Thoughts on this....??

[ellie]

For me, I do too wonder for whom's benefit it is for and in my opinion, maybe its more for the mothers, and an aspect of not wanting their baby to have their own independence, letting go, etc. but thats just my psychology training coming in..

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Idk about the sexual arousal stuff ... I'm not sure I buy that really. most mums I know (and on here from what's been posted in the past) most mums are well able to separate the two "functions" and find it impossible to even have any sexual thoughts whilst bf, as theyre so different

I also think that what you say above is a huge generalisation and assumption. You could just as easily say that, for example, mothers who wean early, move babies into their rooms early, sleep train etc, are doing that to push them into independence too early ... that again would be a massive generalisation and assumption. There may be some truth in that maybe some mums might find it difficult to accept that their babies are growing up and not needing them anymore ... but to presume that all mums who breastfeed for what this culture thinks is "too long" (and who decides that?) is a bit sweeping, without knowing anything about the mum in question in the OP.
In any case, every single one of us will make all our decisions and take all our actions based on our own personal pathologies, core beliefs, personal backgrounds etc - and that's not necessarily "bad" or "wrong". It would be practically impossible for any of us to do otherwise.

So, lets say what you say were true about the mum in question, she feels she has to keep her baby 'a baby' and fears letting go (because she fears excessively for their safety, because she has a belief that that's what mums have to do etc etc...). The next mum breastfeeds till age 4, because she has a belief that this is an integral part of being a mum and fears that she may 'fail' as a mum if she 'gives up' . The next mum breastfeeds till age 4, because she is not having any more children and fears never being able to breastfeed again. The next mum breastfeeds till age 4, because she genuinely believes it is good for them both and it's a nice bonding/calming experience. Etc .......

And as someone else said - if children themselves decide they don't want to breastfeed, they don't breastfeed!

(Not having a go btw - just wanted to address that point which does get thrown in sometimes to these kinds of discussions, and in the media as being "the only reason people "extended" breastfeed" when there maybe lots of others as well )

 

[patch2006uk]

im learning loads from this thread lol! i thought your boobs leaked constantly throughout breastfeeding.

Some people leak for as long as they breastfeed, others leak for the first few weeks. I stopped leaking after about a month.

 

[ellie]

I can only feel it if his latch slips and his sharp teeth dig in! ouch!
I find it calming though, it makes me sit down and take deep breaths and stop faffing about for a few minutes at least!

 

[ellie]

im learning loads from this thread lol! i thought your boobs leaked constantly throughout breastfeeding.

Some people leak for as long as they breastfeed, others leak for the first few weeks. I stopped leaking after about a month.

I never leaked at all (well maybe a handful of times in the first few weeks) - everyone's different!
Think that's one of the 'myths of bf'ing' though, that often leads people to give up, as if you dont leak and dont know that not everyone does, you might think youve got no milk left (because "helpful" people around you will tell you they were 'gushing milk everywhere' and act surprised if you're not and tell you it must be because you don't have any! )

 

[Blah11]

i hope i dont leak this time. I was paranoid about smelling like off milk constantly plus once i was in a shop and heard another baby crying and within 30 seconds i had milk all down my top

 

[cherryglitter]

aww i think its so cool how women produce milk when babies cry!! it's amazing really.

 

[ellie]

aww i think its so cool how women produce milk when babies cry!! it's amazing really.

I think its really sweet! it never happened to me though, i'm probably odd but kinda wished it did!

 

[cherryglitter]

(i didnt breastfeed) but whenever jake cried my boobs would leak like mad. it makes me quite sad now though. although i know did the right thing by choosing formula at the time!

 

[LoraLoo]

does your nipple go back that far then? no wonder it's painful when you're not used to it.

You have to remember their mouths are so tiny to begin with, it does get alot easier as they grow xx

 

[ellie]

(i didnt breastfeed) but whenever jake cried my boobs would leak like mad. it makes me quite sad now though. although i know did the right thing by choosing formula at the time!

Awwww!!!

 

[Blah11]

(i didnt breastfeed) but whenever jake cried my boobs would leak like mad. it makes me quite sad now though. although i know did the right thing by choosing formula at the time!

are you hoping to bf bump?

 

[cherryglitter]

won't be happening this time lol!! providing i can of course breastfeed! i remember i had a bath one day and jake just latched on! i was cuddling him after in my towel! he was about 3 months. i felt really bad because instant reaction was to take him off. that sounds really cruel doesn't it!! sorry im going into a bit of a self-pity moment!

 

[xemmax]

I do, however, wonder who b'fing is benefitting more, once a child gets to this sort of age. By this I mean, is it because the mum can't stand the thought of giving up? I intend to bf until my lo is about a year, longer if it feels right for both of us, but I wouldn't do it until she is 4, just like she won't be sleeping in a cot, or using a highchair when she starts School either! Just my opinion.

I see this said frequently in discussions about women breastfeeding children of this age and it baffles me for many reasons. Oliver is only one year old but already the difference between breastfeeding him and breastfeeding a 2 month old is huge. Breastfeeding is hard work now. Do I always enjoy it? No I don't - he uses me as a climbing frame, he pinches my nipples, he pulls my top down in public, it can be really frustrating and really annoying (I still enjoy the sleepy feeds and the cuddles but the reality is that they aren't all so enjoyable) - so I can only imagine what feeding a four year old would be like. Even with a total booby monster (he still feeds several times a day at this age) I could not ever make him breastfeed - if he didn't want it, or if he was busy playing, he just wouldn't do it. Also - my mother breastfed my brother until he was 4 years old before she weaned him - this was an incredibly difficult task for her because he loved breastfeeding (I have mentioned this story before but it took a threat from the Tit-tit Police to finally get him to stop - a story which still haunts him to this day). It was a hard time for my parents but they did it because my Mum was working full time and tandem feeding at the time and couldn't cope with his demands. The fact that she continued for so long was 10000000000000% for HIM, and never for her own 'needs'. What I'm trying to get at is that when people say it is for the "mother's needs" it makes me think - what needs?! Breastfeeding is hard work.

Also (sorry to pick at your particular post) but I just don't understand how you can say that you will 'continue for longer if it feels right for both of us' but yet say that at 4 years old you wouldn't do it? What if it always feels 'right' for you both and your LO isn't ready to self wean by that point? I don't think you ever wake up one day and see your child as anything other than your baby.. so you could feel just the same at one year as you do at 4.

 

[Blah11]

apparently even if you tandem feed, you still have the pain of a newborn to go through. That kinda sucks, i was hoping itd be less uncomfortable!

 

[cherryglitter]

(i didnt breastfeed) but whenever jake cried my boobs would leak like mad. it makes me quite sad now though. although i know did the right thing by choosing formula at the time!

are you hoping to bf bump?

definitely!!

 

[Blah11]

(i didnt breastfeed) but whenever jake cried my boobs would leak like mad. it makes me quite sad now though. although i know did the right thing by choosing formula at the time!

are you hoping to bf bump?

definitely!!

I'm sure you'll do fine The BF section on here is amazing. Full of really great advice. There was a thread recently where a girl was asking for help and a nurse at the hospital told her her milk wasnt satisfying her baby growlmad and pretty much all the women told her it was total rubbish. The lady saw a lactation consultant and confirmed that the nurses advice was CRAP.

 

[cherryglitter]

how can nurses get away with saying such rubbish. i don't get it. shortie1990 was talking to me about BF and how a baby doesn't even have to cry when they're hungry. i don't know why i didn't realise this before

the nights of jake screaming because i had to make a bottle at like 4 in the morning. i won't be doing it this time.

 

[ellie]

QUOTE: xemmax What if it always feels 'right' for you both and your LO isn't ready to self wean by that point? I don't think you ever wake up one day and see your child as anything other than your baby.. so you could feel just the same at one year as you do at 4.

that's a really good point! i think I always said 'a year' but that was mainly because that was the longest I'd ever known anyone else bf for, but then I found out that you could both carry on as long as you wanted and yes my toddler sounds pretty similar (acrobatics, demanding "mama need milkies" not caring where we are etc ) but it still feels right to carry on. I don't think its really possible to set a definite date limit for most people (unless you really dislike doing it or have other reasons for a deadline) and if weaning happens naturally its gradually anyway, not sudden.

 

[Eve]

Yes, the breastfeeding section is lovely on here. When I was starting out, and wanting to learn while pregnant I had loads of lovely people help me and give me great advice! I am sure you will do great hun

 

[xemmax]

QUOTE: xemmax What if it always feels 'right' for you both and your LO isn't ready to self wean by that point? I don't think you ever wake up one day and see your child as anything other than your baby.. so you could feel just the same at one year as you do at 4.

that's a really good point! i think I always said 'a year' but that was mainly because that was the longest I'd ever known anyone else bf for, but then I found out that you could both carry on as long as you wanted and yes my toddler sounds pretty similar (acrobatics, demanding "mama need milkies" not caring where we are etc ) but it still feels right to carry on. I don't think its really possible to set a definite date limit for most people (unless you really dislike doing it or have other reasons for a deadline) and if weaning happens naturally its gradually anyway, not sudden.

Exactly! I always said "I'll go up to 2 years" but actually I have no idea when or if I'll wean him. I highly doubt I'll go to bed when Oliver is 1 year and 364 days old happily breastfeeding and then wake up on his 2nd birthday demanding he stops.

I can't imagine stopping at the moment but there are times (like today) where he is particularly demanding (ie pulling my top down in the middle of a shop) that make me miss the cuddly sleepy newborn feeds!