The BFP Before The 'Would Of Been' Due Date Thread - Any Joiners?

[Twinkie210]

Argh! Bloody OH. I'm really upset.
I don't know whether any of you agree with naming your losses?
Anyhow, surely you'd agree that if you've named some of them you just can't not name one of them???
Well my OH thinks so. He doesn't want to name the last miscarriage because supposingly it makes us go worse?!! I've said, I'll grieve no matter what. Naming it actually helps the grieving process. And I find it almost selfish in a way that he's doing it to try benefitting him as he doesn't want to have to deal with it. Yes it's hard. Yes grieving is not what everyone wants to do, but now I feel I'm on my own in grieving for it and he says I have to get on with these things Arrrgh! Then at the end of the text he says 'And I suppose we won't be doing that tonight' <<<< Regarding playing an Xbox game?!?! Does he have any consideration!!
What hurts the most is the fact that when naming the 3rd and I asked him he said 'well, I dont see why this one is of any less importance' which made me feel like he understood. Yet with the 4th he doesn't want to?! Because he doesn't want to accept it. He said 'Are we gonna keep naming all of our miscarriages?' ...Well, it's not like I want to keep having miscarriages, but you can't just stop just because you cant be arsed to go through it. They were still our babies, for however long it doesn't matter. But to you it's 'just another miscarriage' now

Argggh Rant Over!! Sorry girlies

Oh, I am sorry he is giving you a hard time. The nurse that runs my support group (who has been through counciling training) asked if we named ours and suggested we do because it helps with the grieving process. It reassures you that your baby was a real person, and you can grieve properly. I think whether or not you choose to name your babies is a personal choice. I didn't, give mine a name because I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl and me and DH disagree on what we think it was (I think boy, he thinks girl). So for us it is just little angel or baby light (our last name). I couldn't bear the thought of giving my baby the wrong gender name (I know it really doesn't matter, but for some reason this bothers me). I think that it is great that you give your babies names, it makes them more real and gives them an identity. I would tell DH that yes you are going to name this one and anymore that you may have, because it helps you. I am sure that he is just trying to cope and doesn't know how. My DH didn't want to talk about it much, he just thought it happened it was sad, but now we should move forward, but I wanted to talk about it. Even though it made me sad and I cried alot, it help to feel that way instead of bottle it all up. I think the names are the same way for you. It is sad to pick out a name for a baby that you never got to meet, but for you it is more helpful than pretending that your baby wasn't a real person deserving of a name...

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Argh! Bloody OH. I'm really upset.
I don't know whether any of you agree with naming your losses?
Anyhow, surely you'd agree that if you've named some of them you just can't not name one of them???
Well my OH thinks so. He doesn't want to name the last miscarriage because supposingly it makes us go worse?!! I've said, I'll grieve no matter what. Naming it actually helps the grieving process. And I find it almost selfish in a way that he's doing it to try benefitting him as he doesn't want to have to deal with it. Yes it's hard. Yes grieving is not what everyone wants to do, but now I feel I'm on my own in grieving for it and he says I have to get on with these things Arrrgh! Then at the end of the text he says 'And I suppose we won't be doing that tonight' <<<< Regarding playing an Xbox game?!?! Does he have any consideration!!
What hurts the most is the fact that when naming the 3rd and I asked him he said 'well, I dont see why this one is of any less importance' which made me feel like he understood. Yet with the 4th he doesn't want to?! Because he doesn't want to accept it. He said 'Are we gonna keep naming all of our miscarriages?' ...Well, it's not like I want to keep having miscarriages, but you can't just stop just because you cant be arsed to go through it. They were still our babies, for however long it doesn't matter. But to you it's 'just another miscarriage' now

Argggh Rant Over!! Sorry girlies

Oh, I am sorry he is giving you a hard time. The nurse that runs my support group (who has been through counciling training) asked if we named ours and suggested we do because it helps with the grieving process. It reassures you that your baby was a real person, and you can grieve properly. I think whether or not you choose to name your babies is a personal choice. I didn't, give mine a name because I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl and me and DH disagree on what we think it was (I think boy, he thinks girl). So for us it is just little angel or baby light (our last name). I couldn't bear the thought of giving my baby the wrong gender name (I know it really doesn't matter, but for some reason this bothers me). I think that it is great that you give your babies names, it makes them more real and gives them an identity. I would tell DH that yes you are going to name this one and anymore that you may have, because it helps you. I am sure that he is just trying to cope and doesn't know how. My DH didn't want to talk about it much, he just thought it happened it was sad, but now we should move forward, but I wanted to talk about it. Even though it made me sad and I cried alot, it help to feel that way instead of bottle it all up. I think the names are the same way for you. It is sad to pick out a name for a baby that you never got to meet, but for you it is more helpful than pretending that your baby wasn't a real person deserving of a name...

I understand what you mean with the whole gender thing, I couldn't bare that either. We chose unisex names that meant alot to us at that point. We decided on names that weren't exactly 'names' either. As I just didn't feel right giving them proper names if you know what i mean.
It would be easier if we hadn't named the other 3, but it's the fact we did and he doesn't want to name this one because it's more of an 'inconvenience' to him
I really like the sound of a support group, I'm definitely going to try look one up. But I'm just so shy which doesn't help x x

 

[Srbjbex]

We called ours Bubba - we were calling him Bubba while he was still alive (although we dont know if was boy or girl), and now we have carried on talking about Bubba, and how much he meant to us, even though we only knew about him for a few weeks.

I would say it definitely helped us.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Thanks srbjbex
I call my losses my bubba's good name
He agreed before that it helps, I just know he hates the whole miscarriage scenario's. He just doesn't see that no one likes them, but unfortunately it's life. He believes if he ignores them and just looks to the future, that's the answer
But like Twinkie, I like to talk, But he hates it because I just cry
I think in some respects he's making me grieve for longer because I feel most of the time I can't open up to him,and apart from you ladies, that's all I've got x x

 

[SweetJennie]

I would like to join this thread as well. We lost our little one at 10 weeks (MMC) and he/she would have been due Feb 16th. I really don't know how I will cope with that date if I am not pregnant by then. But our chances of getting pregnant I know are almost non-existant.

I know how you feel about naming your baby. We called ours Reese. It was gender non-specific and lets me feel closer. I really deeply miss my baby. I thought with time it would get better but sadly it isn't.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Welcome SweetJennie, Sorry to hear of the loss of your dear sweet Reese
It is so hard, but we get through it. I'm still trying too, I think we all are - but we will all get there eventually.
Have you found anything that helps then? x x

 

[chiapso]

aww what a nice idea, mine was 26th February.

I miscarried at 10 weeks MMC only a 2mm fetal pole but he was our Oliver x

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Welcome Chiapso
Sorry for your loss - hopefully we'll all help eachother x

 

[SweetJennie]

Welcome SweetJennie, Sorry to hear of the loss of your dear sweet Reese
It is so hard, but we get through it. I'm still trying too, I think we all are - but we will all get there eventually.
Have you found anything that helps then? x x

Keeping busy is the only thing that keeps my going. Stopping or thinking about it usually spells disaster. I've been so upset I'm sure that is the reason my cycle is so wonky this month! Ugh. How do you cope with it all?

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Keeping busy is the only thing that keeps my going. Stopping or thinking about it usually spells disaster. I've been so upset I'm sure that is the reason my cycle is so wonky this month! Ugh. How do you cope with it all?

I found keeping busy helped a lot too, but I realised I was trying to block it all out and realised that wasn't healthy at all. So I'm trying to find ways to actually get through it.
I've found BnB is a god send, writing letters help also, making CD of songs that are meaningful or relevant, I'm planning to get a tattoo as well, but still trying to think of what to have
Is your OH coping ok? x x

 

[Twinkie210]

I understand what you mean with the whole gender thing, I couldn't bare that either. We chose unisex names that meant alot to us at that point. We decided on names that weren't exactly 'names' either. As I just didn't feel right giving them proper names if you know what i mean.
It would be easier if we hadn't named the other 3, but it's the fact we did and he doesn't want to name this one because it's more of an 'inconvenience' to him
I really like the sound of a support group, I'm definitely going to try look one up. But I'm just so shy which doesn't help x x

I am a very shy person, or at least on a "talkative" person, and I still find it helpful. Our group is very small, usually only 5 or 6 people, so still intimate and not intimidating. And if you don't feel like talking that night you are not pressured to, it is completely up to you. Sometimes just going and meeting women and listening to their stories, complaints, problems, helps... even without sharing your own feelings.

 

[Twinkie210]

Thanks srbjbex
I call my losses my bubba's good name
He agreed before that it helps, I just know he hates the whole miscarriage scenario's. He just doesn't see that no one likes them, but unfortunately it's life. He believes if he ignores them and just looks to the future, that's the answer
But like Twinkie, I like to talk, But he hates it because I just cry
I think in some respects he's making me grieve for longer because I feel most of the time I can't open up to him,and apart from you ladies, that's all I've got x x

I think that men in general think crying is weak and that it means that we are not grieving. To them if you don't cry everything is fine. To us it isn't. Crying is how I express my feelings (pretty much any feeling for me, happy, sad, angry, worried... I cry no matter what!). Crying makes me feel better now worse. Crying actually makes me feel stronger, in some weird way, like "OK I am dealing with this and I am making it, so I can deal with stuff in the future too."

I love everyone's names, btw. I am keeping busy. I recently started teaching Sunday School at church (well I haven't officially started yet, not until Nov), and I am busy with my son's activities too. I also am kind of glad that the holidays are coming up soon because I am sure that will be a distraction from TTC!

 

[xxxjessxxx]

I am a very shy person, or at least on a "talkative" person, and I still find it helpful. Our group is very small, usually only 5 or 6 people, so still intimate and not intimidating. And if you don't feel like talking that night you are not pressured to, it is completely up to you. Sometimes just going and meeting women and listening to their stories, complaints, problems, helps... even without sharing your own feelings.

Ahh ok Im shy, until I get to know someone and then I don't shut up lol!!
I'm definitely going to look one up as soon as I've finished replying to everyone
Thank you very much How long have you been going to yours then and how often are they held? x

 

[bes_]

Hi I am here. I would like to join this thread. It seems like a good idea. My first mmc was on December 9, 2009. Didn't know the gender but I had a dream that I was carrying a little girl so I named her Emmalin Madisyn. She would've been born in July 2010, according to my calculations. But since I had a more recent loss in July 2011.. We didn't know the gender/exactly how far along I was but again I felt like it was a boy. We named him Kaiden David. And according to my calculations and the dates he was due March 3rd, 2012. I miss both of my babies and I hope I get pregnant before March. So mark me down for March 3rd.

Ladies, I wish you luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

I think that men in general think crying is weak and that it means that we are not grieving. To them if you don't cry everything is fine. To us it isn't. Crying is how I express my feelings (pretty much any feeling for me, happy, sad, angry, worried... I cry no matter what!). Crying makes me feel better now worse. Crying actually makes me feel stronger, in some weird way, like "OK I am dealing with this and I am making it, so I can deal with stuff in the future too."

I love everyone's names, btw. I am keeping busy. I recently started teaching Sunday School at church (well I haven't officially started yet, not until Nov), and I am busy with my son's activities too. I also am kind of glad that the holidays are coming up soon because I am sure that will be a distraction from TTC!

Yeah, OH admitted it isn't 'manly' and I said to him, I see it as being manly. As it shows they've got the confidence to do it, even if people do see it as weak in society - he said I've opened him up now though and he's finding it hard to close up again so I may be getting somewhere He still doesn't come to talk to me though.
The names are good Ahh what made you decide to do that then? Are you religious or anything?
Lol yes! TTC is like and illness sometimes I swear! x

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Hi I am here. I would like to join this thread. It seems like a good idea. My first mmc was on December 9, 2009. Didn't know the gender but I had a dream that I was carrying a little girl so I named her Emmalin Madisyn. She would've been born in July 2010, according to my calculations. But since I had a more recent loss in July 2011.. We didn't know the gender/exactly how far along I was but again I felt like it was a boy. We named him Kaiden David. And according to my calculations and the dates he was due March 3rd, 2012. I miss both of my babies and I hope I get pregnant before March. So mark me down for March 3rd.

Ladies, I wish you luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Hello bes
Glad you've come to join! I absolutely LOVE your names!!!!
I will mark you down straight after this
Fx'd you do get there! You feel like you've ovulated or close to yet? x

 

[bes_]

Hi I am here. I would like to join this thread. It seems like a good idea. My first mmc was on December 9, 2009. Didn't know the gender but I had a dream that I was carrying a little girl so I named her Emmalin Madisyn. She would've been born in July 2010, according to my calculations. But since I had a more recent loss in July 2011.. We didn't know the gender/exactly how far along I was but again I felt like it was a boy. We named him Kaiden David. And according to my calculations and the dates he was due March 3rd, 2012. I miss both of my babies and I hope I get pregnant before March. So mark me down for March 3rd.

Ladies, I wish you luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Hello bes
Glad you've come to join! I absolutely LOVE your names!!!!
I will mark you down straight after this
Fx'd you do get there! You feel like you've ovulated or close to yet? x

Thank you I'm not sure everything is messed up with me Im pretty sure i'm ovulating today though.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Hi I am here. I would like to join this thread. It seems like a good idea. My first mmc was on December 9, 2009. Didn't know the gender but I had a dream that I was carrying a little girl so I named her Emmalin Madisyn. She would've been born in July 2010, according to my calculations. But since I had a more recent loss in July 2011.. We didn't know the gender/exactly how far along I was but again I felt like it was a boy. We named him Kaiden David. And according to my calculations and the dates he was due March 3rd, 2012. I miss both of my babies and I hope I get pregnant before March. So mark me down for March 3rd.

Ladies, I wish you luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Hello bes
Glad you've come to join! I absolutely LOVE your names!!!!
I will mark you down straight after this
Fx'd you do get there! You feel like you've ovulated or close to yet? x

Thank you I'm not sure everything is messed up with me Im pretty sure i'm ovulating today though.

Bodies are confusing aren't they
I think I might ovulate tonight, tomorrow or tomorrow night lol, as my cervix is starting to get into it's position.
So do you use OPK's or anything then? x

 

[bes_]

Bodies are confusing aren't they
I think I might ovulate tonight, tomorrow or tomorrow night lol, as my cervix is starting to get into it's position.
So do you use OPK's or anything then? x

Yes they are very confusing and they drive me mad.
lol fxed for you
No, i don't use OPKs or anything. i plan on starting to temp and use charts but I usually just know when I ovulate and when af comes but ever since my loss in July i've been all messed up. So I hope I can get back on track so i know all of these things.
Do you use OPKs?

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Haha that's our bodies for you
Thanks The last few months it hasn't so I'm hoping this is a good sign, that if ovulation is going back to normal then hopefully pregnancy will be smooth sailing too
Oh right, I know what you mean. I was the same. My body didn't have EWCM or show any signs of ovulation ofter the first miscarriage, but obviously I have been ovulating because I've caught eggy's since.
I was going to use OPK's this month as well as chart. Got my thermometer but haven't got round to doing it And then OPK's I figured don't reeeeally make a differenve as it's kind of always guarenteed me and OH will have atleast once a night So knowing when I ovulate wont make much of a difference x