Spanking

[JASMAK]

have you ever seen a child's face while being smacked/hit? I have. I saw a woman smack her child on the butt in the parking lot. It was a mixture of pain, confusion and hurt (mental). The mother looked so wild and angry. I had to bite my tounge, but I wish I never did. I should have let her have it. I don't agree with it...ever. In a dangerous situation, if you are close enough to smack your child, you are close enough to grab them and keep them from harm. Besides, I think most "dangerous" situations (running into traffic etc) is the parents lack of supervision rather than the child. How is a child supposed to know better?

 

[midori1999]

have you ever seen a child's face while being smacked/hit? I have. I saw a woman smack her child on the butt in the parking lot. It was a mixture of pain, confusion and hurt (mental). The mother looked so wild and angry. I had to bite my tounge, but I wish I never did. I should have let her have it. I don't agree with it...ever. In a dangerous situation, if you are close enough to smack your child, you are close enough to grab them and keep them from harm. Besides, I think most "dangerous" situations (running into traffic etc) is the parents lack of supervision rather than the child. How is a child supposed to know better?

I agree entirely with that.

I feel quite saddened by the fact that people have mentioned smacking or 'tapping' very, very young children, babies really.

 

[November1984]

I don't agree with smacking as a form of discipline but I have to admit I have done it a couple times (lightly on the butt or hand) to snap my son out of lala land. It never hurt him or made him fearful those couple times, it also wasn't meant to be a form of discipline...just a snap out of it quick move..
I have to be honest though, the way he acts when I give him time outs makes my heart break.
Tough! I wish toddlers were rational! haha

To add, I was spanked sometimes as a child and it never did anything but make me more violent when angry. I would hit the person spanking me back.

 

[leeanne]

have you ever seen a child's face while being smacked/hit? I have. I saw a woman smack her child on the butt in the parking lot. It was a mixture of pain, confusion and hurt (mental). The mother looked so wild and angry. I had to bite my tounge, but I wish I never did. I should have let her have it. I don't agree with it...ever. In a dangerous situation, if you are close enough to smack your child, you are close enough to grab them and keep them from harm. Besides, I think most "dangerous" situations (running into traffic etc) is the parents lack of supervision rather than the child. How is a child supposed to know better?

A few months ago I saw a mother walk up to her 9 or 10 year old daughter in a mall, with her finger pointed at her face. Her daughter's head swung to the side like she was expecting to be hit. It wasn't hard to figure out that this mother does smack her child. It wasn't a nice thing to see.

 

[JASMAK]

have you ever seen a child's face while being smacked/hit? I have. I saw a woman smack her child on the butt in the parking lot. It was a mixture of pain, confusion and hurt (mental). The mother looked so wild and angry. I had to bite my tounge, but I wish I never did. I should have let her have it. I don't agree with it...ever. In a dangerous situation, if you are close enough to smack your child, you are close enough to grab them and keep them from harm. Besides, I think most "dangerous" situations (running into traffic etc) is the parents lack of supervision rather than the child. How is a child supposed to know better?

A few months ago I saw a mother walk up to her 9 or 10 year old daughter in a mall, with her finger pointed at her face. Her daughter's head swung to the side like she was expecting to be hit. It wasn't hard to figure out that this mother does smack her child. It wasn't a nice thing to see.

I bet if she reacted like that, she gets it at home.

 

[cleckner04]

have you ever seen a child's face while being smacked/hit? I have. I saw a woman smack her child on the butt in the parking lot. It was a mixture of pain, confusion and hurt (mental). The mother looked so wild and angry. I had to bite my tounge, but I wish I never did. I should have let her have it. I don't agree with it...ever. In a dangerous situation, if you are close enough to smack your child, you are close enough to grab them and keep them from harm. Besides, I think most "dangerous" situations (running into traffic etc) is the parents lack of supervision rather than the child. How is a child supposed to know better?

I agree entirely with that.

I feel quite saddened by the fact that people have mentioned smacking or 'tapping' very, very young children, babies really.

I truly hope this isn't aimed at me but I think it was because I'm the only one here that mentioned 'tapping'. I already feel like shit enough about it. I don't need some random person judging me for a snap decision that I only did once and regret greatly.

 

[JASMAK]

have you ever seen a child's face while being smacked/hit? I have. I saw a woman smack her child on the butt in the parking lot. It was a mixture of pain, confusion and hurt (mental). The mother looked so wild and angry. I had to bite my tounge, but I wish I never did. I should have let her have it. I don't agree with it...ever. In a dangerous situation, if you are close enough to smack your child, you are close enough to grab them and keep them from harm. Besides, I think most "dangerous" situations (running into traffic etc) is the parents lack of supervision rather than the child. How is a child supposed to know better?

I agree entirely with that.

I feel quite saddened by the fact that people have mentioned smacking or 'tapping' very, very young children, babies really.

I truly hope this isn't aimed at me but I think it was because I'm the only one here that mentioned 'tapping'. I already feel like shit enough about it. I don't need some random person judging me for a snap decision that I only did once and regret greatly.

Everyone has moments that they aren't proud of. When I read your post, I felt that you did it, wished you hadn't, and won't be again. I think (but I cannot speak for her) she meant those who think it's OK to in *some* circumstances.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I was spanked as a child and, unfortunately, that led to fear. And do you think I ever had an open and honest relationship with my mom while growing up? No.

I don't believe in spanking, although, honestly I have done twice to my son. And I felt very badly about it. It was because he was acting up, my stress level went up and so did his. It had to do with me, not him, reacting negatively to stress.

One thing I always think about. If your child hits someone and you hit them for punishment, what are you teaching your child?

This is a great point.

If our child was to hit another child in the playground or whatever, we would tell them off and say hitting is wrong right?

So really to use spanking as punishment would be very confusing and hypocritical.

I had never thought about it like that

I wont be hitting my child, will be using the time out technique and reasoning with her when she is old enough. Luckily my DH agrees completely Violence is never necessary imo. No one is perfect tho and im sure there are many parents who have smacked and regret it x

 

[PeanutBean]

No cleckner it was aimed at me. Personally I think time out is horrendous.

 

[PeanutBean]

For the record my son is generally very well behaved. When we're with his friends he is generally the best behaved of them all and nursery always comment how good he is there. He is a very happy boy and has no fears at all, except of the dinosaur on a peppa pig episode. I get annoyed when people decide a child doing different to what is planned is automatically terrible parenting. If children and given freedom to explore they will get into things and will need to learn what things aren't safe. It's called growing up. I'd much rather that than keep my child in a playpen all day.

 

[smokey]

But I was smacked as a child and never resorted to hitting other children yet my brother who was raised by my grandparents rather then my parents was never smacked and turned into a violant person at school (was expelled from 6 schools) and went on to be a woman beater, drug dealer and has been in and out of prison.
I think that sort of behavour is generaly from the children that are just hit for every little thing they do rather then a last resort and those are the sort of children that after a while smacking probably has no effect on as they have had it so many times it just becomes a "yeah whatever" sort of attitude to punishments.

 

[trumpetbum]

While I would never condone hitting a child as I don't agree that it is necessary I do feel that jumping to the conclusion that anyone who agrees with spanking in any form is a poorer parent is just as judgemental as those who have assumed that any misbehaviour on the part of my children is down to them not being spanked.
Consistant, loving parenting with boundaries, appropriate/fitting discipline and teaching right from wrong will in most cases produce decent, well rounded adults whether it involves spanking or not.
Poor, sloppy parenting, threats, inappropriate agression, violence or neglect will generally lead to problems such as fear, repeated misbehaviour, confidence issues and /or lack of respect with or without spanking.

It annoys me to see someone slap into their kid will shouting 'don't hit!!!' but then again it also pees me off to see someone sitting on their backside muttering 'don't do that darling.' while their child pushes another child around. Both are examples of poor parenting.
Most children will push boundaries and for my own part I don't believe that a child cannot be raised safely while being allowed to explore their world without spanking. I question it's necessity and effectiveness in light of the multitude of tools at our disposal, which is why I don't use it and there is no other example of discipline, punishment or incentive in our society which involves the use of physical punishment.
HOWEVER I can't say that I can judge occasional mild use accompanied by the first type of parenting or equate it to the kinds of examples used in this thread to illustrate the picture of a child who is spanked. My own nieces and nephews are neither cowed nor terrified of their parents who do spank on occasion and I KNOW my mil for one believes that my kids could benefit from the odd smacked bottom so it wrks both ways. I disagree with spanking but feel we need to keep some perspective regarding the subject. The buck stops here, after all.

 

[midori1999]

It wasn't actually aimed at either of you, not sure why you're so paranoid about it...

I will never understand why it is not acceptable in society to hit other people, especially those who are weaker than us, except children. As I said before, I do think if parents have to resort to smacking it is because their parenting skills are lacking, maybe because smacking was all they knew themselves growing up in some cases. Surely no one would choose smacking unless itis an absolute last resort and why on earth did it get to that situation in the first place?

My oldest is 14. I have never had to resort to hitting him and I'm not likely to need to now. I just don't know what sort of situation people feel would warrant physical violence towards their own child? Mine aren't angels but I just can't imagine wanting or needing to hit them.

I will never forget seeing my friend hit her young child. He was distraught and kept repeating over and over again 'why did you hurt me Mummy?'. I hear dmy neighbours husband hit one of their children recently too, I heard him say 'don't hit people' and then quite obviously and loudly smack him. (in the garden)

 

[special_kala]

I think if a parent has to resort to hitting then somewhere down the line something has gone wrong.

I use physical correction sometimes tapping i guess you'd call it but it is literally me touching her hand and moving it away.

Were quite free with what River can and cant do as she is so young and exploring but i know some people look down on me because that but im not some wishy washy parent River will be taught how to behave.

 

[ShanandBoc]

No cleckner it was aimed at me. Personally I think time out is horrendous.

Why is time out horrendous?

Explaining to the child what they have done wrong, giving them time to think about it and apologise is far more constructive than hitting.

It wouldnt be acceptable if i hit my DH if i was angry with him, or anyone else for that matter so why on earth a child?

 

[JASMAK]

I would much rather EXPAIN and use words to teach why something is or is not appropriate behaviour. I can't imagine having respect for my parents for hitting, if they did, which they did not. My dad use to threaten to hit us, and I loved him, but feared him and did not trust him.

I find with my two oldest children, time outs, or taking toys away for a time out, work best. I also talk to my children about behaviour. I find saying to my son that I feel dissapointed...that will upset him the most. He does not want me to feel dissapointed. I cannot imagine spanking my daughter (or son) because my daughter has autism. She has behaviour sometimes that is quite difficult. She appears to not listen to instructions. On my best days, my patience can be tried. But, she does not understand and does not wish to be like this. I often think how horrible it would be for a child with autism to be living in a family that has violence.

 

[cleckner04]

It wasn't actually aimed at either of you, not sure why you're so paranoid about it...

Yeah, I was up all night worrying about it. I don't see how asking a question is being paranoid but I guess the word paranoid means something different where you're from..




I do think there is a major difference between a tap on a hand or bottom and a full blown smack or spank. When I say tap I mean no force whatsoever behind it. I don't condone either thing and feel bad for tapping my daughters diapered bottom even though I know it did absolutely nothing to her and she probably barely even felt my touch. But I don't necessarily think it's fair to say someone's parenting is lacking because they resort to spanking. I think it's wrong to leave my baby to cry in a crib when she just needs hugs, but that doesn't mean someone's parenting is lacking because they decide to CIO. Their parenting is just different. I don't really think it's my place to judge.

I haven't gotten to the time out stage so I can't comment but I can definitely see how that'd be heartbreaking to do. But kids need discipline one way or the other and no one ever said parenting was easy.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

It wasn't actually aimed at either of you, not sure why you're so paranoid about it...

Yeah, I was up all night worrying about it. I don't see how asking a question is being paranoid but I guess the word paranoid means something different where you're from..




I do think there is a major difference between a tap on a hand or bottom and a full blown smack or spank. When I say tap I mean no force whatsoever behind it. I don't condone either thing and feel bad for tapping my daughters diapered bottom even though I know it did absolutely nothing to her and she probably barely even felt my touch. But I don't necessarily think it's fair to say someone's parenting is lacking because they resort to spanking. I think it's wrong to leave my baby to cry in a crib when she just needs hugs, but that doesn't mean someone's parenting is lacking because they decide to CIO. Their parenting is just different. I don't really think it's my place to judge.

I haven't gotten to the time out stage so I can't comment but I can definitely see how that'd be heartbreaking to do. But kids need discipline one way or the other and no one ever said parenting was easy.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I was spanked as a child and, unfortunately, that led to fear. And do you think I ever had an open and honest relationship with my mom while growing up? No.

I don't believe in spanking, although, honestly I have done twice to my son. And I felt very badly about it. It was because he was acting up, my stress level went up and so did his. It had to do with me, not him, reacting negatively to stress.

One thing I always think about. If your child hits someone and you hit them for punishment, what are you teaching your child?

This is a great point.

If our child was to hit another child in the playground or whatever, we would tell them off and say hitting is wrong right?

So really to use spanking as punishment would be very confusing and hypocritical.

I had never thought about it like that

I wont be hitting my child, will be using the time out technique and reasoning with her when she is old enough. Luckily my DH agrees completely Violence is never necessary imo. No one is perfect tho and im sure there are many parents who have smacked and regret it x

I wouldnt plan ahead with the time out. It does not work for every child. My son was born with autism and time outs in the usual standard make him worse.

Wish I knew it was not textbook when I was pregnant.

 

[PeanutBean]

No cleckner it was aimed at me. Personally I think time out is horrendous.

Why is time out horrendous?

Explaining to the child what they have done wrong, giving them time to think about it and apologise is far more constructive than hitting.

It wouldnt be acceptable if i hit my DH if i was angry with him, or anyone else for that matter so why on earth a child?

No-one on this thread has said they hit their child so let's not be melodramatic. For me time out is awful. The thought of trying to explain to my not-2 year old and then trying to make him sit in a corner, on the naughty step or shut in a room is horrible. We do plenty of explaining things to him all the time about allsorts, discipline or otherwise. But he's two. I feel that shutting a child out is much more emotionally damaging than a tap on the hand to take them away from what they were doing, in an appropriate situation where other methods haven't made an impact.