Support for Parents of "High Need" Babies

[Sovereign]

Hi girlies can I join you? Charlie is a HN baby, well I suppose he's nearly a HN toddler now! He has been like this since the moment he was born. He has had reflux (better now), we have had lots of problems with bf when he was eating, swapped to ff where we had to feed him an ounce or two at a time like every hour because he refused to have anymore at one time. He then struggled with weaning and then wouldn't eat lumps for AGES cos he would gag and just refuse to eat. Then he would only have milk but we worked through that and he would eat food but hardly any. Then he began to eat anything and everything and now he will only eat a very limited diet and is very picky. His sleeping has always been a nightmare, up until recently he ALWAYS had to be rocked to sleep, or sleep in our bed where we would move him once he was asleep. Atm he is waking up every hour so I have had 14 months now of interrupted sleep. He is very clingy when we are with other people, ie, he won't go to grandparents or anything and screams everytime we leave him. Everything is a battle, dressing him, changing his bum, cleaning his teeth......... I could carry on forever! He is very hard work and it totally drains me but I wouldn't swap him for the world!!!!!! (but it would be nice to have some time to myself occasionally lol) x

 

[ange7894]

I am so glad I found this group!

I didn't know there was such a thing as high needs babies until a few days ago when I found Dr. Sears' website and read all the info he posted on the subject. The article listing the traits of a high needs baby I swore had been written about Zoe.

Zoe just turned 7 weeks old and her behavior is exhausting. 98% of the time she's awake she's either whining or crying. I cherish the moments when I can get maybe 10 min of her awake and calm where she actually looks happy and content. A smile just lights up her face and it's like I have a normal baby for a little while. She often fights sleep which causes her to become over tired, thus leading to more whining and crying. She also squirms and fidgets most of the time when being held, but yet if I put her down alone she wails. It's like she can never get comfortable, which makes getting her to sleep very difficult.

Last night I was literally up until 5 am until I finally woke my husband and switched with him. She just would not stay asleep. It would take over an hour to get her to sleep, then I'd put her down, and she'd be out for maybe 10 min before waking again. The only way she fell asleep was if I held her against my chest.

During the day, the only relief I get is when she's sleeping, which she actually does well during the day. Since most of the time she's awake I have to tend to her in some way, there are times I don't even get a chance to eat. And forget about getting anything done around the house.

Now that I know this is just her temperament, I feel less pressure and guilt about it. Before, I felt horrible, like I wasn't doing my job as a mother when I couldn't comfort her.

I was relieved as I read some of the posts in this group that stated how their high needs baby grew as a toddler and small child. I've been worried that because of this temperament she'd be destined to become a difficult bratty demanding child. But reading how some have become incredibly sensitive and caring made me feel so much better.

I know the only way to deal with this kind of baby is to not fight it and just "go with the flow". I'm working on it, but it's obviously extremely challenging. I love her so much and just want her to be a happy little baby.

 

[ange7894]

Just had to share a wonderful comment a friend made about Zoe's temperament...

A close friend of mine just left from visiting us and this was the first time she'd met Zoe. While feeding, my friend noticed how restless Zoe is. It's rare that Zoe sits still. She squirms and wriggles when she's eating, when she's being changed, when she's trying to settle for sleep; I get pooped just holding her. Even if she's not upset, she just is in constant motion. My friend noticed this and made a comment that immediately comforted me.

She said that her spirit must be so free that it's frustrated being in this little body and is dying to get back out. I thought that was beautiful because it gives me a pleasant impression of my daughter's soul rather than feeling guilty that she can't get comfortable no matter what I do. My friend said that she believes once Zoe can start crawling and walking she'll finally have a release for all this energy.

It was nice to hear a positive perspective on this situation rather than a negative for once.

 

[adzuki]

That is soo beautiful!!!! I'm gonna keep that in my memory!!

Don't feel so bad about holding your LO to sleep - I've had to do it with Miss M often lately - she is so exhausted, but overstimulates herself whenever she moves her hands about. Poor thing, when I hold her hands down by her side, she's usually asleep within 10 seconds! To me, this means that she was keeping herself awake, and it would have been more cruel to let her suffer her own exhaustion.

Talk about frustrating feeds - she has stopped taking milk, except before bed. I have to take away all stimulation and strap her in the stroller at *just* the right angle in order for her to take a bottle during the day. SIGH.

And we've had a sleep regression. Which means an average of 4 hours of sleep a night for me!

That being said, even her pediatrician said that we were lucky - that she seems to be happy and confident and incredibly well adjusted and trusting. So hard work does pay off. She is sensitive enough to know that I care about her, even when she isnt in my arms, I guess!

My heart bursts with love sometimes!


A

 

[ange7894]

Last night was proof that Zoe needs to be cuddled in order to sleep really well. We got her to sleep really quickly and put her in her crib. In less than 10 min. she woke up and started fussing. My husband got up at least 3 times in the course of a half hour to try and get her to sleep. Finally I said screw it, and took her downstairs with me and we slept on the couch again. I really needed to sleep. She slept from 10:30 till 1:30, woke up to eat, then slept from 2-6:45.

I WISH I knew how to co-sleep with her in my bed rather than the couch. But the couch is the only place I actually feel safe if she sleeps with me. So far it's worked great, but I personally don't sleep very well because of the position I have to be in to ensure she won't fall or be smothered.

How do you get them to sleep away from you in their own crib?? Do I have to wait until she outgrows it? She was so much happier this morning, and I believe it's because of how she slept last night.

 

[Stiina]

HN baby mamas - you are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

We need a "bowing down" smilie...seriously - you ladies are what makes the world go round.

A stronger bunch there never was!

 

[sil144]

I'm glad I found this place! My little one is 3 months old and until yesterday that I found about Dr. Sears High Need baby, I thought I was doing something wrong. Today I'm trying to look at it as he's my special baby and if he needs more of me, then I will give it to him.
I would like to know about you all moms that wrote when your baby was months old and now are toddlers or kids... how are they now? What kind of personality they have? Does it get better? Are they as high need as they were when babies?
Thank you!

 

[ange7894]

I posted in this thread several months ago when my daughter was nearing 2 months old. It was a relief to find a thread that provided so much comfort to a stressful situation.

I have to say that Zoe is going to be 6 months old this weekend and she's a completely different baby. She's happy all the time! She's curious and active and does very well with entertaining herself. It literally changed for the better when she started sleeping through the night. My theory is that once she actually was getting a full night's sleep (rather than waking up every 20 minutes like she had been) she was finally well rested and felt better. I know this isn't the case for most high needs babies, but I feel very blessed that she isn't how she used to be.

Hang in there Moms, it will all be worth it in the end. Just give your LOs lots of love and patience.

 

[sil144]

ange7894 did u do something different for Zoe start sleeping through the night?
Obi was waking up at 3am and 6am, but now instead of doing better he's waking almost every hour after 2am. That makes him more fussy during the day.
Thanks for replying back!

 

[ange7894]

I wish I could say I discovered some miracle method to get her to sleep through the night, but I can't. She just did it on her own. It was the night into Mother's Day, so it was quite a Mother's Day gift She's had her nights since then where she woke up after maybe 6 hours, but 9 times out of 10 she sleeps at least 8 hours. I'm also extremely relieved to say that she can put herself to sleep too. I used to have to literally bounce her in her bouncy seat until she passed out and then gently lift her out of it and put her into the crib. If I didn't do that she'd be wide awake for hours. But within the last couple of months she's been able to put herself to sleep.

I have no idea what clicked into place, but she's a totally different baby. I'm so grateful for it!