Sorry to keep on about the same thing

[Mamamumum]

I just can't let this out anywhere else. I can't tell my partner my concerns. I have no friends IRL. The couple of people I could tell are my mum or my sister. But my sister will tell me there's nothing to worry about. And I don't really want my mum to know how severe my anxiety is. It's intensifying to the point I'm becoming obsessed. Yesterday it was on my mind all day, constantly no matter what else I was doing. And this morning I woke up and all of my (barely there in the first place) symptoms have gone. Apart from the tiredness but my 4yr old is being particularly bad at night right now so that's normal. I feel like this pregnancy isn't developing. I can't picture a baby like I usually could with my healthy pregnancies. I feel the same hopelessness and helplessness I did last time. Just waiting to be proven right again. I rang the hospital yesterday and asked for my scan to be booked the week after my sons birthday instead of the week before (when I'll actually be 12wks) because I don't want his birthday to be ruined if it is bad news. When I had my first MMC that fell right over the week of his birthday and that will always be part of my memories of his birthday which his horrible. I don't want that again.

I don't need replies. I just need somewhere to "put" these thoughts. Somewhere outside my head. I kind of want something to look back on. Whatever happens. Whether it's the outcome I'm expecting, I'll have something to reassure myself that I wasn't mad. Or if it is the outcome I'm not expecting, but am hoping for, then if I feel this way in the future that my gut instinct isn't always right. Sorry. I'll try and keep any more negative stuff to this thread.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Mamamummum, just want to send you hugs and let you know you are not alone... I also have bad anxiety, (also complex ptsd), and I'm struggling with worrying as well about whether or not this baby will be viable. My OH and I just found out today, and although we weren't trying, I of course am attached to the pregnancy... I had an early miscarriage before my second child was concieved, and I worried a lot during my viable pregnancy, as well. I just kept telling myself that nothing was going to change even if I was worrying, so I might as well push the positive thoughts past the negative worrying ones... I am trying to tell myself that today as well.

I'm sorry for your previous loss, though I do wish you a healthy pregnancy xox

 

[Bonnie11]

Mama why can't you tell your partner your concerns? And your mum and your sister, keeping all this inside is always worse than talking to people.

I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel any better but I do think you should talk to someone you know. Or maybe go and see your doctor. There is absolutely nothing you can do at this stage for your baby, whatever happens will happen and you won't change anything by worrying about it. Chances are everything will be ok but I know it doesn't really help you saying that. You really do need to speak to someone in person xx

 

[annio84]

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. As I replied on your previous post, I had a MMC in January and I knew right from the beginning that I didn't feel right about it. When I was pregnant with my daughter there was no doubt I would have a baby at the end of it. With the baby I lost I never really believed that it would work out. This pregnancy I'm really scared that it won't work out but it's not a feeling, it's just fear.

I don't want to tell you to give up because I really really hope everything will be fine but I completely understand where you are coming from. All I can say is you are pregnant today and that is a wonderful thing however it ends up. How many weeks are you at the moment? Could you ask your GP for an early scan if it's causing you so much anxiety? This much stress won't be doing you or your baby any good.

I'd also say talk to your partner, maybe start out by saying you don't need him to talk you down but just to let you say how you feel. Forums like these are great but it's not really the same as feeling supported by the people in your life.

Good luck, I hope everything works out well for you.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. As I replied on your previous post, I had a MMC in January and I knew right from the beginning that I didn't feel right about it. When I was pregnant with my daughter there was no doubt I would have a baby at the end of it. With the baby I lost I never really believed that it would work out. This pregnancy I'm really scared that it won't work out but it's not a feeling, it's just fear.

I don't want to tell you to give up because I really really hope everything will be fine but I completely understand where you are coming from. All I can say is you are pregnant today and that is a wonderful thing however it ends up. How many weeks are you at the moment? Could you ask your GP for an early scan if it's causing you so much anxiety? This much stress won't be doing you or your baby any good.

I'd also say talk to your partner, maybe start out by saying you don't need him to talk you down but just to let you say how you feel. Forums like these are great but it's not really the same as feeling supported by the people in your life.

Good luck, I hope everything works out well for you.

I totally resonate with this!

 

[Talia12]

Hugs. A lot of us know exactly how you feel.
The one thing I will say is not to get INTUITION confused with FEAR. You might think you have a "feeling" or a "sense" that things aren't going to be ok, but what you actually have is fear, you are scared things won't be ok. We only ever remember those feelings of "intuition" when they turned out to be right. So I could tell my mum that I knew with my last pregnancy that I was going to lose it. And she said to me yeah but you were scared of that with (my DS) too. And I had completely forgotten I felt that way, because it didn't come true.
Don't worry about going on about stuff, vent here all you need.