Trying to stay positive with all the negative comments?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Wishfullmama, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. Wishfullmama

    Wishfullmama Well-Known Member

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    The father of this baby and myself did plan this child. We did want this child and did everything we did to conceive this baby.
    In a nutshell, father began to get physically and emotionally abusive towards myself, cheated on me, and now we are not together.
    Since everyone knows I am a single mother (yet again) there is no positivity at all given towards this pregnancy, and not only does it hurt, but it makes it harder for me to keep my head held high.
    I did the right thing for myself as well as my children by not letting this man in my house. Yes, it will be hard raising three children on my own without his income and support as well, but I am sorry I cannot allow a man to physically hit me and cause so much torment on myself.
    I post things on facebook regarding baby, or talk about baby in general to people, trying to stay positive even in such a negative situation, but all I get is brought back down into a hole.
    I don't even know how to write fully about this whole situation, as it is still hurtful to think of the abuse that happened and I am so trying to keep thinking about all of the positive things that are happening or that are coming in the near future. I really just don't know what to do or how to handle it anymore. It makes me afraid to even post ultrasound pictures up on my facebook, or even afraid to show them, thinking someone might have yet ANOTHER negative comment to add :cry: I just feel betrayed.
    I did try to contact womens resource center a while ago, just to have someone to talk to about the domestic abuse alone, but they didn't even return my phone call giving them my new phone number...again feeling alone :cry: I know all in all, baby is not being brought into the best of situations, but I absolutly could not let this man attempt anything further, I just couldn't.
    I am sorry for the rant but I just need some advice...I just don't know how to handle all of this anymore.... I have a son with some emotional as well as hyperactive issues that people tend to say negative comments about, when I am trying my hardest with him, I am now a pregnant single mother again which people look down on, and I just don't know how to handle all of these negative comments when all I do is work my butt off and try the hardest I can, my children never want for anything and I earn everything to help support them, even if that means I go without....how do I deal with this? :cry:
    Again I am sorry for the rant and the pity party I just threw for myself, but I just really do not know where to turn to anymore and I needed a vent and a good quick cry for myself as well.... ugh
     
  2. pandabub

    pandabub Well-Known Member

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    Oh honey, I'm so sorry people are treating you this way - particularly people that know and supposedly care for you. What you need, right now, is support, and it is a reflection on them, not you, when what they do instead is try to bring you down.

    Can I ask what the nature of the comments are hun? What kinds of things have they been saying, and are they in fact from people that are close to you (a lot of our so-called Facebook 'friends' are really people we haven't spoken to and wouldn't expect to see in years, and/or whose opinions really shouldn't mean a thing anyway).

    At the end of the day, you have done something positive for you and your child by getting out of an abusive situation. That is no easy feat and a lot of women struggle to do so. You should hold your head high and ignore any petty comments; what matters is you and your baby and you will get through this and be a fantastic mother. xx
     
  3. Wishfullmama

    Wishfullmama Well-Known Member

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    Saying things such as "You should have gotten yourself fixed" or simple things such as "You're pregnant again?" almost like scowling me for, what I honestly thought at the time, with all the thought that was put into it all, was a good decision. Someone actually did scold me for leaving the father, saying its a shame I am bringing this child into a home without the father, it hurt badly. One comment was made by my brother, although I do not think he knows the full details of the situation, since it is hard to mention to family like that, one is a good friend of mine, who witnessed the abuse first hand and another comment made by, what I thought was a good friend as well.
    I try so so so hard to hold my head up high. I am doing what is best for my children even in the worst of circumstances, and this child will be brought up with so much love, but it just hurts so much to hear many hurtful comments. Other comments include my oldest son, who is six, and experiencing some emotional as well as some hyperactivity issues, and people tend to make comments on how 'horrible' Blake acts, when nobody can look at the positivity in my child and all I am doing to try to help him with everything he is going through. I am not looking for someone to hand out a red carpet for me and constantly praise me, but I would like people, especially those who are closest to me, to just understand, and maybe stop with the rude and hurtful comments, I cannot understand how they do not understand how all of these comments truly hurt....
     
  4. kazb25

    kazb25 Well-Known Member

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    ok this is what was going throu my mind as i read your post, firstly well done and seriously GOOD ON YOU for standing up to the weak bully (your ex) u have by far and u know it, done the only and best thing by ending your relationship with him, the best !!! secondly, i can relate to u on the negative comments from others part although i am not going throu the same thing as u i am the type of person who is sensitive to this kind of thing myself and it would get me down to. The only thing i that i thought of to help u is that u could either try telling those ppl that their negative comments are making u feel down and that u want to stay positive, sometimes ppl think they are being empathic when they are not so maybe if u spell it out to them (dont know if u tried it already) the other thing i was thinking was that it would be good for u to not seek others approval and try to only seek your own, sometimes i do this and seeking other approval doesnt always land me in the best of situations, and lastly, be gentel wiv yourself hun, u are a fantastic mother and dont forget that, and if u need a cry then have a bloody good old cry, and if u need to vent, vent to all of us on here, thats what we are here for and also try and get in contact wiv your local womens aid centre again and persist, u deserve some support. hugs xxxx
     
  5. Wishfullmama

    Wishfullmama Well-Known Member

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    You make a very valid point of accepting my own approval, because in the end, mine is truly the only one that matters, right? I already tend to have low self-esteem, and sensitive comments (especially those made about my children) hurt beyond all belief, it tends to cause me to be a more emotional person. I haven't really tried to talk to these people, because in the end, I do not want more rude comments made, or possibly cause drama or an uproar, because I truly hate being involved in those. I tend to try to show a strong front, but lately, it has been pretty hard. I don't want to show weakness, as it makes me feel more vulnerable, if that makes any sense, and I also want my children to not see their mommy hurting, but a good cry when I need one sounds like a pretty darn good idea! I also love coming here, because I can share moments with baby hear and not hear one negative comment, I love the congrats and awws and advice from all the other mommies, it does help loads!:thumbup:
    I think you also right about pesturing the womens resource center, it would be so helpful in helping heal from just the situation alone with him. Again, thanks for allowing me this good old vent :hugs:
     
  6. pandabub

    pandabub Well-Known Member

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    I would block these people - from facebook, your phone, and also prevent any other means they have of contacting you - sweets. Those kinds of comments are cruel and uncalled for and to be honest, unfathomable to me. How dare anyone else pass judgement on your situation, particularly those that knew the details of the abuse full well?!

    Regarding your brother and your 'good friend', I would suggest writing them a letter/email describing why you find their comments hurtful and advising them that they are not to comment on your pregnancy at all if they have nothing positive to say. Let them know that you would appreciate their support during a time in your life which has been particularly trying - and also let them know that there are others out there who consider it a very brave and admirable thing, to have made the decision you've made, and that there are others who consider it something you should be proud, not ashamed of!

    Again, I am so sorry you are going through this hun, and I really hope that you don't have to put up with that cr*p for much longer xxx
     
  7. theresarhuebb

    theresarhuebb x mother of 3 x

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    1st of all well done you. not many woman can do that. second of all. you didnt know before you had the baby all this was going to happen. so dont blame your self. friends and family obviously dont care much about you or theyd not be like this. create a new facebook account and only add the people who are sticking by you with this. your within your rights to protect your self and your children. do not let them get to you. this man doesnt deserve another chance and although having a baby when theres not a man doesnt mean your not a good mother or wont cope. if you can chuck a man out youll be the strongest and better woman and mam to those kids. be strong keep going and ignore the bad and enjoy the good :) xx
     
  8. spring_baby

    spring_baby <a href="http://pregnancy

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    Stay strong hun, I know it seems like right now everyone in yr life is ganging up on you and due to pregnancy hormones you will be feeling a lot more sensitive to people around you.:wacko:

    Big hug coming yr way:hugs:

    You know you did the right thing and if yr not getting support were you are or on fb then you can always post yr moans and groans :cry: on here and we will all do our best to offer you comfort.:hugs:

    Look at this baby as a gift of life and try and stay positive xx
     
  9. baby05

    baby05 Well-Known Member

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    Surround your self with those who are positive, UNFRIEND anyone who doesnt have the manners or good sense to say kind things or to at the very least keep quiet if they dont have anything nice to add.

    friends should be there for you, not to guilt you or judge you. I am sorry that the relationship didnt work out, but for whatever reason, you dont need people in your life who are going to emotionally hurt you.

    I have unfriended relatives and will only keep those who are going to mind their manners. pregnant hormones are crazy enough... no one needs rude people making it worse.
     
  10. Wishfullmama

    Wishfullmama Well-Known Member

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    Big :hugs: to all of you and thank you so much for all of the positive comments. I would do whatever it meant to protect my children, even if that means going at it alone; like they say, 'Always stand up for whats right, even if youre standing alone.' and thats what I did, and he would never have a chance to come in here and do anymore damage ever again:nope:
    It really has taught me who my true friends are, I think tough situations really show peoples true colors. I know it doesn't help my feelings with all of the hormones rushing through.
    This baby is a wonderful amazing gift from God, no matter what situations happened while this baby was being created. I do not believe God would have gave me this baby if he knew I couldn't handle it. I smile at every kick, I get teary eyed when I see this amazing little baby on ultrasound, and I love thinking about what it would be like to meet this baby, and I think the people who want to view it in such a negative light, really miss out on all of the positives this baby will bring! You ladies truly are amazing, thank you all so much! :flower:
     
  11. kazb25

    kazb25 Well-Known Member

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    yeah i hear ya, i too dont like confronting ppl and possibly getting into arguments fallings out, and after all i can imagine wiv what u have been throu wiv your ex you would quite rightly have anxieties around confrontations. I too sometimes worry about causing drama, i even wory that others will think i am over reacting. But i will share with you what i have learned. I am trainning to be a counseller at college at the moment and I came to realise that my experiences of others are vailed and also genuine and real and also that it is ok to express my experiences. Also there is a lady on my course at college who too went throu an abusive realtionship many years ago who has said that ppl she thought she could trust and rely upon turned their backs on her once she left her husband so take heed that this does happen, for what ever reasons other than ignorance, lack of being able to have the space in their brains to understand and not very worldy ppl. So understand that these ppl who are not supporting u, have not lived, not really and they do not have the capability to understand how there comments hurt u like u say u cant understand how they dont realise this already, so on that note, maybe u need to spell it out for them, teach them, bring it into their awareness and think of it as a possitive thing that by doing this u are giving out some wisdom to those who lack it.
     
  12. Eleanor ace

    Eleanor ace Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations on your newest LO! :happydance:
    you sound like a brilliant mummy, one who cares about the environment in which her children are raised, and who is willing to make sacrifices for her kids. Why shouldn't you have another child? Especially one who was planned and is wanted. Forget those people, they're probably jealous and don't deserve to know about your baby. Chi up :flower:
     
  13. marnie79

    marnie79 Well-Known Member

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    hi hun, i just want to say that i think u r doing a amazing job and are much stronger than u realise as u have made the best decisions possible and protected u and ur children.
    get rid of those horrible people who dont want to support u, they seem much more interested in putting u down (it prob makes them feel better about themselves) really hope u feel much more positve and stronger soon xx
     
  14. miss cakes

    miss cakes Well-Known Member

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    well im a single mother and this will be my 3rd child also i have a son who is hyper to the point he only sleeps 2 hours a night and is extremely boisterous i get a few comments about my son which are very hurtful to me as hes such a loving child under all that stuff even my mum says "theres something wrong with him" which makes my blood boil! ive also had the comments about having a baby on my own like well look at your son do you really think you can manage with another one like that and its such a shame about the father and oh you poor thing having to raise children on your own. these people who make comments like that obviously live on a differant planet from me i was raised by a single mother as like you my dad was very abusive to her and she decided to leave him for our sake and not let us be put through the same i have nothing but respect for her shes a very strong woman and did the right thing by us and im sure your children will feel the same when they are older which is all that matters other peoples comments and remarks should be of no concern to you at the end of the day they mean nothing what counts are your children which you have made clear are number 1 in your world why should you stay with an abusive bully who could potentially turn that attention towards your children you would only be a fool if you had stayed so keep your chin up and dont let those idiots get to you xx
     
  15. MizzDeeDee

    MizzDeeDee I know it all.. ask me!

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    These are your friends on facebook? They don't sound like good friends. I would drop them like they were hot.

    They should be supportive since you just left an abusive partner... not be abusive themselves, which is exactly what they are btw.

    Seriously. Get rid of em.
     
  16. mtemptress

    mtemptress Well-Known Member

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    hi hunni i didnt want to read and not say hi,,
    YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THEM my best friend gets told all the time that she cant cope as a single mum, but she does a amazing job and so will you, block the folks on facebook as you have every right to post what you want about baby on there,, we are always here for you if you need a chat
     
  17. Miss Boo

    Miss Boo Well-Known Member

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    You should be so proud of yourself! Many may have decided it was easier to stay put in the abusive relationship but you've had the courage to stand up and refuse to bring this baby into this kind of environment! What you've done is tough but my god brave and the right thing to do! Well done for saying "enough is enough" - it shows you have true inner strength - you will get through this :D
     
  18. laila 44

    laila 44 Well-Known Member

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    I think it is women like youself that deserve all the admiration and respect in the world for taking a stand and making the best possible decision for youself and for your children. The ones that are to be ashamed are the ones that chose to stay in abusive and dysfunctional relationships for all the wrong reasons. My hat goes off to you, PROPS for being a real woman and for taking chage of your life! If I were you, I'd walk with my head held high knowing that I did the right thing! sending massive HUGS your way and lots of positive energy xox
     
  19. Ember

    Ember Pregnant - 3rd Trimester

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    You are one of the strongest women in the world! There are so many women too scared to stand up for the health and safety of themselves and their children. You are very strong to push through that fear and do what is best by getting away from that coward! Don't ever let anyone bring you down for being such a brave and strong woman! I believe you should unfriend them, too, even your brother if he's going to be that way. You don't need these negative people in your life, and if they're going to say things like that, then how can they still even be called friends? People like that are the reason I only have one real friend left, who also has a son with behavior, emotional, and hyperactivity issues. He makes life a real nightmare for her, but she is doing the best she can, and I am proud of her for it. She isn't a single mother but might as well be because her husband only does anything with any of her three children (one of which is a newborn) for two hours out of every day. I can't imagine how much worse it would be for her if he was abusive too. She gets beat up enough by her 5 year old son.
     

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