The LTTTC thread for everyone.

[crystal443]

I understand what your saying, and that's the thing with chemicals its over and done with so quick it doesn't feel real on the other side of that if things have to end its much better its ends in a chemical then further along

I never thought we'd get a BFP again especially after trying for so bloody long after DS but it does happen, thankfully It will be stressful in your TWW but if you talk about it it does seem to ease things a bit but I would be lying if I said you won't worry now. I worry I won't get a BFP and I worry I will get a BFP

Will you be starting progesterone after you O this time or will you and see for a BFP?

 

[LLbean]

I know what you mean Crystal... That's why I always say now I don't just want a BFP... I want a healthy sticky BFP that produces a heathy baby

 

[crystal443]

I know what you mean Crystal... That's why I always say now I don't just want a BFP... I want a healthy sticky BFP that produces a heathy baby

I actually remember when you wrote that in your journal and its so true, its one thing to get the BFP but its another ballgame to get the healthy sticky bean I never ask for just a BFP since then, I now ask for a BFP with a healthy sticky bean and healthy baby

 

[Bravemom]

Good morning hopeful

 

[H0pefulagain]

morning, Bmom! How are you today?

It's 1:30am and I can't sleep so googling (baaad idea!)

 

[Milty]

The Progestrone bit us the kicker. My levels have always been great in my 21 day blood test. But now I'm not sure. I still have tons if it if I need it.

 

[peacebaby]

This is probably bad for me but I almost can't believe I was really pg. I mean I it's hard to think I've had a loss because I hadn't really thought I was pg except for a split second.

I'm also to scared to go down this thought process because I know and my doc confirmed my best chances lay in the next two months. If I ever want to hold another one of my babies again it may be now or never. So I can't stress or worry ...

Milty lots of

Thats the thing with a chemical - its hard to actually believe it and the truth is most people, esp docs, doubt it when you say you have had one thats why i had the beta in June so I could prove it, sad but real. It all happens so quick that your head's in a spin the whole time. Then when its over you have to step back, come to terms with it and move on because the next precious cycle awaits. The whole process is a whirlwind so what you're feeling is perfectly normal. But you will get through it! Physically, it varies so much and a lot depends on your body deals with the hormonal swing. My ov stayed pretty much the same but its a good idea to be more careful than usual so you dont miss anything.

 

[peacebaby]

I know what you mean Crystal... That's why I always say now I don't just want a BFP... I want a healthy sticky BFP that produces a heathy baby

My mantra is for a healthy live baby here at home. I doubt I will ever relax even it the was 38th week! I may sound crazy but it is what it is.

I've just come back from an traumatic 3hr IV. My goodness it took three massive needles to get a cannula going. Eventually the nurse did it on the back of my hand, it was so painful i was ready to say forget it. I was anxious the whole time and got obsessed about whether the medicine was actually going in Met a lady there who has been ttc for 10 yrs, this is her 9th Ivf cycle and the only bfp she got was an ectopic 5 yrs ago. She said she's giving up after this and really didnt have much hope left for this cycle. I felt so terribly sad for her and very guilty for my 3 bfps even though they were mc's. I really hope & pray it works out for her.

The realisation that this immune protocol doesn't always fix things hit me real hard because she had it for the last 3 ivf's. I knew that well enough but to be faced with someone for whom it hasn't worked made it real

 

[LLbean]

I know what you mean Crystal... That's why I always say now I don't just want a BFP... I want a healthy sticky BFP that produces a heathy baby

My mantra is for a healthy live baby here at home. I doubt I will ever relax even it the was 38th week! I may sound crazy but it is what it is.

I've just come back from an traumatic 3hr IV. My goodness it took three massive needles to get a cannula going. Eventually the nurse did it on the back of my hand, it was so painful i was ready to say forget it. I was anxious the whole time and got obsessed about whether the medicine was actually going in Met a lady there who has been ttc for 10 yrs, this is her 9th Ivf cycle and the only bfp she got was an ectopic 5 yrs ago. She said she's giving up after this and really didnt have much hope left for this cycle. I felt so terribly sad for her and very guilty for my 3 bfps even though they were mc's. I really hope & pray it works out for her.

The realisation that this immune protocol doesn't always fix things hit me real hard because she had it for the last 3 ivf's. I knew that well enough but to be faced with someone for whom it hasn't worked made it real

 

[Rashaa]

I am sending everyone major

Our points of view and bottom lines have become so skewed because of this TTC'ing...all of us have seen and experienced the heartache of losses be they CP's, MMC's or all out M/C's... It really makes me think that there is so much *more* we can impart on the younger generations...for example...I *wholeheartedly* would have loved to bank my eggs before 40...I just never thought ahead, nor did I think I would need it...but going through what we have been through, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I was thinking the other day...when we get to the end [our baby in our arms]...we don't always think of (remember) how we got there...but thankfully, so many of us have documented and journaled the way...

 

[Bravemom]

I am sending everyone major

Our points of view and bottom lines have become so skewed because of this TTC'ing...all of us have seen and experienced the heartache of losses be they CP's, MMC's or all out M/C's... It really makes me think that there is so much *more* we can impart on the younger generations...for example...I *wholeheartedly* would have loved to bank my eggs before 40...I just never thought ahead, nor did I think I would need it...but going through what we have been through, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I was thinking the other day...when we get to the end [our baby in our arms]...we don't always think of (remember) how we got there...but thankfully, so many of us have documented and journaled the way...

 

[readyformore]

I've just come back from an traumatic 3hr IV. My goodness it took three massive needles to get a cannula going. Eventually the nurse did it on the back of my hand, it was so painful i was ready to say forget it. I was anxious the whole time and got obsessed about whether the medicine was actually going in Met a lady there who has been ttc for 10 yrs, this is her 9th Ivf cycle and the only bfp she got was an ectopic 5 yrs ago. She said she's giving up after this and really didnt have much hope left for this cycle. I felt so terribly sad for her and very guilty for my 3 bfps even though they were mc's. I really hope & pray it works out for her.

The realisation that this immune protocol doesn't always fix things hit me real hard because she had it for the last 3 ivf's. I knew that well enough but to be faced with someone for whom it hasn't worked made it real

That poor poor woman. I can't even imagine.

Sorry the IVF went so poorly and you got a big reality check. Can't we just live under a bubble until our treatments are over?

You've lost 3 babies Peace, why in the world would you feel guilty for that?

 

[readyformore]

I am sending everyone major

Our points of view and bottom lines have become so skewed because of this TTC'ing...all of us have seen and experienced the heartache of losses be they CP's, MMC's or all out M/C's... It really makes me think that there is so much *more* we can impart on the younger generations...for example...I *wholeheartedly* would have loved to bank my eggs before 40...I just never thought ahead, nor did I think I would need it...but going through what we have been through, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I was thinking the other day...when we get to the end [our baby in our arms]...we don't always think of (remember) how we got there...but thankfully, so many of us have documented and journaled the way...

Hi Rashaa!
I like your points here.

I have to say that after my own experiences, I'm that person.......I'm the "baby pusher." For those couples I know that are planning on having kids, but haven't gotten started yet I do annoy them with reasons why they shouldn't wait. You just never know what's going to happen. I ended up with 3 kids but it's only because I started this whole business at 23. I'm not sure how much egg freezing would have helped me, but I can see why you'd push that to other women. I've been diagnosed as infertile twice and technically, I wasn't even 35 with either diagnosis.

I've been thinking about how I got here a lot too. My first son was an infertility baby and #2 and #3 were not. I've told people that you do forget and it morphs into normalcy. And I still believe that it is true. But, for me.........I wanted to forget about it. Infertility is so hard for me and it just makes everything else tainted in some weird way. I was ready to drop it all and put it behind me after my son was born. Going through it all again, I realize that I never dealt with the issues that I had, I had just buried them. That may have worked indefinitely if I hadn't gone on to ltttc again. I like to think that I kept the productive personality attributes that ltttc gives us; compassion, sensitivity, empathy, sympathy. But I really didn't want to carry the infertility experience with me all the time. I think that's where I am again right now. I'm just tired of carrying it with me all the time. It's a fuc*ing burden sometimes. Probably those that are going through treatment right now won't believe me when I say it, but it got to the point where I didn't even think about my own infertility and fertility treatments for about a year at a time. Maybe once a year, I would remember how my son got to me; and that's probably only because I would hear the word IUI. I'm also pretty certain that my spontaneous conceptions of #2 and #3 influenced that as well. My fertility treatment baby is just as brilliant and troublesome as the other two. So how hard or easy the conception was became irrelevant to me. I wonder if that even makes sense.

But, we are all different and perhaps others will find it more productive to carry the memories with them. Maybe they deal with them differently, instead of burring them like I did .

I like the journaling, but I don't know if I will be revisiting it in the future. Maybe? I know that this community has been invaluable to me. I wish I had found something like this 11 years ago when I was struggling and nobody talked about. It was so isolating, but you guys know how I feel. It's amazing really to have you ladies here to share the burden with. Just knowing that you're not alone is a enormous spiritual lift.

 

[Milty]

Well Ready I can tell you this did not exist 11 years ago. I know because I looked. Even about 7 years ago I looked and found a site that was mostly everyday mom type stuff with 1 thread about infertility.

 

[crystal443]

Good Morning Ladies

Peace- We were told even though we had the mmc and 2 chemicals we have a great shot at getting pregnant with a sticky bean even with the immunity etc. so hang in there, your doing all you can do and now its just waiting for it to happen

Milty- hang in there

Rashaa- I wish I had banked eggs in my twenties I've already told DD I'm willing to pay for her to bank her eggs when she's ready in her mid 20's, if she doesn't need them she can donate them but she will have them if she needs them, I do not want her to go through what I have.

Ready-I rarely think about how hard it was to get pregnant with DD and then DS was Clomid and 1 month of trying I know both pregnancies were hard but I forget about that as well Life takes over and we forget or we may not try again if we really remember how hard things were. After DS we didn't obsses about TTC for a 3rd we just NTNP and thought it would happen. How silly was I? Why did I leave things so long when I knew something was wrong Maybe it was all of the doctors telling me it would happen to be patient with small kids time passes in a blur but I really wish I wouldn't have left things so long

Liz- good morning, how are you? I'm on my way to say hi

Bmom- GOOD MORNING

 

[H0pefulagain]

Hi ladies! I hope everyone had or is having a fantastic day.

Today, my Doc and I basically got fussed at by a snotty ole heifer (FS) who told us that without IUI, IVF, or a myriad of other things, at 40 I am too old to believe I can successfully conceive, much less carry to term since we've been trying for a while now with only miscarriages to show for it. Doc and I both felt she was not even interested in helping us figure out some things. He had asked her for a conference call so we could ask some questions and get her expertise. I think she may resent him trying to help me vs just sending me on to her?

For those of you who have successfully conceived and carried to term or are having a successful pregnancy now, how old were you when you conceived? I hope I'm not being too intrusive by asking such. I figure we talk about a LOT of things openly so surely age is okay?

Also, for those of you who use progesterone, do you use it all cycle or part way? Do you find it is more effective placing it in one area over another? Do you take a break after so many days of using it? I tried to approach the subject with her and basically got told it causes cancer and she would recommend the synthetic over natural progesterone cream. I pretty much tuned her out after that. I was seething mad!

I was SOOOOO excited for that phone conference call that I couldn't fall asleep last night. Then she went and ruined it! Within 10 minutes, I wanted badly to slap the snot out of a rock since I couldn't get hold of her! uugghh. I fear I'm not going to be accused of having nice thoughts toward her anytime soon!

 

[crystal443]

H0peful, so sorry it didn't go well From personal experience it can take going to a few FS until you find the right fit, but as you said maybe she was upset that you weren't just sent on? I've just turned 38 so I can't answer your question about pregnancy etc but I'm sure the other ladies will answer.

It can be discouraging when you get a snotty FS but there are some great ones out there as well My FS treats women well into their 40's so I'm not sure why she thinks because your 40 its all over

 

[LLbean]

40 is to old? man I guess lots of us are screwed then LOL

I hear people having kids even in their late 40s...don't let that get to you...stupid people putting fears in our heads

 

[H0pefulagain]

My favorite part (please note heavy sarcasm) was when she told me it was irresponsible to be having children after 35 unless you are in great health and pay close attention to your daily vitamin intake. She warned of Downs and a couple of other issues.

I fully realize I'm no spring chicken but I sure didn't think I was on death's doorstep just yet!

 

[LLbean]

how old is this "specialist"? and I do use the term loosely