Sneaking back in...

[BelleNuit]

DH is an idiot sometimes, but I know he means well. "don't get angry it'll be bad for the baby" is his way of saying "I hope there is a baby" "don't get made at me because I'm a fool" "chill out, you need to relax, how about going for a walk, it'll be good for you."

At one point in time I also believed that things like getting really really angry could mess things up for TTC, so I don't blame him for still being stuck there. When there is no explanation you come up with your own, however foolish it is, so that there is something you can do about it. I've somewhat started to realize that nothing we do or don't do will change anything, he's not there yet. Its easier I think for guys to be in denial for a longer time than us ladies.

And yes, infertility is so incredibly trying to a marriage I hope we're coming up to the end and that this isn't just the beginning.

Good for you MK for waiting it out to test! I'll probably test Friday morning (if I'm not spotting). AF is either due on friday or saturday and I'm supposed to call the clinic the first day of my cycle to book that HSG. But if that falls on saturday, I might just call on Friday as I'll know by the spotting and the BFN that its only a matter of time.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Ooh Friday could be a big day. I'm so hoping to see BFPs for both of you! I'm counting down the days. I'm expecting AF by Saturday. So weird that I'm hoping NOT to be pregnant.

Infertility definitely tries your relationship, but if it doesn't tear you apart I believe it forces you to hold onto each other and come out the other side of it stronger. At least this is what I'm hoping.

My DH told his parents about my surgery, and also that we've been TTC. I'm so proud of him. He hadn't told them anything up to now. He didn't tell them about the miscarriage, still doesn't want to. Maybe it's a bit of denial on his part, like if his parents don't know anything about what's going on with us, when we're with them we can just pretend that everything is a-ok. Pretending is getting to be really exhausting. So now when I seem quiet or sad, at least now they will know that I'm not just being a b*tch!

 

[MKaykes]

I caved ladies and tested! I guess hanging out with my friend and her toddler and 4 month old made me do it! Sadly, it was a BFN I'm pretty confident that that is it, and not holding out hope for a late BFP, expecting AF which could have been as early as yesterday or as last as Wed. At least now I know to be prepared. Very disappointed, but no tears! So, now I can have a drink out tonight during the football game I guess!

Belle - I hope you get your BFP end of this week and it is just me and Wishn hanging on for the next step!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Oh crap I'm so sorry MK. BFNs suck. Any sign of AF? I would definitely be drowning that BFN in a drink tonight.

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh MK I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN. Is it still early for you? I hope it turns around. I understand that feeling though, where you know your out and there's no point to keep on hoping. Enjoy your drink tonight

Wishn, I find it weird that I'm also hoping that you're not pregnant! Lol I'm hoping instead that your surgery goes well and can proceed as planned that's a huge first step that your hubby took. It's not easy to open up about these things!

 

[WishnandHopn]

I used to be so good about not symptom spotting...but now that I have a conception cycle to compare with I'm totally obsessed. Today I've been feeling hot and having some weird cramping which feels similar to how I felt a few days before my BFP (I remember thinking AF was coming early). It's probably just gas...I really need to chill out and get through the rest of this week!

 

[MKaykes]

Wishn - I don't know if I should root for a baby or a quick break so you can get that polyp all cleared up! I hope you're feeling good about the family knowing. It has made it easy on us that anyone close to us knows.

I skipped the drink tonight, didn't want DH to figure out that I tested and ask me. After crying for 30 minutes before leaving I didn't want it to come up. It did anyways, after some annoying guy I'd never met asked if we had kids. Obviously he had no idea the tragedy going on in my head. So, excused myself at half time, headed home and enjoyed some ice cream in bed while I cried some more. Glad DH and I drove separately.

I spent too much time googling again, you know, like there is still hope...no sign of AF, if I'm off on O, I could be 13 DPO, so either way my BFN is accurate, but I guess I don't want to believe it.

 

[MissDoc]

Wishn, if you do happen to get a BFP this cycle, I'm guessing that would mean your polyp removal would wait until after baby? My RE mentioned that if I got pregnant before my polyp removal it wouldn't be a big deal (and I did) but mine is small. He said there's a chance that a vaginal delivery will "remove it" on its own. I wonder if that would happen for yours too? He did say it might slightly reduce my chances of getting pregnant in the first place, and depending on positioning might make it just a teeny bit more likely to have a miscarriage. I'm not really worried about mine. Hoping it is taken care of naturally if I carry this baby to term, but if not I'll have it remove after. Maybe yours can be like that too. ;-)

Mkayes, sorry you're feeling so out. Step away from the Google! It only brings grief and confusion. (That said, I still google everything... My name is MissDoc and I'm a google-aholic...). I am so excited for your next couple of cycles. I feel that now that surgery is behind you, you deserve that bfp! Hopefully the universe complies and its sooner rather than later!

Belle, still hanging in there without testing! I impressed at how you don't test super early and frequently. I seriously couldn't help myself. Even though it wasn't very helpful most cycles. But I told myself it made sense for me to do it because if I was pregnant I wanted to know as soon as possible so I could stop certain medications! See that level of self justification? Lol. I hope this week ends in a great way for you! Are you still liking not temping?


AFM, I'm leaving tomorrow on a conference trip and will be gone until Sunday, and today is majorly crammed with a million things to do on top of my 10+ hour work day where I will also be busy like a maniac trying to prep to be out. So I'm trying to manage my stress well today (already not doing great) on top of intense nausea, but tomorrow at noon I'll be on a plane and even though it's a working conference, it will be a bit of a forced vacation from things, so that's probably good.

 

[BelleNuit]

I'm sorry MK, I'm exactly the same way when it comes to those BFNs, I never really want to believe them. The last few days of the TWW are the absolute worst!

Doc theres not much point in me testing early because I always start spotting at 11-12 dpo, which is right around the time that an HPT is reasonably reliable anyway. And somehow getting a BFN is far far worse than AF just showing up. At least AF gives you notice of her impending arrival. Doing an HPT gives me serious anxiety. All of my hopes rise and are dashed in a span of a minute. That has happened one too many times, so forget it LOL.

I'm 10/11 dpo today so today would be the earliest that I would start spotting. I had some pretty intense cramping after an O last night so I feel like that means I'm out.

Went for acupuncture last night, I got this really intense heady feeling, like I was floating and deeply relaxed. It was like I could feel this energy connecting and flowing all through my body. I don't really believe in energy stuff but that's honestly what it felt like. It was really cool. The acupuncturist says my pulse is stronger than when I first started (and that is something that I have objectively noticed too, I recall I could barely feel the pulse in my wrist now I can feel it immediately. Maybe its starting to work.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Oh MK big hugs to you. BFNs are so rough when you have your hopes up. I'm still holding out hope for you this cycle. Are you still taking the progesterone?

Doc, they definitely won't be able to do the surgery if I'm pregnant. Due to the location and size of the polyp in my uterus, the risk of miscarriage is high. Is your polyp in the cervical canal? I can see how one there wouldn't interfere with the pregnancy too much and could be dislodged during vaginal birth. Have a good trip! You're nearly 8 weeks...wow!

Belle, I'm with you on not testing early. Unless you use a really sensitive test, a BFN can be inconclusive before AF is due, so why put yourself through it? I like to keep my hopes up as long as possible. I'm so glad the acupuncture is helping you! Sounds like you went into a meditative state..very zen for such an 'angry' person Fx the witch stays away!

AFM, I'm also 10/11 dpo today and had a bit of pinkish cm so back to thinking I'm not pregnant. I have my pre-op phone call tomorrow, and made an appt with a naturopath who specializes in women's health and fertility on Oct 21!

 

[BelleNuit]

Sorry to hear about your spotting today Wishn. I tend to think that spotting means I'm out too. I'm also 10/11 dpo. No spotting yet... but we'll see what comes tomorrow.

Do share what your naturopath tells you! I'm curious to know!

 

[BelleNuit]

Whelp, I started spotting so I'm out. Just a matter of time till AF shows and then it's off to cycle 14

At this point I truly wonder if my tubes are blocked or if I have endo or something and don't know it

Guess I will have to put on a brave face and go for that HSG

 

[WishnandHopn]

Oh no Belle, I'm so sorry to hear that. If it really is AF, I hope the hsg can give you some answers...or that it just cleans things out and makes you super fertile. I wonder if you could have a polyp too? Would an hsg detect that? This seems to be the polyp thread. TTC is such a ruthless bitch.

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya, an HSG can be used to see if there are polyps, so thats a possibility as well. It definitely seems like this has become a polyp thread lol

My acupuncturist was telling me she had a soft blockage. Apparently the tubes can become blocked with mucous and cells and stuff which the HSG clears out. So maybe that's what is going on.

I still feel strongly that we are going to end up unexplained though. I'm nervous for the HSG, but I'm also looking forward to getting it over with because I think at this point I just need to know. I cannot believe we are about to start our 14th cycle

 

[WishnandHopn]

I had heard that sometimes the HSG can actually clear a blockage (and that it can be more painful if that's the case, so be prepared for that possibility). Honestly, there has to be something going on, 14 cycles can't just be bad luck. I so want you to get answers!!!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks Wishn,

I agree, unexplained is far less likely when you are young, there is usually an answer. Who knows. I've been preparing myself for it to be painful, but I have no real reason to believe there will be any blockage. I guess we'll see.

 

[Pleasance]

Hey ladies. Just checking in. I had my first Obgyn appt a while back, but she immediately referred us to an RE. We managed to get an appt fairly quickly so our first consultation is later today.

My husband and I had a bit of an argument over whether or not we should be going so soon, as I'm in my tww of my 6th cycle of us actively trying. The Obgyn said that due to our age and time Ntnp she wanted us to go and not play around with trying too much longer before seeking help. I understand where he's coming from and I get why he thinks we should wait a while longer but I'd rather know sooner rather than later if something is wrong. I know I'm only 35 but I feel ancient in fertility age. I feel like it's equivalent to dog years somehow.

Belle, I've got my fingers crossed for you that the HSG gives you answers or cleans out any issues.
Mk, I'm sorry about the BFN but I hope you got to have some fun.
Wishn, I hate to see you back, but I'm also glad to see you here, if that makes sense.

I'm so nervous. Four hours to go. I hope my husband is supportive and not defensive during our appt....,

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey pleasance, sorry to hear you are now on your 6th cycle. They do say at 35 you should only wait 6 months before going to the doc. What really helped my husband was knowing that the first appointment would really look at getting the testing we needed to have done scheduled. Once he knew that we wouldn't necessarily jump into treatment right away he felt better about it. There is nothing wrong with getting testing to see where you are at!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Hey Pleasance, nice to hear from you! Good luck at your appointment today. The first appt is really not too bad at all, mostly just taking health history and scheduling bloodword and ultrasounds for you and semen analysis for him. I hope your DH can keep an open mind about it.

I'm firmly in the 'knowledge is power' camp when it comes to investigating your fertility potential sooner rather than later. If everything comes back fine, that's great, you haven't been trying that long and can keep trying and will probably conceive on your own. If they find a problem though, especially one that is easily fixed, you will be so relieved that you didn't waste any more months or even years TTC before seeking help! I am personally SO glad that we saw the specialist sooner than later...if we had waited a whole year who knows how many more BFNs or early losses we would have suffered because of my uterine polyp?

I hear ya on feeling old in the fertility world...at 37 I look and feel young and healthy but my eggs tell a different story!

 

[BelleNuit]

I was doing some reading on treatment options of unexplained infertility, I found out something interesting.

After trying for 1 year, couples with unexplained have a 50% chance of pregnancy in the next 6 months regardless of whether or not they have fertility treatment. So there is no benefit to starting fertility treatment earlier.

Assuming my HSG comes out all clear (I really don't see why it wouldn't) and my lining proves to develop to an adequate thickness then we'll be considered unexplained. I think this is the approach we'll take as neither DH or myself quite feel ready to start fertility treatments... especially now that I know they won't necessarily help us achieve our goal any faster than watching and waiting.

95% of people my age will become pregnant after 2 years of trying without treatment. I keep trying to remind myself of that.