The dumb $&#% people say to those LTTTC

[Hayleyn]

"Whats meant to be will be"
"everything happens for a reason"
"Hang in there, it WILL happen eventually"
"You need to relax a little for it to happen"
"Are you doing something wrong"

Phhhhttt... some people.. the nerve... ugh

How in the world do you "do something wrong". There is only one way to get pregnant with no intervention. Unless both partners are clueless and the OH is hitting the wrong hole... Well that is the stupidest question for a person to ask. All of them are stupid. You ladies need hugs and support not bash down parties. My gosh what is wrong with people. Ladies I am sorry and I hope for all you to get you BFP.

 

[Mariposa21]

"Whats meant to be will be"
"everything happens for a reason"
"Hang in there, it WILL happen eventually"
"You need to relax a little for it to happen"
"Are you doing something wrong"

Phhhhttt... some people.. the nerve... ugh

How in the world do you "do something wrong". There is only one way to get pregnant with no intervention. Unless both partners are clueless and the OH is hitting the wrong hole... Well that is the stupidest question for a person to ask. All of them are stupid. You ladies need hugs and support not bash down parties. My gosh what is wrong with people. Ladies I am sorry and I hope for all you to get you BFP.

Aww bless ya, what a nice message x

 

[phoenixrose]

"Whats meant to be will be"
"everything happens for a reason"
"Hang in there, it WILL happen eventually"
"You need to relax a little for it to happen"
"Are you doing something wrong"

Phhhhttt... some people.. the nerve... ugh

How in the world do you "do something wrong". There is only one way to get pregnant with no intervention. Unless both partners are clueless and the OH is hitting the wrong hole... Well that is the stupidest question for a person to ask. All of them are stupid. You ladies need hugs and support not bash down parties. My gosh what is wrong with people. Ladies I am sorry and I hope for all you to get you BFP.

Aww bless ya, what a nice message x

I second that notion! Great message, thank you!

 

[Bookworm]

I had a corker from my mum today and it has me
We're 4 days passed Embryo transfer on our first ever ICSI & today my mum, who knows all about it & is normally great about these things says:

Well hopefully it's all going to work but if it doesn't work this time maybe it'll be a message to you to do things differently next time

This is a reference to the fact that she (with no medical knowledge or direct experience) prescribed me 2 weeks complete bed rest while I only took 3 days out before returning to my desk job... I've no dr advice to rest at all!!!

I couldn't believe that she would be so insensitive as to suggest I've already created the failure of my, as yet incomplete, cycle!! I'm so irritated

But on the lighter side when my SIL was TTC with assisted contraceptive (family condition affecting our hubbies who are brothers) they were really open and our FIL regularly asked her when her AF was due

 

[phoenixrose]

I had a corker from my mum today and it has me
We're 4 days passed Embryo transfer on our first ever ICSI & today my mum, who knows all about it & is normally great about these things says:

Well hopefully it's all going to work but if it doesn't work this time maybe it'll be a message to you to do things differently next time

This is a reference to the fact that she (with no medical knowledge or direct experience) prescribed me 2 weeks complete bed rest while I only took 3 days out before returning to my desk job... I've no dr advice to rest at all!!!

I couldn't believe that she would be so insensitive as to suggest I've already created the failure of my, as yet incomplete, cycle!! I'm so irritated

But on the lighter side when my SIL was TTC with assisted contraceptive (family condition affecting our hubbies who are brothers) they were really open and our FIL regularly asked her when her AF was due

WOW! It never ceases to amaze me what people actually say. I think a lot of people have defective filters and don't think before they speak. I would be irritated at that too! Sometimes I hate it when my DH talks about 6 months from now in terms of possibly not being pg and finances, and I know he's just being logical but I just hear "your not pg this time." Uhhh!

 

[lovie]

best of luck with your ivf cycle book worm! 3 days bedrest seams like more than enough to me .. not that im an expert...

my mum said to me when i told her about our ttc struggles

mum "yes but it will be h's (oh) issue not yours)"
me "he had ivf with his ex (female issues no ovulation) his sa was perfect"
mum "yes but you never know maybe the sperm cant get into the egg... or maybe its chromosone issues! there are all sorts of things that could be wrong with hm!!"... (like this is a good thing!)


its like she hope the ttc issues are with him, like if they are with him then thats fine... if I (her little girl) has no issues then thats fine, everyone is happy... i understand she has another daughter, my little sis who is 8 and to have a female factor infertility would be scary incase she inherits it aswell. she doesnt understand that we are ttc together, out ttc issues are together not mine or his!

 

[zanDark]

How in the world do you "do something wrong". There is only one way to get pregnant with no intervention. Unless both partners are clueless and the OH is hitting the wrong hole... Well that is the stupidest question for a person to ask. All of them are stupid. You ladies need hugs and support not bash down parties. My gosh what is wrong with people. Ladies I am sorry and I hope for all you to get you BFP.

this is very sweet thank you for the breath of fresh air

 

[itakp]

I went back to work after 4 weeks off sick during which two of my 50 female colleagues announced their pregnancy (tough enough for me). My work place has a long history of the ´who´s next´ game.

One of my colleagues then told me she was happy I was pregnant, too. Obviously news to me. Turns out my boss had been telling everyone we´re TTC and gave people the impression that I, indeed, am next! I am fuming as my boss knows full well all the investigations we have been having so far and how we didn´t want anyone to know! (she only knows as I had to ask for time off to be able to have these investigations done!)

And so to the corker: `you do know you have to have sex to get pregnant?´. Ummm, really?!

God, I love my job...

 

[NavyWife84]

A woman at my work who I thought I could talk to about fertility problems b/c she was told she couldn't get preggo years ago...long story short, she is now expecting after just a couple months of trying and told me in a not so suttle way...Anyway, she has always been a drama queen anyway. We were bringing our students to an assembly (we're teachers) and there were no seats put out for the teachers to sit on. I said, "no worries, we can just sit on the floor with our kids." We teach kindergarten, so sitting on the floor is a daily thing. She replied, "oh no, I can't sit on the floor in my condition!"

I just looked at her, but I wanted to say, "you're 8 weeks pregnant, not disabled!" Sheesh...if she can't do something as easy as sitting on the floor at 8 weeks pregnant, just think how the next 7 months are going to be!!! What's going to happen when she gets pregnant with her second one and the first is needing to be picked up, bathed, played with, etc!?

Sorry, I just hate when women 1) treat pregnancy as a "condition" and 2) act helpless when they are pregnant. Women have been getting pregnant since the beginning of time and have been able to lead normal, active lives in that "condition"

 

[NavyWife84]

I went back to work after 4 weeks off sick during which two of my 50 female colleagues announced their pregnancy (tough enough for me). My work place has a long history of the ´who´s next´ game.

One of my colleagues then told me she was happy I was pregnant, too. Obviously news to me. Turns out my boss had been telling everyone we´re TTC and gave people the impression that I, indeed, am next! I am fuming as my boss knows full well all the investigations we have been having so far and how we didn´t want anyone to know! (she only knows as I had to ask for time off to be able to have these investigations done!)

And so to the corker: `you do know you have to have sex to get pregnant?´. Ummm, really?!

God, I love my job...

Ugh...something similar just happened to me...I told my boss in the beginning of the school year that I am going through testing for infertility so I would need to take a lot of half days and such. She told me to do what I needed to do. They had our Christmas party last Saturday and I wasn't able to make it. A coworker of mine told me that my principal was telling people that 3 people in our school are already pregnant. When my coworker asked her who the third person was, she said it was me! WTF?! This is after telling her that I would be out one day this week for a medical procedure. I didn't go into the fact that the medical procedure was an HSG because I figured she would connect the dots and know that the procedure had to do with my infertility. I don't know how many people she told that I was preggo, but I am so not happy about it! I just wish people would keep their mouths shut!!!

 

[readyformore]

A woman at my work who I thought I could talk to about fertility problems b/c she was told she couldn't get preggo years ago...long story short, she is now expecting after just a couple months of trying and told me in a not so suttle way...Anyway, she has always been a drama queen anyway. We were bringing our students to an assembly (we're teachers) and there were no seats put out for the teachers to sit on. I said, "no worries, we can just sit on the floor with our kids." We teach kindergarten, so sitting on the floor is a daily thing. She replied, "oh no, I can't sit on the floor in my condition!"

I just looked at her, but I wanted to say, "you're 8 weeks pregnant, not disabled!" Sheesh...if she can't do something as easy as sitting on the floor at 8 weeks pregnant, just think how the next 7 months are going to be!!! What's going to happen when she gets pregnant with her second one and the first is needing to be picked up, bathed, played with, etc!?

Sorry, I just hate when women 1) treat pregnancy as a "condition" and 2) act helpless when they are pregnant. Women have been getting pregnant since the beginning of time and have been able to lead normal, active lives in that "condition"

Reminds me of a teacher that was pregnant at my son's school a couple of years ago.

We were going on the bus to a field trip to the cider mill. It was about a 20 minute drive away.
The pregnant teacher didn't attend. I asked her colleague why. She told me that the pregnant teacher was afraid of bouncing up and down on the bus. She also was afraid that she might go into labor while on the field trip. What? It's not like we were going to Antartica. Typically, a first labor lasts at least 16-20 hours. I'm sure she would have had plenty of time to call for a separate ride, get back to work, finish teaching the day, go out to dinner, take a shower, clean the house, walk the dog, wash her baby clothes, pack her hospital bag, then go to the hospital and wait 10 hours for her baby to be born.

 

[StorkStalker]

One of the things I get a lot that I hate is: It´s all in your head... It´s because you always over analize things.. Ok.. I do over analize things.. But in this case, how can someone think one may find confort in thinking something is all in your head.. So, because I want this too much my mind shuts my body down and I´m not getting it?? And if it is so, and they are so blunt in telling me, could they please explain to me how to fix my head?? The answer is No.

 

[Armywife84]

So I felt obligated to go Christmas shopping with DH's cousin yesterday. She's nice but I knew I would have to face talk about pregnant wenches (don't care) and whatever else she goes on about.

We're eating lunch at the mall food court and she starts talking about how the condom broke between her and her boyfriend. She rushed out to get the morning after pill because she told me everyone in her family is SO FERTILE. Are you fecking kidding me?? Mind you I've opened up about our infertility to her.

I sit there a little stunned and she babbles on with her story..Then I interrupt and correct her, "No, not everyone in your family is fertile because we're facing MF when I've checked out just fine". She gave me this dumb look and said she thought I was on Clomid because the issue was with me. No, honey.

Then she goes on about how my SIL (they're close) got pregnant because there was no more stress. Which is complete and utter BS, because they were just finished moving across the US..then she gets pregnant. Also note, they're NOT infertile.

So fecking mad, if I wanted to know information about them I would ask. In which I don't, so that would tell you something right there!!

 

[LaurenTCanada]

"stop trying so hard"
"when you stop trying it will happen"
"if it is meant to be it will happen"
"it will happen when you least expect it"

Oooooooo! You hit the nail on the head with those! I have told people off for saying those.

What have you said to them to tell them off?! I always want to tell them off, but don't want to be rude about it!

 

[phoenixrose]

"stop trying so hard"
"when you stop trying it will happen"
"if it is meant to be it will happen"
"it will happen when you least expect it"

Oooooooo! You hit the nail on the head with those! I have told people off for saying those.

What have you said to them to tell them off?! I always want to tell them off, but don't want to be rude about it!

Oh gosh! Well it wasn't exactly a 'telling off' but more like an explanation. A good friend of mine was trying to be supportive. I think she was just telling me what she would want to hear, but I'm not her. She's a more relaxed person and I'm a high strung, control freak. So she said things like, relax, you're worried about it too much, and when you least expect it it will happen. Well after hearing her say that for the 10th time on some random afternoon after 15 of ttc, I told her not to say that anymore, it wasn't helping me, and to say that was really hurtful because it meant that she didn't know me at all. I asked her "how long have you known me, and how many times have you ever seen me calm down about something and not take control of it?" I also told her that when she says things like "it will happen when you least expect it" makes me feel as though it will never happen, because I expect it every month. Needless to say, she never said anything about it again. Now I've been ttc for 25 months and she hasn't said anymore silly things like that. And actually she now feels my pain a bit more now, or even more so. She actually got naturally pg with twins and then miscarried. That was over a year ago and she hasn't been able to get pg again yet and started seeing a FS.

I think the best way is just to be honest about how you feel without getting defensive or angry. Even if it means that you have to tell them they made you cry, even if you have to say it in a text cause you can't say it directly to them. Sometimes I think people think they're just being helpful and don't quite realize how hurtful they are actually being and only we can tell them how we want to be treated.

 

[itakp]

Another gem at work today: "so, you´ve not sat in the right chair yet". Yes, please remind me that everyone there seems to be pregnant but me, thanks.

 

[Skoer1360]

So, I went to the Dr today to get my blood drawn for progesterone because of my spotting and the phlebotomist was attempting to make small talk to distract me and asked what they were testing for so I said progesterone and she looked at me all quizzical so I gave her a rundown of why and my short cycles, etc and she looked at me and just said "Well that can't be, you're far too young to have these sorts of issues! You should relax a little more.."

Um I'm sorry but what the fuck? Nooo shit I'm too young for this, but it's happening! And anyway who are you?? AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

[NavyWife84]

Try not to think about it and just enjoy the holidays...no sense in bringing everyone else down!

I think I posted thi in another thread somewhere but I am still fuming. My sister said this to me (as she was holding her baby) right after I found out that my tubes are blocked! She has said this almost every time I talk to her lately! She is just trying to help and I kind of ignore it, but what I want to say is:
Imagine someone came up to you and just tore your reproductive organs out of your body (I really feel like something has been taken from me) and then shoves all sorts of children in your face bc christmas after all is about children. And then they tell you to enjoy being with these children knowing that it will take a very unlikely miracle for you to have this joy. Oh and don't forget to watch the joy, happiness, bliss, all those wonderful things in a mothers eyes when your fertile sister and sil look at their children.
But sure...ill do my best not to ruin the holidays for everyone else! Although to be honest I already hide as much sadness as I can from my family

 

[zanDark]

But sure...ill do my best not to ruin the holidays for everyone else! Although to be honest I already hide as much sadness as I can from my family

 

[Missus_L]

Ooooo I have quite a few of these!!!

Go out and get drunk is a favourite of our friends
Stop trying and it will happen
Why do you need to lose even more weight to have IVF, I know fatter people who have had kids so thats a load of crap!
Just adopt if you want it that much
Why would you want to go through all the discomfort and pain anyways
If it doesn't happen naturally then thats how it should be - all the tablets and different treatments are just a waste of time (locam GP)
If your prey to my god and say 'I believe' then you will have a child (locam Asian GP)
You know that kids will change your life, do you want that to change?
You won't need any treatment, all the stress and worry your putting yourself through is the only thing thats stopping you
You've been together for 10 1/2 years, married for nearly 4 years - when you gunna pop a kid out????

I am sick to death of telling people the science behind having a child!!!