sex...how do i explain i dont want to hear it

[tanya29]

i have a 12 1/2 yr old son who is growing up really fast...he is a very clever lad in top classes in all his lessons theres just one problem where i a iv always allowed him to be honest and open with me (as i believe this is the relationship i want with all my children) he is now getting into gurls (only fancying mind) and is starting to want to discuss sexual issues that are being raised with friends in school...i am only 29 i had him quite young and tho i dont mind discussing important sex issues there are certain things im not willing to discuss yet until hes older (oral sex etc) how do i let him know this without actually making him think he cannot talk to me full stop...i like to know what hes up2 and dont want him to think he cannot talk and discuss things with me...i just dont think he needs to know certain things as its way to soon...

 

[RachieH]

I know it must be difficult because to you he is just your 12 and a half year old son, but he will know an awful lot more than you think he does!

-I don't think you need to go into the ins and outs and to be honest I don't think you need to discuss oral sex...I'd have died if my parents ever talked to me about it lol .... but what I think i'd want to make clear, even at such a young age is the importance of safe sex. My OH was having sex at 13, which I think is Waaaaaay to young, but it does happen, so I'd at least want him aware of condoms!

If your son is bringing up things such as oral sex, I imagine he's trying to wind you up or embarrass you as the majority of children aren't exactly going to want a lesson on it from their parents!

 

[tanya29]

If your son is bringing up things such as oral sex, I imagine he's trying to wind you up or embarrass you as the majority of children aren't exactly going to want a lesson on it from their parents!

i have already thought that he is just having a laugh at his poor mummys expense...cause i blush profoundly and say to him johnny j (his nickname) theres a time and place and this is NOT it...! i dont find it funny AT ALL!!!

 

[RachieH]

i have already thought that he is just having a laugh at his poor mummys expense...cause i blush profoundly and say to him johnny j (his nickname) theres a time and place and this is NOT it...! i dont find it funny AT ALL!!!

I should imagine your right there, proberbly amuses him to see you get embarrassed.....in a few years time it will turn around, I bet it will be him getting embarrassed when you ask him questions!

 

[hypnorm]

Personally i would stay open and honest with him, if he really wants to know he will find it out from else where. If my son asked me that i would be truthful with him, even if it was uncomfortable and embarassing. And if he is winding you up then it will be him who ends up embarased!!

 

[beanie]

I agree with hypnorm. I remember hearing about oral sex at the age of 11 from a friend and it scared the crap out of me (she told it wrong). I personally would prefer my child to hear about these things from me and not from anyone else. At least this way I could be sure they are being told about it in a sensible way. It must be horrible, I dread the day my baby is old eough to ask questions but be proud that your son feels that he can ask his mum these questions

 

[coccyx]

Are there any books he could read? I bought 'Have you started yet?' which is all about body changes in a girl as she approaches puberty.Basic enough for my 9 year old. Obviouslt the nitty gritty of sex is another matter!

 

[Suz]

My folks never really had the birds and bees talk with me. Just said to wait until I was in love because it would be special. But to make sure It was safe. But we have Sex Education in US. I beleive it was In junior Highschool...... I agree with Rachie.....Have the Safe sex talk.

 

[toot]

I have 5 teenagers 2 boys and 3 girls and I never was excitesd about when the time would come to have that talk but I was always very open and honest with my children, I always felt that if they were big enough to come to me and ask me a question then I would always be big enough to give tell them the truth. My 16 year old son was having a hard time with his friends because he has not had sex yet, and he finally got tuff about it and tell everyone that he saving himself for his love of his life, I ma so proud of him.

 

[ColtonsMom]

I know it must be difficult because to you he is just your 12 and a half year old son, but he will know an awful lot more than you think he does!

-I don't think you need to go into the ins and outs and to be honest I don't think you need to discuss oral sex...I'd have died if my parents ever talked to me about it lol .... but what I think i'd want to make clear, even at such a young age is the importance of safe sex. My OH was having sex at 13, which I think is Waaaaaay to young, but it does happen, so I'd at least want him aware of condoms!

I agree.. I think you should inform him about safe sex. My OH was also having sex at 12-13; and even my mother (we are a very open family as well.. ) was at 13. I think its way to young and couldn't imagine my little boy getting into it that young, but two of my little brothers are already and they are only 13 and 15. Children nowadays are growing up so fast! (Coming from a 19 yr old! )

 

[Tilly]

I suppose theres a way to go about it, id have also died if my mum sat me down and started explaining all the sexual ins and outs with me. I think you learn most of these things at school/from friends. I do remember my mum having the talk about periods with me when I was young, but thats slightly different I know.
If he wants to joke around, just say something to shock him slightly.. if you can make it a laughing matter, no doubt he will find you easy to approach.

 

[tanya29]

I agree with Rachie.....Have the Safe sex talk.

i have had the safe sex talk...i got pregnant myself at 16...dont want it for my children but where he is hearing about other aspects of sex...more intimate aspects from other boys older than him...hes coming home and wanting to discuss it in one way its a good thing as he realises he can come to me and if he was say 4 years older i wouldnt be reluctant to discuss these things...but where he is only 12 1/2 yrs i think he isnt mature enough yet...thats the real embarrassing thing...

 

[tanya29]

If he wants to joke around, just say something to shock him slightly.. if you can make it a laughing matter, no doubt he will find you easy to approach.

i do i often tell him he is not old enough to stir a cup of tea with it yet...that usually gets him laughing and blushing all in one go...

 

[maky72]

if he is asking he is old enough to be told the truth.
yes its embarrasing but is it not better he learns the truth from u rather than hear say from friends.
being a single parent i'm open with my girls who r all teenagers. my son who is 10 i make a laugh and a joke about wet dreams cause i know his dad wont bother 2 explain things 2 him.
i also got a booklet called 4 boys which he laughed at tossed 2 one side and ignored for a few days. then i see him reading it and knew it was doing the job when he asked me a few questions bout it.

 

[tanya29]

i make a laugh and a joke about wet dreams cause i know his dad wont bother 2 explain things 2 him.

me and my son have had this one when he brought the sheets down one morning i grabbed them off him and he said hey mum i have had an accident i sort of frowned as i thought he meant wet the bed and he has never done that since he was a toddler...anyway he said no mam i had a funny dream so i mockingly chucked em on the floor and said ewwww time for the rubber gloves when i change your bed then...we both burst out laughing and he gave me a mocking stint with the eyes...he may be 12 but he will always be my little monkey...

 

[maky72]

it's hard find the rite time to tell them things which is y i think if they ask they have heard things so need 2 know the truth.

 

[Tam]

i have a 12 1/2 yr old son who is growing up really fast...he is a very clever lad in top classes in all his lessons theres just one problem where i a iv always allowed him to be honest and open with me (as i believe this is the relationship i want with all my children) he is now getting into gurls (only fancying mind) and is starting to want to discuss sexual issues that are being raised with friends in school...i am only 29 i had him quite young and tho i dont mind discussing important sex issues there are certain things im not willing to discuss yet until hes older (oral sex etc) how do i let him know this without actually making him think he cannot talk to me full stop...i like to know what hes up2 and dont want him to think he cannot talk and discuss things with me...i just dont think he needs to know certain things as its way to soon...

I have been wondering how to tackle this issue with Jade. She has been very curious about sex since she is hearing about it at school and is getting mixed answers. Now she knows how babies are made, but she is asking how the tadpole gets into my belly.......Erghhh well I am not going to tell her what we get up to (which is the way I see it, I will think she will think of us doing that, and I hated that thought as a kid )

So I have figured it out.....she loves reading so I googled a search and on Amazon I found quite a lot of books that are aimed at kiddies to explain growing up, so I am going to give her the book and say that this is a book about growing up and getting older and growing boobies and hairs (which she is aware of) everything you want to know is in there and we can talk about any of it as you read it. The book I have chosen (Can't remember off the top of my head) but it deals with it all very lightly but with the facts, just not in ya face facts.....so I am quite looking forward to her reading that and see how she feels afterwards, as the main thing I am wanting her to find out about is periods. I do not want to alarm her by me telling her in a poor random way so I think that a book will ease her into it better than I could. I am just aware that girls can start puberty from this early age and would hate for her to be hit with her period one day and know nothing about it and it worry the life out of her.

They have books for both sexes. So I willdo the same for Alfie.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think that is my way forward. x

 

[Tegans Mama]

Yeah I would just let him talk to be honest. NOT in detail, just let him know the in's and outs! Girls can't get pregnant from oral sex, etc etc. You don't want him to find out crooked stuff from his mates like we ALL did in school, you know, the whole you can get pregnant from a toilet seat thing...

Its good that he's open with you. Just try to maintain that because a lot of teenage boys have harder times than girls because they can't ask mum and dad is.. well dad

 

[Mynxie]

stay honest and open with him huni and if he's trying to embarrass you, he'll sharp stop when it doesn't work.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Okay, when I was in grade 8 I found out what this stuff was about! I learned how babies were made in grade 4, and I cried. hahha