Spanking

[PeanutBean]

Oh and I also haven't mentioned anger. You think I get angry with my 2 year old?

 

[Dragonfly]

No I wouldn't ever hit my child or even act in a threatening manner towards my child. Theres no call to my son is good, he dosnt need it and I wouldnt ever do it anyway. Cant teach a child not to hit poeple when your hitting them yourself. (not that anyone is in here).

 

[ShanandBoc]

No cleckner it was aimed at me. Personally I think time out is horrendous.

Why is time out horrendous?

Explaining to the child what they have done wrong, giving them time to think about it and apologise is far more constructive than hitting.

It wouldnt be acceptable if i hit my DH if i was angry with him, or anyone else for that matter so why on earth a child?

No-one on this thread has said they hit their child so let's not be melodramatic. For me time out is awful. The thought of trying to explain to my not-2 year old and then trying to make him sit in a corner, on the naughty step or shut in a room is horrible. We do plenty of explaining things to him all the time about allsorts, discipline or otherwise. But he's two. I feel that shutting a child out is much more emotionally damaging than a tap on the hand to take them away from what they were doing, in an appropriate situation where other methods haven't made an impact.

I didnt say anyone hit their child did i? Please show me where in my above post i said that

I was merely reiterating my opinion on smacking.

Can i ask, what point is a tap on the hand without force behind it? I mean isnt the idea to shock them into inaction? You are still teaching ur child to hit.

I dont mean to come accross as argumetative, after all, im yet to be a parent so im no expert, im genuinely curious.

How is getting a child to sit quietly for a few mins after explaining to them what they did was wrong and getting an apology emotionally damaging? I mean once they are at school they are not going to be physically disciplined by a teacher when they misbehave will they? They will be put in time out and made to apologise and acknowledge their behaviour.

 

[BlackBerry25]

My parents spanked me and I can't say I have ever hit anyone at school.

I also have never been put into time out at school or seen someone be put into time out except for a mentally disabled student who physically would not sit down.

I tapped H on the hand once when she climbed out of her bouncy seat (She is a little houdini) and climbed INTO the oven. (It was off) I did want to shock her into inaction.

I am not for spanking, but a tap can be necessary. I don't think my little babytoddler would understand if I sat her down and explained. I wanted her to relate pain to the oven.

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

No cleckner it was aimed at me. Personally I think time out is horrendous.

Why is time out horrendous?

Explaining to the child what they have done wrong, giving them time to think about it and apologise is far more constructive than hitting.

It wouldnt be acceptable if i hit my DH if i was angry with him, or anyone else for that matter so why on earth a child?

No-one on this thread has said they hit their child so let's not be melodramatic. For me time out is awful. The thought of trying to explain to my not-2 year old and then trying to make him sit in a corner, on the naughty step or shut in a room is horrible. We do plenty of explaining things to him all the time about allsorts, discipline or otherwise. But he's two. I feel that shutting a child out is much more emotionally damaging than a tap on the hand to take them away from what they were doing, in an appropriate situation where other methods haven't made an impact.

I didnt say anyone hit their child did i? Please show me where in my above post i said that

I was merely reiterating my opinion on smacking.

Can i ask, what point is a tap on the hand without force behind it? I mean isnt the idea to shock them into inaction? You are still teaching ur child to hit.

I dont mean to come accross as argumetative, after all, im yet to be a parent so im no expert, im genuinely curious.

How is getting a child to sit quietly for a few mins after explaining to them what they did was wrong and getting an apology emotionally damaging? I mean once they are at school they are not going to be physically disciplined by a teacher when they misbehave will they? They will be put in time out and made to apologise and acknowledge their behaviour.

I dont think time out is emotionally damaging, if done correctly. And I dont think shutting your child in an empty room and not talking to them is the correct - just my opinion.

I think a tap on the hand is necessary sometimes.. Time out will only really work when the child is old enough to understand. Until that time it will be pointless and ineffective. So something else has to be done to instill discipline in the mean time. A tap can do just that, it is enough.

 

[PeanutBean]

It wouldnt be acceptable if i hit my DH if i was angry with him, or anyone else for that matter so why on earth a child?

You said hit here. I already said under what circumstances I think a tap is necessary in my first post. I've never heard of a school doing time out and I wouldn't want a teacher using that on my son. Schools have their own disciplinary methods and by the time is in school they ate old enough to be explained to. I also said in my first post this is something I feel is appropriate for very young children who are too young to understand reasoning and abstract consequences. Blackberry's given a fine example above. I think an age which is too young to explain reasoning to is too young to shut in a room or even attempt to sit quietly and think about what they've done. You'll see when you have a two year d this is basically impossible.

 

[midori1999]

I will never understand the point of 'tapping', perhaps someone can explain for me? Surely if it isn't hard enough to hurt the child, then it is just to get their attention and surely that would be better done by taking their hand, calling their name or saying in a high voice 'ooh, come and see what Mummy's got'?

I also never get why people don't seem to understand that there is no point in disciplining a child much under the age of two, and that certainly inludes time outs, because they simply don't have enough understanding of right and wrong for it to be effective. Supervision, keeping them amused and entertained and distraction is the key. If all of those are happening, surely there's no need for any form of discipline at all until they are older?

 

[PeanutBean]

The point is the element of surprise. To stop them from doing whatever it is they are doing. I think even a child under two is old enough to learn 'danger' even if not to have a great explanation of why. I wouldn't want to just distract them from whatever situation was sufficient to warrant some physical intervention, I don't think that would teach them anything about the danger.

 

[midori1999]

The point is the element of surprise. To stop them from doing whatever it is they are doing. I think even a child under two is old enough to learn 'danger' even if not to have a great explanation of why. I wouldn't want to just distract them from whatever situation was sufficient to warrant some physical intervention, I don't think that would teach them anything about the danger.

Research has shown that children under two are very unlikely to be able to make a connection between an action and the consequences, or their behaviour and a punishment. Also, it has shown that most children do not understand the concept of danger until around 4 or 5.

You are going to have to distract them anyway. If a very young child is doing something dangerous and you 'tap' them on the hand, and presumbly remove them from the situation, without distraction they are simply likely to go right back to doing what they were doing in the first place. On top of that, children of that age do not understand the difference to a 'tap' and a 'hit' if they are doing it to someone else, and do learn in part by copying other people, especially their parents, so they are more likely to hit others. So, if you'll have to remove the child anyway, why even bother 'tapping' them? Why not simply remove them anyway?

 

[PeanutBean]

My experience suggests otherwise.

 

[Dragonfly]

My experience suggests otherwise.

I think that may sum it up for a lot of people. I have never done any tapping or hitting and never needed to. So In my experience with my son its not needed. Please dont take that as picking on someone's parenting style I do mean with everyone and child it must be different then.

 

[BlackBerry25]

My experience suggests otherwise.

Mine as well. I have one smart cookie, and she hasn't even gone near the stove again and this happened well over a year ago.

 

[JASMAK]

Again, not trying to pick on you Blackberry, but the oven incident reminded me of an incident that happened when I was a child..ohhhh about 4 years old I think. I gave my guinea pigs a bath, in the tub...and of course, they drowned. I got into trouble. Not a spanking, but in trouble. I remember still. But, now as an adult, I can't help but wonder...where the hell were my parents??? Supervision is key. Your child would not have gone into the oven, if supervised. I would not have given my guinea pigs a bath, if supervised. BTW...you can get child locks for that. I know you can't watch your children ALL the time...trust me...I know...I have three. But, is it really the child's fault here??? No.

 

[PeanutBean]

I don't think it's the child's fault as such but we can't be everywhere at once and children need to learn some boundaries, like the oven is a no-no, on or off. Plus it's healthy for them to learn boundaries. There are boundaries in life with no-one watching out for you to protect you. Introducing that concept early is no bad thing in my opinion.

 

[JASMAK]

I don't think it's the child's fault as such but we can't be everywhere at once and children need to learn some boundaries, like the oven is a no-no, on or off. Plus it's healthy for them to learn boundaries. There are boundaries in life with no-one watching out for you to protect you. Introducing that concept early is no bad thing in my opinion.

But, if it's not the child's fault, then why 'tap' the hand etc. Saying, "no...hot, you get owies" is teaching. My point is, the child is the one who 'gets into trouble' when these things happen, when in most cases, it is the parents who are in the 'wrong' (sorry, lack of a better word there) and the child really just needs to be taught. Another example is when my son was 18mths old, he ran for the automatic opening doors in the grocery store while my hands were full with grocery bags. He ran out the door and straight accross the street (without looking of course, he was only 18mths). My MIL was with me at the time, and tried to run after him, and she said she just about 'tapped' (she used that word) on the bum, but she stopped herself, because she wanted him to know it was wrong. I am glad she didn't, because it reality, it was our fault, and a child that young needs to be protected more than taught. If it can't be explained and understood, then they are def too young to understand and a tap or hit or smack...whatever you want to call it, is purely out of excitement, anger, frustration, fear etc...on the parents part...is it not???

 

[BlackBerry25]

Actually I was right there mopping the floor. And there is quite a difference between 4 and say 7 months.

 

[JASMAK]

Actually I was right there mopping the floor. And there is quite a difference between 4 and say 7 months.

Def...you are right. A 7mth old would NEVER understand no matter what the discipline.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I actually don't believe in child proofing my home. I don't have locks on anything, she knows not to go into the oven now. I didn't just spank her hand and leave it at that, obviously I explained it as well, as much as I could do a 7 month old.

 

[JASMAK]

you don't believe in childproofing, but you believe in spanking...well, that's an interesting concept.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I never said I believe in spanking. I said I have tapped her hand once when she went into the oven.

And I don't think it is an interesting concept, I have had no problems at all. The only thing I have is a handle so she cannot escape her room at night, as she sleepwalks.