxes is from her though. These temperament traits broken down in this manner.. It's shows me that some of what I thought was sensitivity is really part of other temperaments. I knew she was intense and perseptive but it's interesting to see broken out... Certain parts of her temperament override other things, and some things depends on the day. I was saying her not liking change was being sensitive, but this is showing that is more adaptability and First reaction. Megan scores high on most all of these boxes, The only area on page 7 ( I think it is ) is regularity that she wouldn't score high on. All the others she scores 5 on about e everything else, ( doesn't gag on smells, And first reaction box I don't think is all 5s.)

Anyway, I love the tips.

The book talks about how we label our kids, words we use. Polaris, I was thinking of you when we were discussing things sounding negative. It talks about how we should view things in positive ways and that will help us as parents, but also improve our kids self esteem.

Jc - I know you have been very frustrated lately... This book might be worth a read for you. It really makes me see things in a different way as I read it.

 

[cutie4evr01]

Thanks for that link Daisybee - I will have a closer look later. Welcome Siyren and Quartz!

A random question for you ladies - did you go on any flights while you were pregnant with your sensitive child? My husband is a biology teacher and has recently become fascinated with epigenetics (there has been recent evidence demonstrating the fetal environment and mother's experiences during pregnancy can influence gene expression). Anyway, sensitive children have more activity in particular parts of the brain, so he wonders if something during pregnancy may have triggered that (very pie-in-the-sky, I know!). Our children are very different, and the only difference we can recall between my two pregnancies was that I went on 3 trips when I was pregnant with Christina, two of which were very long flights to other countries, but I didn't fly at all when I was pregnant with Caitlyn. Just wondered about your experiences?

 

[Tacey]

Omarsmum, for the poor sleep. My bribery plan hasn't worked. I'm at the end of my tether. My temporary solution is packing her off to my parents' for 3 nights next week . Hope you get some respite soon.

Cutie, have you got any snowman pictures to show us? I hope she gets to make a real one. We had a couple of cms of snow today, and made a tiny snowman. As to your theory, I've not flown since I was 16, so no link for me I'm afraid!

Hi Siyren and Quartz, lovely to see you here! Quartz, your DD sounds very similar to mine in the respect of social skills. It's hard isn't it, because you want your child to be liked, and to like others. I asked Alice if she spoke to anyone at church this week (MIL takes her,) and she shrugged and said "I don't like talking to people." Do you think your DD is shy, or is she like Alice and just doesn't see the need?

Daisy, how interesting that Megan had to up her cuddle quota too! It's funny how that works. Thank you for the link, really interesting and helpful. it brought me up short about negative labels. I've seen the Spirited Child book mentioned a few times, but thought it was more for extrovert, boistrous children. The link suggests otherwise though, so I think I'll read it. On the 9 areas, Alice scores 5 on all except regularity - she's extremely regular, energy - she's quiet, and perceptiveness - around the middle.

More exciting developments this week - she washed her hair with shampoo! She wasn't keen, but didn't cry. I asked why she let me, and she told me it's because she's a big girl. I'll report back when I next try and wash in case it was a fluke!

 

[DaisyBee]

Tacey - yay for washing hair!!! I'm sorry sleep isn't improving for you

The book has different sections for different temperaments and talks about introverts and extroverts. They break everything down, so really it seems like it would help everyone is this group. I was skimming it last night and reading parts aloud to dh as we were discussing megans determination and once she has something in her mind, nothing is going to stand in her way of it. Anyway... There were sections on just sensitivity, and just those with lots of energy, etc. So you can take your child's temperaments and leave the rest. It's helpful for me because it addresses a lot of these other temperaments where the highly sensitive child book only addresses the one temperament. Megan is very intense, perceptive, energetic, persistent, sensitive, not adaptable, and the one that stuck out at me is the last box... Her mood. I always thought it was just about intensity, but it mood is different. She and Jordan are opposite with mood. Megan will laugh and be very silly, but overall she is serious. It's harder to see it I think as she is also energetic. I think if she was a quieter kid, her serious mood would be more obvious if that makes sense. But Jordan is happy ( mood). Jordan is very perceptive. I dont think Jordan is intense, and is a bit sensitive but not to the extent that Megan is. I think their mood and intensity level is what makes my 2 girls so different. But they have other traits that are very much alike. So Jordan takes some of these other traits and they aren't that big of deal, because overall she is usually in a good mood. They affect her, but it's less of a problem. Megan with the same trait it makes it a bigger deal because she is more serious and she screams about it because of her intensity. Life with Megan is a roller coaster. The thing is that all of these boxes of traits is that she isn't just 5's in 1 box, or 2s and 3s in some boxes. She is 5s in almost all of these. Jordan has some that are middle ground, sort of adaptable, sort of not. So it's not the extreme. I think that's what's so hard, and so exhausting is that Megan takes all these traits to the extreme.

The book has a chapter on each temperment it looks like, extroverts vs introverts, And on tantrums, bedtime and night wakings, meals, getting dressed, socializing, holidays ( like xmas) and vacations, and school.


Cutie - I went on an airplane when pregnant with Megan once... To Vegas and back. It was a shorter flight. I was 5 months pregnant I think. I didn't fly when pregnant with jordan. I was working During the first 6 months of megans pregnancy and then stopped working for the last 3 months. I had high bp but not put on meds. I had a few extra ultrasounds. I was induced but for induction it went fairly smooth and very little pushing. She was born at 37 weeks. Dh used to question if it was her being born too early that made her such a hard baby.
With jordans pregnancy I wasn't working, had the same higher bp, they put me on meds the last month. I was induced with her at 38 1/2 weeks. Labor with her was a bit longer than with Megan, but only 2 pushes.) I had spd with both so wasn't very active with either pregnancy as it hurt to even walk. Jordans pregnancy was more stressful, with having a toddler who wasnt sleeping well, I had more scans with Jordan ( as she had those cysts, so had a level 2 ultrasound done at mayo clinic, and because Megan had been borderline iugr because of the bp).


After seeing that link... The resourses on the bottom that they used to come up with it... I am interested in reading "the Highly intuitive child" As that maybe would be useful with megans empathy. The how to talk so kids will listen... And listen so kids will talk - that one is in my nightstand... I haven't gotten to that one yet.

 

[Quartz]

Tacey I have spent time thinking about whether she is shy or does not see the need and I think its mainly that she often does not see the need. Even with me sometimes if I talk to her you can see her thought process of whether it is worth responding and if its not she just wont. Being someone who is socialable its strange.

Its also not that other children dont want to be friends with her - a little girl at school saw me and said DD was one of her best friends. I asked DD about it and she said she did not really like the girl as she was always trying to get her to play with her when she was busy playing by herself!

Cutie4evr01 unfortunately we are the opposite no flights with DD and four with DS

 

[Jchihuahua]

Thanks for that link Daisybee. It is very interesting.

We had a terrible day behaviour wise yesterday. It was a 12 hour meltdown basically. She has started saying 'I don't like mummy anymore', 'Mummy is horrible' Go away forever mummy' and things like that when she is cross this last week or two and I find it really upsetting. Her bad days are SO bad.

Today though she has been brilliant. She had a settling in day at nursery/preschool and she loved it. She went off happily to play with the other children. We were there too but stood back and let her explore. She kept saying 'I love it!'. She ate fruit there which she refuses to do at home! She was trying to cut up some grapes and she couldn't manage and I went to help her and she told me 'no, go away mummy' so I left her but then a couple of minutes later she was letting one of the nursery workers show her so I was really pleased that she responded well to other adults. She started to meltdown when she had to leave but it was more of a sulk than a full on tantrum. We couldn't stay for the full session as Tommy is really poorly with a mild case of measles caused by his MMR 10 days ago. He isn't contagious but was really upset, crying inconsolably which he hasn't done since the colic/reflux days, so we left early as he just wasn't well at all.

Tomorrow hubby has to take her and stay with her for a while and then leave her and go for a cup of tea in the community room and see how she gets on. I hope Tommy's alright as I'd rather he didn't go out if he'sno better but this is important for Daisy and she can't wait to go back so we'll have to see how things are tomorrow.

She's had no accidents in 3 weeks now but still not used the toilet! She's also made the transition from a cot to a bed! She wakes us up at 4:45 every morning and won't go back to sleep or let us go back to sleep but its a start anyway!

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi ladies, I will read & comment on other posts in the morning, I'm dead tired.

I just want to share our positive day.

We went to our classes today, as always Omar was too clingy to me & refused to talk, so I decided to leave & left him there with the housekeeper. When I came back after 1.5 hrs, his teacher was happy with Omar as he participated in all activities & he didn't stop talking. He told them that he's going to be an engineer & he's going to make a robot & send it to the Philippines

From now on, I will not attend any classes with him I feel bad about it but it seems that he acts much better when I'm not around. Then we went to my aunt's house & he played with her two kids (3 & 6), he was a bit bossy with the younger kid, but it was the 1st time he plays with him without fighting or asking him to leave. He prefers to play with the older kid, but today he was fine with playing with both kids.

When we finally were on our way home, I thought he was going to sleep in the car, but he didn't, he asked us to take him home as he wanted to sleep in bed. Once we reached home, he went to bed & fell asleep immediately.

It's too cold here we're not used to this weather, now I have tummy ache & a headache from the wind.

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Hey all...can I join pls? Thanks for the link Omarsmum.
Well bit about us...we live in the midlands and I have a 3yr old DD who is the most absolute love of my life and also has been the most hard work I have ever done. I was working before having her and now a SAHM. I cant do the job I was doing part time, its not an option and I dont have my head the right way round either! LO is included in every part of my life. She had never been away from me day or night but started nursery when she was 2yrs so she could be with other children. We used to live with a very boisterous cousin/niece as a result of which LO had been treated unfairly and bullied. Anyway, we are out of that finally.

LO has always done things different to other babies. She never slept an still doesnt need sleep. I gave up trying to give her naps before she turned 1 because it was all I was ever trying to do and I had no time to do anything else. She used to wake up as a newborn baby if I pressed the buttons on the lap top/mobile to type - she made herself heard! She never slept in the pushchair or the car seat despite people telling me she will fall asleep and would just cry and scream when tired. I never even realised why or what I was doing wrong. She reacts to sunlight and would get very distressed but now she knows to cover her eyes.


We never got in a routine because she never had one despite me trying to follow her cues. She is a extreme fussy eater and still is but have some routine in place now.

She prefers adults over children and I think she finds children just loud (although she can be loud herself) but is getting better with socialising with some children, smaller groups/individuals I think. I did think this was because she was always bullied her whole life but her cousin who is nearly 1 yr older than her and we were all living together so LO never got a break?!

She used to be fine with balloons but over time she started reacting to them or to loud noises saying she finds it very loud.
We went to a party yesterday and she came wanting me to pick her up because there was loud noise (no music), just tables being set and my father distracted her with something. Omars mum, I know you said she looks to me for the comfort and this is making me realise that you are right. May be why she used to sleep only with a BF before she started self settling but I thought this was out of habit as she was BF for 19 months.

She prefers to play with me over other children and does tell me to pick her up when she is distressed. I had told her before we went to the party there will be balloons but to cover her ears if she doesnt like the noises and she was walking round with her fingers in her ears most the time! She then went and sat far away when she got tired.

Ive been at home with her all day today but felt like all I have done is tell her off as she refused breakfast, dinner, didnt want to get wash changed for bed and I had to drag her up as dinnertime really winds me up. Now im feeling awful but its too late for regrets, one day over.

 

[OmarsMum]

Welcome siyren, quartz, & LOL

 

[polaris]

Welcome Quartz, Siyren, and LaughOutLoud! I've been reading everyone's posts but haven't had time to comment. Clara still sleeping very poorly and I'm exhausted! Thomas has gone back to napping and has been in really good form over the last couple of days. We started a new singing group on Monday in which the teacher encourages the children to interact together (action songs and games) while the parents basically just watch. We haven't really done anything like this before so I'm interested to see how Thomas will manage once he gets used to it. He largely just watched yesterday which I was expecting as it was his first day.

 

[DaisyBee]

Yay for omar doing well at class... Im sorry that it has to be without you, but it does make sense to me. The sensitive boy I took care of before Megan was born... He was so clingy he wouldn't leave his moms side. She would hang out at my house for quite a long time sometimes and he would cling worse and then she would finally leave. Once she was gone he was a different boy. I think it's going to be common with sensitive kids. It sounds like he had a very good day!

Welcome lol!

Polaris- I'm sorry you aren't getting sleep yet! Is it still her teeth? Jordan was up at 4am this morning and I was so tired, realized how lucky I've been lately and not to take good nights for granted! I think when both girls weren't sleeping well, I would never get in a deep sleep. I was going on adrenalin. As when I have to get up in the middle of the night, I have a really hard time making myself get up, like I've woken out of a deep sleep. When I was doing it nightly I was very wide awake no matter when I would have to get up.

 

[DaisyBee]

Jc - so excited for daisy with preschool!!! Im sure it eases your mind a lot to know that she loves it. Do you think her statements about you are more about you going back to work? So she is going from crib to bed right now, as well as potty training, and starting preschool? Wow! She is doing amazing!! Is she acting tired waking up that early?

Megan woke around 4 and never went back to sleep ( she heard Jordan) where Jordan did go back to sleep. The girls and I had flu shots yesterday. The flu is just crazy around here and we decided we needed to get vaccines. Dh had gotten one before, as did Jordan. I wasn't sure if I was going to do jordans 2nd, or one for me, or Megan. But it's gotten so bad that we decided we needed to get them. I felt awful yesterday afternoon. Never really had a reaction before. Its just side affects from the shot ( fever, aches, headache, tired) as you can't catch the flu from the shot... But I was so ready for yesterday to be over. Jordan only had one nap yesterday and was overtired. Megan was really whiny and lots of meltdowns so I think all of us were a bit affected. Anyway... Megan had trouble going to sleep. At one point she was screaming and crying and said that there was another Megan, and mr wishy-washy ( from a young toddlers book) put her in the microwave. She wasn't dreaming as was wide awake. Dh is on call and worked til after midnight last night and was called out around 3am as well. He slept for an hour after that before having to go to work. So I wasn't surprised that the girls didn't sleep well. I feel a bit better today, but still achey.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Just a quickie as I have 5 mins while the kids finish eating their tea. Will reply a bit more to posts later. Daisy did great at pre-school again. Hubby left her for an hour and a half and she barely knew he'd gone. He was in a room right next door and Daisy's key worker kept popping in to let him know how she was doing and she was playing happily with the others. When he went to get her she was helping to tidy up and didn't want to leave. Same again tomorrow!

 

[OmarsMum]

Quartz- your DD sounds a lot like Omar. But he's getting much better when it comes to socializing

Tacey- yay for the hair washing, I really hope it lasts

Daisybee- thanks for the link, very interesting , so sorry you had a bad reaction to the vaccine Hun

Cutie- no flights here while pregnant.

JC- glad Daisy is coping well at pre-school

Polaris - so sorry to hear about Clara's sleep issues Hun hope the classes go well. Omar is not into music classes, they're too overwhelming for him

LOL- we all have our moments Hun try not to be hard on yourself xx

 

[OmarsMum]

Today was a good day in general, Omar slept well last night

He didn't go out as it was so windy, he was generally cheerful but he seemed tired, he played with his Mickey Club house for 20 mins alone in his playroom, which is a 1st. He was so occupied & talking to the toys. In the evening I asked him if he wanted to play with his car garage, he didn't play with it for months, he said, no. But I just put it down with the cars box, & sat on the sofa playing with the iPad. He sat on the floor & played for 1.5 hrs alone! He was so occupied & having fun, he was talking to himself bless him. But he frustrated & overwhelmed at the end, he was trying to do something but it didn't go right so he end up whining & jumping up & down. I gave him a cuddle & told him it was ok. We cuddled on the sofa until he got over his frustration, then he had a snack & he was ok.