Spanking

[JASMAK]

How did you teach them the difference, being young? I'm not talking like a 2 or a 3 year old, more along the lines of 15 months and under. My daughter had somewhat of the concept of the word no, but definitely not hot.

Just curious.

What were the ages of your kids when they ran onto the road, the playdough, etc? Although for the playdough I'm sure he wasn't feeding it to her to cause her to choke. Mistakes happen.

Well, let's see...I think the one time Jasper ran into the road (accross the road, actually) he was about 18mths??? Not exactly sure. The time he fed her the playdough, he was either just two. Makena was 4mths old I think. I was in the same room as Jasper (who was playing with the playdough) and Makena was in her exersaucer playing in the other room. I saw Jasper go in that room, but I looked and saw the playdough still there. Well, I guess he took some with him and I heard a high pitch sound...kind of hard to describe, but one of those sounds where you KNOW something is really wrong. I ran in the other room, and Makena was blue and eye bulging and the sound was her trying to suck air in. I ran to her and grabbed the phone on the way. I dialed 911 and was on the phone with them as I held her upside down and smacked her back. She puked and got it out, and pooped blue playdough for a couple weeks. The paramedics came and scooped more out of her throat and mouth. Jasper was little. I think just seeing everything was enough. But, I still told him the baby ONLY drinks mommy's milky. It was a lack of supervision on my part. The other time Jasper ran into a road...it was a BUSY road. Very busy. He was little. He was maybe 12-18mths. I screamed his name. I think the tone made him stop and the fear in my eyes made him cry. I think kids understand more than we give them credit for.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Isn't yelling at them, scaring them into submission?

 

[ShanandBoc]

I disagree with yelling at children as well. I dont think its appropriate to yell at or hit anyone, same goes for children.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Yeah, I can't say I have ever yelled or been angry at my LO.

Tapping her hand (THE ONE TIME which I have to keep clarifying lol) was an instant reaction, which I think was a maternal instinct, not out of anger AT ALL.

 

[cleckner04]

^^ My daughter just bit my nipple and I yelled out while I was reading this post. Good luck with not yelling.

Edit: crossed posts. I was talking about shanandboc not yelling.

 

[ShanandBoc]

^ hehe ouch!!

 

[cleckner04]

So sometimes a yell is necessary.

 

[Tiff]

^^ My daughter just bit my nipple and I yelled out while I was reading this post. Good luck with not yelling.

Edit: crossed posts. I was talking about shanandboc not yelling.

I've been guilty of that as well!

She bit me so hard when she was 3 weeks old and my nipple was already bleeding and cracked. I screeched and nearly threw her off of me. Total kneejerk reaction, and I felt SO bad afterwards for it.

 

[ShanandBoc]

So sometimes a yell is necessary.

I getcha.

 

[redpoppy]

I'm really not going to manage the not yelling thing. I yell the instant my mood gets upset/irate/unhappy/shocked.

I'm definitely a yeller.

But I don't think I'd say anything mean if that helps.

 

[Pixxie]

I used to think I would since I was given a smack every now and then as a kid but now I'm about to become a mum I don't think I could ever bring myself to do it.

From what I've seen kids react better to a stern tone and a time out xx

 

[cleckner04]

^^ My daughter just bit my nipple and I yelled out while I was reading this post. Good luck with not yelling.

Edit: crossed posts. I was talking about shanandboc not yelling.

I've been guilty of that as well!

She bit me so hard when she was 3 weeks old and my nipple was already bleeding and cracked. I screeched and nearly threw her off of me. Total kneejerk reaction, and I felt SO bad afterwards for it.

I've nearly shoved Emma to the ground too. It seriously is the first reaction because they clamp down and won't let go. Emma has been a late teether. Didn't start getting teeth until 12.5 months and has been getting a new tooth every other week now. So the biting has been just awful the past few months.

We can't be everywhere at once and obviously a quick yell out of 'no don't do that!' is better than letting the child shove a fork in a light socket.

 

[PeanutBean]

Byron just laughs if we shout. It's useless as a disciplinary thing for us with Byron.

 

[Tiff]

I personally don't see much difference between shouting and a hand (HAND, not anything else) tap.

Either way you are scaring your child into doing what you want them to do. I don't like either way tbh, and in a perfect world it wouldn't be needed. I had hand taps and swats on the bum when I was a child and I'm not scarred or damaged in any way from that.

I am damaged however by the things my mother has said to me over the years. That might be why I view things as I do. But everyone's situations are different, and children react to things differently.

PB - Claire breaks down if I shout at her. Worse than when I tapped her hand. But it doesn't send a message to her, she retreats into herself and just loses her marbles. Because she reacts so badly to it (doesn't learn anything) we try not to do it. But just goes to show how different children are. I actually at Byron laughing at being yelled at. Because of how negatively Claire reacts to loud noises its hard to wrap my mind around!

 

[PeanutBean]

This is the crux of the matter I think. All kids are different and we need to adapt our parenting to suit that individual child. Byron thinks it's such a joke. He laughs in our faces then copies us in a voice very like his robot voice usually reserved for when he wears his robot pyjamas. We can do stern voice with different effect but shouting is playing, like Claire being chased as a game. Maybe we're naturally a very noisy family and that's why? Growing up in a family of four I'm used to noise and clamour and as a youngster I don't really recall an issue with shouting, we all shouted! Lol. DH on the other hand as an only child was terrified of being shouted at and would rather anything else. When Byron was a baby (and before) he had the dog woofing at regular intervals, guess loudness is just routine in our house.

 

[trumpetbum]

^^ My daughter just bit my nipple and I yelled out while I was reading this post. Good luck with not yelling.

Edit: crossed posts. I was talking about shanandboc not yelling.

My granda never yelled, ever. Some people just don't do it, as hard as it is to believe. I never, ever disrespected or misbehaved for my granda and neither did my mum (his daughter). He never even yelled at my little brother who was quite the handful as a LO. That's just the way he and his family were. My dad however is LOUD, he shouts in normal conversation, so my kids are totally oblivious to raised voices.

 

[trumpetbum]

I'm more bothered (tbh) by how parents talk to their children. Calling them stupid, lazy, annoying, irritating, rotten... etc. In my world, emotional abuse is worse than physical.

I agree that speaking to children like this is emotionally detrimental to them, I think though that most people who were concerned that hitting a child might be wrong would be unlikely to believe that demeaning them verbally was ok. There are bound to be exceptions of course.

 

[cleckner04]

When I say yell I don't mean a top of the lungs yell though. I say yell even when it's just a slightly raised voice. I'm not sitting here screaming in my kids ear at the top of my voice. But if my daughter is sitting on the floor eating dog food and I can't get to her right away I'll yell out 'Emma stop eating dog food'. I'd be amazed if a mother could live without ever raising their voice. I do have a friend who is super calm and quiet with her daughter and her daughter walks all over her. Just doesn't listen at all. So it really depends on the child for sure!

 

[Pixxie]

I'm more bothered (tbh) by how parents talk to their children. Calling them stupid, lazy, annoying, irritating, rotten... etc. In my world, emotional abuse is worse than physical.

I agree that speaking to children like this is emotionally detrimental to them, I think though that most people who were concerned that hitting a child might be wrong would be unlikely to believe that demeaning them verbally was ok. There are bound to be exceptions of course.

Agreed, comments on my weight gave me an eating disorder xxx

 

[trumpetbum]

When I say yell I don't mean a top of the lungs yell though. I say yell even when it's just a slightly raised voice. I'm not sitting here screaming in my kids ear at the top of my voice. But if my daughter is sitting on the floor eating dog food and I can't get to her right away I'll yell out 'Emma stop eating dog food'. I'd be amazed if a mother could live without ever raising their voice. I do have a friend who is super calm and quiet with her daughter and her daughter walks all over her. Just doesn't listen at all. So it really depends on the child for sure!

Don't get me wrong, thanks to my dad I'm a yeller too, my friends will tell me I'm being SOOOO loud. Sometimes it's the only way to be heard in my house when everyone is garbling on at the same time. I have however seen first hand how kids can be parented effectively without even a raised voice, but I can't claim to have done it myself.