heaveneats
Emma's Mommy
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- May 25, 2012
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I'm sitting here in tears, I just need to write, I just need to get out my sadness so please bear with me. You don't not need to feel obligated to leave a comment or even read my whole post, I just need to write this all down.
All my friends would call me fertile mytrle because my daughter was a surprise and before that I had 2 miscarriages all within 5 months. When I said Matt and I were going to try for number 2 they took bets on how quickly it would happen. I bought my ovulations tests, pin pointed all the right days and then waited, took a test and saw no line. I told myself its okay, breath, it doesn't always happen first go, but that dumb voice in my head was there to say "yeah but it always has in the past".
Second month I knew this was it, I could feel it. I took all my ovulation tests got all my days covered and waited. Ik knew that my in laws were leaving in October so how wonderful would it be to get pregnant in august and tell them as a going away present, well that's perfect! I searched and found the perfect card, funny yet beautiful. I shoved it in my sock drawer until I needed it. My period came right on time. Sadness now turns into worry.
Month 3 im a little less ambitious and cheerful this time. I tell Matt I'm worried and think a doctor visit is in order. Ovulation approaches and again we hit all our days. Doctor also gives me an ultrasound, results come back normal, hallelujah. I get a boost of positivity this is so wonderful, thanks giving will be so much better knowing I've got a little baby growing in my tummy. I'm itching to do a test, I've got 5 to use, why not? I've been looking at positive ones all day so I can get some positive mental attitude. I get home, give my baby girl a kiss and run to the bathroom to pee on a stick. I sit there and count, the longest 3 minutes... I reach over with my eyes closed and grab the test, put it right near my eyes and open them. I see just one line. A very lonely single pink line. I feel the tears burning my eyes. I walk over to my dresser and pull out the going away card that I've already written on and rip it in half and throw it away. This is too Much to bear, too much of an emotional horror ride. Now I'm trying to say to myself how dare you be so selfish, you have a beautiful baby and your going onto month four of trying to concieve, buck up. But then there is a part that says my family is incomplete but I can't go through this anymore, no more heartache, no more tears. I give up on my trying to conceive baby number two journey.
Thank you for those who could stick through that story. Thank you for listing and letting me put my thoughts into words. Xo
All my friends would call me fertile mytrle because my daughter was a surprise and before that I had 2 miscarriages all within 5 months. When I said Matt and I were going to try for number 2 they took bets on how quickly it would happen. I bought my ovulations tests, pin pointed all the right days and then waited, took a test and saw no line. I told myself its okay, breath, it doesn't always happen first go, but that dumb voice in my head was there to say "yeah but it always has in the past".
Second month I knew this was it, I could feel it. I took all my ovulation tests got all my days covered and waited. Ik knew that my in laws were leaving in October so how wonderful would it be to get pregnant in august and tell them as a going away present, well that's perfect! I searched and found the perfect card, funny yet beautiful. I shoved it in my sock drawer until I needed it. My period came right on time. Sadness now turns into worry.
Month 3 im a little less ambitious and cheerful this time. I tell Matt I'm worried and think a doctor visit is in order. Ovulation approaches and again we hit all our days. Doctor also gives me an ultrasound, results come back normal, hallelujah. I get a boost of positivity this is so wonderful, thanks giving will be so much better knowing I've got a little baby growing in my tummy. I'm itching to do a test, I've got 5 to use, why not? I've been looking at positive ones all day so I can get some positive mental attitude. I get home, give my baby girl a kiss and run to the bathroom to pee on a stick. I sit there and count, the longest 3 minutes... I reach over with my eyes closed and grab the test, put it right near my eyes and open them. I see just one line. A very lonely single pink line. I feel the tears burning my eyes. I walk over to my dresser and pull out the going away card that I've already written on and rip it in half and throw it away. This is too Much to bear, too much of an emotional horror ride. Now I'm trying to say to myself how dare you be so selfish, you have a beautiful baby and your going onto month four of trying to concieve, buck up. But then there is a part that says my family is incomplete but I can't go through this anymore, no more heartache, no more tears. I give up on my trying to conceive baby number two journey.
Thank you for those who could stick through that story. Thank you for listing and letting me put my thoughts into words. Xo
Positive thoughts hun. I fell pregnant straight away after coming off the pill with my first but this time it appears to be taking longer, we're onto our 7th month.
we're ttc number 3. Number 1 was an opps, after only knowing my OH for 1 week!! Then ttc number 2, conceived after 2 months, unfortunately had a miscarriage, 2 months later, pregnant with my 2nd son. Then had another opps, after having only one period after my son was born (he was 11 months) another miscarriage. Now we are going onto cycle 11 ntnp 
i hope you get your bfp soon, and thank you!
