She used to be one of "us"

[NeyNey]

That is definatly the exception. Even though we have been blessed with a miracle, I still would never give out such advice. I've watched women TTC before me come and go and none of them ever turned to me and said "just relax"...How rude of that woman.


Keeping everything crossed for you girls

 

[CedarWood]

I am sure relaxing would have had my two autoimmune diseases diagnosed earlier....
Yep - will mark that in my calendar for next month... - Have sex and RELAX dammit!
CW

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey Blue!

I have a friend who said the EXACT same thing to me... and then had a further 2 kids in quick succession!

I'd be a bit buggered if this were the case for me... i don't get a scan to start stimms until i've DR so i definitely wouldn't be pregnant!

I assure you, no smart mouth comments from me.... and i sure won't forget the journey it took to get there

 

[Monsterpops]

i'm in - I could sometimes actually murder people who go....my friend/sister etc were trying to have a baby for 250million years and now they have 12 bonny children, you'll see, you'll end up with a baby - aaaaaaaaah - well BULLY FOR THEM!!! (no really, its great and all that but why do people think this will make u feel better after ttc for 7 years with losses etc???)
Sorry - having a rant day today.......think its pmt lolololololol!

 

[Monsterpops]

Oh, and RELAX?????? Yeah sure, i'm totally relaxed bout everything to do with IVF.....its only taken 3 ops and a year to get to the referral, dead easy and relaxing process rite!.......;-)

 

[DillyC]

I.... Dilly C..... Pledge NEVER to say just relax, go on a holiday or just get drunk and have sex...to anyone who is having trouble TTC.... Am I allowed to punch the next person who says it to me though??? xx

 

[fifi-folle]

I.... Dilly C..... Pledge NEVER to say just relax, go on a holiday or just get drunk and have sex...to anyone who is having trouble TTC.... Am I allowed to punch the next person who says it to me though??? xx

They should change the law so women LTTTC and AC should be allowed to punch anyone that says things like that!!! How about we all petition our MPs (those of us in the UK)

 

[ginny]

This thread has actually made me feel the best I've felt since TTC, I'm not alone in wanting to punch someone in the face who says "it'll happen" or "just relax, that's how I did it" and I want to say F*** OFF...

Thanks Ladies, I mean it, you have really put a smile on my face tonight.... I am normal after all!

 

[Bebecake]

Count me in!! I'm sick of hearing "just relax." Anyone who is going through this knows that you can never relax...

 

[DillyC]

This thread has actually made me feel the best I've felt since TTC, I'm not alone in wanting to punch someone in the face who says "it'll happen" or "just relax, that's how I did it" and I want to say F*** OFF...

Thanks Ladies, I mean it, you have really put a smile on my face tonight.... I am normal after all!

Hey Ginny...

I think you should just say F**K Off... Check out their reaction...haha... they won't say it again!!

But we are so nice we just force a smile with our teeth gritted and say, yes maybe, i really think I am quite relaxed... (or at least i was until you stuck your nose in and caused my Blood pressure to go through my head with that comment!!)

xx

PS i think i am a bit pre menstrual at the mo... can you tell!

 

[DragonMummy]

argh I had someone at work last week (15 weeks pregnant) banging on about how they didn't even want any more kids and it was a total accident and she was really upset when she found out - fair enough, it happens. BUT WHY MUST YOU TELL ME????

 

[fifi-folle]

Yep, that's when having manners is a drawback, I would be tempted to say something really cutting (but would never, ever do it), argh being polite is a nightmare! Abiding by social rules is really annoying; I would love to post, but won't, that we are seeing fertility specialist, but somehow it's ok for others to post u/s pics, but it's not ok to announce probs conceiving or that I've miscarried for a third time! (Sorry if this doesn't make sense)

 

[DragonMummy]

pmsl - I know! I was going to ask for pictures of my trans vag, and change my FB picture to a scan photo of my cyst riddled ovaries but bottled out of asking

 

[fifi-folle]

LOL!!!! Great idea! Your pics would look better than mine, I only ever have one cyst Oooh I wonder if I can email my consultant for photos from my laparoscopies, time to show off my ovary stuck to my pelvis me thinks!!!!!! We could start a new trend on Facebook! Suddenly you would find out all your friends with fertility problems!!!!
PS just reread my previous post and think I missed out saying I would post on Facebook.

 

[MommySierra]

Hi Ladies,
I am tired of people telling me when you least expect it or when YOU STOP STRESSING ABOUT IT, it will happen...My own sister who TTC for two years and went through so much to get pregnant told me the worse comment ever...When I told her I was afraid to take my HSG dye test she told me and I quote "Oh get it over it already, stop whining, and just do it, your not the first of the last woman who is having problems having a baby, it will happen when you least expect it" Coming from here that was a true stab in the heart since the entire time she was trying everyone always felt such sympathy for her...I just wanted some reassuring that it would be ok from someone who has lived it.

COUNT ME IN ON YOUR PLEDGE I SWEAR TO NEVER SAY THAT TO ANYONE!!!

 

[Gracy 004]

i too am definately taking the pledge. One of my friends who sat there bouncing her 1 year old baby on her knee actually said to me "just have fun with it, it will happen". She got preg on her third month! I could have the best fun rip roaring ever and it is still not going to do anything about oligospermia, varicocele and endometriosis!

 

[moxie08]

I'm sorry, but as a fellow LTTC-er, I think I may be politely agreeing with, well, everyone (including the 'Just Relaxers' you're talking about)?

It seems to me that all of us are just in different stages of grief. Because trying to conceive is stressful, it is hard, and when it doesn't happen, it is a loss. Not only that, it's a loss different from every other loss, because that loss could change someday and we don't have very much control over that! So mixed with our grief is hope, and inside all of us right now is a desperate battle to balance the grief and the hope.

Our bodies and our minds are designed to recover. So why shouldn't people, once successfully pregnant and with children lose the grief and celebrate? It's what we all want. We can't help wanting that. I understand how it is easy to forget how painful the grieving process is, the ambiguity and the fear.

But I also think there is truth to learning to relax, even for those of us with the most complicated challenges to conceiving. Your body changes as you go through the stages of grief. There is strong scientific evidence of that, especially in females, whose cycles are such delicate, dependent things on our well-being. 'Just Relaxing' won't make it happen, but I can guarantee you that if you learn how to relax despite everything you are going through (IVF, laps, etc.), your chances will be so much better.

The mistake is thinking that just relaxing means giving up. But I don't think they are mutually exclusive. I think we are all right. And I think we need to learn how to relax, if only for our own well-being, not our future child's.

 

[Guru]

This thread has made me smile. Even my husband and my doctor have told me "it will happen when you least expect it". Dr told me to take as many holidays as possible.

Three years on TCC and no baby to show for it.


I will never ever tell someone who is TTC to relax.

 

[winegums]

can i just say the other side of the story?? maybe for everyone with conditions that's fair enough no amount of relaxing may help? but for people that get so stressed about it etc that can become the reason nothing is happening!! when they lose and stress then maybe something will happen? I don't want to get my head bitten off here but me and OH were trying for nearly 2 years... he surprised me with a weekend away to paris for my birthday and said we wern't allowed to talk or think about baby making etc. we did loads of great stuff and i felt so alive, that feeling i hadn't had since ttc like all my worries were gone for just that weekend? we ate loads drank loads only had sex once or twice. came home waiting for AF to start carrying on TTC and guess what it didn't come and I was pregnant.

So all i'm saying is i would never give it as advice or tell someone with an actual condition that if they relaxed it would happen... but for the average person when it all just gets on top of them? hell yeh maybe it is time to chill for a bit and just see what happens?

 

[wishful think]

I will defo sign myself up for that pledge. I cant count the amount of times people have told me to just relax and it will happen. people who just dont have a clue, friends and family who either have never had issues getting pregnant or they havent started to try for a family yet. And when they say 2 stop thinking about it and it will happen", like seriously come on STOP THINKING ABOUT IT, i feel like screaming f*** off but i just smile and say "oh i know"!!!! Sometimes i wish i could stop thinking about it but even if u try to think about something else, up pops another reminder, like a pregnant co-worker or a tv add for pregnancy tests. And another question which i will never put to a newly married couple is "So when are you 2 gonna start a family?" I can honestly say that i have stupidly asked this question before but I have now learnt the hard way to never ask it again. Sometimes people can be soooooooo tactless but i know they think that they are being helpful and they really dont know what else to say!!! Sorry for the rant!!!!!!