Trying To Conceive #1+ Vent Thread

[sheshe]

Nine months of TTC and AF shows up again this morning, after being 2 days late. I'm seriously ready to throw in the towel. I was so excited when AF was a day late b/c that hadn't happened before and AF's arrival didn't appear to be headed my way (at least until last night). I told DH last night that I don't even know how to prepare for a BFP anymore, I always just assume AF is going to show and immediately begin planning for the next month of trying.

I'm tired of seeing baby pictures on facebook. Tired of hearing about everyone and their sister getting pregnant. Tired of seeing people post on here that they got their BFP after one or two months of trying. And I'm REALLY tired of being asked when DH and I are gonna have kids.

I hear ya! I feel exactly the same way.
My DH and I TTC #1 since 9 months- I thought this was our month for sure- I had an "implantation dip" at 9 dpo, had some pinkish discharge at 8 dpo...today i'm 13 dpo, having bad cramps and my bbt dropped from 98.4 yesterday to 98.0 today. I don't know if we will ever get pregnant. My hubby and I r goin in for fertility testing early next week. I hate starting off the day crying!

 

[mindylou]

I know this feeling! A friend of mine got this old, falling apart house that was at least 100 years old that they were going to try and flip for a ton of money (to which they had absolutely none) and suddenly they up and decide "Hey, why not add a baby to the mix for fun?" You're going to add a child into the world....for fun?

I get your pain. How come it's so easy for them and not for us? Like yourself, I too have been planning for the better part of a year to get pregnant and be ready for a child in our lives and it's such a disappointment when it doesn't happen. I don't get how the immature, dumb people can conceive in a moment's notice leaving the rest of us perpetually hanging. This is why I cannot watch Teen Mom.

I hope it happens for you. Best of luck.

Thank you! Best of luck to you, too!! We'll get it some day, right? ugh!

 

[meowmeowmeow]

Let's see, where to start... So after 28 months of ttc, which included an IUI that only led to an ectopic, months & months of BD-ing, and a recent Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy with removal of mild endo THEN immediately after, an HSG, I am literally back to square 1.

This was supposed to be my first cycle after the surgery+HSG, and thought "Finally, i'm at my most fertile! Let's do this!" Well, here I am 36 days into my cycle, and I still HAVE NOT OVULATED. what the @#*& is this?!

My RE's office even gave me a shot of Ovidrel a week ago to promote ovulation after finding a 31mm follicle, and my progesterone to be 0.5. Like seriously?! Now a week later, and they found my level to be 2.5. So basically the HSG/surgery has totally messed me up and now I don't even know if or when I'm gonna ovulate again or when my period will come or be normal ever again.

I've been crying all afternoon. My ovulation was never an issue, nor were my levels (that I knew of). Why is it that now my body would've been in the prime condition to get pregnant (mild endo was removed and all the tubes were clear), I end up with this new problem which was never even an issue before?!

I am seriously ranting. I'm sorry. I'm just so tired. That's it. After over 2 years, and while my uterus is still fresh from surgery/HSG to clear everything, I'm so angry at all these roadblocks that I have finally decided skip all this crap and i told my RE that I'm going ahead with IVF! </rant>

*a small part of me still wants to give my uterus 1 month to normalize again though*.. we'll see.

 

[squishmich]

Co-worker of mine posted an outrageously large ultra-sound picture, she's approximately 11 weeks along. What ever happened to just telling people you work with - since when does it have to become this big production?

It's most annoying because there's nothing for me yet - I'm starting to wear my husband out I think. Part of me wants to tear it down. Shred it. But I am an adult and I can't do that.

I write because it makes me feel less alone. I have to understand that not everyone writes about the good things and to limit what I write and read as to not throw myself into a deeper state of depression and despair.

Just some thoughts....I will continue to try although this month although I'm feeling like I should just give up.

 

[SparkleSpark]

I know exactly how you ladies feel... I remember how excited I was the first month of trying... I thought it would be soooo much fun!! Until I realized how much this sucks!! My face went from to to to

I cannot see these damn peesticks anymore, I'm tired of taking 1000 supplements because somebody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who got pregnant of it... and I CANNOT HEAR these damn questions anymore about when we're going to have kids!! Most annoying are the ppl at my work cause they expect me to make the big pregnancy announcement any day since I got married... I even started telling them that we might not want to have kids. (IF THEY ONLY KNEW HOW DESPERATE WE'RE TRYING!!)

Anyways, sorry just had to vent... Feels good knowing that I'm not alone with these issues...

 

[SparkleSpark]

I know exactly how you ladies feel... I remember how excited I was the first month of trying... I thought it would be soooo much fun!! Until I realized how much this sucks!! My face went from to to to

I cannot see these damn peesticks anymore, I'm tired of taking 1000 supplements because somebody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who got pregnant of it... and I CANNOT HEAR these damn questions anymore about when we're going to have kids!! Most annoying are the ppl at my work cause they expect me to make the big pregnancy announcement any day since I got married... I even started telling them that we might not want to have kids. (IF THEY ONLY KNEW HOW DESPERATE WE'RE TRYING!!)

Anyways, sorry just had to vent... Feels good knowing that I'm not alone with these issues...

 

[autumninbloom]

New to the forum, but have to say... I hated hearing my coworker tell every one that they tried for 2 months and got pregnant right away......while My husband and I have been trying for a year now...over a year to be exact....

she just had her baby about 3 weeks ago....and I'm still trying.

poop.

 

[Younginlove]

I keep seeing friends of mine announcing how they a pregnant and it gets me down in the dumps. I want to be happy for them but I find it incredibly difficult when I am raging with jealousy.

And I get excited (like right now) thinking Im pregnant and google is all I do every day. My husband and I want this so badly. I can only pray that this time is different.

 

[cuties]

I have been trying for almost 9 months and no good new for me. Lately a friend of mine asking to try to east royal jelly. Currently myself and hubby are taking it. As my cycle is 29 or 30 days....Is there any other advise?

 

[Mangoes]

During this entire TTC journey, this is the first time I've had pregnancy/BFP related dreams pertaining to myself. It was horrible seeing a BFN at 9DPO..but it was early. I just want to know if I am pregnant or not...just a few more days.

 

[Tsanch2672]

So it has been over six months since I lost my baby to a miscarriage after only being pregnant 2 months. I have been trying to have a baby again but haven't been successful at any of the attempts. I am starting to feel like I may never have a baby and it hurts me so much to not be able to have a baby. Today Is my o day and right after intercourse I started to experience cramping feeling. Does this mean I cannot get pregnant? Please someone reply so that I can better understand what I am feeling!

 

[laura11111]

So it has been over six months since I lost my baby to a miscarriage after only being pregnant 2 months. I have been trying to have a baby again but haven't been successful at any of the attempts. I am starting to feel like I may never have a baby and it hurts me so much to not be able to have a baby. Today Is my o day and right after intercourse I started to experience cramping feeling. Does this mean I cannot get pregnant? Please someone reply so that I can better understand what I am feeling!

Of course not You got pregnant before and you'll get pregnant again.

 

[laura11111]

Here's my rant...

I'm mad that it took my 30 years to find the right man to marry. I've wanted to be a mom since I was 5.

Had my husband's brothers not proposed to their girlfriends, we would have been engaged and married sooner. No fair because we're the oldest and I have the least amount of fertile years left.

I expected to get pregnant right off the pill like my sister and friend but didn't so that sucks.

My brother and sister-in-law have been having unprotected sex for two years and haven't gotten pregnant. She found out she has cysts and hormonal problems. I feel bad for them but not as bad as I should because she's 7 years younger than me. They have time to sort it out. We won't, if it happens to us.

I secretly don't feel that bad for anyone, who already has a child, who's having trouble conceiving again. I'm jealous that you already have a child.

I feel really stupid that I'm on here worrying about things cause we've only tried for 2 months! Apparently, normal for a healthy couple is 3-6 months.

I'm now mad that I didn't stop my pill sooner. I would have but my husband didn't want us to get pregnant before our wedding.

Geez, you spend years looking for a person to start a family with and then when it's finally time to start trying and it it doesn't work right away, it's heartbreaking.

I now realize that I need to get off this forum because it's making me crazy.

I have no excuse to be feeling this way because some of you have been trying for years and I can't imagine how awful that must be. I'm secretly so glad it's me but I'm also secretly terrified that it could become me.

At least I have a good start. No cysts or issues with my period...that I know of.

 

[squishmich]

Thank goodness for forums, eh?

There is no right and wrong feeling when it comes to trying for a baby. The guilt, the bitterness, the anger and disappointment are natural (and sometimes scary) feelings to have. Like you, I wish I had stopped my pill earlier - I was hoping to stick to a deadline and now that has gone right out the window.

I had it all planned out - start vitamins a year before, stop BC 6 months before, stop drinking, stay away from 2nd hand smoke, get fit and eating right...etc. The extreme despair that comes with each month is indeed heartbreaking.

We kind of go through the grieving process - stages of denial, rage, sadness, and overall acceptance. It's wonderful to have a place to vent and have many others who are in the same boat, trying to find the long-awaited babyland.

I hope it happens for you. Every so often I see people who are, shall we say less deserving, of a child. But then there are those people who you know where born to be mothers. I can sense that you are not the undeserving type. I wish you all the best.

 

[Heroness]

I had a miscarriage last year after 8.5 weeks. I was devastated. My mom and sister showed absolutely no support and were quite candid about stating that it was probably not meant to be as I hadnt gotten married yet and who would want to walk down the aisle 6 months pregnant. That is my family - I cant even get started on the MIL. I mean someone here mentioned the MIL stood for Monster in Law. I can agree on that. I was blamed by my husband's family for causing the mc due to my lifestyle - which is quite healthy btw. Lots of good healthy food and exercise - ok there is the odd glass of wine or two or a cigarette but that stopped long before I was ttc. These people drive me nuts.
My sister said I better hurry up and produce a child so that her son can have a cousin to play with. My mother told me that if I get pregnant again she doesnt want to know until I am at least 4 or 5 months pregnant so that if if doesnt work out she wont have to hear about it. I couldnt be more sad at this point.
My husband has just started a new job and we also have a lot of renovation work going on in our house that we are trying to manage so I cant ask him for any more support. He is quite supportive already. My friends are all very far away - I moved across Europe last year and have really only made one female friend who says try not to worry and what will be will be and your time will come. Which is great but so hard to hear.
Well that's my rant over. I just have to get it off my chest or I may possibly explode. Im reading a lot of books, making some nice things for Christmas and generally trying to stay out of contact with my family as much as poss. Hope these things will help. But aaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh! I tell you they just drive me crazy!!!
Best of luck to all of you out there having a rant moment!

 

[madtowngirl]

Heroness, first of all, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage earlier this year, and I don't know how I would have made it through without the support of my husband and mother. I really hope you can make some good friends in your new home. But you can make lots of virtual friends, here, too!

 

[HopefulKait88]

Soooo this rant might be a little 'cray-cray' and possibly insane enough to have me committed but no one understands except you lovely ladies

I am SO SICK of people telling me to not stress about it. Right, like that'll happen?? Then you stress about not stressing. It's like trying to fall asleep so you squeeze your eyes shut as tight as possible, and then you realize that you're focusing too much on closing your eyes that you're not relaxing enough to fall asleep! Kinda like that, eh?

I've suffered two miscarriages within 3 1/2 months last Spring and am still struggling with the frustration/grief/etc. that comes with miscarrying. My first due date was supposed to be October 20th and it came and went and I was having a rough time around that date and my husband and friends/fam were not too understanding. My co-worker (who only knows about it because after my 2nd MC, I took a week off of work to grieve) even had the balls to say "Why are you so upset that other people are pregnant? That's not healthy. You need to move on." I try not to be offended by that but really, I'm only human. I will grieve and heal in my own time and am sick of people acting like there's a time limit to it. My second due date was supposed to be Christmas. It's going to be hard Holiday season and tons of people that I know are pregnant and due within the next 2 months (literally, like 6 woman I know are due soon.) "Oh, how exciting to have a newborn around for the holidays?? All those wonderful times with family to bask in the excitement of a new sweet addition?"

People keep saying "You'll feel so much better after you get pregnant again and have a baby." To me, it's similar to a loved one passing away, or God forbid, even your SO. You don't just 'move on' in an 'appropriate' time frame. Why do people think that grieving the loss of a child you never got to hold is any different??

I don't mean to sound cold-hearted towards these comments, but it's becoming even more difficult with every pregnancy announcement, baby shower invite, etc. I just found out that this girl at my church is preggo with a 'honeymoon baby' and has been blasting it on FB since she was 4 weeks along. I so badly want to have that kind of peace and relaxation with early pregnany, and I hate that I never will get to. I will always have to have weekly HCG blood draws, weekly ultrasounds, progesterone supplements and constant nervousness about any future pregnancies I will be lucky enough to have. Every complaint I hear about morning sickness, fatigue, etc. makes me want to say "YOU ARE SO LUCKY!". I sooo long for those symptoms! I've told my husband and mom time and time again that I will do morning sickness non stop, I will do heartburn, I will do constant blood tests, and I will even do bed rest if it means I can have a healthy baby!

Okay, rant over. I am so impatient and really struggling with relying on God and His timing.

 

[ARobotS240]

I'm so sorry that the people around you aren't sympathetic with how you're feeling. :-/ These were clearly already children that you were picturing making memories with and who you already loved so it's unfair to tell you to move on in a specified amount of time. Your coworker's comment was especially insensitive. I hope venting made you feel at least a tiny bit better.

 

[MrsLemon]

my sister in law just announced shes pregnant wither 5th after a one night stand....AF started half an hour later and then at my DRs appointment he wants me to wait another year.. (taking me to two years ttc) before he will send me to a specialist.

why cant i even have one GRRRRRRR

 

[trumpetbeth]

Here's my rant...

I'm mad that it took my 30 years to find the right man to marry. I've wanted to be a mom since I was 5.

Had my husband's brothers not proposed to their girlfriends, we would have been engaged and married sooner. No fair because we're the oldest and I have the least amount of fertile years left.

I expected to get pregnant right off the pill like my sister and friend but didn't so that sucks.

My brother and sister-in-law have been having unprotected sex for two years and haven't gotten pregnant. She found out she has cysts and hormonal problems. I feel bad for them but not as bad as I should because she's 7 years younger than me. They have time to sort it out. We won't, if it happens to us.

I secretly don't feel that bad for anyone, who already has a child, who's having trouble conceiving again. I'm jealous that you already have a child.

I feel really stupid that I'm on here worrying about things cause we've only tried for 2 months! Apparently, normal for a healthy couple is 3-6 months.

I'm now mad that I didn't stop my pill sooner. I would have but my husband didn't want us to get pregnant before our wedding.

Geez, you spend years looking for a person to start a family with and then when it's finally time to start trying and it it doesn't work right away, it's heartbreaking.

I now realize that I need to get off this forum because it's making me crazy.

I have no excuse to be feeling this way because some of you have been trying for years and I can't imagine how awful that must be. I'm secretly so glad it's me but I'm also secretly terrified that it could become me.

At least I have a good start. No cysts or issues with my period...that I know of.

Hey Girl!!! I am in the same boat!! It took me 30 years to find the right person too! We have only been trying for 2 months, but it is still very frustrating!!