surname for baby when parents arent together...?

[missriddler]

I am so stuck with this, I dont know wether to go double-barreled, put my sirname or what to do really...

 

[Dreaming87]

We are just having oh surname. I don't particularly like my surname and think double barrelled is too much but it's personal preference I think. If I wasn't with the dad or didn't think we would last long term I think I'd feel different. Guess everything could change in time anyway!

 

[Tanikins]

Lo has his dads surname and tgats just because thats how things are done. I didnt even consider my surname when it came to naming him.

It may be an outdated view now but thats my view. Unless ofcourse dad has no say then id do dads name, he is a parent aswell after all

 

[rray0560]

I thought about it for a while but I ended up with the conclusion that I will just give her mine I didn't want to regret it otherwise

 

[Gizzyy]

It depends really if you're on good terms with the baby's dad..It's entirely up to you though our LO will take on her daddys surname but if we weren't together/he wasn't on the scene at all she would probs take mine x

 

[Unexpected212]

Personally if I hadn't been with the babies dad my son would have had my surname

However as we were getting married he had my partners last name

 

[Kerlouet]

Our LB will have DFs surname. We have discussed double barreling it but it just doesn't sound right.

 

[navywag]

My dd is 7, has her bio dads surname, now in married with baby on the way
and my dd wants the same name as us, shes even been writing it on her school
work, in talks with her bio dad atm trying to get him agree to double barreling it
if i would of done that from the start with my maiden name it would of been easier to change it to being doubles with my married name x

 

[BeauMrs]

Dd has my maiden name as me & her dad split just after she was born. He hasn't really bothered with her since she was about 4 or 5 months old so it has made things a lot easier esp as she want my new surname too and now goes by that in school.
You need to do whatever you feel is right for you & your lo 😃

 

[purplecupcake]

I personally would never give any other name to my baby except for my own if I didn't share a last name with the FOB. If a man is committed enough to make a new human with me, then he needs to be committed enough to marry me. I have seen far too many unmarried women give their FOBs name to the baby and then split up, and maybe they don't mind having a different name than their child but I know I would. FOB needs to earn that right.

 

[Gizzyy]

I personally would never give any other name to my baby except for my own if I didn't share a last name with the FOB. If a man is committed enough to make a new human with me, then he needs to be committed enough to marry me. I have seen far too many unmarried women give their FOBs name to the baby and then split up, and maybe they don't mind having a different name than their child but I know I would. FOB needs to earn that right.

True.. but then again alot of marriages fall apart too. I'm still left with my dads surname even though my parents split. I'm not going to change it because I was apart of that, it's my past history and at the time we all shared the family surname.

 

[JJKCB]

me and my brother have different dads and we both have our dads surname (which is different to our mams) and their has NEVER been an issue... I have never wanted my mam or brothers surname (even now that my mam is marrying so they will all have the same name)

and as for the stupid thing on marriage lol - after 2 years together my parents married and had me 9 months later and my dad didn't even stick around to see me turn 3... my brothers dad who is NOT married to my mam has stuck around for 20 years to raise me (who obviously is not his child) and my brother and they are still happy and together

rushing into marriage because of pregnancy is stupid on every level (be prior or post conception)

In fact the majority of people I know in LONG term relationships aren't married, most marriages I know lasted less than 8 years

the father is the father, you cannot erase that no matter how much you want too... you get 9 months of being close and probably majority of custody if your not together at least let him have the name because the CHILD deserves that link to where they come and their heritage (they live and learn it from you) regardless of the adults personal relationships - look how many kids spend their lives search for their identy because their mother tried to erase something she didnt like without thinking of the childs right to know, the child should be all that matters

 

[missriddler]

I do agree with that, but if he disappears and doesnt bother with her at all then I will be wishing I had my name in there somewhere at least surely? X

 

[vickyandchick]

LO is going to have OH's surname because I'm not a fan of double barrelled and our surnames don't sound right together, but mainly because I hate my last name

However if we hadn't been together so long and I wasn't sure he'd stick around then LO would probably have mine.

 

[cherrylips100]

I would decide based on how you get along with the dad. If he's not going to stick around then yours. If he is, then its up to both of you to decide. Automatically having the dads name is outdated imo, you deserve an opinion too. If you've chosen a first name, maybe go with the surname that suits it best.

 

[modified]

I personally would never give any other name to my baby except for my own if I didn't share a last name with the FOB.

This is how I feel. If I was with FOB but not married, Violet would have my last name. If I wasn't with FOB, she'd have mine too. I've never been one of those "baby has to have dads name" people.

 

[JJKCB]

I do agree with that, but if he disappears and doesnt bother with her at all then I will be wishing I had my name in there somewhere at least surely? X

If you want to double barrel then that's your choice, personally I wouldn't want to double barrel my childrens names as it becomes rather confusing when they get married

its becoming more common for girls to want to keep their maiden name as their own heritage so what happens when the strong proud of her heritage Anna smith marries John Davis-Jones?

does she become Anna Davis-Jones-Smith?

at some point she would have to chose anyway and then what name would she give her kids?

it all just seems hard work to me
and
it also has the stigma of automatically assuming the parents weren't together now thats not a downside on single parents at all (as long as a child has one good parent thats all thats needed) but it now seem quite chavvy as the majority of children I know with double barreled names or their mothers maiden name do come from chav families who have very public fights about it - Jeremy Kyle style but that's just my opinion based on experience of people round here

is there no chance you and the baby dad will get back together?

I broke up with OH multiple times during pregnancy and just after DS was born but it was just stress caused, I dated someone else for a short while but me and OH got back together and are stronger than ever plus hes always been an amazing dad coming to see DS everyday

good luck

 

[MUMOF5]

I think it's a very personal choice tbh, with my eldest two, I had a bit of a gut instinct that he wouldn't stick around, so I gave them my name, but when I met dh, I knew he was my forever man, so I gave our first son his surname. We were married by the time the others came along so they obviously took his name. When we got married my girls also took his name, because in every sense of the word Dad, he is just that x

 

[Rickles]

My daughter had her Daddy's name - We had talked about marriage and I knew we were going to get married after she was born - so it seemed a bit of a headache to give her mine name and then change it once we were married. DH also proposed a month before she was born...

My friend gave both her DDs a double barrelled name, but personally I think that's because her OH is not about to propose any time soon and she wanted her girls to have the same name as her - which I totally get xx

 

[EmmaBrown]

I would double-barrel- 50% shared genetic material, why not 50% shared name? I'm going to be double barrelling my name, too when fiance and I get hitched. Trying to convince him to take my surname, too, but not having any luck so far!