The truths of ttc being in your mid 30's or older ..........

[lynlouc]

So today i went to the docs ,who confirmed that i have just suffered from a very early misscairrage and although she was really nice i couldnt help but feel she was telling me to expect things like this at my age ,weight etc,,,, I had just got myself in a good place reading on here of larger ladies being successfull and older ladies too but now im really disheartened again . Im 34 and a size 18 .......is that really OLD and Really that OBESE that is could stop me from getting a bfp to stick around ???? Apparently i weighed exactly the same 4 years ago when i conceived my dd but now im 4 years older !!!!!!!!!

 

[ocean_pearl]

Hugs to you. You are not old!! Plenty of time. I hope you get your BFP soon, sorry for your loss x

 

[Ruth2307]

So today i went to the docs ,who confirmed that i have just suffered from a very early misscairrage and although she was really nice i couldnt help but feel she was telling me to expect things like this at my age ,weight etc,,,, I had just got myself in a good place reading on here of larger ladies being successfull and older ladies too but now im really disheartened again . Im 34 and a size 18 .......is that really OLD and Really that OBESE that is could stop me from getting a bfp to stick around ???? Apparently i weighed exactly the same 4 years ago when i conceived my dd but now im 4 years older !!!!!!!!!

No you are not 'really old' or 'really obese' but some of these Drs can certainly make you feel that way! I could tell you some real horror stories about the comments I have had to listen to including 'you are on the heavy side' (that is VERY common or this classic: 'don't think that just because you don't look fat that you aren't fat; if you look at your limbs and even the size of your extremely large hands then it's quite easy for you to hide it quite well.' !!!! I am 5'3" have a BMI of 29, wear size 14 (16 for jeans) - hey I know it's not ideal but I'mnot the obese giant he made me out to be. I nearly swung for him!

I'm really sorry about your loss and I hope you get another BFP again soon.

 

[newmama]

i'm sorry for your loss
i'm 34 myself and will be just barely under 35 when i deliver.... it's possible try to keep the faith.

 

[sarahincanada]

omg you are young, dont feel like that! Ive read that a normal couple under 35 has a 25% chance of conceving each month, where ages 35-40 have a 15% chance. thats only 10% less, its not THAT bad. and right now you are in the 25% anyway!

as for weight, Im in the overweight category for my height (bmi 29) and my fertility specialist hasnt even mentioned anything. I think some doctors are just so strict with things like that, others are not. Im trying to lose weight to see if it helps, but its hard.

sorry about the MC, but it seems that you are very fertile after one, so good luck for your next cycle

 

[GraceFace]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, sweetie. Your doctor, although nice, seems quite insensitive and not very helpful. I agree with PP, your weight isn't the issue. You've proved you can get pregnant and you will again.

 

[crystal443]

Hiya,

I'm 36 and have a 14DD and a 13DS we are currently undergoing treatment at an IVF Clinic and we were told even at 36 our fertility hasn't been affected much as far as age goes. We were right in the middle for age of couples trying to conceive. I do not have a weight problem..I don't know what it is with doctors that panic women if their over 30, I've never had a miscarriage and was told I'm not at higher risk to have a misscarriage at 36.
Your doctor sounds very insensitive and fertility really depends on each individual especially in our 30's. Some women get pregnant easily at 39 and others like myself had trouble getting pregnant at 20 let alone 36. Don't let it get you down, keeptrying and find a supportive doctor if you have to...Best of Luck!!!

 

[luvmydoggies]

your not old at all. Doctors always think people need to lose weight! They are so insensitive! When I was a 130 lbs...I was like a 5 in dresses and 7 in pants my doc at the time told me I nedded to lose weight and that I was heavy for my height...I'm 5' 6"... I was so skinny....not that skinny anymore!!! lol I have been through many doc visits where I felt like I needed therapy afterwards due to low blow comments and suggestions. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

 

[readytogiveup]

So today i went to the docs ,who confirmed that i have just suffered from a very early misscairrage and although she was really nice i couldnt help but feel she was telling me to expect things like this at my age ,weight etc,,,, I had just got myself in a good place reading on here of larger ladies being successfull and older ladies too but now im really disheartened again . Im 34 and a size 18 .......is that really OLD and Really that OBESE that is could stop me from getting a bfp to stick around ???? Apparently i weighed exactly the same 4 years ago when i conceived my dd but now im 4 years older !!!!!!!!!

bloody hell you are still a baby, i conceived for my 4yr old at 40 and size 18 am now trying again at 44 same size, with 4yr old was very lucky caught straight away this time took year then unfortunately mmc in aug at 12 weeks. think fridge has gone off and eggs gone bad. having fsh blood tests if levels come bk really high gonna throw in the towel.. so please dont think 34 old good luck x

 

[NickyT75]

I was LTTTC for almost 5yrs but had my 1st baby last year 1 month before turning 35 - Im also a LOT heavier than you & although I had doctors constantly mentioning my weight it didnt have any bearing on my pregnancy & im hoping to TTC again in the next couple of months ((hugs))

Im sorry for you loss sweetheart but I very much doubt it had anything to do with your weight/age ((hugs)) ANYONE can miscarry, its just 1 of those sad unexplained things & it was wrong of your doctor to suggest otherwise xx

 

[Macwooly]

So today i went to the docs ,who confirmed that i have just suffered from a very early misscairrage and although she was really nice i couldnt help but feel she was telling me to expect things like this at my age ,weight etc,,,, I had just got myself in a good place reading on here of larger ladies being successfull and older ladies too but now im really disheartened again . Im 34 and a size 18 .......is that really OLD and Really that OBESE that is could stop me from getting a bfp to stick around ???? Apparently i weighed exactly the same 4 years ago when i conceived my dd but now im 4 years older !!!!!!!!!

Your doctor also sounds very insensitive

I'm 40 and trying for #1 and I know I'm obese (size 20/22). When I have visited my doctor and discussed TTC my doctor was excellent and said he couldn't comment on exactly how much my weight or age would affect me as all women are different. He did say that losing some weight would be helpful but not necessary.

If doctors were 100% correct only women with a BMI 22-25 aged under 30 would have successful pregnancies.

So sorry to hear about your lose

 

[Desperado167]

So sorry to hear of your loss Hun and you are def not old ,I am almost 44 and conceived my last child at 38 without any problems,as for your weight ,well I was always a size 20/22 and lost weight a year ago to get down to a size 18 and haven't conceived since,I wish u all the best and love Xxxxx

 

[Claireyb1]

So today i went to the docs ,who confirmed that i have just suffered from a very early misscairrage and although she was really nice i couldnt help but feel she was telling me to expect things like this at my age ,weight etc,,,, I had just got myself in a good place reading on here of larger ladies being successfull and older ladies too but now im really disheartened again . Im 34 and a size 18 .......is that really OLD and Really that OBESE that is could stop me from getting a bfp to stick around ???? Apparently i weighed exactly the same 4 years ago when i conceived my dd but now im 4 years older !!!!!!!!!

Hi Lynlouc, the bit I love is if a doctor sits there and tells you you could do with dropping a few pounds and they have a big fat tummy and are clearly overweight themselves. Wouldn't it be good to say "so you don't practice what you preach then??"
You will be fine I'm sure, don't panic.

 

[lilvixen]

No you are not 'really old' or 'really obese' but some of these Drs can certainly make you feel that way! I could tell you some real horror stories about the comments I have had to listen to including 'you are on the heavy side' (that is VERY common or this classic: 'don't think that just because you don't look fat that you aren't fat; if you look at your limbs and even the size of your extremely large hands then it's quite easy for you to hide it quite well.' !!!! I am 5'3" have a BMI of 29, wear size 14 (16 for jeans) - hey I know it's not ideal but I'mnot the obese giant he made me out to be. I nearly swung for him!

I'm really sorry about your loss and I hope you get another BFP again soon.

Omg, you are so not old lynlouc and average size are you not for british women? This stick thin ideal thing really gets my goat.

2 of my best friends have had their first babies in the last couple of years and one was 35 and they were both 35. Incidenatlly one was, always has been skinny and she had such an awful pregancy, with c-section, enough to out her off trying for no.2 which is such a shame.

Ruth2307 OMG I cannot believe how rude your Dr was to you I think I'd have found it hard not to or unbelievable! I'm really losing faith in the NHS, it seems the staff just cannot be bothered with people and their feelings half the time

 

[Ruth2307]

No you are not 'really old' or 'really obese' but some of these Drs can certainly make you feel that way! I could tell you some real horror stories about the comments I have had to listen to including 'you are on the heavy side' (that is VERY common or this classic: 'don't think that just because you don't look fat that you aren't fat; if you look at your limbs and even the size of your extremely large hands then it's quite easy for you to hide it quite well.' !!!! I am 5'3" have a BMI of 29, wear size 14 (16 for jeans) - hey I know it's not ideal but I'mnot the obese giant he made me out to be. I nearly swung for him!

I'm really sorry about your loss and I hope you get another BFP again soon.

Omg, you are so not old lynlouc and average size are you not for british women? This stick thin ideal thing really gets my goat.

2 of my best friends have had their first babies in the last couple of years and one was 35 and they were both 35. Incidenatlly one was, always has been skinny and she had such an awful pregancy, with c-section, enough to out her off trying for no.2 which is such a shame.

Ruth2307 OMG I cannot believe how rude your Dr was to you I think I'd have found it hard not to or unbelievable! I'm really losing faith in the NHS, it seems the staff just cannot be bothered with people and their feelings half the time

That was a particularly bad time and as much as his comment was completely out of order, I can now laugh at the audacity of it. If I remember rightly he was a very shall we say 'little' man and if anything HE had a complex about his size which he was trying to project on to me. At my last appt in January I saw a Registrar and funnily enough he was a 'little' man too and once again he was banging on about my age and my weight blah blah blah. I would have liked to have been really laid back and blase but instead I cracked and started bawling like a mad thing.

It's true what someone commented earlier: you need to be under 30 with a BMI of20-25 to keep these Drs happy! What do they tell a skinny 22 year old who's unfortunate enough to lose a baby??

Lynlouc I hope you're feeling a little better today xxxx

 

[Bambers]

Sorry for your loss.

A size 18 isn't drastically overweight and you certainly ain't past it age wise.
One of my best friends is 41, weighs 16 stone (dress size 24) and has just given birth to her 4th healthy, bouncing little bundle.
Your doctor is being insensitive and just quoting from the latest statistics (which will no doubt change in the next five years anyway).
If you're wanting to get pregnant or are pregnant you are damned if you smoke, drink, are overweight, are underweight, work nights, don't eat five fruit and veg a day, don't drink five glasses of water a day, do high impact exercises, do no exercise etc
You can't win...so honey...do your own thing. You have just being pregnant so you must be doing something right. And most early miscarriages are because of chromosomal abnormalities nothing that mum has done.

Chin up hon...you'll get there...but for now, give yourself all the tlc you need to help you get through you loss BUT don't give up trying for that little baby...you'll get there. x x x

 

[GraceFace]

Sorry for your loss.

A size 18 isn't drastically overweight and you certainly ain't past it age wise.
One of my best friends is 41, weighs 16 stone (dress size 24) and has just given birth to her 4th healthy, bouncing little bundle.
You're doctor is being insensitive and just quoting from the latest statistics (which will no doubt change in the next five years anyway).
If you're wanting to get pregnant or are pregnant you are damned if you smoke, drink, are overweight, are underweight, work nights, don't eat five fruit and veg a day, don't drink five glasses of water a day, do high impact exercises, do no exercise etc
You can't win...so honey...do your own thing. You have just being pregnant so you must be doing something right. And most early miscarriages are because of chromosomal abnormalities nothing that mum has done.
Chin up hon...you'll get there...but for now, give yourself all the tlc you need to help you get through you loss BUT don't give up trying for that little baby...you'll get there. x x x

Amen to that!

 

[Ruth2307]

Sorry for your loss.

A size 18 isn't drastically overweight and you certainly ain't past it age wise.
One of my best friends is 41, weighs 16 stone (dress size 24) and has just given birth to her 4th healthy, bouncing little bundle.
You're doctor is being insensitive and just quoting from the latest statistics (which will no doubt change in the next five years anyway).
If you're wanting to get pregnant or are pregnant you are damned if you smoke, drink, are overweight, are underweight, work nights, don't eat five fruit and veg a day, don't drink five glasses of water a day, do high impact exercises, do no exercise etc
You can't win...so honey...do your own thing. You have just being pregnant so you must be doing something right. And most early miscarriages are because of chromosomal abnormalities nothing that mum has done.
Chin up hon...you'll get there...but for now, give yourself all the tlc you need to help you get through you loss BUT don't give up trying for that little baby...you'll get there. x x x

Amen to that!

I agree with most of what you said apart from the smoking and drinking part. The dangers of these things (particularly smoking) to the unborn are very well documented. So while we can't get neurotic otherwise we'd be going around in a bubble - there are still some things we need to avoid but we all knew this anyway. (That Misbehaving Mums TV programme is still playing on my mind!!)

 

[velo]

So today i went to the docs ,who confirmed that i have just suffered from a very early misscairrage and although she was really nice i couldnt help but feel she was telling me to expect things like this at my age ,weight etc,,,, I had just got myself in a good place reading on here of larger ladies being successfull and older ladies too but now im really disheartened again . Im 34 and a size 18 .......is that really OLD and Really that OBESE that is could stop me from getting a bfp to stick around ???? Apparently i weighed exactly the same 4 years ago when i conceived my dd but now im 4 years older !!!!!!!!!

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage The good news is that you can conceive and the m/c probably had nothing at all to do with your age or weight, but with a genetic anomaly that occur with lots of pg in women of all ages. The chances of m/c do increase with age, but at 34 should not be significantly different than at 30.

If you feel that you are healthy at your weight, great! If you feel you could be eating healthier or getting more exercise, try to make small changes. You'll feel great, regardless if the number on the scale changes, and you may increase your chances, but you'll be healthier for your children anyway.

The truth is that as we get older, we do get less fertile. But we don't need perfect fertility in order to have a baby. While women in their early 20s that eat crap and party excessively can probably still get pregnant within a few months, we just have to be a bit more balanced, and possibly more patient

 

[Garnet]

Every single doctor that I talk to that is an OB has told me to lose weight in order to get pregnant. I lost about 5 -7 pound and I got pregnant. Alot of my friends that were a little overweight and over 40 has been told that too. My friend lost about 20 pounds and she got pregnant right away. I guess being a little overweight can prevent you from getting pregnant. I guess the way the doctor talks to you can make you feel worse sometimes.