~. The psychosis thread .~

[hellohefalump]

Not coping well...

Feel bad, Pete is ill today and he usually takes Madeleine to school but he left it to me... Didn't get her to school til 10.30... Feel like such a bad mum

 

[topsy]

Aw sweetie sorry you are having a tough time, you took her that's the main thing hun, well done.

Hope petes better soon.

i am bouncing from ok to bumpy, i wish i could work out what makes them bad, my voices seem to be coming from outside where as before they were in my head, there now 3 people. i dont know what it means.

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Topsy it doesn't have a meaning, it's not real (total hypocrite here lol)

 

[hellohefalump]

With me it's stress even if the stress is happy stress, I think I'm struggling because I'm in a show in a couple weeks even though I'm enjoying it...

 

[topsy]

i think I look to deep into things sometime, that don't have answers. I have so much going round in my head-voices and my own thought when there is a break in the voice. I just cant sleep. I ahte nights like this.

Its good you are in a show something to focus on, but i imaged its stressful leading up to opening night. Sending you a million good luck wishes.

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Feeling a little better today dealing with stuff... Learnt my lines, which is a load off my mind

Tommorow though I'm on my own because Petes working so I'm going to have to do the school run in the morning again... Hopefully ill do a bit better this time and she will be on time...

 

[topsy]

Glad you are feeling a bit better, and you learnt your lines-well done hun.

Hope the school run goes ok.

I was wobby this morning saw a psychologist, she asked about my care plan and it hasn't been updated since feb ( know you saw my other post about my care coordinator) she couldn't believe it and she isn't convinced i am on the right meds, she is going to speak to the physchatrist about my meds.

xxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Hope this might be a breakthrough for you for controlling your illness (the med change)

I've gone manic, but its not good because lol my friend does loads of cleaning when she's manic, but I just sit about with my thoughts racing!! House needs tidying

 

[topsy]

I hope you are feeling better hun.

I am feeling pretty low, not sure why, feel so tired all the time all I want to do is sleep...yet when i go to bed my brain wont switch off.

I hope they find the right tablets.

xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

Had a bit of a funny turn today... Thought my brain was connecting with other people's with long bits of string.... Also really having to concentrate on stuff... Confused. Might take some extra quetiapine tommorow nip it in the bud

 

[topsy]

hey sweetie, sorry you had a tough time. How you doing now?

I had a blip out last weekend, DH had to call MHS out luckily we had a nice team out and they gave me sedative meds for 2 days which seemed to calm me down and not make me thinking I was someone else. Poor hubby had to take time of work. I am doing better now. seeing the psychologist every week for the next 6-8 weeks. Although still waiting to see psychiatrist-she was going t come out with the team last mon, but had an emergency.

I am super paroniod at the mo, It hard work.

I put a post in general chatter about DH birthday next year about football tickets, he was sooooo sweet when I first said about it he said he dint want to go... not cause he didn't but because he thought it would be to busy for me. I do have doubts but if not he can go with my dad_i really hope this time next year i will be better-BUT I thought that this time last year.

 

[Butterfly89]

I hope no one minds me jumping in... to begin, I don't have psychosis, so I hope I am still welcome, but I do have very severe PPD, BPD, and anxiety to the point where I have some symptoms of it like paranoia. I get intense urges to just walk for hours and run away from my life. I was hospitalized during my pregnancy for two weeks then just recently for a month... it was rough. It hasn't responded to any medications yet, but I am hopeful there is something else out there.

I can't be alone with my LO for long either, maybe a couple hours at most, but I start to panic. I'm afraid of getting worse and not knowing it. I've never wanted to harm him, but I have a lot of issues with suicidal thoughts which would inadvertently hurt hiim. I also have a lot of issues with paranoia toward my medications... I usually end up feeling like they are causing all these side effects that sometimes I realize after weren't even real. Or I think my family hates me, or everything is worse than it is in general... it's a combination of anxiety and borderline personality disorder apparently, but I feel there are some similarities to what I am reading here, only I am always aware its my own thoughts telling me these things and not a voice.

Reading through this thread made me realize I'm not alone. I am so sorry you are all going through this stuff. This is the first time since the beginning of my pregnancy that I have felt like I'm not crazy or abnormal. My parents and OH have been pretty judgmental though they do take care of the baby almost 100% of the time so I can't complain at them too much.

Sorry for the long post! I wish there was a quick fix, but talking about it does help. It shouldn't be a "dirty little secret" anymore, so many people have depression/psychosis/anxiety/etc. and no one should have to deal with it alone.

 

[topsy]

Butterfly, welcome to the thread-Big hugs to you, sorry having a bad day so dont have the right words now-You are not alone sweetheart. Post here as you need to. xxxxx

I am not sure what is going on haven't slept properly-its like my zopoclione don't work anymore. I went to my friends today-normally a safe thing for me to do. She is amazing has been invaluable support, she really truly has a heart of gold. i am v lucky to have her as a afriend. She picked me up. we gave little ones snack, and little man had a temp so gave some medicine, but him down to sleep- he wouldn't go- a different place i rocked him for 30 mins finally he went to sleep. go downstairs and my friend is on the phone, so I played with her Lo for 20 ish mins we then had lunch, then her nephew came round with her MIL( lovely lady, she played with my LO) they left and an estate agent came round to look at her house ( he got the day/time totally wrong) while he was looking round her kitchen, i rushed upstairs ti make her bed tidy away. i was left downstair with both LO for about 30 mins, my LO temp had gone back up so gave him meds and he was crying. That was it BAM voiced, they were telling me to hurt LO, give him the wrong dose of meds, run out of the house and leave him, that the devil in me is going to hurt him. By the time she came down I was a shaking wreck, as soon as the estate agent had gone i gave her LO as the voices were to strong. sent Dh a txt to pick me up NOW> he lucky had finished so he could, I cried all the way home. DH wants to to take lorazapam, my voices are telling me not to, i cant stop shaking and crying. LO is downstairs and I am scared to go near him. I dont want to be a bad mummy. I hate how I am, i just dont want to be like this anymore, i hate I cant do normal things and I am not strong enough to fight these voices. xxxx

 

[Varenne]

I am not a psychosis sufferer but I have studied a lot of clinical psychology, and I have had serious mental health problems in the past (emotional, resembling bpd, with self harm) so I'm popping my head in to hug you brave ladies

 

[topsy]

Hi,

How is everyone?

Saw my psychologist today think it helped to talk things through. i am changing my meds got see my gp to wean off 1 and onto another then see the psychiatrist once on other meds again not looking forward to all the side effect.

Still not sleeping grrrr!

Hugs to you all xxxx

 

[topsy]

Feeling pretty low today. xxxx

 

[topsy]

Having a bumpy time-Just want to get better, hate feeling like this. xxx

 

[Haylee.]

Hi Topsy,

Just wanted to stop by and offer some hope you feel better soon. I am here if you need someone to talk to

My anxiety is at an all time high so I'm feeling a bit bumpy myself x

 

[pinklightbulb]

Just popping in... I have OCD and suspected bipolar (was medicated for delusions as a teenager and went off and smoked weed for years instead). It's horrible, I get voices in my head, false memories and all sorts, not sure if it is just the OCD or suspected bipolar that causes these voices. So scared to get reassessed for bipolar in case they take my sons off me... the medication I was on was Risperdal.

 

[topsy]

Thank you haylee, that's so nice of you. xxx

Pinklightbulb, so sorry you are scared about having your children taken off you hun. I am on a mood stabilizer also ( I think Risperdal is also one - but maybe wrong I get in a muddle with meds names) and after i was in hospital for 9 weeks or so i had social services involved, but never once did they ever mention taking LO away. they only supported me. i am in the uk through realize maybe different in Australia. Hope you are getting some support hun.

I forced myself to go out with my parents and LO today, we took LO to a park and had lunch and although it was stressful and I was v tearful in restaurant, I am glad I made the effort to go, and LO loves being outside. voices have been mumbling but just feel so flat.

xxx