Think I’m going insane

[twinklestar25]

We’ve been a little lax with contraception- using the pull out ‘method’ but I’ve just let him do it as I think subconsciously I wouldn’t mind a slip up 3rd baby too much. I think I want a 3rd but don’t or can’t consciously make that decision to go ahead and ttc as I’m scared of it all going wrong and turning out to be a bad decision for our family and it been my fault. Plus do says he really doesn’t want another but when faced with an oopsie is so calm and accepting about it!

Anyway anytime we use the pull out ‘method’ near to ov I start thinking about potentially been pregnant. This particular month I thought he slipped up, TMI-it was dark and couldn’t see where the goods had gone after he pulled out, so my mind has been a little in overdrive.

I tried not to think about it too much, we were at Center Parcs last week and all the Christmas stuff my mind has been mostly occupied, but I’ve been having (unless it’s all in my head, which is seeming more likely as I approach af been due) some questionable symptoms.
I’ve had loads of cramping on and off, pinching feelings etc, tmi- very wet since yesterday (af is due fri, today is weds) lots of burping, waves of tiredness. I ran out Boxing Day twice to get pregnancy tests...

So far I have had a questionable ‘line’ but think it was prob an indentation line with heaedays fmu, all others compleatly negative so far.

I’ve had mixed emotions since thinking I could genuinely be pregnant, first I was really scared, panic but then made a plan in my head of how we would create space in the house, work situation, holiday that’s booked next yr etc and started to feel better about it, even to the point that I feel abit miffed it might turn out to be neg now.

This is not the first time I’ve gone through this cycle, although this month has been worse.
So as you can see I’m driving myself compleatly mental with it all. I dont know what to do, I’m thinking it’s probanly best to get some longer term contraception.
I would like a 3rd (obvs) but I’m so worried about it been too much - too stressful, too expensive, we’re still paying off our wedding from the summer, not enough space, harder to have holidays etc we all know the list I’m sure. It feels quite selfish of me to want it, I suppose if it happened ‘by accident’ then if it turns out really hard then it’s not my fault as I didn’t plan for it to happen. (Although I know if I really really didn’t want anything to happen I/we would be more careful with contraception) our other two were planned and always managed with contraception before fine.

So yes it seems I’m going loopy...

 

[george83]

I have the implant but still managed to convince myself I was pregnant this month - obviously I wasn’t - but I was exactly the same as you. I know having a fourth is not the sensible option but I’m so broody at the moment it’s all I think about. It doesn’t help that I know about 7 people who are currently expecting. I have to confess though if I was in your position I would pouncing on my oh every month hoping it happened

 

[lau86]

I do think you need to talk about it to your hubby, my hubby says no more and he certainly wouldn't use the pull out method!! Does your hubby want another or not, this will help you decide once and for all.

 

[luz]

Did af show up?

 

[twinklestar25]

Sorry late reply I’m back as its on my mind again, always find myself browsing the forum when the broodiness hits. Yes I got my period. I’ve gone in the pill as I was so fed up of the emotional trauma. I’ve truly been a wreck each time going through the above. But still find myself questioning it. God I sometimes wish I wasn’t so sensible!

 

[twinklestar25]

Well....! We’ve just dtd without pulling out and decided I’m not going to take my pill...
after yet another talk, we decided to just sorta ntnp an test our luck and see if anything comes from it! So it’s prob unlikely on this occasion (taken 2 weeks of the pill but not taken today and won’t be taking it- joint descision) we will see.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Any updates?

 

[twinklestar25]

Any updates?

Hi, I’ve had abit of a change of heart since Christmas, I think it’s mostly down to my youngest child (about to turn 5) he’s going through a difficult stage behaviour wise. To be fair he has been really good up until now- no terrible 2’s, expected it at 3 like my eldest but still ok so I guess we’re getting it now, prob Since around November. He has meltdowns Hits out, shouts and it’s during this he’s so difficult. In between he is so funny making us all laugh and has such an imagination and is becoming more outgoing and confident. Then the arguing between the 2 of them, normal sibling behaviour and they play together more than they fight but it still grates on you after a while.

So I guess all this makes it difficult to imagine adding anymore! I do still get pangs but they are fewer an far between than they were and dont Seem to last as long, prob due to a bad half hr with the kids or something snaps me out of it! I’ll be feeling all wistful and how nice it would be (maybe when I’m on my own or when there been good) then bam! reality when the kids are been hard work again.

So all the ‘negatives’ to having a 3rd that we’re already there with now this difficult behaviour from youngest makes it hard to say, let’s do it again!
Plus I’ve go alot on with work at the moment, climbing the ladder.

I still don’t know if it’s the right decision but then I guess I never will which ever choice I make, it just seems so much harder to go for it now than a few months ago. But then I think this is probably a stage with youngest that will pass and should we just go for it for fear of wishing we had a few years down the line when things might (hopefully!) be a bit easier. Well timed conception (as in not until July or onwards) could work with work plans but I do worry about the age gap and think we might of missed the boat now and maybe we should of let it happen last year, but then I wouldn’t be where I am now in my work which is a major advancement which would of been very hard to do with a baby and I’m glad I’ve done (almost) now.

I messed around with contraception on and off the pill due to confusion over what I wanted and also side effects from the pill I wasn’t happy to continue with. I’m not on any contraception at the moment so the door is open but it makes me nervous when dtd and I’m finding myself avoiding it more through fear where as before I was more laid back about it. (Hubby has deffinately picked up on it too so guess this needs sorting out one way or another) I guess I’m more nervous Now than I was before due to the hard time I’m having with the kids at the moment. Think I just need a break! (Have anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks but I’m never going this long with no break again, i reached my level like 1 month ago!)

Bet your sorry you asked!

 

[babycrazy1706]

Just to let you know my son went through a really bad phase at 5. He's always been a good boy too and it made me really down. We are coming out of it the other side now at almost 6. I think it's a time when they really test boundaries and I had to get really firm with him but also give him lots of positive attention too. I'm so torn with having a second or not. It's a massive dilemma for me. I sometimes think it would be too stressfu. I might wait a couple more years xx

 

[twinklestar25]

Thanks, it is hard at times. I’m about to book myself a spa day to recuperate and recharge my batteries! Something I should of done along time ago, Better late than never tho hey

 

[babycrazy1706]

That sounds like bliss! Do enjoy !!