Things not to say to a not pregnant woman!

[Kiki1993]

Aw yeah I have had that about our new puppy. She is 14 weeks now and already knows paw, sit, stay, high five, can walk well on the lead and responds to her name. She is almost toilet trained and is doing great especially considering she was sick when we bought her and we had to take her to puppy hospital She is better now But everyone has been saying "what will you do when you have a baby, puppies and babies don't mix" ... uh by the time we try (after our wedding which is a year and a half away) she will be a dog! and then i get the "but a dog and a baby is hard work" ... yes they are, but it's not mission freakin impossible now is it?
People always try tell me we are taking on too much. We are aiming to buy in April (saved 650 this month) but i start new job soon and it doubles our money because the pay is double what i make now a year. So we calculated out our bills, 200 for fun stuff, and 150 for unexpected bills, and the 200 for saving for a new car (we might jsut get one on finance) and then after that we could save 1000 a month for the deposit, we need 6000 for deposit and legal fees as its 5% deposit for first time buyers and 1000 legal fees, his dad has a van so we wont need to hire one. so we should have the deposit by January but i want to add 3 months to our goal just in case. His parents have offered to loan us the money so we can buy faster and pay it off over two years, we are consdiering it but i would love to do it ourselves.
We then have our wedding in december, our bills should be the same ish, maybe 100 more in new house as it will be similar size and mortgage repayments for house in our budget would be the same as rent. Then between jan/april we can save more for the wedding, 1000 a month if needed. I have 1000 aside for the wedding and only have 3000 after that to pay off.
I don't see that as mission impossible. I see that as hard but doable.
Also i totally get the turning down a night out or drink and everyone "knowing" you're pregnant when your not! You just don't want to drink.

 

[tverb84]

Speaking of pets, my mom and I have two cats so it'll be interesting to see how they'll react when my niece is born. Our older cat she probably won't pay much attention but our male cat he's very nosy. He'll probably be like "what is this tiny human and why are they here?" When my brother and his girlfriend come over with their dogs our male cat does not like the dogs at all. Our female cat could really care less.

 

[PnkPolkaDots]

Love this thread!

I really don't get anyone asking about us having kids or telling us we should. I get the exact opposite which is annoying after two miscarriages and considering being a mom is my dream. I've heard:

- It's okay to not have kids. It's not for everyone
- We're not trying to rush you into having kids!
- You're so lucky you don't have kids. You get to go to work, my life is spent raising a toddler. (I'd actually prefer to stay home with my baby than work. And if you don't want to be a SAHM, then don't be!)
- Wait until you're at least 35 (!?)
- You're so young and healthy, getting pregnant will be so easy for you!
- You have tons of time to have kids

Maybe I'm just bitter and overly sensitive.

 

[tverb84]

Love this thread!

I really don't get anyone asking about us having kids or telling us we should. I get the exact opposite which is annoying after two miscarriages and considering being a mom is my dream. I've heard:

- It's okay to not have kids. It's not for everyone
- We're not trying to rush you into having kids!
- You're so lucky you don't have kids. You get to go to work, my life is spent raising a toddler. (I'd actually prefer to stay home with my baby than work. And if you don't want to be a SAHM, then don't be!)
- Wait until you're at least 35 (!?)
- You're so young and healthy, getting pregnant will be so easy for you!
- You have tons of time to have kids

Maybe I'm just bitter and overly sensitive.

It would annoy me to no end hearing this.

 

[claireybell]

I get 'your nearly 35 you dont wanna wait too long especially with one tube' .. Yeah thanks for that!

 

[foodiewife]

When I turned 31 my MIL made it a point to tell me that my FIL had asked where his grandchildren were...since I'm getting so old, you know.

My Aunt brought me a nursing scarf along with an elaborate story about how she won it at a contest but didn't know who to give it to and figured that I would be having babies soon, so... I didn't even know nursing scarves existed!

I have to have a public drink as soon as I get to any party because if I'm not drinking then everyone starts to smile at me in that weird "I think I know something" type of way. Once, my lack of drinking started a rumor that people still talk about... "Remember that one time when we thought you were pregnant cause you drank water?" Yeah, I do remember. Pass the Pinot.

 

[tverb84]

When I turned 31 my MIL made it a point to tell me that my FIL had asked where his grandchildren were...since I'm getting so old, you know.

My Aunt brought me a nursing scarf along with an elaborate story about how she won it at a contest but didn't know who to give it to and figured that I would be having babies soon, so... I didn't even know nursing scarves existed!

I have to have a public drink as soon as I get to any party because if I'm not drinking then everyone starts to smile at me in that weird "I think I know something" type of way. Once, my lack of drinking started a rumor that people still talk about... "Remember that one time when we thought you were pregnant cause you drank water?" Yeah, I do remember. Pass the Pinot.

Oh yeah 31 is old.

Some people need to be careful with what they do/say.

 

[MissN8]

I try not to listen to what people say but they can be hurtful maybe without even knowing it. Ones in my work would be talking about kids and then say you feeling left out! Noone knows what's going on in other ones lives so should watch what they say really.

 

[PnkPolkaDots]

I try not to listen to what people say but they can be hurtful maybe without even knowing it. Ones in my work would be talking about kids and then say you feeling left out! Noone knows what's going on in other ones lives so should watch what they say really.

It bugs me when people with kids are talking about pregnancy or kids and feel the need to point it out to childless women, negative or positive. Comments like, "Oh you'll understand one day!" "You need to have a baby so you can join us!" or "I bet this makes you glad you don't have kids."

I know they don't mean anything by it but it can sting. If they want to talk about kids we may be interested and join in, or if it bothers us we may ignore it or leave. Or some women may simply not be ready for kids and not care the slightest either way. But there's no need to point out who's childless.

 

[wtbmummy]

I have to laugh about the pets thing!! When I was 12weeks pregnant we brought home our baby girl (chloe our kitty) she was 14weeks old. We then had ds in the Jan and chloe just kept her distance (but she loves him in her own way, if hes out with dh and im home chloe freaks out that ds isnt there n searches for him) then when ds was 7mo we got fur baby no.2 flint who was only 8weeks old.
Dont get me wrong it really is non stop but its worth every second. We wanted our second fur baby as I was going back to work and didnt want fur baby 1 to be lonely. It worked cause they love eachother and ds and fur baby no.2 are soooo cute together.
Might be constant one thing after another with the three of them but i wouldnt change it
(Our cats are indoor cats so of course require more attention than outdoor cats, plus litter trays)

 

[Kiki1993]

Another 3 people announced pregnancies this week, very cute announcements. They are all ex colleagues, they all hated the job, I left, got a job that pays DOUBLE and is less hours and more holidays, same job role. They are still there and still hate it. They have started the comments, met up for lunch and spoke nothing but pregnancy as it was 2 of them and me, they are pregnant.. 1 hour and 30 minutes of nothing but preganncy talk, which is fine, talk about your pregnancy i love hearing about it! BUT don't say things like "Aw kiki, don't worry one day you will feel this too" .. or "you will understand when you get pregnant" .. or "aw we will be one our 2nd babies by the time you get your first" ... "aw we always thought you would be the first to get pregnant" .... Do people not realise how they sound? I know i sound bitter and jel right now but i wish they would stop pointing out stuff like this. Another friend on facebook though she put up a comment saying how pregnancy has been awful and she is always peeing, i replied "pregnancy is beautfiul, I can't wait to go through it, even the bits that are bad" and she replied "trust me, you don't want to be pregnant, it is so annoying always needing to pee and we will see what you say when you are pregnant! You will be hating it" .... it is so condescending! Actually even when i'm sick as a dog, big as heck, i may moan to close friends or maybe on here, but i wouldn't moan all the time, i wouldn't say condescending things to people without kids like i think i'm an expert because i am pregnant for the first time.

 

[IchigoMewMew]

I've not been pregnant yet but even I could say if peeing is the worst of her problems she should consider herself lucky! My sister in law has been in hospital with severe sickness for two pregnancies and one of my friends needed crutches because her hips got so painful! I think I'd take peeing more over either of those!

 

[kksy9b]

Kiki- that is terrible! I am so sorry that you had to sit through all of that at your lunch! And pregnancy IS a beautiful thing. Yes, there are parts that are hard to get through. It's okay to have a bad day and complain about it, you're growing a tiny person and it's hard work! But in the end you get this crazy wonderful gift and it makes me so sad that someone talks about how they hate the process to get there (especially if she is only complaining about peeing a lot). Hopefully she was just caught on a bad day but still should never have said what she did to you.

 

[tverb84]

I've not been pregnant yet but even I could say if peeing is the worst of her problems she should consider herself lucky! My sister in law has been in hospital with severe sickness for two pregnancies and one of my friends needed crutches because her hips got so painful! I think I'd take peeing more over either of those!

My sister in law has been in the hospital twice during her pregnancy because of her gall bladder. She's on a strict diet of just fruits and vegetables. In August after she has my niece she's getting her gall bladder removed. Hopefully she'll feel better after that.

 

[crownest]

Slightly different but I've always loved babies when I announced I was getting married 2 different SIL took me aside and explained why I shouldn't have kids eg me body wouldn't be able to handle it, I'd be in a wheelchair for most of it I wouldn't be able to hold the baby WTF. I had health issues but I was shocked it's not like I would decide to have on for just for fun. I moved to the states and one is trying to convince me to move back to UK as I won't be able to cope.

BTW I got clearance from my doctors and I feel well and exercise more than both of them.

 

[Kiki1993]

I know peeing is nothing, my best friend was in hospital yesterday with liver problems and she is due september so it's quite a worry for her, a real worry of if baby will be okay, if her body can handle it etc, she has been in and out of hospital with extremem sickness, been on drips and she still says how amazing it feels!! J constantly moans on facebook, when i bumped into her at asda she was moaning because the boys clothes aren't as nice as the girls clothes and i just wanted to tell her to stop complaining about everything! She also moaned that boys names are so hard to think of, that she hate how big she was getting .. i just wanted to cry, i have wanted a baby for so long and she planned this baby with her boyfriend, they just started renting a house, she doesn't work and he only just started his job ... and then all she does is moan!