Teen pregnancy advice and support please

[blueberryx]

I have my first actual doctors appointment next week and my mom is going with me. Things are still pretty tense at home but I guess I expected that.

 

[ClairAye]

Good luck at your appointment. I hope things ease up soon!

 

[blamesydney]

I was 16 when I fell pregnant with my daughter. Her fathers mother told my parents without my consent. I was and always will be the disappointment of the family. But my daughter is the light of my life, and my husband is wonderful. This happens. And it doesn't automatically ruin your life. You'll grow up and live your life all the same.

 

[blueberryx]

Not sure if anyone cares for an update, but I did go to my first real doctors appointment last month. The doctor confirmed the same information the clinic had given me, including a due date of 8/17 and everything seems to be fine with the baby so far. I'm 16 weeks, 2 days today and had another appointment today. They drew blood for the quad screening today and I'll get the results back in a few days. I pretty much gave up on abortion at this point because I'm way past the point of being able to take a pill for it and am too scared of the surgical abortion. At this point I'm heavily exploring adoption because I just can't imagine being a parent right now. My parents are...not happy. I think they'd rather I just give the baby away and go back to being their perfect daughter again. The father has basically told me he doesn't want to be a father and is planning to go to another state for college, so I can't depend on him either - but at least he's being honest about it now rather than pretending he would be there and then dropping out of my life. His family actually seems to be more understanding about everything though and I know his mom was upset when she found out he had told me he didn't want to be involved with a baby at all.

 

[erher]

Not sure if anyone cares for an update, but I did go to my first real doctors appointment last month. The doctor confirmed the same information the clinic had given me, including a due date of 8/17 and everything seems to be fine with the baby so far. I'm 16 weeks, 2 days today and had another appointment today. They drew blood for the quad screening today and I'll get the results back in a few days. I pretty much gave up on abortion at this point because I'm way past the point of being able to take a pill for it and am too scared of the surgical abortion. At this point I'm heavily exploring adoption because I just can't imagine being a parent right now. My parents are...not happy. I think they'd rather I just give the baby away and go back to being their perfect daughter again. The father has basically told me he doesn't want to be a father and is planning to go to another state for college, so I can't depend on him either - but at least he's being honest about it now rather than pretending he would be there and then dropping out of my life. His family actually seems to be more understanding about everything though and I know his mom was upset when she found out he had told me he didn't want to be involved with a baby at all.

I honestly logged on just to see your update. How are you feeling? Pregnancy can be a very emotional ride, especially towards the end. I'm honestly happy to know you're planning on carrying to term. Adoption is a fine choice. If you're not ready to the care of a child, there are wonderful families that will. That's a beautiful thing. I recommend enjoying the time with your little one. Your pregnancy will fly before your eyes. No matter what, he/she will be your first born. No one can take that away from you. My baby sister was adopted out. She decided to meet us when she got older. We talk on occasion. I'm truly glad she was adopted though. My childhood was unfortunate, to put things lightly. She avoided that and is a wonderful woman now. It's disappointing that the father isn't more supporting. That must be difficult. His loss. Cherish your experience. Keep your head up and don't let anyone's thoughts or feelings on your situation interfere with what's in your heart. Best wishes. H&H 9.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I think you could love and take care of this baby. I believe in you.

 

[blueberryx]

I honestly logged on just to see your update. How are you feeling? Pregnancy can be a very emotional ride, especially towards the end. I'm honestly happy to know you're planning on carrying to term. Adoption is a fine choice. If you're not ready to the care of a child, there are wonderful families that will. That's a beautiful thing. I recommend enjoying the time with your little one. Your pregnancy will fly before your eyes. No matter what, he/she will be your first born. No one can take that away from you. My baby sister was adopted out. She decided to meet us when she got older. We talk on occasion. I'm truly glad she was adopted though. My childhood was unfortunate, to put things lightly. She avoided that and is a wonderful woman now. It's disappointing that the father isn't more supporting. That must be difficult. His loss. Cherish your experience. Keep your head up and don't let anyone's thoughts or feelings on your situation interfere with what's in your heart. Best wishes. H&H 9.

Aww thank you. Honestly, my emotions have been crazy lately and since I last posted here. I’m like 18.5 weeks now. I did eventually decide that I was leaning toward adoption enough that I needed to take the next step and meet with an adoption agency to get more info. So my parents and I have a meeting with an agency tomorrow. I’m not 100% decided yet but feel pretty close. So after I started thinking about it I guess I rushed it a bit. I started looking at possible families and it just felt so weird and made me feel uncomfortable. I’m still leaning toward adoption but just need to take it one step at a time.

So over the past week or so I’ve just felt really depressed about the whole pregnancy. My bump is really obvious now, my boobs grew like 3 sizes overnight and are even leaking now. I started to fall behind in my school stuff because I couldn’t really focus on anything else and was just so tired all the time. I feel worse now than in the first trimester and I thought it was supposed to be the opposite.

The father has told me that he does care about what happens to me and the baby but he still doesn’t want to be a dad now. He has agreed to adoption and wants to be involved in that process.

 

[erher]

Aww thank you. Honestly, my emotions have been crazy lately and since I last posted here. I’m like 18.5 weeks now. I did eventually decide that I was leaning toward adoption enough that I needed to take the next step and meet with an adoption agency to get more info. So my parents and I have a meeting with an agency tomorrow. I’m not 100% decided yet but feel pretty close. So after I started thinking about it I guess I rushed it a bit. I started looking at possible families and it just felt so weird and made me feel uncomfortable. I’m still leaning toward adoption but just need to take it one step at a time.

So over the past week or so I’ve just felt really depressed about the whole pregnancy. My bump is really obvious now, my boobs grew like 3 sizes overnight and are even leaking now. I started to fall behind in my school stuff because I couldn’t really focus on anything else and was just so tired all the time. I feel worse now than in the first trimester and I thought it was supposed to be the opposite.

The father has told me that he does care about what happens to me and the baby but he still doesn’t want to be a dad now. He has agreed to adoption and wants to be involved in that process.

How so? What are you feeling? That's very exciting. About half way there. You'll probably be finding out the gender soon. Are you hoping for a boy or girl? Educating yourself is the best thing you can do for you and your baby. I'm glad your parents are by your side. Definitely think it through carefully. It's a big decision. Caring for a baby is loads of work, but it's heavily worth it. Both paths have their pros and cons. One step at a time is the way to go. This processes is one not to be rushed. Search in your heart and soul. Listen to your gut.
I'm sorry the past weeks haven't been great for you. Are you worried about others finding out? Your mind and body are going through a lot. Have you felt your baby move yet?
How do you feel about involving him in the process?

 

[blueberryx]

How so? What are you feeling? That's very exciting. About half way there. You'll probably be finding out the gender soon. Are you hoping for a boy or girl? Educating yourself is the best thing you can do for you and your baby. I'm glad your parents are by your side. Definitely think it through carefully. It's a big decision. Caring for a baby is loads of work, but it's heavily worth it. Both paths have their pros and cons. One step at a time is the way to go. This processes is one not to be rushed. Search in your heart and soul. Listen to your gut.
I'm sorry the past weeks haven't been great for you. Are you worried about others finding out? Your mind and body are going through a lot. Have you felt your baby move yet?
How do you feel about involving him in the process?

Well I just feel like my emotions have been on a rollercoaster lately. One second I feel okay and positive about moving forward with adoption and like I can somehow deal with this whole situation. I'm able to focus on other things in my life and in an okay mood. The next second it's like total despair and like I can't control my emotions and am on the verge of a breakdown and the only thing I can do is lay in bed and cry. I know pregnancy hormones are playing a part too. Honestly, a lot of the time lately I've been wishing that I had just had an abortion early on so I could just have my life back. I don't want anything to happen to the baby now and I don't want to harm it, but I just wish I wasn't pregnant. There are many times where I don't know how I'll make it enough 20 weeks (I'll be 20 weeks in a few days).

I have a scan this Friday and will find out if it's a boy or a girl. I don't really have a preference, maybe because I have a hard time picturing it as actually being my baby that I raise. But I just have a feeling that it's a girl for some reason.

Since I posted here last time my family and I met with one adoption agency and I didn't like they way they made me feel at all. The agency wasn't pressuring me and they did provide a lot of good information, but the way the counselor I spoke with talked to me made me feel like a dumb teenager. I can't describe the way it made me feel, I just didn't like it. So I started to feel even worse after that because I really wanted the meeting to go well. This week we met with a different agency and they made me feel much better and I felt like I could trust the counselor I spoke with there. I am going to SLOWLY start looking at potential families to see how I feel, but obviously not committed to anything yet. I just know that if the perfect family exists I'd like to find them soon so that I have time to get to know them.

At this point, everyone knows I'm pregnant and I'm very uncomfortable about it. It's very obvious now. I look at pictures of some people online and at 19 weeks they don't even have much of a bump yet, but there is no hiding mine anymore. I don't know if it's because I was thin and pretty short to begin with, so there is nowhere for everything to go but outwards. I ended up telling a few of my closest friends a few weeks ago when I was still hiding it. They were shocked and they still don't really know what to say. They try to say nice things, but they have no idea what I'm dealing with. Despite feeling so big already I haven't felt any movements. I hope everything is ok.

I have mixed feelings about involving the father. I talked to a few people with experience with adoption and they told me it will be much easier having him on board with the thole thing, especially when it comes to all the legal stuff. But I don't like that he thinks he can just say he doesn't plan to be involved with the baby if I keep it, but he's happy to be involved when I mention adoption. I'm sort of jealous that he can just make his decision so easily and it doesn't seem to bother him at all, while I am so torn and have to deal with it every day. It's like he is able to ignore the fact that I'm pregnant with HIS child 98% of the time. But honestly we were pretty close friends before this and I do want him to be there to talk to and to help me deal with some of this stuff. I miss not being as close to him or having him to talk to.

 

[LeahLou]

First off, you're incredibly brave! I got pregnant at 18 with my daughter and went through a lot of similar emotions.
I decided that I wanted to raise her even though her biological Dad wasnt in the picture. I met my now husband and the man that helped me raise her when she was 8 months old. It hasn't been an easy ride, but beyond rewarding.
Do what's best for you and the baby. Take your time and follow your instincts. Whether it be adoption or staying with you, you are doing so well!

 

[ClairAye]

Sorry things have been so tough!

 

[Cath_Heather]

Hi there. I admire how brave and strong you are. My best friend got pregnant at 17 and still finished school(she went to school with a huge bump). She was bullied but kept strong.

No matter what choice you make, I know you will make the right one. I hope you doing well xx

 

[MissWaiting]

You are doing so amazingly. I know your looking at adoption and I don't know if it will help but check out Phil and Alex on YouTube they have 2 open adoptions both their daughters are adopted and they have playlists on their channel specific to adoption so you don't need to watch their infertility videos but they talk about the adoption from their point of view and how it worked for them and even being their for birth mom doing 100 day adoption for their youngest and they only had 9 days with their eldest birth mom.
I hope that your doing ok and remember your so strong if you decide to put baby for adoption your doing what you think is best and if you keep baby your still such a strong woman xx

 

[HLx]

Following this thread! What a story! Hope we have an update x

 

[mridula]

You're such a strong girl May God bless you with all the more strength and happiness through all your future endeavors!!

Following this thread... waiting for an update too!

 

[Hickory]

Just came across your thread and wanted to chime in along with the other ladies and commend you on your bravery!

Pregnancy is a crazy time even for women who are in the most perfect situations and tried their hardest to get pregnant. Fathers who set out to be fathers can totally flip flop when their partners get pregnant! Knowing a baby is coming somehow makes even the most carefully laid plans seem like minefields. You are doing the best you can (and doing it very gracefully, I might add), so don't be hard on yourself when things feel incredibly overwhelming and challenging ... you are not alone!

Adoption is a beautiful option. A close friend of mine became pregnant on accident. She wants to live her life child-free and honestly had no business raising a kid at the time anyway, so she adopted her son to a local couple. It was the right thing for her to do, and years later she is still very happy with her decision.

Having a baby at this stage in life is challenging, but it's not a death sentence. Not only will you survive this, but you will thrive and succeed no matter what happens!

Hang in there girl.

 

[blueberryx]

Thanks for all the comments and support.
A lot has been going on since I last posted. I turned 17. I’m about 22 weeks now. At my 20 weeks scan I found out I’m having a boy. I was so sure it was a girl.

After finding out that it’s a boy and finally feeling him move this week, I’ve started to feel more of a connection to him. Before, I didn’t really feel a connection. I cared about my baby, but I didn’t feel a motherly connection or anything. This has made things more confusing for me in terms of figuring out what to do. In the meantime, the father and I found 2 adoptive families that we really like. I had looked at families before, like a month ago, and even though they all seemed like great families I didn’t see any that I could imagine my baby being part of. It made me feel depressed and uncomfortable so I decided to stop looking for a while. Now that I found an adoption agency that I like and am working with, I decided to start looking at families again by figured it’s be a while before I found any I liked, so I was really surprised and happy when I found 2 families in one day. I haven’t talked to them yet because the father and I just discussed them a few days ago and honestly I’m still sort of working up the courage to move onto the next step. Even though I’ve found these great families and feel like I’m making progress moving in that direction, these new feelings I’m having about the baby and making me question adoption. I just feel like it’s going to end up being an even harder decision than I thought, but I’m still leaning heavily toward adoption.

 

[HLx]

Thanks for all the comments and support.
A lot has been going on since I last posted. I turned 17. I’m about 22 weeks now. At my 20 weeks scan I found out I’m having a boy. I was so sure it was a girl.

After finding out that it’s a boy and finally feeling him move this week, I’ve started to feel more of a connection to him. Before, I didn’t really feel a connection. I cared about my baby, but I didn’t feel a motherly connection or anything. This has made things more confusing for me in terms of figuring out what to do. In the meantime, the father and I found 2 adoptive families that we really like. I had looked at families before, like a month ago, and even though they all seemed like great families I didn’t see any that I could imagine my baby being part of. It made me feel depressed and uncomfortable so I decided to stop looking for a while. Now that I found an adoption agency that I like and am working with, I decided to start looking at families again by figured it’s be a while before I found any I liked, so I was really surprised and happy when I found 2 families in one day. I haven’t talked to them yet because the father and I just discussed them a few days ago and honestly I’m still sort of working up the courage to move onto the next step. Even though I’ve found these great families and feel like I’m making progress moving in that direction, these new feelings I’m having about the baby and making me question adoption. I just feel like it’s going to end up being an even harder decision than I thought, but I’m still leaning heavily toward adoption.

Your so brave! Adoption is a lovely thing, but honestly I think if you kept your baby boy, you would be an amazing mum, you already seem very well educated and wiser beyond your years, I think you could do this!

Don't rush your decision, and take it slow if you have too.

My best friend had her baby girl at 17, the father wasn't around for long, but she done it with the help of her family and friends, her daughter is now 11 years old and they are like best friends

Just make sure whatever decision you make is what you absolutely want, not what others tell you to do x

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I agree! DONT do it if your heart says no because you cant take it back later. They arent babysitting, they would have your baby forever.

 

[Koifish]

First off your very strong taking on a difficult situation! Stay strong and keep going, it will work itself out! It’s nice that you are considering adoption (I was adopted into a wonderful family, and I am happy my birth mother made that choice, I don’t know her though). On the flip side it may not be a bad idea to wait and see how you feel about it first. If you are not 100% committed you don’t want to jump into anything. I know someone who regretted adopting out their child, just make sure that it’s something you won’t regret, don’t let others pressure you or make the decision for you. If you are 100% with it then go for it and know that you are doing the best thing you can for him, your self and those who would become his family. Also know if you keep him you can do it, you can be a fantastic mom and your still doing the best thing you can for you and him, your new family! I hope it all works out for you!