Hey ladies! I'm back!! I have never been so happy to see AF in my life! Lol! I am in really good spirits and ready to start trying again. So is Kevin! Hahaha! He claims this is the funnest part. Lol! Anyway, today is CD1 and it feels so good to be back in the game. It was a rough month, with a lot of emotion, but we are stronger for it as a couple. We have decided not to use the name Zoe Mae if we have a girl this time. It was the only name we had picked out and in our hearts we know it belonged to the baby we lost. We made a little memorial for her and will love her always.
Anyway, I know I will get through this, and mostly because of something that happened today. I dont know if I ever told any of you this, but my next door neighbor found out she was pregnant 2 weeks after I did. At first I was excited for her and we shared in the fun of baby talk with eachother for a few weeks, our biggest thing being how we both wanted girls so badly this time. Then when I found out I had lost the baby I became very resentful. I felt like it was so unfair that this 19yr old girl, who was on her second "accidental" baby, still living with her mother, got to have another little one, while at 34yrs old here I was with a loving husband, and a stable life, trying with everything in me for this baby only to lose it. It just didnt seem right or fair to me in any way at all. And it wasnt like I could avoid her, as we shared a yard and our sons played together every day. She was there for me to talk to when the miscarriage finally happened and tried not to talk about her pregnancy too much and I really appriciated that. She has since moved into a house with her boyfriend and son, but her mother still lives next door so we see her every once in a while now. Anyway, now that I have babbled! Lol! Today, she stopped by to show me something. He ultrasound showing that she was having a little girl. At first my heart caught and ached ever so badly (tears in eyes as typing). But then I felt this overwhelming sense of genuine happiness for her. It also made me realize though, that now I could care less whether we have a girl or a boy, just as long as it makes it and grows into an amazing part of our family.
Okay, I think that is the longest post I have ever made! Lol! Sorry! I just missed you all so much and that all just came spilling out! Okay, okay, no more "m" word from me! Moving forward! Not forgetting, but letting go! On to "Adventures In Babymaking!!!"
My sil (the infamous midwife) said to definitely take a test, because 1.5 days is too short. It was red a little, only when I wiped. Mostly brown, Weird cm in it...can't really describe it. Whatever it was, it was not a normal af for me. I'm going crazy here! I've had aleve and wine in the last 2 days...and I'm supposed to take clomid tonight! I'm stopping to get a hpt, but I'm sure it will be negative. But WHY the short period??
Having light cramping today, 8dpo, and hoping for higher temps in the days ahead.
to you... I know if I were in your shoes, I would be nervous, both hopeful and not wanting to expect too much. I guess just restrict your liquids later on, and hold it! And for goodness sake--log back on here and tell us what it says! Get a good kind, a frer. 
