So Im considered 'high risk' because of family history? Why are people so judgemental

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by Louise, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. Louise

    Louise Proud mum to baby Nick

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    When I first joined this forum, you may remember me posting a thread regarding me being sent to see a shrink on the mother and baby unit of the hospital.
    Well, for a start Im not mental and secondly, I did eventually go and see her, regardless of whether I wanted too or not, I did it to prove a point.
    So my mother was a cow to all her kids, fair comment- she can no longer look after children and hopefully regrets what she did to us all, but why base family history on my capabilities to look after my son? Can dr's do this? I was told that it would be best for me to comply with their rules and requests, because if I dont, It would make it look as if I "didnt care"-
    How would they work that out? would YOU not be offended if you had to go and see one of these people based souly on your mothers mistakes/problems?
    So I was declared 'normal', as I knew I freakng would be, but for some reason I am STILL on the high risk list for PND- I dont understand ot, HOW COME?
    I even have to have a nurse from the mother and baby unit come visit me at home a few times before and after baby is born. Im not seeing their reasoning behind it.
    Is this a normal thing to happen to first time mothers or what?
    Can I ask, if it was you in this situation, would you do as 'your told' by drs and attend these bizarre meetings? or out of principal, would you decline?
    Has ANYONE been in this situation where you have been put in the same catagory as someone you're not simular too, in the slightest (ie: a family member)
     
  2. Tezzy

    Tezzy Mum of 2 TTCAL

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    i would have loved some extra support when rhys was born... i just thought my hv didnt care.

    id go along with it hun
     
  3. Louise

    Louise Proud mum to baby Nick

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    In saying that though, if you were in my situtaion, would you still be saying that!
    It feels as though Im being 'spied upon'!
    I know Im a first time mother and I admit that I havent got a clue what im doing at the moment, but the last thing first time mums need, is the stress and worry of someone always being there trying to tell you what to do. It makes you feel incompetent or something.
    What was it like for you when your little one was born?? was it weekly visists etc:? and what did they do when they came round!?
     
  4. Tezzy

    Tezzy Mum of 2 TTCAL

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    my hv came rouns twice when rhys was born. once to take notes etc and to weigh him and then another time to check on his eye infection.

    she did not realise i had PND and ever since i told her shes treated me as if im a nut case... not good at all.

    i really wished i had more professionals that wanted to help me instead of treat me like a loony, even after i was diagnosed with PND my hv never offerd to come to the house or anything.
     
  5. Louise

    Louise Proud mum to baby Nick

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    Im sorry to hear that :( seems you had it a bit rough!
    Im being treated like a loony too, so youre not on your own. I admit I have one or two issues, but none that would require 'monitoring'!
    I just dont know who these people think they are, fair enough they're there to 'help', but I put that word very mildly because they can actually cause more harm then good, especially if they make a mother feel as though she is mental.
     
  6. Hels

    Hels Well-Known Member

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    Do you know after I had Charlie I was NEVER asked how I was? Yes, all the Health Care Professionals asked about Charlie, but never me.

    I dont know any history of your Mum, but some mental illnesses do run in the family. I guess it is quite judgemental, but try and see it in a positive light?
     
  7. Louise

    Louise Proud mum to baby Nick

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    See, its the opposite for me- they wanna know about me all the time. As for mental illnesses, nobody had a mental illness,my mum just wasnt fit to look after children and ended up in prison for breaking my brothers collarbone, arms and legs, its a wonder he didnt die- she was tanked up on drugs.
    I guess healthcare professionals work in different ways for each person.
     
  8. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Hels. At least they will be able to monitor you and if all is well then you will just be discharged. It's harder to get the support if you did develop PND so at least you have got this ball rolling. Though I can understand your frustration but mental health issues can be genetic. I personally would go along with it, ignoring it will just make it worse. Why not ask the reasoning behind it, why you are still considered high risk.

    Can I just add though that I am being monitored, and assessed and though I have PND I am still "normal"
     
  9. Tezzy

    Tezzy Mum of 2 TTCAL

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    ridiculas isnt it??
     
  10. Dionne

    Dionne Well-Known Member

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    i would feel anioed and i dont know what your mother done but
    if it ran in my family for example that parents beat their children and abused them,i would like to be assesed so if i became like that i would be treated before it started.

    just go along with it

    and i was the same hels i never got asked once how i felt.
    i was fine after Dior but there were only a few weeks after Harley was born when i felt so low i wanted to die and hated my life so much. it passed thankfully the thought of staying inn th=at black hole is awful
     
  11. bexxie

    bexxie Well-Known Member

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    awww louise I dont know what to say.......your poor brother.

    I would embrace the extra care you may receive but I would also make my feelings known on the subject of your mothering ability,you knw and they know you will be fab hunny
    bex
     
  12. marley2580

    marley2580 Well-Known Member

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    Abuse does not run in a family, if you have been through something like that you are even less likely to do it to your own children because you know what it feels like. It's your choice whether or not you accept the help they are offering, I think it's a load of rubbish but they're offering additional help which you may find useful for other reasons. Remember though, it's your choice.
     
  13. ablaze

    ablaze lucky mum of one of each!

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    my mum has mental health problems, and i wasnt put on high care, like alot have said tho, i wish i had have had a bit of extra care, my health visitor was fantastic with chloe+callum, but a bit clueless wen it came to me.
     
  14. Louise

    Louise Proud mum to baby Nick

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    Yvanne, you got me all paranoid now lol.
    I wonder why Im considered high risk pnd, when I have given no reason for them to believe I will suffer from it.
    My mother use to burn me with cigarettes,
    left my sister on her own in an empty flat
    beat my brother almost to death
    drank violently throughout pregnancy and caused another brother to have multiple disabilities, and in general she didnt have a care in the world.

    If they're comparing me to THAT, then yes, Im offended.
    Funny isnt it? those who dont want help, have no choice but to accept. Yet those who want it cant get it!!!! Its a funny world.
     
  15. ablaze

    ablaze lucky mum of one of each!

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    lousie hun, different procedures are done differently throughout the country, also procedures change so frequently, it had changed from having chloe and callum, and theres only 14 an a bit months between them
     
  16. Cheyanne

    Cheyanne Well-Known Member

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    I've never heard of anything like this! No one asked how I felt either, except physically. Maybe you should just go along with it, but I can see where it could be humiliating. Things are so different here though. There are no nurses or aids to come around and check on things. You leave the hospital and that's it..unless there's a problem. I was given all of the numbers to the nursery though..in case I had questions or concerns, but we don't have any kind of mandatory programs or appts. Ohhhh, I do have one funny story though. When I was pregnant with Bailey, I was on blood pressure meds and it made me very dizzy. I burned myself several times cooking just before delivery. While I was in labor and OH was out of the room, the nurse said, "I've noticed the burns on your arms and by law I have to ask if you're a victim of domestic violence or in fear of for your safety." I almost fell over. I'm sure it's a great policy, but I said, "Hell no, he's scared of ME!"
     
  17. mickey

    mickey Well-Known Member

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    my maternity notes state risk of PND due to the medical history of my family and my own medical history.

    they have told me, if I feel low during pregnancy or whenever I want to I can have counselling!

    but they left it up to me to decide! they did not force me to do anything 'bout it!

    so far I feel fine and I did not go for counselling, but as soon as I get problems after giving birth (what I am really worried 'bout) I will go to see them immediately!

    think it should be your own decision, whether to go there or not!

    if your mother had mental problems it does not necessarily mean you have any or will get any along the way!

    I can understand you feel offended by the way they treat you!!!
     
  18. Linzi

    Linzi Prodest mummy ever

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    Although Ive never been there myself, I can understand why you're upset.

    My mum got manic depression/bi polar or what ever its called, which was triggered by childbirth when she had me.

    I felt I had to let my doctor know about it, because I was concerned it was a herreditory thing.

    They havent pushed anything on me yet, but if they did I would be offended. No medical person can tell you if you're 'normal' or a good mum. What is normal anyway?

    I think you're doing the right thing by going along with it, but you shouldn't have had to be put in that position in the first place.

    I hope it all works out for you hun :(

    xxx
     
  19. BurtonBaby

    BurtonBaby Well-Known Member

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    I know this is a little bit old, but I went to see the counselor at my Dr office two days ago to talk about this. They were a bit concerned, because at 17 I was diagnosed with depression. Which really, for me, was just scared of change going on. I was graduating high school, me & DH broke up for a few months after graduation, and I was nervous about college, and felt isolated from my family. But I quickly realized that things would be ok, and moved on. The counselor told me that they would not consider me high risk, but average. She did not make me schedule any other appointments, just gave me her card and said if I needed to talk or anything, just to call her. It was nice that she left it up to me, instead of forcing it on me. I hope things have gone ok, I know you had your son in Sept, so I'm sure you have already made it passed that stuff. But I think Marley is right, when you have abuse or neglect in your life, you are less likely to do that to your children, because you want to always be better than the person who did it to you, and you know how it feels. I'm sure you are a GREAT mom!
     

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