so stupid thought i felt movement.

[kikika]

thank you jess that really means a lot right now its so hard feels like im loosing another baby even though it seems to be the same pregnancy if that makes any sense.

 

[lovewithin]

i am sending you love and hugs dear... no one should be put through this

 

[xxxjessxxx]

I can understand where your coming from hun, I guess because you thought it was over before, and then suddenly it being dug up again, giving you hope and then finding out it's not looking so good - yes, you have a right to feel like that hunny, excuse my french but it must be a damn right head f**k!!
Here anytime you want to chat hunny xx

 

[kikika]

god i hate my body for doing this to me why couldnt it miscarry like most poeople do. i hate me and my bf for getting pregnant in the first place i look at him and hate him right now dont help that i feel he is uninterested in what is happening all he says is as long as it isnt life threatening. stuff life threatening this is destroying me but as long as you wont be left on your own who cares eh. am i being horrible

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Your not being horrible at all. Funnily enough I was the same with my OH, and he was the same as your OH. I thought he didn't care.
It nearly split us up, he said he didn't want to TTC anymore, it was a mistake. Other things too which really hurt.
After a few months of being completely numb, I finally said how I felt. That I felt like he had gotten over it and left me to get through it on my own. That to me it seemed like he didn't even have anything to get over, he didn't seem to have a care in the world.
It was then he burst into tears and explained he did care, he was hurt too but found it hard. He felt like I needed him, but he didn't know how - he felt he couldn't do anything to help. He said he never wanted to talk about it because he wanted to forget it and didn't want to bring it up as it was all still so raw with me.
It is hard for them. And my god, when I needed my OH the most - he seemed to show me just how much of a d*ck he could be! It was so hard. I felt like I lost myself and he didn't even care.
I tried hiding it behind smiles which killed me inside even more.
A loss is so hard hunny, it makes us see just how strong we are.
I thought I was weak, pathetic and a such a downer. (My OH even said I was such a downer and needed to get over it.. not helpful)
But anyway, I felt like I was in a dark tunnel and couldn't see anything but darkness for months. I knew I was going forward, but didn't know where - or care. It wasn't until being pregnant again this time I started seeing the light.
But you will see the light at the end of the tunnel hunny.
It takes time to get over it and it's such a hard testing point on us.
You'll see how strong you we're to pull through xx


...Maybe try some things that help - I released a sky lantern which helped, I also wrote a letter to my first miscarried baby, which surprisingly helped a lot. Also, I named it Roo, as we seemed to call it that when I was pregnant anyway. There are things that can help hunny. Please keep shining... Im here anytime you wish to moan, rant, cry or whatever xx

 

[PinkCupcake]

It's only been 3 days since i found out about my angel and i'm waiting to have a d&c on tuesday. Last night when I was in the bath, i felt like a really full feeling on the right side of my stomach, right at the bottom and it's hard to explain but i felt like it was raised. I was in the bath so i lifted my hips up so i could see my stomach, and there was a part of my stomach that stuck out, and felt like there was a tube inside my stomach that was raised inside, and i could easily feel it as i ran my hand over the area that felt this way. It wasn't my imagination because i had to show OH too and he doesn't have a clue either I prodded it lightly wondering if i was really thinking straight and then it slowly went down again. I know it's not the baby (I wish it was) but i'm worried of what this could have been. I'm going to sound stupid now because i *know* this isn't true, but it felt just like a babies leg when they stretch right out and the leg or other body part stays there for quite a while until it moves. I keep wishing the baby will come back alive again, I was so mindf*cked the other day, I even asked my mum if there's any chance my babies heartbeat will show up again and it was just asleep I keep thinking i'm feeling movement and i do, i know it, but it's obviously just my mind tricking me unfortunately. Hope you're okay

 

[kikika]

thanks for the support i dont think i would get through this without you all. i just want this out of me now theres no baby and this has gone on far to long gonna tell them fri to take it out cant carry on like this

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Oh hunny
I hope you get the medical attention needed.. keep shining you! xx

 

[X__Kimberly]

I was stalking this thread and waiting for an update

And I'm sorry,I have no idea how you feel, but it must be heartbreaking :'(

I hope your feeling okay

 

[kikika]

it not easy hun just want it over with now i know there is no babt but thet want to make sure its not a new pregnancy b4 they do anything which makes it worse cause i know its not a new 1 unfortunatly

 

[Melanieanne77]

it not easy hun just want it over with now i know there is no babt but thet want to make sure its not a new pregnancy b4 they do anything which makes it worse cause i know its not a new 1 unfortunatly

Am thinking of you...x

 

[confusa]

Hi Kikika.

Just read through your story and it must be really hard. I am really sorry you have to go through this experience and especially with unsupportive bf. But that's unfortunately how men react to grief...they don't like to talk about it like we women do ;-)

I wouldn't be able to wait all these days/weeks to get an answer; I really admire you for that...that's why i agree with withinlove, that repititive blood tests would help at least to find some indication maybe. especially your doctors say, they wouldn't know whether it's a new or old pregnancy (??)...that sounds fishy to me...cause especially the blood tests would exactly show that!! And then you want to know whether you should stop the pill or not, right?

Anyways, I hope you get a closure or good news soon!!

 

[kikika]

thank you confusa it is hard with all the waitiing not sure how much more of it i can take to be honest.
my doctor tod me to stop taking the pill when i went to see him last week. hopefully they will change there minds about the bloods on friiday when i go back but if there is no improvement in the sac which i know there wont be i will be telling them to arrange a d&c as i need this over with.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Ahh hunny, I hope you get answers soon. Wishing you all the best for friday xx

 

[Luzelle]

Good luck with your appointment on Friday. Wishing you all of the best.

 

[kikika]

thank you every1 i cant stress how much you are all helping me to deal with this horrible situation dont think i would be coping if it wasnt for all of you and your support

 

[kikika]

just feel like crying today. my sister renewing her wedding vows on sat and i just dont feel comfortable in anything feel fat and frumpy i really dont want to go to it but i dont have a choice.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Oh Kikika
Im so sorry to hear things really aren't going great.
Would it help trying to buy something new just to make you feel that little bit better.
I know it's hard when you just want to give up, but maybe just try making that extra effort and it might help you more. How is your OH being? xx

 

[kikika]

i have bought 2 different outfits and i just feel fat and frumpy hun i went to look for something else that i would feel comfortable but everything i tried on that i liked on the hanger i hated when i put it on had to stop myself from crying in town so just came home.
my oh was really supportive when i got home he tried to get me to talk about it and asked why i dont like what i had cause i looked lovely in them he gave me a hug which i desperatly needed.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Awww Kikika, sounds like he's being really supportive which is what you need!
Im sure you look lovely in them hunny, we all have days like that where we feel awful and in actual fact we look pretty damn good!
What times your appointment for today sweety? xx