Sneaking back in...

[BelleNuit]

Thanks MK I'm actually really curious to see how many follicles I make on femara. Its probably just 1 (thats pretty common for femara). But I'm even more curious to see how my lining is doing! Thats good to know that a lighter AF didn't necessarily correlate to a thinner lining.

Congrats on finishing your last clinical! I hope you love what you do!

God I would love to make all of this a distant bad memory.

 

[MKaykes]

So, infertility awareness month is just making me sad! I have a friend who struggled to get pregnant with her first, and had been trying over a year for #2 who keeps commenting on articles on Facebook. I read them, and then can't acknowledge it because I don't want the Facebook world to know my struggle. I'm very open about it in person, but can control who I share it with. It's just frustrating that it seems to be this dark secret we hold onto.

Probably more frustrating since I'm pretty sure CD1 will be here today 😡

 

[BelleNuit]

Honestly MK it really does feel like people who experienced infertility and came out on the other side are the only ones able to talk about it. I've been thinking of making a general post of support during the Canadian infertility week. I think its important to raise awareness. Infertility is still stuck in the dark and taboo. Its never going to get the public funding it needs unless people stand up and talk about it. I've been thinking about posting something funny about what not to say to someone with infertility haha. I've heard just about all of them at this point. I've started telling people who ask when we are having kids, that we are dealing with infertility and that it is unexplained and that I don't want to talk about it. The responses I get from that are quite varied and not always positive, but it feels better to just own it then to sit there stewing angrily with my own thoughts. I'm also quick to correct people that relaxation/stress has nothing to fucking do with it haha

 

[MKaykes]

Haven't you heard? When you relax you just fall pregnant by lying next to someone, no need to try. lol!

 

[BelleNuit]

MK not even joking I was told by someone to have a glass of wine and read each night and then I would become pregnant haha like WTF! There is so much ignorance out there about infertility!

 

[MKaykes]

Well ladies, my foolish hope for a natural bfp has been squashed. CD 1 is here. Thankfully, that was only a slight hope so I'm not devastated. More pissed off.

 

[BelleNuit]

I'm pissed off for you MK!

 

[MKaykes]

And, to top it off I had my cousin's baby shower today. I did fine until I tried to write something more than my name in the card. Couldn't come up with anything but how much I wanted a baby, decided just my name was best, lol!

I did offer to babysit once a week once baby is home from the hospital since I'll have about 6 weeks working part time and studying and no one wants some random babysitter for their preemie. I'm happy to get some baby snuggles, then she asked if I do mornings if she gets a sitter for a night out and can't handle the morning after...kills me that those of us who want nothing more than to be a mother are doing everything to have that and some people have whoopsies!

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh MK I really admire you for going to the baby shower in the first place and offering to babysit on top of it all. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I've cancelled dinner dates/showed up late to parties just because I don't want to see people's kids/babies.

Well I'm feeling pretty low too. Told my mother about our infertility. She lives in Mexico and her response was that she never wanted to be a grandmother anyway and if I didn't have kids then she wouldn't have to visit as often....

Like why do I even bother with her?

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK, I'm so sorry the witch came. CD1 is such a bitch. Your cousin...my god...you are seriously a saint for offering to babysit. I would be like, you made your bed, now you can lie in it! Even when you're hung over!

Belle, I remember you saying once you didn't have much of a relationship with your mother, but WOW now I really see why! I just don't even have words. You deserve SO much better.

I asked (demanded?) that my doctor check my tubes before we do another IUI, so I'm having a HyCoSy on Wednesday. I'll be CD10, so it's decent timing. I'm pretty nervous...I know I had at least one tube open last summer when I got pregnant, but what if they're both blocked now? Important to know before I waste more time and energy and money on IUIs.

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks Wishn, I think in a weird way she was trying to make me feel better about the infertility, but definitely an inappropriate way to do it. It hurts to know that as her daughter that I'm not worth visiting unless there is a little person around to make the trip worthwhile. Last time I saw her was my own wedding, almost 2 years ago. Luckily I have a wonderful grandmother, mother in law, and step mother. I have fantastic relationships with all of them, so I am really not in need of another mother lol.

So glad that you demanded to have your tubes checked! I had that same procedure but could never remember the name of it so just went with HSG on here. It was with saline and internal ultrasound. I didn't feel it at all on the left side, it felt like nothing, on the right side I felt a bit more pressure and it was like mild AF cramps. I took 2 advils. I'm hoping it will go just as smoothly for you!

 

[MKaykes]

Sorry you didn't get more support from your mom Belle, and glad you have other "mother"s in your life. I would be sad if my mom told me she was glad she didn't have to come visit more. But, my mom has pretty much banned my sister and me from moving more than an hour away, so "visiting" only involves about 30 minutes.

I agree Wishn, way to go to push for more testing! I wish I had asked for some more labs, but totally trusted my old doctor (and knowing his personality, he probably wouldn't have done what I asked).

Today we met with the RE and I got my results of AMH and FSH, along with DH's 2nd SA. SA was good, 22+million sperm, 50% motility, 6% morphology.

...AMH and FSH on the other hand were not good news. Quite devastating to me actually. She said she wants to see AMH at like 1.5, mine was .6 and FSH less than 10 and mine was 16.5. So, this is where I wished I had asked for this months ago before we did 4 IUIs, as I think it was pretty useless with these numbers.

So, eggs are old/bad as I was afraid. Big bummer. The dr started to recommend donor eggs, but we shut that down quickly. She said there is still a chance, but I could read in what she wasn't saying was that it isn't good. But, we're still going to proceed with IVF. Probably start with the ovarian stimulation next cycle, then transfer the following. We'll do the testing on the embryos due to the low quality issues, which makes it all frozen transfers and no fresh transfer. I'm feeling pretty down about it. I'm glad we have some answers I guess, but not what I wanted to find out. I guess, I kind of thought it was kind of not great sperm and then my endo so could put some partial "blame" on each of us. It's hard to find out its all me. Like, could I have done something differently over the years to end up with healthier eggs. But I know that is silly.

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh MK I am so sorry to hear about those results still miracles can happen even with high FSH and low AMH. I've read taking myo-inositol before hand can significantly improve the amount of eggs retrieved at IVF for low responders. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. Even women in their 20s can end up with lab results like yours, regardless of what kind of lifestyle they've lived. I have heard that endo might be an ovulatory disorder (they don't fully understand it) so maybe it's all tied in for you? Either way, it's not your fault and there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. But I know you can know that cognitively, but still feel that way all the same. I'm sorry MK. I'm still here rooting for you every step of the way.

 

[Morena16]

Hi Ladies,

I was hoping I can join this thread as I am going through some similar things right now as some of you. I haven't really been on B&B in a while, but have been lurking recently as unfortunately I really have nobody in my life who can relate to me.

A bit about me, my husband and I have been trying since June. Had a feeling something was wrong because nothing was happening despite us doing everything right, so went to my OBGYN in Feb. I asked him to order some tests and he basically told me I was fine, that it can take up to a year and that "odds are in my favor". He said go home and get pregnant. Seriously? Ugh. I was not happy with his answer so I emailed him a month later asking again for just simple tests, like a SA at least and he basically refused. So I sent my husband for his physical with his doctor and told him not to leave without an order for a SA lol Well, he had it done and his results came back horrible. Severely low counts (1.4) and morphology was 0. He is getting a repeat analysis on Friday, but I have a feeling it will be the same, which would mean we need IVF with ICSI. This was such a shock to us, especially since he has a healthy lifestyle, eats well and takes vitamins, no hot tubs, caffeine, smoking or drugs. I even had him take fertilaid a few months back just to boost our chances (had no clue what his numbers were at the time). I don't get it. But I'm glad I didn't listen to my doctor and just "kept trying" because it would never happen naturally for us. Needles to say I've been devastated, and went from thinking that everything was probably fine, still hasn't been a full year, to looking at IVF as our only option. But as some of you have said, at least there is some peace in knowing what the issue is.

Belle, I remember being on the same thread with you back in July (I think?), sucks we are both still in the TTC threads but at least looks like things are moving along well for you in terms of proceeding with treatments.

MKaykes, I see that you have recently finished nursing school, congrats! I am also a new grad nurse, graduated in January. I am sorry about your recent lab results, sounds like we are both in the same boat as far as being new grads and going to pursue IVF. I have been beyond stressed trying to figure out how in the world I am going to fit in my IVF appointments while being a new grad. If you have any tips for me let me know pls

anyways, I hope its ok if I join this thread! I feel like I'm driving my husband crazy with all the infertility talk as it is all I've been talking about lol Would love to be able to talk to people who are going through a similar journey and who can relate.

 

[BelleNuit]

Welcome Morena! Sorry to hear about those SA results. I think its wonderful though that you trusted your gut and pushed for more testing. I would have felt even more frustrated had I waited out the full year. Sadly these things just happen and sometimes it doesn't have much to do with lifestyle at all. Unfortunately science hasn't really caught up with all the intricacies of reproduction. I can't imagine going straight to IVF. Your head must just be spinning with that. There are some really great LTTTC journals on here with ladies who are currently going through IVF. I've started reading in there just in case we end up needing IVF in the next 6 months. Its good to hear first hand what people's experiences are.

Back in July I still thought we had a decent chance that it could happen naturally for us. Unfortunately we are still stuck with "unexplained." DH had a really great SA (like off the charts great), I O regularly, tubes open, normal AFC, hormones all checked out as balanced/normal. Yet we've never had a bfp. I suspect our issues might be related to thinner lining (so implantation trouble) and possibly mild microfragmentation issues with the sperm. DH was smoking weed pretty heavily (despite all my harping), but managed to quit 3 months ago (I actually believe him this time). So we are heading into our first month with swimmers who won't be swimming high. Maybe that will make a difference? I dunno, I suspect we are both mildly sub-fertile and the combination isn't working out and we just have terrible luck. But there could be immunologic issues or tube issues that can't be tested for (i.e. fallopian tube not picking up egg) which we would need IVF to overcome. It sucks not to have an answer because its tough to make informed treatment decisions. It also sucks with unexplained because if you're young the docs will basically tell you to go with expectant management for another 6-12 months. i.e. go home and make a baby... right.... because that worked so well the first 20+ times we tried.

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK I am so sorry to hear about your results. You must be so shocked and sad and mad! I actually feel really angry for you: how could your first doctor not run a basic test like FSH? That is just maddening. It's hard to hear bad news, but good to have complete information so you can go into IVF with your eyes open, knowing you may be a low responder. Sounds like your new doctor and clinic are sooo much better than your old one so should be able to put you on the right protocol.

Don't you dare blame yourself...there's nothing you could have done to change or prevent this. And your DH may be part of the problem...22 million is at the low end of normal. Similar to my DH's count (best he ever had was 26 mil/ml), and while I would never say it out loud, I do think he's more than 50% of our problem since the only thing wrong with me is my 'advanced maternal age'.

Welcome Moreno, sorry you're struggling, but you're in good company here. Getting those SA results must have been really shocking and devastating. But you had good instincts that something was wrong and good for you for insisting your DH get tested! We have to be the 'quarterbacks' of our own fertility it seems sometimes. If the repeat SA comes back the same, push to get your DH's hormone levels checked and seen by a urologist. There could be a physical reason it's so low (varicocele) which can be treated surgically or hormonal which they can sometimes treat with drugs like clomid. When my DH's SA results came back below average, he saw a urologist and had the extra tests done, but turned out there's nothing actually physically 'wrong' with him so all we can do load him up with vitamins and supplements. We just did our first IUI with injectables (BFN), and planning to do 2 more. I'm not that optimistic it will work, since DH's motile count after the sperm wash was only 3 million. We may also be on the road to IVF with ICSI.

I actually do have some good news: had my HyCoSy tube test yesterday and everything looked good! Both tubes open, no new polyps in my uterus, and one dominant follicle on my right side. It hardly hurt at all, nowhere near as bad as my IUI. (Which makes me think the nurse who did it was just incompetent) So we'll give it our best shot au naturel this cycle now that everything is squeaky clean in there, but more than likely will be doing IUI#2 next cycle.

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn great news about your tubes!! Glad everything is all squeaky clean in there Maybe it cleaned out some microdebris and you'll get pregnant soon!

I'm in the second half of TWW (9 dpo today, but possibly 10 dpo) and while I'm really good at NOT symptom spotting, i'm starting to symptom spot. I'm super duper thirsty, which is not my norm at all! But I've had promising "symptoms" in the past that haven't amounted to much, so I'm not going to hold my breath. I'll be testing in 2 days on Saturday (11 dpo) due to brothers wedding. Alcohol is pretty much the only way I'm going to survive this wedding haha. I would still rather be pregnant, then my blissful happiness would help me survive the day haha.

I hate how every TWW it starts to feel like a possibility.. this time I really COULD be pregnant. But then I'm always disappointed.

 

[Morena16]

Belle and Wishn, thank you for the kind words. Yes, it feels like these past couple of days since the SA have been an emotional roller coaster, but I am finally at peace with the fact that we will need IVF. Still feels surreal, and the timing is the worst as I’m in the middle of a job hunt and am sure my future employer won’t be thrilled about all the absences I will need in order to complete the treatment. Oh well, I have no control over it.

Belle, going through unexplained infertility must be beyond frustrating. On one hand it must feel like a relief that everything is checking out great, but on the other hand it is so daunting to go month after month of trying without success. And then like you said, there are things they can’t even test for and so who knows what is really going on and what the complete picture is. And yes, being young I feel like my doctor never took me seriously. So I understand your frustration. I think doctors unfortunately mainly look at things from a biological perspective, and don’t take into consideration the huge emotional toll infertility takes on a person, no matter the age.

That’s great that your husband stopped smoking weed, for the swimmers sake. It will only help your chances. It’s exciting that it is your first month with non-high swimmers. Who knows, maybe that is all it will take for you. I will keep my fingers crossed you get a BFP when you test in a couple days!

Wishn, I’m sorry about your first IUI, but its great news that your tubes are open and that things are looking great! I will keep my fingers crossed for you that it happens this month naturally. But if you end up with IUI #2 I feel like 3 million of motile swimmers still gives you a good chance, as they already get a huge boost with IUI anyways and get to bypass a good portion of their trip, so to speak. Also thanks for the tip about the urologist, yes his primary said if the second SA comes back bad that he will refer him.

I am yet to be checked out, so we shall see if something comes up for me too (I really hope not!). I have a phone appointment with the new obgyn tomorrow so I’m excited about that.

 

[BelleNuit]

I'm not sure there is ever a good time for IVF lol. But in the middle of job hunting/starting a new job is certainly not ideal! I've been hesitant to switch jobs for this very reason. I think my current job would be accommodating of leaves for appointments.

At first I felt relieved that there was nothing wrong I thought "well it must just be bad luck! We'll surely get pregnant within the next 6 months just continuing to try" but that didn't happen. So now I'm starting to think that there is a problem... likely a combination of microissues. But if we did get pregnant this month I will be pointing a big fat finger of I TOLD YOU SO to my hubby and all of his friends who kept telling me weed has no influence LOL. The timing would be too perfect for that I would get such satisfaction if that were to happen!

Morena if you have to jump straight to IVF it would make some sense to get some of the basic bloodwork checked out (FSH, AMH, etc). But I would skip the HSG, no reason to know if your tubes are open or not! Good luck today with the second SA!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle, good luck with testing! Fx for you!