Spanking

[Dragonfly]

I find with alot of parents I know they tend to hit their kids before they even get the chance to have a personality,. kinda like wiping them in to shape so they dont get out of line. Which always fails as the child gets aggressive and acts back eventually. So many around me seem to think children arnt human they treat them worse than dogs, shouting , scolding for nothing and smacking then wonder why they get it back again when the aggression builds up after a while with the child. I seen it happen and decided to try the other route of attachment parenting, or maybe I just have a good child but I havnt ever slapped him or felt the need to. I dont see it as teaching at all a parent is meant to lead by example. You miss the point when hitting starts, the child dosnt get the lesson thats needed just fear. treat how you want to be treated. Kids dont need slapped into shape from an early age they are not going to turn out feril monsters if they arnt.

not aimed at anyone no one in here has slapped or hit just a thought in general.

 

[ShanandBoc]

Yeh i fail to see how even a tap is setting a good example, a child cant reason 'oh that was just a tap' to them its just physical. Then when they hit a another child and get told off for it, must be confusing.

 

[Dragonfly]

I have only heard about this tapping thing in this thread and dont understand it but seems to work for cherry but wouldnt be for it myself.

Heres a bit on spanking and attachment parenting. its Dr sears to.
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t062100.asp

 

[PeanutBean]

Dragonfly your posts in this and other threads suggest you're surrounded by some real pieces of work!

 

[Dragonfly]

Dragonfly your posts in this and other threads suggest you're surrounded by some real pieces of work!

Was, now surrounded by now one not even my own family. I dont know what it is people around here tend to follow what the other does and if you dont do it theres something wrong with you and theres a fight. No excepting and carrying on someone has to start. And first time mum is always stupid and should be listening to everyone else and not books, docs or any sort of help that dosnt come from an older relative. your just meant to sit there while someone else teaching you what they think works and your not allowed to have your own thoughts because as I said stupid first time mum. Well thats how it works in my family anyway. Followed by how hard I will be making my lfie which seems nothing lie what they discribed from the start.

everything is always "you had that and it done you no harm", "well my kids are fine" yet they must be blind.

 

[PeanutBean]

I can't imagine it. I parent totally independently. Don't think anyone's really stuck an oar in and they'd be sorry if they did!

 

[redpoppy]

I think the thing is that if kids feel they're being treated unjustly then they react badly and start to have problems.

Those who feel they deserve it probably don't act out so much. But I find it sad that a kid can think they deserve physical punishment when we don't allow anyone physical punishment in our society. Not even murderers get physical punishment here any more.

 

[cherryglitter]

I have only heard about this tapping thing in this thread and dont understand it but seems to work for cherry but wouldnt be for it myself.

Heres a bit on spanking and attachment parenting. its Dr sears to.
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t062100.asp

It doesn't work for me I haven't tried it as Jake is not even 3 months old yet! I have no idea if it would work or if im going to even have to use it yet! I won't know until Jake's older.. I have no other children either so im not too sure where you got the idea from that it works for me!
Like I would 'tap' a baby.. christ!

 

[Tiff]

I'm not putting this question to you but to everyone who believes in smacking their children.

Why do you think there is a need to smack your children?

Do you HONESTLY believe that kids that have no discipline and "get away with murder" do so because they are not smacked? This is a question I'd REALLY liked answered by all those who keep repeating it. "kids get away with so much nowadays" "some kids have no respect" etc. DO you HONESTLY with all your faculties think that those kids are being brought up in nurturing and disciplined homes and the only problem is that they're not being smacked?

When most research and studies show and almost all modern child psychologists agree that smacking a child is not only unnecessary but also ineffective compared to other disciplinary methods why would you keep smacking on the table as an option? And I ask this with all honesty and empathy. Is it because you don't have time? Is it because you aren't aware of how else to discipline your children without smacking them?

As someone who was NEVER smacked I had a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE temper and not once did I ever swear at my mother, get violent, or "get away with murder". Yes I was disrespectful, yes I shouted, yes I expressed what at the time I thought was the right point of view but looking back was a terrible adolescent mess of emotional turmoil, but whether I were to have been hit or not I don't see how I would have turned out different. I'm one of 14 cousins 11 of us who were also never hit. None of us "don't know right from wrong" or "have no respect" or any of that nonsense. We're stable and caring and REASONABLE people who don't think smacking a teenager when they say or act a certain way is justified "because they deserve it".

Why hit your kids when you don't have to?

And back to my crux.
1. if a child is too young to reason then smacking them seems cruel and a little pointless.
2. When a child can reason why smack them to teach them right from wrong when you can reason with them, tell them off, take away privileges and freedoms, etc. etc. etc?

Yes.

If it means that my daughter will not run out on the road and away from me then I whole heartedly agree with it. Its either that, or deny her the opportunity to go to a park and have fun, because clearly she is not at the age yet where I can reason with her.

Is it my first response? Heck no. As I posted before, I tried multiple times to explain to her the dangers of the road, showed her where she could play and run without being near the street, tried to distract her with other stuff and it took a close call for me to break down and smack her hand. Again, I don't know the correct term for it. I didn't lightly tap, but I didn't hit hard either.

If you have a better solution to that then please, I'm all ears. Should I give up on parks? There's no where near me that doesn't have a road on one or all sides of it. Should I have tried to corral her and stop her from running to the street? She thinks that is a game and tries harder to get to where she's going. Should I yell at her? Because verbal abuse is somehow better than physical?



Sorry if my post seems caustic. But there's too many variables in this topic. Many of the parents I've seen who've posted in here about how they won't and whatnot don't have toddlers. You cannot compare a 7 month, 9 month even a 12 month old baby with a 2 year old toddler... the comprehension isn't there. The motor skills aren't there.

Before my daughter was capable of running away from me I wouldn't have dreamed of smacking her. I still don't, and the only time I have is when she nearly got hit by a car.

Its too grey of an issue to be black and white IMHO.

 

[Dragonfly]

I have only heard about this tapping thing in this thread and dont understand it but seems to work for cherry but wouldnt be for it myself.

Heres a bit on spanking and attachment parenting. its Dr sears to.
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t062100.asp

It doesn't work for me I haven't tried it as Jake is not even 3 months old yet! I have no idea if it would work or if im going to even have to use it yet! I won't know until Jake's older.. I have no other children either so im not too sure where you got the idea from that it works for me!
Like I would 'tap' a baby.. christ!

I think I have you confused with someone else in here I thought you child was older hence why I said if it works for you etc. But see your LO is to young. Prego brain.

 

[cherryglitter]

haha it's okay dragonfly!! x

 

[midori1999]

I'm not putting this question to you but to everyone who believes in smacking their children.

Why do you think there is a need to smack your children?

Do you HONESTLY believe that kids that have no discipline and "get away with murder" do so because they are not smacked? This is a question I'd REALLY liked answered by all those who keep repeating it. "kids get away with so much nowadays" "some kids have no respect" etc. DO you HONESTLY with all your faculties think that those kids are being brought up in nurturing and disciplined homes and the only problem is that they're not being smacked?

When most research and studies show and almost all modern child psychologists agree that smacking a child is not only unnecessary but also ineffective compared to other disciplinary methods why would you keep smacking on the table as an option? And I ask this with all honesty and empathy. Is it because you don't have time? Is it because you aren't aware of how else to discipline your children without smacking them?

As someone who was NEVER smacked I had a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE temper and not once did I ever swear at my mother, get violent, or "get away with murder". Yes I was disrespectful, yes I shouted, yes I expressed what at the time I thought was the right point of view but looking back was a terrible adolescent mess of emotional turmoil, but whether I were to have been hit or not I don't see how I would have turned out different. I'm one of 14 cousins 11 of us who were also never hit. None of us "don't know right from wrong" or "have no respect" or any of that nonsense. We're stable and caring and REASONABLE people who don't think smacking a teenager when they say or act a certain way is justified "because they deserve it".

Why hit your kids when you don't have to?

And back to my crux.
1. if a child is too young to reason then smacking them seems cruel and a little pointless.
2. When a child can reason why smack them to teach them right from wrong when you can reason with them, tell them off, take away privileges and freedoms, etc. etc. etc?

Yes.

If it means that my daughter will not run out on the road and away from me then I whole heartedly agree with it. Its either that, or deny her the opportunity to go to a park and have fun, because clearly she is not at the age yet where I can reason with her.

Is it my first response? Heck no. As I posted before, I tried multiple times to explain to her the dangers of the road, showed her where she could play and run without being near the street, tried to distract her with other stuff and it took a close call for me to break down and smack her hand. Again, I don't know the correct term for it. I didn't lightly tap, but I didn't hit hard either.

If you have a better solution to that then please, I'm all ears. Should I give up on parks? There's no where near me that doesn't have a road on one or all sides of it. Should I have tried to corral her and stop her from running to the street? She thinks that is a game and tries harder to get to where she's going. Should I yell at her? Because verbal abuse is somehow better than physical?



Sorry if my post seems caustic. But there's too many variables in this topic. Many of the parents I've seen who've posted in here about how they won't and whatnot don't have toddlers. You cannot compare a 7 month, 9 month even a 12 month old baby with a 2 year old toddler... the comprehension isn't there. The motor skills aren't there.

Before my daughter was capable of running away from me I wouldn't have dreamed of smacking her. I still don't, and the only time I have is when she nearly got hit by a car.

Its too grey of an issue to be black and white IMHO.

Obviously I agree with Red Poppy.

I wouldn't/haven't smacked my children, but I have to admit, I don't have such a problem with someone smacking a toddler as I do with someone smacking/tapping whatever a baby, so please do not think this is a critiscism on your parenting. But.. did you feel that smacking was the only way to prevent your child running into the road? Obviously it does seem to have worked in your case, but generally it doesn't, which is why parents have to smack repeatedly and habitually and not as a one off incident in most cases.

I ask as my 6 1/2 year old (he has Downs) thinks it's hilarious to run towards roads/across carparks. I wouldn't resort to smacking, and I think it would be especially unfair as he wouldn't understand what he had done wrong at all. However, I have so far managed to stop him being run over because a) I am super vigilant and am well aware he might try and run into the road/traffic at any time, b)I find ways to amuse him so he is far less likely to try and run into the road c) I can run faster than him and d) I hold his hand or stay close to him wherever possible.

I am not saying this as a Mum of a baby, but the mother of three older (and at times boisterous) sons aged 14, 9 and 6 1/2. I have never had to resort to smacking them.

 

[cherryglitter]

I don't think we're ever going to agree lol

 

[Tiff]

I definitely agree that if I had to keep repeatedly smacking Claire for the same issue, then I'd have to re-evaluate what was going wrong.

Its always been and always will be the utmost last resort for our family, and kudos to anyone who is able to parent without having to do it at all... but I don't believe that a tap on the hand is child abuse.

I'm more bothered (tbh) by how parents talk to their children. Calling them stupid, lazy, annoying, irritating, rotten... etc. In my world, emotional abuse is worse than physical. But that's just me. I've always preferred for someone just to smack me across the face rather than say something nasty to me.

I actually was over at a friends house and their little girl (around 3) had gone and dressed up in a princess-y type outfit. She pranced out into the living room to show it off to us, and her parents started telling her how ugly she was! I felt so bad for her, and told her that I thought she looked pretty.

I got scolded by her parents in saying that if I encouraged her by telling her she was pretty, she'd never stop dressing up and getting them to comment on it.

I guess that's another debate for another time... but I would never call my daughter ugly. Even if it was just to prove a point! Emotional scars take so much longer to heal than physical scars. Not saying anyone here should be hitting their children to the point of leaving bruises/scars... but I think you guys get what I am trying to say?

 

[Dragonfly]

I definitely agree that if I had to keep repeatedly smacking Claire for the same issue, then I'd have to re-evaluate what was going wrong.

Its always been and always will be the utmost last resort for our family, and kudos to anyone who is able to parent without having to do it at all... but I don't believe that a tap on the hand is child abuse.

I'm more bothered (tbh) by how parents talk to their children. Calling them stupid, lazy, annoying, irritating, rotten... etc. In my world, emotional abuse is worse than physical. But that's just me. I've always preferred for someone just to smack me across the face rather than say something nasty to me.

I actually was over at a friends house and their little girl (around 3) had gone and dressed up in a princess-y type outfit. She pranced out into the living room to show it off to us, and her parents started telling her how ugly she was! I felt so bad for her, and told her that I thought she looked pretty.

I got scolded by her parents in saying that if I encouraged her by telling her she was pretty, she'd never stop dressing up and getting them to comment on it.

I guess that's another debate for another time... but I would never call my daughter ugly. Even if it was just to prove a point! Emotional scars take so much longer to heal than physical scars. Not saying anyone here should be hitting their children to the point of leaving bruises/scars... but I think you guys get what I am trying to say?

Thats true, emotional abuse is far harder to get over. My mum called me stupid all my life and I have very low self esteem and never got anywhere in life because she would always say I would fail and embarrass her. That stuck with me. She ties that on my son but since has been banned from my house. I would never talk to my kids how my mum talks to me. All I have is years of anger for things she said to me I realise that I would never ever say to my child. I went on to an abusive relationship to as a teen and stayed in that for years, used to it. Was both psychical and emotional I felt worthless anyway. I learned how not to parent from my mum. Who thinks picking on my every feature from mu looks, weight to even what I am eating or just anything is ok. I am not saying that I rather have someone emotionally of psychically abused, neither should ever happen.

 

[cherryglitter]

I do agree, emotional scars are worse. I don't remember all the times my Dad smacked me but I do remember my step-mum calling me fat, lazy and a bitch and every other name under the sun!
Sometimes i'd wish she'd just slapped me on the face and that was it, over and done with!

 

[BlackBerry25]

My child was the 7 month old, at the time, she is now 2. Anyways, like I said, she crawled at 4 months and was completely running around at 9 months, I have video. She is a very advanced child, and I think each parent can use their own brain on how to discipline their children. I wasn't even disciplining her, just trying to get her to realize not to touch that ever again, and it did work.

Like Tiff, its not that they did something naughty, its that they were in danger or could be in danger if we weren't present.

My stove was OFF, however, I wouldn't want her trying to climb into Grandmas stove, etc.

 

[JASMAK]

I'm not putting this question to you but to everyone who believes in smacking their children.

Why do you think there is a need to smack your children?

Do you HONESTLY believe that kids that have no discipline and "get away with murder" do so because they are not smacked? This is a question I'd REALLY liked answered by all those who keep repeating it. "kids get away with so much nowadays" "some kids have no respect" etc. DO you HONESTLY with all your faculties think that those kids are being brought up in nurturing and disciplined homes and the only problem is that they're not being smacked?

When most research and studies show and almost all modern child psychologists agree that smacking a child is not only unnecessary but also ineffective compared to other disciplinary methods why would you keep smacking on the table as an option? And I ask this with all honesty and empathy. Is it because you don't have time? Is it because you aren't aware of how else to discipline your children without smacking them?

As someone who was NEVER smacked I had a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE temper and not once did I ever swear at my mother, get violent, or "get away with murder". Yes I was disrespectful, yes I shouted, yes I expressed what at the time I thought was the right point of view but looking back was a terrible adolescent mess of emotional turmoil, but whether I were to have been hit or not I don't see how I would have turned out different. I'm one of 14 cousins 11 of us who were also never hit. None of us "don't know right from wrong" or "have no respect" or any of that nonsense. We're stable and caring and REASONABLE people who don't think smacking a teenager when they say or act a certain way is justified "because they deserve it".

Why hit your kids when you don't have to?

And back to my crux.
1. if a child is too young to reason then smacking them seems cruel and a little pointless.
2. When a child can reason why smack them to teach them right from wrong when you can reason with them, tell them off, take away privileges and freedoms, etc. etc. etc?

Yes.

If it means that my daughter will not run out on the road and away from me then I whole heartedly agree with it. Its either that, or deny her the opportunity to go to a park and have fun, because clearly she is not at the age yet where I can reason with her.

Is it my first response? Heck no. As I posted before, I tried multiple times to explain to her the dangers of the road, showed her where she could play and run without being near the street, tried to distract her with other stuff and it took a close call for me to break down and smack her hand. Again, I don't know the correct term for it. I didn't lightly tap, but I didn't hit hard either.

If you have a better solution to that then please, I'm all ears. Should I give up on parks? There's no where near me that doesn't have a road on one or all sides of it. Should I have tried to corral her and stop her from running to the street? She thinks that is a game and tries harder to get to where she's going. Should I yell at her? Because verbal abuse is somehow better than physical?



Sorry if my post seems caustic. But there's too many variables in this topic. Many of the parents I've seen who've posted in here about how they won't and whatnot don't have toddlers. You cannot compare a 7 month, 9 month even a 12 month old baby with a 2 year old toddler... the comprehension isn't there. The motor skills aren't there.

Before my daughter was capable of running away from me I wouldn't have dreamed of smacking her. I still don't, and the only time I have is when she nearly got hit by a car.

Its too grey of an issue to be black and white IMHO.

Obviously I agree with Red Poppy.

I wouldn't/haven't smacked my children, but I have to admit, I don't have such a problem with someone smacking a toddler as I do with someone smacking/tapping whatever a baby, so please do not think this is a critiscism on your parenting. But.. did you feel that smacking was the only way to prevent your child running into the road? Obviously it does seem to have worked in your case, but generally it doesn't, which is why parents have to smack repeatedly and habitually and not as a one off incident in most cases.

I ask as my 6 1/2 year old (he has Downs) thinks it's hilarious to run towards roads/across carparks. I wouldn't resort to smacking, and I think it would be especially unfair as he wouldn't understand what he had done wrong at all. However, I have so far managed to stop him being run over because a) I am super vigilant and am well aware he might try and run into the road/traffic at any time, b)I find ways to amuse him so he is far less likely to try and run into the road c) I can run faster than him and d) I hold his hand or stay close to him wherever possible.

I am not saying this as a Mum of a baby, but the mother of three older (and at times boisterous) sons aged 14, 9 and 6 1/2. I have never had to resort to smacking them.

Same...I have a 7 year old son, a 5 year old daughter (who has autism and can be challenging) and now a newborn, and I have never smacked, tapped, threatened anyone of them ever. Sure, there has been times when my son ran in the road (twice) and my son fed my daughter playdough and she choked, and times when the pair of them have almost touched a hot stove or what not...but, it isn't going to teach them, IMO, by smacking them. I would rather explain the way it is....teach them words such as HOT and NO.

 

[Tiff]

How did you teach them the difference, being young? I'm not talking like a 2 or a 3 year old, more along the lines of 15 months and under. My daughter had somewhat of the concept of the word no, but definitely not hot.

Just curious.

What were the ages of your kids when they ran onto the road, the playdough, etc? Although for the playdough I'm sure he wasn't feeding it to her to cause her to choke. Mistakes happen.

 

[PeanutBean]

I'm with you Tiff.