TTC after a fullterm stillbirth

[wildflower79]

Thanks charlie. Yes, the dr in a&e said the test always comes back raised in pregnant ladies, so she didn't even know why the gp did it. I have come down with another cold/virus thing this week, so hopefully that could be causing me to feel a bit breathless and also all the anxiety is adding to it I'm sure. Still worried my scan will come back positive though - can't help it!

I'm sorry you'll have to miss ttc this month. That's so frustrating, especially as it seems to take an age for ovulation to come around every month anyway x

Sorry about af thumpette. Did you have any fertility tests when you were trying to conceive Max? Hoping next month will be lucky for you. I'll go and read your blog while I have some time to myself x

 

[thumpette]

Yeah I did- they all came back clear. Kinda glad that things are a bit off still with my cycle so I still have hope that when things regulate it'll happen. X

 

[charlie15]

Lol Thumpette, I should have kidnapped him!! Sorry about AF but you are right it will happen when your body is ready. I know my cycles took a long time to normalise after my daughter, about 6 months from when AF returned. I have just read your latest part of your blog. As usual totally resonates with me, doesn't really matter what you say, just acknowledge my little one and let me talk, so very true. It hurts so much when people just say nothing as if this huge part of your life that has totally changed you to your core has never happened. It really upsets me. Glad you got lots of positive responses from that. Hugs x

Wildflower, yes silly of your GP to run that test. Hopefully it is all your cold, hope you get better soon though x

 

[cleeann]

Hey sweetie.. I'm Courtney. I also am TTC after a fullterm stillbirth.

I had my Ashton at 39 weeks and 6 days. It is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. I lost him a year and two months ago. The pain is hard to deal with, I'm sure we will struggle with it the rest of our lives. It never goes away, but it has gotten a little easier to accept.

It makes TTC so different. I am desperate now for a brother or sister for Ashton. My SO and I have just started the process though, and I am worried about how stressful it will be. I am 22, and would love a buddy to talk too. If you need an ear or someone to vent/talk to, I am here.

 

[thumpette]

So sorry for your loss Cleeann, beautiful name for your precious baby. I hope your journey to concieve again will be short and straight forward. Xxx

 

[cleeann]

So sorry for your loss Cleeann, beautiful name for your precious baby. I hope your journey to concieve again will be short and straight forward. Xxx

Thank you hun. Hopefully you get your second baby soon. You're more than welcome to send a friend request or message if you ever need to talk to someone who understands.

 

[thumpette]

Hi everyone, how's this month going?

I think I oved yesterday. Did a skydive yesterday to mark 6 months from Max's birth. Would be lovely to have conceived on that day. Bit worried about ov on cd 17 as have been having 26-27 day cycles but hoping the vit b complex and new accupuncture lady this cycle will help lengthen it. Gonna start eating pineapple if I get another high temp tomorrow cos it's meant to help with implantation. 🌈

 

[wildflower79]

Cleeann, so sorry for your loss of your precious Ashton Wishing you won't have to wait too long for your rainbow xx

thumpette, that's so brave of you to do the skydive! A wonderful way to mark Max's 6 month birthday It would be awesome if you did conceive on the same day. Keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you x

I've been really busy the last 2/3 weeks, which is good because time has flown by! My test came back clear for blood clots, so that was good. Had my 12 week scan this morning and it went perfectly. I was sooo relieved! They dated me at 12w3d which is a couple of days ahead. I was worried after they said I was measuring a week behind at my early scan, but I guess that scan measurement wasn't very accurate. Saw the consultant after, not my usual one though, cos she was on holiday. He didn't really seem very positive about the private non invasive blood test and kept going on about an amnio, but I told him I wasn't going to risk the chance of mc with that. Still deciding whether to go for the private test, but thinking I probably will. I'm just so scared it'll show positive for edwards again. Part of me just wants to forget about having any tests and just carry on as normal till the end, but I don't know whether that's just me wanting to bury my head in the sand because of the fear. It's all really confusing.

 

[thumpette]

Great news about the scan wildflower. I know it'll never feel safe till you hold your wriggling baby but it's a massive milestone reached. The tests sound like a huge decision- I guess knowledge is power but can totally understand why you'd be reluctant. Will be thinking of you- keep us up to date.

I'm 7dpo today- hubbie convinced this is the month. Been feeling a little light headed and crampy- I know it's too early for symptoms but I live in hope. Will test next Friday if no sign of AF before that.

 

[Natnee]

Hi everyone, not been on here for ages, just sometimes it's all too much and gets a bit obsessive. Things not going brilliant for me. Finally got results last week from all the tests they did, and they all came back clear, no hormones out of whack or anything, so the mc I guess were just 'one of those things'

BUT, yes here's a but…..the same day I had results of a smear test i'd had done a couple of weeks before. (I've been very bad and not had one since 2007) and they detected low grade abnormal cells and found I have HPV infection. I have to go for a colposcopy to investigate more. So it might mean nothing or they might have to treat it. In the leaflet that came with the letter is says, 'don't get pregnant til treatment has ended' So now I'm just so worried and stressed about what going to happen. Another brick wall has been flung up in front of me!

Anyway today I'm cd28 and just waiting to see what happens, we only dtd once last month (before I got the smear results) so it's possible I could be pregnant but unlikely. I did a cheap tesco test just now and it's bfn. I would've thought I would've seen something on it if I was pregnant. I usually get bfp before af is due but usually I use frers. Might have to get some of them later. Anyone else used tesco's ones? They are blue dye so not sure how great they are.

 

[wildflower79]

Hi Nat, I can totally understand how you feel like its another brick wall flung in front of you It's tough enough going through ttc and then to be told you have to wait longer, it must be so difficult.

I don't know much about abnormal smear tests but found this https://www.cancerscreening.nhs.uk/cervical/publications/whatyourabnormalresultmeanspdf.pdf , although you've probably already been given information already. It sounds as though the cells can often return to normal by themselves.

Really hoping you don't have to wait too long before you can start trying for your rainbow baby again x

 

[wildflower79]

Forgot to mention about the tesco tests. I'm not sure if they're supposed to be early test ones or not? I've used Sainsbury blue dye tests a few times and I've never had a prob with them. I got my bfp on one, but I was nearly a week late when I tested. There was a lady on the pregnancy test board that got faint lines on 2 sainsburys and 2 tesco tests, but it turned out she wasn't pregnant. After reading her experience I don't think I'd trust them again.

 

[Raerae513ttc]

I don't know where to start... I am heartbroken and having a hard time dealing with the loss of my daughter. My husband and I were ttc for a year and a half when we finally went to a fertility clinic. We did two cycles of Clomid with IUI and the second one we were pregnant. After a normal pregnancy we went in for a scan June 18th, 10 days before due date and there was no heartbeat. Our world came crashing down. I was induced and delivered our baby girl Mallory on June 20 at 12:27 am. She was beautiful and perfect.
Since then I have just been trying to figure out what happened and why. A nurse from my doctor called and said I had something called velamentous cord insertion. The cord did not attach correctly to the placenta. The thing that bothers me the most is everything I have read says you can see it in the ultrasound. It's hard for me not to blame the doctor. Maybe if she had seen it my baby would be alive.
I am seeing a new doctor Wednesday for my 6 week follow up, I can't go back to my other doctor it's just too hard. I would like to get pregnant soon. I still can't believe this has happened. It feels like a nightmare.

I'm sorry that you all have to go through this also. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

 

[charlie15]

I don't know where to start... I am heartbroken and having a hard time dealing with the loss of my daughter. My husband and I were ttc for a year and a half when we finally went to a fertility clinic. We did two cycles of Clomid with IUI and the second one we were pregnant. After a normal pregnancy we went in for a scan June 18th, 10 days before due date and there was no heartbeat. Our world came crashing down. I was induced and delivered our baby girl Mallory on June 20 at 12:27 am. She was beautiful and perfect.
Since then I have just been trying to figure out what happened and why. A nurse from my doctor called and said I had something called velamentous cord insertion. The cord did not attach correctly to the placenta. The thing that bothers me the most is everything I have read says you can see it in the ultrasound. It's hard for me not to blame the doctor. Maybe if she had seen it my baby would be alive.
I am seeing a new doctor Wednesday for my 6 week follow up, I can't go back to my other doctor it's just too hard. I would like to get pregnant soon. I still can't believe this has happened. It feels like a nightmare.

I'm sorry that you all have to go through this also. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

I am so so sorry about your loss, lots of hugs. I hope you do get some answers to why that happened xxx

 

[thumpette]

Sorry haven't seen last few updates on this. Nat, so sorry you have another block in the way. I once had a borderline abnormality. It didn't require any treatment- they just followed up with 6 monthly monitoring for 2 years and then I was given the all clear.

Raeray, I am so so sorry for your loss. I hate to hear of new people joining this awful awful club. I'm sure Mallory was beautiful. It's so cruel that she wasn't given her chance at life. Aside from the TTC stuff the main advice I can give you is to get support. I have found losing Max to be such an isolating experience. No matter how hard they try people who haven't lost a child just cannot get the pain and the loss- it's a great comfort to find people who do. I hope it's not a long wait for you to find your rainbow.

I know a lot of people who had massive struggles to concieve number one and who concieved their rainbows within 3-6 months.

I'm almost 7 months now and still waiting, but my cycle feels more normal and I'm hopeful that it'll happen soon. Xxx

 

[Raerae513ttc]

Thank you Charile and Thumpette. Since going through this horrible nightmare I have heard so many terrible stories of loss. My best friends mother had a full term stillborn and I am very close to her so we have been talking a lot.

I saw my new doctor and the plan is birth control for a month then he wants me to go back to the fertility clinic. He said there is no reason trying for something that's didn't happen the first time. I'm just so ready to try again.

 

[wildflower79]

Raerae, I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your beautiful daughter. xx

 

[Natnee]

So sorry to read what happened Raerae xxx

Well I'm feeling a whole better about my situation. I spoke to my bereavement midwife who had spoken to the coloscopy sister, and said that mine is low grade so not overly concerned. In fact if the whole population was tested about 3 quarters would have this virus present. I haven't even been sent an appointment yet and it was 3 weeks tomorrow since I got the letter!!

Anyhow, so, we have still been trying. A friend at work asked me if I was still going to try and it got me thinking, why not. If they were concerned about the smear results then surely they would've got me in by now? If I hadn't had the smear I would be none the wiser and would be trying anyway. So if it happens then it happens. I'm on cd14 today, we bd cd10, then cd11 I was getting ewcm, that stopped cd12, then we bd again last night cd13. Not doing any opk/temping or what not, just taking things as they come.

Another thing is that we are going to New York in October, over half term. Basically my FIL has rented a massive apartment and loads of OH family are going. It's my BIL 40th, and he's also running in the New York marathon so it's a combination of celebrating his birthday and seeing him in the marathon. IF I was to fall this month then I would be about 13 weeks by then. I have been reluctant to go because 'oh i might be pregnant' but I have been putting things off and not doing things over the past year in case I'm pregnant and I guess this was a too good opportunity to miss. All we have to do is pay for flights, then of course spending money, but it will be great for Belle to go and her 2 cousins will be there too. (whispers - I'm kind of thinking sods law and I will be pregnant, but I'm only whispering that as don't want to jinx it!)

 

[wildflower79]

Haven't posted on here in a while. Just wanted to say hi and hope everyone is doing as well as they can be x

 

[adr75050]

Im desperately looking for women who I can gain support from who have experienced similar loss. My beautiful daughter, Adalynn, was due for C-section on 9/28 and on 9/25 I went in for reduced fetal movement and no heartbeat on my home doppler. She was delivered by C-section 9/25. She was perfect and so pretty, 7lbs and 4 oz. The doctor said when she removed her the cord was loosely around her neck, but we know little else and are awaiting an autopsy report. We buried her 10/3 (Adalynn's original due date) and I am struggling to make since of this. We sold our house and racked up 40K in fertility debt to do 6 rounds of IVF and uterine surgery to get her. 3 years of IVf for our baby girl to never take her first breath. I dont know how to cope with her loss and I havent set foot in her room. I feel like my doctor should have caught something, we just had a sono on 9/17 and she was fine. By 9/25 they told me they suspected she had died 2 or 3 days earlier. My husband and I are not TTC yet and have no more money for IVF. Im grieving alone and feel no one understands. Hoping to find like minds and experiences on here.