Some women shouldn't be mothers....

[sequeena]

My mum has always been in abusive relationships. Her first husband was physically abusive. My father (her second husband) physically abused both me and her. My ex step father emotionally/mentally abused her and sexually abused me.

My mother is disabled. She has had several strokes throughout her life, the biggest one at 18 which paralysed the right side of her body. Perhaps this is why she always found the strength to leave... but it was always too late.

I can't forgive her for what she allowed me to go through with my father as she SAW what he did to me. She watched him hit me and has never once apologised for it. As far as I know she didn't know about the sexual abuse but who knows...

What I can and do is understand how trapped she felt. Ok so my situation was different I was a child being molested by a man in his 60s but it took me 10 years to actually stand up and say this is what he did to me...

As for the original point of the thread I think Maxine Carr is a disgusting woman and I pity her child.

 

[kelzyboo]

Sequeena, what a horrible thing to go through xx
It is interesting to hear your view on it having been in the worst situation imaginable xxx

 

[sequeena]

Sequeena, what a horrible thing to go through xx
It is interesting to hear your view on it having been in the worst situation imaginable xxx

I'm sure there are more like me... sadly.

On a personal level I hate every woman who allows their child to suffer through their own cowardice but on a more rational level I know how abusers get into your head and grind you down until you are nothing.

ETA: or man. Not every victim is a woman.

 

[kelzyboo]

Opinions are very much coloured by personal experience i think, the fact that you can be rational about it says a lot for your character!

There must be thousands of others in that situations, it makes me very sad and a very overprotective mother! xx

 

[sequeena]

Opinions are very much coloured by personal experience i think, the fact that you can be rational about it says a lot for your character!

There must be thousands of others in that situations, it makes me very sad and a very overprotective mother! xx

Me too

I'll be one of those mothers who won't allow their child to play outside

 

[kelzyboo]

Opinions are very much coloured by personal experience i think, the fact that you can be rational about it says a lot for your character!

There must be thousands of others in that situations, it makes me very sad and a very overprotective mother! xx

Me too

I'll be one of those mothers who won't allow their child to play outside

Yeah thats me too

Although i have a double reason as she's Aspergers but still, its not safe and i can't risk it, if i had enough cotton wool i'd be wrapping right about now! xx

 

[Hayley90]

Perhaps you should speak to some abused and beaten women then and ask them why they 'chose' to stay and let themselves be manipulated. What a close minded point of view.

I don't have the slightest bit of sympathy for her, she chose to lie and it wasn't a small lie, it was a lie that caused great disruption to the case of two innocent girls. No she's not a murderer but she lied for one and i believe she knew he was 'involved' in some way, if he wasn't she wouldn't have needed to lie would she!

I guess my opinion doesn't conform to the norm here as i also have no sympathy for anyone who 'chooses' to stay in an abusive relationship either, choose is the operative word there. No matter how much i loved someone i wouldn't stay and be beaten and i cannot empathise at all with anyone who would, i understand that people manipulate others and frighten them but you cannot be manipulated unless you allow yourself to be in my opinion.

The fact that she wasn't strong enough to stand up to him and allowed him to control her is no reason to sympathise with her, especially the amount of damage it caused.

But thats just me, no one has to agree with me, its how i feel.

 

[kelzyboo]

Perhaps you shouldn't judge without knowing someones circumstances and how they came to that point of view?
Perhaps you shouldn't assume i'm closed minded because i don't have the same opinion as you?

 

[Snuffy]

Perhaps you shouldn't judge without knowing someones circumstances and how they came to that point of view?

Exactly the point I have been trying to make about why Maxine Carr lied.

 

[kelzyboo]

We do know, we've heard and she was tried and found guilty. The jury heard and found her guilty.

Thats a completely different situation as it involves the murder of two little girls, i don't see how anyone can not judge her for that.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

So, youve never known a woman be manipulated by a man before? Never known someone who blamed herself, or felt stupid if she disagreed? Never known somebody completely blinded by loving someone, and terrified of them at the same time?

Because, i think, that is what she was. Just like my mum, except my dad isnt a murderer.

Its NOT difficult to understand her situation at all, in fact the more you read about it, the more difficult i find it to understand where the public hatred for her came from in the first place.

I've known of women being manipulated by men and vice versa.

But you have to consider how high the stakes were in this instance. It involved hindering the case into the disappearance of two children she knew, the same two children who were at her house with her boyfriend on the day they vanished (which he said to the press as the time), in the same house which he then bleached from top to bottom, and then asked her to lie about it.

I see where you're coming from hun, but for me, I cannot understand/emphathise/sympathise for anyone who would knowingly lie and hinder a case so serious, regardless of if they were manipulated or abused. Some things are bigger than your own life with your partner, and two kids going missing in those circumstances is much bigger than that.

And to be honest, I would't lie for my husband. I've loved him for ten years, know him inside out and love him completely, but if he asked me to lie about his whereabouts after two little girls visited our house and then disappeared, then I'd go to the police.I hope I don't sound argumentative btw, just having a discussion

Couldn't agree with this more. Exactly what I was trying to say just you said it a whole lot better.

 

[Snuffy]

Nobody can know the exact circumstances that led to her giving a false alibi for him apart from the two people present the time - Carr and Huntley. We know what happened but we do not know how or why.

She has been judged, she served her time in jail for her crime and will spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder because of it.

 

[samface182]

i heard a rumour that she lives in my town!

 

[kelzyboo]

And so she should spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder. In my opinion.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Sequeena, what a horrible thing to go through xx
It is interesting to hear your view on it having been in the worst situation imaginable xxx

I'm sure there are more like me... sadly.

On a personal level I hate every woman who allows their child to suffer through their own cowardice but on a more rational level I know how abusers get into your head and grind you down until you are nothing.

ETA: or man. Not every victim is a woman.

I cant imagine what you've been through but I think this is where I stand on the 'domestic abuse' side of things too. (Maybe not hate but certainly just don't get )

TBH I don't understand why women stay in abusive relationships on a whole, but as Ive never been there I try not to judge. What really confuses me is when women or men stay in an abusive relationship when there are children involved. I suppose I just try to imagine what I would do in that situation, and I hope over anything that I would put my kids first and get the hell out.

Like Ive said Ive never been there before, and perhaps if I was I would react differently. I just cant see how anyone would ever get me to lie for them in such severe circumstances, no matter how much I loved them.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Nobody can know the exact circumstances that led to her giving a false alibi for him apart from the two people present the time - Carr and Huntley. We know what happened but we do not know how or why.She has been judged, she served her time in jail for her crime and will spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder because of it.

This is what worries me, we don't know what happened and like you stated the only people that do are Carr and Huntley. For all we know she knew everything (and like you say nobody can prove what she did or didn't know, only the 2 of them). Yet she has been allowed the chance to live her life again, the chance of motherhood and the chance of happiness, while 2 families out there have been denied theirs, maybe she didn't directly murder them but she certainly covered for the murderer.

Perhaps I'm harsh, but I know if that was my child, my baby that that had happened too, I would never ever forgive either of them. And as for her having to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life, that just wouldn't be enough for me.

 

[Tasha]

This thread makes harsh reading for a victim of domestic abuse, of which I was one. It is not as clean cut as chosing to stay, for a long time I didnt realise that what was happening in our relationship was domestic abuse and therefore it was never a conscious decision oh he is abusing me but I am staying any way. They have a way of getting in your head and making you feel like this is normal, or that it is your fault and then when you do eventually realise you have been worn down so much or are so scared that it isnt easy to walk away. Then there is the thought of them hurting you/your LO's/your family/themselves (whatever particular threat they have chosen at that time) if you leave, and well you KNOW they are more than capable of carrying those threats out, you feel like at least whilst you are in the relationship you have a little control, except you dont but the manipulation has made you feel that way.

I would say I am a fairly strong person, who has coped with more than many and I was a victim. I didnt walk away, I dont think that makes me a terrible, selfish person. I think it makes me a victim of a terrible selfish person.

 

[Snuffy]

Has anyone read the transcript of her initial police interview? It sounds like a woman in complete denial that her boyfriend could possibly do such a thing who is being forced to see that it was indeed him. She seems to move from complete denial to total shock and horror.

 

[Tasha]

I havent snuffy, where can I find it?

 

[Snuffy]

I'm on my phone at the moment so can't find the link but part of it is on the BBC news website for definite - from the reporting during the trial.