LWood
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This is long but I just have to get it all out.
DH and I have been trying to conceive since or wedding in 2009. I am 34 years old and have never been pregnant before.
On Friday, Jan. 28, 2011 I was supposed to get a visit from AF but she didn’t come. I am very regular so I thought it was odd but I just knew I wasn’t pregnant. That weekend I was raging with emotions, I was laughing and crying at the same time, I was cramping but didn’t bleed. DH bought me a pregnancy test just in case. I took it and I got my BFP!
On Feb 2nd I had a blood test to confirm. I was told I didn’t need to see a doctor until I was at least 8 weeks pregnant so I just told a few family members and started doing everything in my power to be as “perfect” as I could be for this baby.
15 days later I was having some spotting and even though I was told it was probably the baby implanting, my doctor wanted to see me. Low and behold, my ultrasound showed two babies! The Ultrasound tech said my doc wanted to have a chat with me. Doc said that even though we only saw two babies there were three heartbeats! She said that the third heartbeat could be mine, the third heart beat was much weaker than the other two and that one or all babies could reabsorb. She said to keep doing what I am doing and she would check me again in two weeks. DH and I were excited and petrified at the same time. There were so many “What if’s.”
On March 3rd I had another ultrasound and it confirmed three thriving babies, three strong heartbeats, three little kidney beans! I was having spontaneous triplets and I was thrilled. I was told I was high risk and that I’d need to see a specialist (who was 2 hours way) and my first appt would be on April 4th. DH and I went home and told EVERYONE. I was having a miracle. Everyone started donating baby stuff to us. I read everything I could find on triplets and took care of myself as perfectly as I could. I started showing early.
I knew waiting till the 4th was too long for me to see the babies again so I asked if I could have another ultrasound. Doc said that if I let the nurse give me one, they wouldn't report it to my insurance and it would be free. On March 21 I went to have my first non-vag ultrasound. The nurse didn’t quite know how to work the machine but I could swear I saw the babies moving. I wasn’t satisfied with the exam since the ultrasound was dark and it didn’t pick up a clear heartbeat. I asked if I could come in for a vaginal ultrasound the next day.
When my babies popped up on that screen they looked perfect! They actually looked like little babies and to my great relief they were each in their own sacs! We were so excited that we didn’t notice there was no fluttering or movement. The ultrasound tech called in the doc and she said there were no heart beats and she was sorry. I couldn’t believe it. They looked so wonderful on the screen. I asked if she was sure… She said they were a week and a half behind in growth. I couldn’t get off that table fast enough. I was so devastated that I didn’t ask for the photos but now I wish I had.
I opted for a D & C because I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up with them gone. I couldn’t emotionally handle passing them at home. On the day of my D & C (March 24) another young lady, who lost twins at 12 weeks, had her procedure right before me. I wanted to run to her and hug her and talk about it because she’d be the only one who would have any idea how I felt, but I didn’t. I just cried and prayed for her and her babies instead.
So now I sit here in maternity pants, with a house full of baby stuff and no babies. My hubby doesn’t understand my sadness and we’ve talked about it and I don’t resent him for not hurting as much as I do. I finally had my first spotting-free week and I am feeling better physically. My hormones are down to 29 so I will be able to try again soon. I am very blessed in many ways but I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop wanting them. I can’t stop wondering what they’d look or act like. I am scared to try again but hubby can hardly wait.
Thank you for letting me vent.
I think I will print this post to go in the memory box I hope to purchase tonight.
DH and I have been trying to conceive since or wedding in 2009. I am 34 years old and have never been pregnant before.
On Friday, Jan. 28, 2011 I was supposed to get a visit from AF but she didn’t come. I am very regular so I thought it was odd but I just knew I wasn’t pregnant. That weekend I was raging with emotions, I was laughing and crying at the same time, I was cramping but didn’t bleed. DH bought me a pregnancy test just in case. I took it and I got my BFP!
On Feb 2nd I had a blood test to confirm. I was told I didn’t need to see a doctor until I was at least 8 weeks pregnant so I just told a few family members and started doing everything in my power to be as “perfect” as I could be for this baby.
15 days later I was having some spotting and even though I was told it was probably the baby implanting, my doctor wanted to see me. Low and behold, my ultrasound showed two babies! The Ultrasound tech said my doc wanted to have a chat with me. Doc said that even though we only saw two babies there were three heartbeats! She said that the third heartbeat could be mine, the third heart beat was much weaker than the other two and that one or all babies could reabsorb. She said to keep doing what I am doing and she would check me again in two weeks. DH and I were excited and petrified at the same time. There were so many “What if’s.”
On March 3rd I had another ultrasound and it confirmed three thriving babies, three strong heartbeats, three little kidney beans! I was having spontaneous triplets and I was thrilled. I was told I was high risk and that I’d need to see a specialist (who was 2 hours way) and my first appt would be on April 4th. DH and I went home and told EVERYONE. I was having a miracle. Everyone started donating baby stuff to us. I read everything I could find on triplets and took care of myself as perfectly as I could. I started showing early.
I knew waiting till the 4th was too long for me to see the babies again so I asked if I could have another ultrasound. Doc said that if I let the nurse give me one, they wouldn't report it to my insurance and it would be free. On March 21 I went to have my first non-vag ultrasound. The nurse didn’t quite know how to work the machine but I could swear I saw the babies moving. I wasn’t satisfied with the exam since the ultrasound was dark and it didn’t pick up a clear heartbeat. I asked if I could come in for a vaginal ultrasound the next day.
When my babies popped up on that screen they looked perfect! They actually looked like little babies and to my great relief they were each in their own sacs! We were so excited that we didn’t notice there was no fluttering or movement. The ultrasound tech called in the doc and she said there were no heart beats and she was sorry. I couldn’t believe it. They looked so wonderful on the screen. I asked if she was sure… She said they were a week and a half behind in growth. I couldn’t get off that table fast enough. I was so devastated that I didn’t ask for the photos but now I wish I had.
I opted for a D & C because I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up with them gone. I couldn’t emotionally handle passing them at home. On the day of my D & C (March 24) another young lady, who lost twins at 12 weeks, had her procedure right before me. I wanted to run to her and hug her and talk about it because she’d be the only one who would have any idea how I felt, but I didn’t. I just cried and prayed for her and her babies instead.
So now I sit here in maternity pants, with a house full of baby stuff and no babies. My hubby doesn’t understand my sadness and we’ve talked about it and I don’t resent him for not hurting as much as I do. I finally had my first spotting-free week and I am feeling better physically. My hormones are down to 29 so I will be able to try again soon. I am very blessed in many ways but I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop wanting them. I can’t stop wondering what they’d look or act like. I am scared to try again but hubby can hardly wait.
Thank you for letting me vent.
I think I will print this post to go in the memory box I hope to purchase tonight.
at this difficult time. My thoughts are with you xxx
I think it helps to get your feelings out and on this forum you know that others can understand and relate to what you are going through. I've found one of the hardest things to deal with is the emptiness, lonliness and feelings of isolation. Nobody can understand the pain of losing a baby unless they have gone through it themselves. I know that once you see your baby (or in your case babies) you instantly feel a bond of unconditional love. All I can say is that you are not alone and if you ever need anything please dont hesitate to message me. This forum is such a source of comfort and support. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way x
