Support thread for all the atheist,agnostic,non-religious and secular humanist TTCers

[vietmamsie]

Thanks for the support. A few girls in another thread thought that maybe I had a chemical this cycle? Who knows, but needless to say it's been a tough couple of days.

 

[MMW430]

I feel like I need to stop going on facebook. Another girl I know is pregnant now. I'm so jealous, it's disgusting. I was friends with her, but since I got married in November 2011, we've lost contact. I couldn't help but think, I have a husband, a nice house, and a good job. None of which she has. The guy she's with has broken up with her repeatedly because of her desire to get married. Hell, they even broke up at my wedding. It's incredibly annoying.

 

[bubbles82]

Bubbles: WHOOT WHOOT! SO exciting! That's a BFP for sure! But I totally know how you feel about not even believing it. As for the tests, maybe you're not really 17dpo? Could you have O'ed late this cycle? Do you chart?

Yeah I chart, it's in my signature. Don't really think my O date was out, but pretty sure I had a chemical or very early miscarriage, spotting started this morning, followed this afternoon by bad cramps and heavy bleeding. Gutted

 

[Sbmack]

So sorry, bubbles. Hugs!

Mrs., I'm a bit jealous of a pregnant friend too. I just found out, but I know it didn't take her long. She's also 34 (I'm 31) so it bugs me that it was so much easier for her. It's her second. I'm happy for them, but still envious.

 

[pbl_ge]

Bubbles: WHOOT WHOOT! SO exciting! That's a BFP for sure! But I totally know how you feel about not even believing it. As for the tests, maybe you're not really 17dpo? Could you have O'ed late this cycle? Do you chart?

Yeah I chart, it's in my signature. Don't really think my O date was out, but pretty sure I had a chemical or very early miscarriage, spotting started this morning, followed this afternoon by bad cramps and heavy bleeding. Gutted

Oh, Bubbles. I'm so sorry to hear this. Isn't it the worst? This is downside about temping and charting and all that. If we weren't paying so much attention, we wouldn't know about these early losses. But we have to pay attention to increase our chances of catching the egg, so it's all just a terrible mess. I know it doesn't feel like it, but getting a BFP at all really is a good sign. It means the sperm work, and the eggs work, and the tubes are open. There's probably no real reason that it wasn't a sticky one--just the usual genetic stuff they tell us causes the vast majority of early losses. I know it probably doesn't help much right now, but just take the good from this that you can, allow yourself time to grieve, and try again when you're ready. We're here for you if you need us!!!!

, my virtual friend.

PS. It's also an excellent time for . You know, because you can.

 

[bubbles82]

Thanks Pbl. I know it probably sounds stupid, but I don't feel that sad about the loss as I was kind of expecting it all along, so it didn't come as a shock, I think I'm more upset at not knowing how long this journey might take or how many times we might have to experience this. I feel so bad for DH, for getting him excited for nothing. I'm really hoping it hasn't messed my cycles up even more just as they looked to be getting kind of back on track a bit. I also feel upset that this has been snatched away from us so quick and ruined any future BFPs and pregnancies, as they will be full of worry rather than excitement.

 

[vietmamsie]

Oh Bubbles, I'm so sorry.

I Know how you feel... it's so tough. But it will fade with time and you will heal. I know what you mean about wrecking all future BFP's. We'll never get to be that excited again... instead the tww and any future pregnancies will be filled with worry and just waiting for it to end unexpectedly again.

 

[pbl_ge]

I also feel upset that this has been snatched away from us so quick and ruined any future BFPs and pregnancies, as they will be full of worry rather than excitement.

Yep. That sounds about right.

 

[Mrs B.]

So sorry Bubbles

 

[MamaTex]

Bubbles: WHOOT WHOOT! SO exciting! That's a BFP for sure! But I totally know how you feel about not even believing it. As for the tests, maybe you're not really 17dpo? Could you have O'ed late this cycle? Do you chart?

Yeah I chart, it's in my signature. Don't really think my O date was out, but pretty sure I had a chemical or very early miscarriage, spotting started this morning, followed this afternoon by bad cramps and heavy bleeding. Gutted

So sorry

 

[pbl_ge]

Mrs. B! How are you?

How's everyone else for that matter? I'm super grumpy because my O came about a week early and we totally missed it.

Hope y'all are having a better month!

 

[Sbmack]

So sorry Pbl!

I o'd later than usual so not sure if our timing was right. At least I'll know before Christmas so if I'm out I can still have wine. I need to find things to look forward to so as not to stress out. I am so sick of people telling me to relax though!! Another friend is pregnant (found out last night) and she kept telling me to stop stressing. FU, you had zero problems getting pregnant this time and the first wasn't exactly planned so don't tell me to stop thinking about it!

 

[MMW430]

So sorry Pbl!

I o'd later than usual so not sure if our timing was right. At least I'll know before Christmas so if I'm out I can still have wine. I need to find things to look forward to so as not to stress out. I am so sick of people telling me to relax though!! Another friend is pregnant (found out last night) and she kept telling me to stop stressing. FU, you had zero problems getting pregnant this time and the first wasn't exactly planned so don't tell me to stop thinking about it!

I hate it when people tell me to "relax". It's like....how am I supposed to relax? This is taking a hell of a lot long than I thought it would, and every month I get worked up about it. People who aren't actively trying and just have "whoopsies" don't get it.

 

[CandiB]

It is uber-annoying to be told to "relax". I am also tired of hearing my husband tell me I should not compare myself to other women (the ones getting pregnant so easily). I know deep down he is probably right, but it is difficult not to feel stressed.

 

[MamaTex]

Mrs. B! How are you?

How's everyone else for that matter? I'm super grumpy because my O came about a week early and we totally missed it.

Hope y'all are having a better month!

So far, so good. I love this time of year on account of it being Christmas time so I am generally in good spirits in December. I still need to put up my lights and get a tree.

Sorry the witch flew in before expected.

Sbmack: Timing is my second least favorite word since I started TTC, right after AF. If only you could get an instant read out of what is going on in your body, to the minute!!. Maybe one day eh? I always like to think that the future will resemeble a one similar to the one of Ghost in the Shell, where humans are enhanced and become one with the technology they use to enhance themselves

MMW430: I also hate being told to relax. It's easy for women who have lots of oops and whoopsies to be so carefree about TTC.

 

[pbl_ge]

This is why very few people know that we're TTC. Really the only friends who know are those who are TTC themselves, OR who have struggled with it (miscarriages, infertility, IVF, etc.) in the past. A couple more people know that we had a miscarriage. I get very few questions about all this.

 

[MMW430]

I had a lapse in judgement when I accidentally let slip to my DH's aunt. Now, everytime I see her she whispers to me "Can you drink?! Are you allowed to drink?!"

It also drives me nuts how my DH (probably in an attempt to make me feel better) will say things like "OH, they've probably been trying for a long time." What I really want him to say when we hear some one else is pregnant is: What the fuck?

Especially since we know there's nothing wrong with either of us, and it's just taking longer than we want.

 

[tsyhanochka]

Of the few who knew we were trying I told some we are now expecting. They also knew it took a year....and connect my sister moving out with our bfp and said "see...you just needed to relax"
OMG it sucks hearing it even after getting pregnant. I feel like they don't get that we tried hard for a year. It seems so dismissive. Grrr

 

[GingerPanda]

I don't want to tell anyone in my family that we are TTC because I've always envisioned visiting and surprising them with the news. But that means that I really don't have anyone to talk to it about except for DH and the ladies here. DH says that I'm obsessing over it, as we've only been trying for almost five months, but I have always been really irregular/unpredictable in my cycles, and have ALWAYS had this fear/feeling that I was going to be infertile, so he doesn't really understand why I'm acting like it's been two years already. I think he is just really enjoying all the BD'ing he gets now, haha.

 

[vietmamsie]

my husband always makes a comment like "They're older than us so deserve it more" or "you don't know how long they were trying for" and it drives me nuts!

We originally didn't tell anyone. That lasted 9 months. A week or two after the miscarriage I told a few friends. I just couldnot bear it any more and I really needed support. Everyone has been really cool about it who knows. They don't bother me about it. I don't think anyone really wants to hear about it, so I don't talk about ttc, but I know there are ear out there if I need to talk.

plb: Sorry you missed O. DH and I need to hop on BD this weekend so we don't miss my O. My cycle was only 31 days last cycles, So who knows, I might O even earlier this cycle... so weird to have an almost normal cycle 20 months post BC.