~. The psychosis thread .~

[topsy]

Hey Hun, sorry you have been having a tough time hun. I take my quetiapine in the eve.

I am really strugglying, have command voices again, back with crisis team, its sooo hard. I am not sure what is really and what is not. This isnt how I wanted to be on LO b-day.

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm sorry topsy I hope your LO has a good birthday, I'm sure he will. Maybe take a little video of it so you can remember it when you're well? I always forget things when I'm ill and don't remember when I'm better, so take lots of pictures and if you can, make a little film. I'm glad the crisis team are helping you out I've always found them to be very good.

 

[topsy]

Thanks hun, doing a bit better today- a lot better in fact hope you are doing ok.

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

My sister (who I have parental responsibility for) has this teacher who she is always complaining about. So I want to go see him on parents evening. She says that if I go see him she'll "tell him how mad" I am. Just had a massive argument with her... Feeling crap.

 

[topsy]

Aw sweetheart I am so sorry about what your sister said to you and the argument, how are things now?

I am spirallying up and down so much, its horrible i missed a Drs appointment the other day, and now cant get in till march ss are looking at getting me a carer in so I can have someone with me and LO. I just want to get better.

xxx

 

[topsy]

My voices have been constant, i am having trouble concentrating on anything. they have been growling at me, and screaming. I just cant stop them. My parents are having LO tonight. I hate this

 

[hellohefalump]

Hugs to you xxx
Stay strong can ss get you an appointment sooner?

 

[topsy]

i don't know i haven't asked, seeing them on fri i think, will check.

Going to try and stay in total control today and not let the voices win .

How are you doing your end my sweets?

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm alright, bit ill, but not too bad with voices and stuff. I've been painting a lot, which I used to do before my daughter was born and that's quite calming with a fag (electronic) and a bit of music. My partners starting his own business so he's going to be away in the day soon, but he'll be in and out the house, doing a job, having lunch, back to the job... And he'll be there for me if things go wrong.

I was really worrying about my head Picking up radio waves from phones, but I'm getting less stressed about that now.

It's half term so my daughters here and my sister, but that's cool because the two little ones entertain each other. I'm taking my sister to some art galleries on Thursday (trip to London) so ill have to be careful of people stealing my thoughts with radio waves, but I think it'll be ok. Art s an interest we share. We've got over our argument now, turns out she thinks I don't love her and whants us to spend more time together! Teenagers eh?! Course I love her! I spent thousands of pounds going through the court to get custody of her, she has a room in my house, I got her thrugh her eating disorder and self harming... But she's sixteen, so quite normal!

 

[RaeRae91]

Can I jump in here ladies? I have been DX with BPD, Schizo-affective,and severe psychosis. since i was 13 and im now 22. I was mostly ok without much meds untill i had my son 2.5 years ago and it has gotten sooooo bad. I hear "voices" more just things in the back of my head that i cant really make out, always hearing babies crying when my son si napping or not around. im very lost and hopeless and nobody around me seems to really care much. they dont really try to hepl me just tell me to 'fake it til i make it' ugh they just dont get it.... well im going to start on meds again soon because i cant function or care for my son pretty much at all anymore.. i was just wondering if any of you have been on meds while pregnant? im 15 wks and i know its not usually advised but i cant be suicidle and such being pregnant.

 

[hellohefalump]

I hear my kids crying too! It's hard because I come running thinking something's happened and they're fine. I also get it when they're out and the house is quiet, regarding medication, I was on olanzapine and fluoxetine when I was pregnant from about 20 weeks (fluoxetine) and then 23 weeks for the olanzapine. I'd never had a psychotic episode until I was pregnant with my son. He was born healthy though. He's now a very healthy happy 3 yr old I have had very severe depression since I was twelve though

 

[topsy]

Sorry I haven't been on here had a bumpy few days, not been me at all, coming out the other side now. Saw my care co-ordinater, I have to draw my voices. I said when I think of is dark face in shadow and a massive mouth! They keep shouting numbers at me, I was sooooo horrible to hubby at the weekend, was shouting and screaming at him I don't really remember it properly, but apparently i was really horrible, to him and mum, which isnt like me, I am normally shy and quiet, i don't know what is going on, i don't feel like me Its like I am possed by someone else.

hellohefalump, sounds like you are so supportive of your sister and you have been through a lot for her to join your family. She may not realize all what you have done for her now and always show how grateful she is but I am sure in years to come she will.
Glad you have been painting, its nice to find something you enjoy Glad that the electronic fag is helping, you are doing so well. Enjoy the art gallerys. I would love to go to London, although i struggle to go out of the door, i used to love to go there shopping, we are about 2 hours away on the train. I have set myself a goal, i have to go and see a show at the local theater, I booked it for my mum for mother day, its in mid April, i spoke to the ticket office, and we have got seats right next to a manned exit, so I can go out anytime, the lady was lovely who I spoke to so positive. My dad is coming up to our house for a takaway and is staying until we need picking up, so if i do have to go then, dH can stay with LO and dad can come straight and pick me up. Think i have everything covered!
Hope your partners business, gets off to a good start, Its difficult for my DH to look after me, get support and work as well, its a bit of a juggling act! My care co-ordination said my care plan had gone through, and just waiting for another assessment.

RaeRae91, Hun I am so sorry people arnt supportive, that's not what you need my lovely. Post on her as much as you want/can. Voices are scary and so distracting. Are you seeing your GP about meds or do you have a physchatrist? Either way hope they help you out soon. I hear a baby crying when LO is asleep, we had to get a video monitor or I spend all my time going in and out of his room.

Take care girlies xxxx

 

[topsy]

I hate not being able to sleep Grrrrr xxxx

 

[topsy]

My voices are doing weird things telling me weird stuff, what real and whats, i want this to stop, I have had enough now. xxxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Hugs xxxx
I am exhausted

 

[hellohefalump]

Damn.... So I finally believe that nationwide building society don't have special agents working for them... Spiking my meds, so I ring them to pay my credit card and they're saying 'please wait while we transfer you to a specialist agent'. Shit man..... Freaking out

 

[topsy]

Aw hugs hun, its horrible when words change. take care xxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

In a funny mood... Just wondering, how did everyone else's illnesses start off? I had awful depression (suicide attempts, cutting myself, so bad I couldn't even call in sick to school because it meant turning over to get my phone) and severe bulimia and not so severe but dilapidating anorexia. The psychosis just kind of 'fits' that mine is a chemical problem, I had loads of counselling, hospital admissions, meds etc, but nothing worked for me. I wonder why no one ever picked up that I was so treatment resistant, and maybe it was something 'more' than depression? I'm not saying depression is trivial, I'm just saying that I 'tipped over' into psychosis in my mid twenties and maybe there should have been warning signs?

Lol I told you I'm in a funny mood.... Did that make any sense?

 

[topsy]

That makes sense hun, i sometime wonder how i got to 31 and am only getting help-before now i had countless counselling cbt, emdr a zillion tablets but nothings helped i just seemed to have been driffting. how are you doing today hun. xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm good... Been very emotional all weekend, my tummy tuck is this Wednesday! I'm leaving today! I'm just scared really of the unknown. Mother's Day was emotional because I miss my granny who died four years ago, and to top it all off my sister completely trashed one of her paintbrushes (she was an artist) by using it and not washing it. I know she didn't do it maliciously so I'm trying to be nice... Just very upsetting, granny would have hit the roof! It was an expensive one. Then she tried hard to make up for it by making me pancakes for dinner... And she puts in bloody whole meal flour!?

Deep breaths... I'm sure I'm just irritable because of the op on Wednesday.

I'm also worried ill be stopped at customs... As I have three grand in cash (for the op) and a huge amount of pills (my meds)! I'm bringing along my prescription, plus doctors phone number. I think I'm nervous about carrying around all that cash but I've got a little money belt thing and the zips facing inwards so its quite hard for anyone to steal.

Then I'm worried about my fishes (I have six fish tanks), I need to write down how to take careof them for Pete... Must do that now actually, butim on here procrastinating!

And of course I'm going to miss my children terribly. I know they'll be fine with daddy, but I will miss their cuddles and the smell of them (um... Weirdo!) and just having them around even though they drive me crazy usually! I've been with my son all day and I got up early to see my sister, and my little girl off to school, I will see Madeleine briefly after school aswell because my train is at four.

Anyway, I'm rambling, take care of yourself topsy ill probably have Internet access but I'm not sure. Be back n Sunday!