Emerald, I am so happy you found this group of lovely ladies here. As you said, knowing you're not alone helps a lot. I know that was the case with me too.
When it comes to little ones who aren't latching (whether there's a reason or not) we need to ask ourselves, who are we trying to breastfeed for? This was the question I asked myself about a month ago and I realised that I was trying to get my little guy to latch because of all the pressure being put on me by LCs and BFing (I'll try not to say nazis) 'advocates' - especially those ones who write all those scary articles that we've all seen lurking on the internet. I realised that I was okay with pumping - a hell of a lot happier doing this than trying to get him to latch. And of course, he's much happier with the bottle. You know why? Because he can drink my breastmilk easily, fill himself up and grow up big and strong. He can't do this on the boob - just like lots of other babies out there.
If there were no such thing as feeding from the breast and everyone bottle fed and you noticed that your little one didn't like the brand of bottles you have (couldn't suck from them etc) but they fed really well from another brand of bottle, you wouldn't keep pushing the first one on them, would you? You'd stick with the second one, because at the end of the day you are providing your baby with nourishment - that's the whole point of it all.
Yes, it's hard doing this, but I believe that it gets A LOT better once you remove that pressure. I remember I was pumping and I thought to myself, "I really should do the right thing and get him to learn how to breastfeed. It's the right thing to do. I should be able to do this. He should be able to do this." Keep in mind, I was happily pumping before this but then I looked at some of those BF websites and got the guilts. So I let him rest on my chest and find his way. When he got there he was crying from frustration, I ended up in tears too. I realised just how much this was upsetting both of us, whereas mere moments earlier he was blissfully feeding from a bottle and before that I was expressing happily (until I read those silly articles online). I wasn't trying to feed him from my breast for him or myself... it was because other people made me feel like I should keep on trying.
Why do these people place so much emphasis on the
method of delivery as opposed to whether the food is being delivered or not? It makes zero sense to me. I'm lucky enough to have a very close friend who's a doctor and her dad's a pediatrician and her mum is a pediatric nurse - they all think it's insane how women beat themselves up about these things. They keep me in line when I feel bad about myself (which isn't very often these days). They absolutely HATE the pressure that Breastfeeding Associations put on people. In fact, her dad shudders at the thought of them (and the vast majority of LCs) and calls them a bunch of extremists who throw out 'information' and 'statistics' with no real scientific or medical basis. Don't get him started on women being made to feel bad about formula!
We're all doing so well. Our babies deserve parents who are happy, who love them, feed them and protect them. If something doesn't feel right or it isn't working, don't do it. As long as you're ticking all those boxes, that's what matters.
As for whether we're BFing or not, isn't this thread within the BF section? Not that it even matters anyway. Don't let anyone tell you that you won't bond with your child if they don't feed at the breast. That is the biggest stinking pile of bollocks ever!!! You should see the way my little guy follows me around the room when someone else is holding him.
Look, there are many ways you can feed your child. They are all perfectly healthy options. Breastfeeding is not easy for everyone. It does not just happen for everyone. If it did, then why are there so many LCs knocking about, sucking our wallets dry?
Yay for us!
