the REAL first 6 weeks postpartum for FTM's

[laila 44]

I have to be honest, I hate the newborn phase. For me there is literally nothing fun about it. Filled with stress, anxiety, exhaustion, looking your absolute worst, smelling of baby spit up and breast milk constantly! Not many rewarding moments during this time. Aside from snuggling with baby, I don’t enjoy one bit of it and definitely don’t miss those days!!! My kids are now 6,4 and 18 months and I loveeeeee it!!! It definitely passes hang in there!!!

 

[twinkie2]

I have to be honest, I hate the newborn phase. For me there is literally nothing fun about it. Filled with stress, anxiety, exhaustion, looking your absolute worst, smelling of baby spit up and breast milk constantly! Not many rewarding moments during this time. Aside from snuggling with baby, I don’t enjoy one bit of it and definitely don’t miss those days!!! My kids are now 6,4 and 18 months and I loveeeeee it!!! It definitely passes hang in there!!!

This exactly! I despite the newborn phase Until about 6 months it just sucked...trying to mentally prepare for this next go round but honestly it gives me anxiety even thinking about it!

 

[swedengirl]

Thank you for this! I am a FTM and due in December. I am just wondering if you have any tips/advice etc for trying to get through those first few weeks/months? Or is that the point that not much can really help, you just have to pray for an easy baby and if not grin and bear it?

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I am doing this all again right now and with my 2 year 10 month old toddler!! The second time round is sooo much tougher, it's like your expected to carry on with your old life and slot the baby in. The pain and suffering post birth and the trying to figure out your new baby is waaaay down on the priority list. My boy is 2 and a half weeks old and I have only left the house twice and he has only left the house once!! Between sleep deprivation, feeding a toddler, getting a toddler to nap and feeding a newborn I'm amazed that some days all 3 of us even end up dressed!! Thankfully daughter goes to nursery 2 days a week so that will be my down time and oh takes her on his way to work so I don't need to get up to take her!!

People who go through this again after experiencing it on their second child are crazy lol

 

[MEPride]

Thank you for this! I am a FTM and due in December. I am just wondering if you have any tips/advice etc for trying to get through those first few weeks/months? Or is that the point that not much can really help, you just have to pray for an easy baby and if not grin and bear it?

There are really no advice to give other than just go with the flow and realize that nothing will truly prepare you.

But I can say that the one thing that really helped keep my sanity in the early weeks is doing 'shifts' with DH. Meaning, every evening when the sun went down DH would take our daughter and I would go sleep.. whether it's 45 minutes or 3 hours. He'd wake me when she needed to eat. DH would also take her first thing in the morning for a similar amount of time so I could sleep. DH also took 2 weeks off of work which allowed him to take her for a shift in the afternoon.

Also, I recommend getting out of the house at least once a day when you feel ready for it. I had a c section and was out of the house 3 days after returning home. It's easy to feel isolated and alone (especially in the winter) so getting out is important!

 

[Palladium]

Thank you for this! I am a FTM and due in December. I am just wondering if you have any tips/advice etc for trying to get through those first few weeks/months? Or is that the point that not much can really help, you just have to pray for an easy baby and if not grin and bear it?

There are really no advice to give other than just go with the flow and realize that nothing will truly prepare you.

But I can say that the one thing that really helped keep my sanity in the early weeks is doing 'shifts' with DH. Meaning, every evening when the sun went down DH would take our daughter and I would go sleep.. whether it's 45 minutes or 3 hours. He'd wake me when she needed to eat. DH would also take her first thing in the morning for a similar amount of time so I could sleep. DH also took 2 weeks off of work which allowed him to take her for a shift in the afternoon.

Also, I recommend getting out of the house at least once a day when you feel ready for it. I had a c section and was out of the house 3 days after returning home. It's easy to feel isolated and alone (especially in the winter) so getting out is important!

This is good advice. I'd also add to ask for help when you need it, even if it's just getting a friend to do a load of washing for you. You need to take care of yourself as much as the baby, so don't be afraid to ask your family and friends to help out whenever you can.

My DD1 will be 2.5 when DD2 is born, which I know is going to be difficult as she's very attached to me, so I'm very glad that this time around my mum and sister live nearby to help me out!

 

[laila 44]

Thank you for this! I am a FTM and due in December. I am just wondering if you have any tips/advice etc for trying to get through those first few weeks/months? Or is that the point that not much can really help, you just have to pray for an easy baby and if not grin and bear it?

The one golden piece of advice that I wish someone had given me is: nothing is permanent!!! It is all super temporary no matter how tired and how shitty those first 3 months are, just remember it shall pass and baby will grow literally overnight and those days will be behind you. Yes you will get your life back, yes u will sleep again and yes routines will come Into play And baby will sleep a full night, eventually. You will feel like the ground has fallen from under you for a while but hang on, this too shall pass

 

[swedengirl]

Thanks for all the above tips!

 

[Bonnie11]

Thank you for this! I am a FTM and due in December. I am just wondering if you have any tips/advice etc for trying to get through those first few weeks/months? Or is that the point that not much can really help, you just have to pray for an easy baby and if not grin and bear it?

Wing it! No one knows what they're doing first time around, if only you could have the knowledge of the second child when it's your first! Nothing and no one can prepare you, it's a total bomb going off in your life. As everyone says, nothing is permanent. Everything is a phase so no matter how hard any big is it won't last forever. Don't worry about what other people are doing/telling you to do. Trust your instincts. Sleep deprivation is a killer, sleep when you can and accept all help that's offered! Babies are all different. Mine was so easy and it was still really hard! Some babies cry lots, some sleep lots... there's no telling what you will get! But after all look after yourself, if it means baby having a bottle while you sleep for a few hours or go out somewhere by yourself then so be it. I've seen so many parents near kill themselves because of what they 'should' be doing when actually ththey only thing that is important is that mum is happy. Happy mum = happy baby! X

 

[krissie328]

A lot of good advice here. I also think just taking any help when people offer it. I didn't do that with my son and I was so stressed trying to sort it all and not taking care of myself. The first time I left him to go grocery shopping went a long ways to my mental health.

 

[swedengirl]

Sorry about my short thanks earlier just wanted to say something but didn’t have the time!

I really appreciate all your advice! I’m nervous and excited to meet my little one. Think it’s great to have realistic expectations of how the first few weeks/months will be so thanks to OP for starting this and all of you for replying to my pleas for advice! It is funny how many conflicting stories you hear though- some have said to me the newborn stage is the easiest!

Think I need to mentally prepare myself to be more accepting of help and not putting pressure on myself to do everything and expect everything to be perfect!

 

[Bonnie11]

I would say it's easiest looking back because now I have a stroppy diva 3 year old so it's very challenging in different ways! Newborns you can go out and about anytime and not having to think too much about routine for a few months, however you worry much more!
Yes I would say take out any pre conceptions of what you think it will be like/should be like. Relax and enjoy it for what it is. The only thing that will be perfect is your baby! X

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I thought the same as Bonnie. Couldn't wait for the newborn stage again and was looking forward to having a child that didn't answer me back or need constant entertaining or didn't literally talk every minute of every hour from the moment she wakes up. Now I'm back with that newborn I can honestly say nope it's still as boring and tedious as it was the first time round except this time u don't get to sit and enjoy the cuddles as much because the toddler wants to play or be fed, and u can't rest while the baby sleeps for the same reasons.

 

[x-ginge-x]

Ladies, I encourage all and any FTM even second third and fourth ones to look up fourth trimester, it will make that terrifying newborn phase make SO much sense to you with my first I was pretty much a rabbit in headlights, when my second was born I knew about it and suddenly I felt so much better remember bad times are just times that are bad nothing is permanent x

 

[jessmke]

Honestly I find the second one harder, only because I feel like I should know what I am doing, but my babies are completely different so I am encountering things that I didn't have to deal with when I had my first. I guess with my first I knew I was just going to be winging it because I had no idea what to expect, but with my second I felt like I should be a pro at this. But they are such different babies that I feel like a FTM all over again and still pass time during night feeds looking up on my phone how to deal with baby issues!

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I second what Jess says. It's not just first time mum's winging it, all parents are winging it, secretly none of us no what we are doing some of us just hide it better lol.

Also I struggle to remember some of the things about my daughter, the first month is a total blur and the next 4 or 5 months is a bit hazy. I was reading back on here some of my posts from when she was a baby and I don't remember them or remember writing it lol.

 

[Wish2BMom]

wow, thank you so much for this thread! what a slap of reality! I'm going to be a FTM of twins come January (hopefully they bake that long). I've already started a mantra to just go with the flow, we know nothing and nothing will be 'easy'. But as long as we try to be open to things changing on a dime, open to one another's ideas (DH), and supporting each other as much as possible, then I think we can crawl our way through it. Thankfully my mom and sister will be up for the first 3 weeks and DH gets 6 weeks of paternity, so we should be able to handle it from a resource perspective!

 

[MEPride]

wow, thank you so much for this thread! what a slap of reality! I'm going to be a FTM of twins come January (hopefully they bake that long). I've already started a mantra to just go with the flow, we know nothing and nothing will be 'easy'. But as long as we try to be open to things changing on a dime, open to one another's ideas (DH), and supporting each other as much as possible, then I think we can crawl our way through it. Thankfully my mom and sister will be up for the first 3 weeks and DH gets 6 weeks of paternity, so we should be able to handle it from a resource perspective!

I'm glad you have such help! The phrase "it takes a village" is no joke. If I didn't have my mother and MIL helping... wow. And DH has been an absolute gem the entire time. Emotions run really high with a newborn and it doesn't stop with the baby blues. I've been crying on/off since last night because DD slept an amazing 7 1/2 hour stretch and then a 4 hour stretch last night. But I slept for a grand total of 1.5 hours because of insomnia. It's like a cruel cosmic joke. And then to have to tend to a wide awake baby needing to be entertained is hard. But you learn to live with it. You learn to function on 1.5 hours of sleep and a screaming baby, a dog puking in the corner, not showering, and trying to get ready for your 6 week follow up appointment. You adjust. And then you hold their warm body against yours.... or DD falls asleep on your chest. Or she smiles at you for the first time.... and it all becomes worth it.

But I couldn't do it without DH helping me as much as he does. Most of what women do when a baby is born is to take care of the baby. The husband's job is to help take care of you. If I've learned nothing else (and I like to think that I have), I have learned at least that.

 

[Wish2BMom]

THANK YOU, MEPride!!

 

[Reiko_ctu]

I would take the first 6 weeks postpartum every day over pregnancy lol! Yes it's very tough but once you have older kids you enjoy the newborn days a little bit more, how most of the time being carried or patted or fed solves all problems. Yes there's little sleep but honestly my 4 year old is still up in the night so for some kids it doesn't get better.

The best thing we did was start babywearing. I can't wait for a newborn again. I'm so excited.