U.S. Mommies To Be

[lisaf]

cheree - the stats were amazing when I looked at them too!

Rosie - I guess I just see the moment of birth as the intimate moment, not the laboring part and even then there are going to be strangers in the room... you may not know your doctor or the nurses... but the doula would at least be one person you know (and they can take pictures for you!) The intimate moments for me are the first night with the baby etc...
Doulas do not replace husbands... they can actually just offer some helpful suggestions, encourage husbands to massage your back... tell them when its best to just be quiet because you have that 'shut up now or I'll kill you' look in your eye.... etc...
They can also reassure and encourage both of you about what is normal and what to expect.
They can also take pictures, fetch things, go out and give family updates.. basically free up your husband so that he can be in the moment with you!

I've heard a lot of husbands freak out when the wife hits transition...
There are also times where the husbands get scared about the level of pain and start insisting on/pushing for some kind of pain relief drugs even though the wife doesn't want it.

Its our first child... so I have no idea what kind of labor support my husband will be! I like having a backup and support to help HIM help me!

As for what to tell your friend... well see what exactly she offers as a doula... if it sounds like something that could be a help to you.. you might change your mind. If not... explain that you really just want to rely on your husband... most doula's will accept that!

 

[RosieCheeks]

Lisa - I didn't mean that the doula would replace your husband. If thats what it implied, I am sorry. I meant that since you want an all natural birth, the doula might be an additional help. I think you just have to instill in your DH's head that the doula will not be replacing him. She is there to assist you in the labor portion and not the bonding portion that you guys will have after the birth. Plus, like you said, she might come in handy with taking pictures.

 

[JNA]

I started my registry today out of boredom. I have one at babies are us and Walmart because we dont have a mall in either of the towns I live in. To be honest I dont know where a babies r us is but my aunties are from big cities im sure they can find one lol.

I felt lo move last night and it freaked me out. Monday I was trying to distinguish from gas or baby. Last night he threw a party and was all over the place. Is it normal for me to feel movement this early?

Stuff on your BRU registry can be bought online and shipped to you, so it's ok if there isnt one nearby..

It is a little early for movement for a first time pregnancy, but not unheard of. I think I recall usually it is between 18-22 weeks for the first feelings. With my first it was at 18 weeks or so, second was around 20 i think, and this one was super early at around 15-16 weeks, which surprised me cause i'm packin more weight how exciting for those first flutters... now is the part where you get to wait for OH to be able to feel from the outside!

I was really confused last night but it was definitely baby. I just laid down to take a nap and bam cartwheels and nudges on my right side.
I havent even thought about feeling movements on the outside. Im a "big" girl and im unsure if baby will be that strong to kick through my blubber

I'm hopeful though thanks for the info

 

[JNA]

Doulas use pressure points to relieve pain, they are well trained in reducing back labor and attempting to keep your pain to a minimum naturally.
To me they are an epidural without a needle lol
I want one because OH will probably pass out on me and I needed an epidural for surgery and it did not work at all. I woke up and could feel every screw that was placed in my leg and ankle

 

[lisaf]

JNA - is your OH supportive of having a doula?

 

[JNA]

Yes he is really scared about delivery. He wants me to have every opportunity to be calmed and at peace.
I am hoping for a water birth and he's happy she will be there to guide both of us in the tub.
He has not agreed to get in the tub with me yet but he is he has no choice hehe

 

[lisaf]

I don't think my hospital allows water births... they're so strict on EVERYTHING I wanted one pretty bad though!!!
I've heard most guys don't end up getting in the tub, tbh

 

[JNA]

Really? The only reason I want a water birth is so OH has something to do beside stand there and look at me like im stupid. It would suck if I convince him and it doesn't happen

Have you thought about going to a birthing center?

Im going to UNC birthing center because Duke is always crowded. Its very low key and homey looking. Worth the hour drive lol

 

[lisaf]

There are supposed to open a birthing center... if they do, I have to switch my care over to the midwives who work at the center. It was what I originally planned to do... but they also said they'd be up and running in December and as far as I know they don't even have a facility yet!!!
And with a few things that some friends of mine have gone through, I got too nervous to do the birth center thing! Then there was worries about how much it would end up costing us with insurance since it would be out of network... what if there was an ambulence ride or a hospital bill ALSO... etc etc...

I am very cranky to read that our hospital says they cannot guarantee you a private room and if they are all taken, you will have to share a room... ok fine.. but then they say that your partner can't stay overnight if you're sharing a room!!!! WTF?!?!
I really wish there was a 2nd hospital in town... if they had some competition they'd have to update some of their policies!

 

[JNA]

Wow that is crap. You can't deny a man the right to spend the night with his wife and child. Thats bull.
At least you have a hospital that delivers in town (trying to be optimistic)
There cant be too many babies born on the same day (knock on wood)

 

[lisaf]

Lol, I know... I keep telling myself the odds are in favor of us getting a private room. I will go nuts if they stick us in a double room and don't let DH stay!

 

[luckyme225]

I feel pretty lucky, the hospitals around my area are in big competition so they have really nice birth centers. There are two hospitals down the street from where I'm delivering. Where I'm delivering you can choose from tub deliver suite or a delivery suite with a shower. Lisa, I would be really mad too if my husband couldn't stay if they were too full. Is there a hospital within an hour away that is better? It might be worth the drive?

 

[DarlingMe]

Just complain about your rooommate. They are too noisy, they leave the lights on, you cant sleep, etc. 90% of the time they will move you to a private room then. I work in a hospital and thats what we do!

 

[lisaf]

oooh good tip! Thanks!

As for going an hour away.. its so hard to think of doing that when my OB delivers at this hospital.. I'd probably have to find another OB to go elsewhere... oh.. and did I mention my hospital is about 5 minutes away from my house?

 

[RosieCheeks]

I was going to suggest what DarlingMe said about complaining about your roommate. I guess it wouldn't hurt...right?

I will be delivering at a pretty big hospital that is one of the best here in the Tristate area and to be honest I really haven't read up on anything yet. I am not sure about the private room or even if DH can spend the night. I already got my forms to pre-register for the hospital so I don't have to do anything once I check in and I do have some questions for them. Maybe I will give them a call one of these days just to see their room policies and such.

 

[Chantibug]

Really? The only reason I want a water birth is so OH has something to do beside stand there and look at me like im stupid. It would suck if I convince him and it doesn't happen

Have you thought about going to a birthing center?

Im going to UNC birthing center because Duke is always crowded. Its very low key and homey looking. Worth the hour drive lol

tbh, I couldn't imagine if I had a water birth my DH getting in... guys get squemish (sp) easily, and if they consider they will be in the water where a baby was born and blood and bodily fluids are... well, I think that's why most opt out... If that's really the 'only' reason you want one, keep in mind that he will have plenty to stay busy with while you are pushing... he can be there for you to squeeze his hand and/or hold your leg up for you to push (my dh had to do this )

Also, are you being induced? an hour is a long way to go in labor.. my mom had to driv e an hour to have me but it was induced cause she was high risk.

 

[Chantibug]

Lol, I know... I keep telling myself the odds are in favor of us getting a private room. I will go nuts if they stick us in a double room and don't let DH stay!

With my first I would have had to PAY $75/night for a private room! SO I opted not to as I didn't have that kind of money (dude,I was 19..lol) so I had to share with a woman who roomed in with her baby - I chose not to so I could rest that first night after birth - and the baby was up every 30 - 45 minutes and the lady let the baby scream and t hen finally turned on the overhead lights and fed it. Then in the daytime, she had no less than 5 visitors at a time ALL DAY and I kept my curtain closed to my side but they would pop their heads over randomly and just look at me/my baby! It was HORRIBLE. I complained and the nurses told me she was being discharged that afternoon... Luckily no one else 'moved in' with me and the next day was more peaceful. Oh, and neither night my boyfriend was allowed to stay with me, but i made him come up at 7am each morning and stay til 11pm at night.

The second time the hospital had added a birth suite wing, and all rooms are now private no matter who you are/how much money you have There are newer rooms on the suite wing and older rooms were converted to single rooms instead of shared so we got an older room, and since it was originolly for 2 people it's huge, and they put a fold out chair thing (folds out to a twin size bed) in there for the dads.

This time, same deal as last, except I am only going to stay in for 24hrs as required (well i could technically leave but baby has to stay for 24hrs for the pku test plus i am getting tubes tied after birth).

 

[southerngal2]

I can't imagine sharing a room after having a baby! With my first two daughters I had to pay for a private room. This time I'm not sure because I have not talked to the hospital yet. But if it's still the same, I'll pay for a private room.

 

[MissFox]

JNA- I started to feel LO moving around 14 and something weeks and they were more often at 15 weeks.

 

[JNA]

Really? The only reason I want a water birth is so OH has something to do beside stand there and look at me like im stupid. It would suck if I convince him and it doesn't happen

Have you thought about going to a birthing center?

Im going to UNC birthing center because Duke is always crowded. Its very low key and homey looking. Worth the hour drive lol

tbh, I couldn't imagine if I had a water birth my DH getting in... guys get squemish (sp) easily, and if they consider they will be in the water where a baby was born and blood and bodily fluids are... well, I think that's why most opt out... If that's really the 'only' reason you want one, keep in mind that he will have plenty to stay busy with while you are pushing... he can be there for you to squeeze his hand and/or hold your leg up for you to push (my dh had to do this )

Also, are you being induced? an hour is a long way to go in labor.. my mom had to driv e an hour to have me but it was induced cause she was high risk.

There is no hospital closer than an hour that delivers so hopefully since its my first lo isnt in a rush to come out. OH will be behind me holding my hand pushing the pressure point our doula instructs him to ect. He wont get a great view of lo coming out but idk if he really wants to see all that lol. He is still unsure about cutting the umbilical cord. This is what I get for falling for the shy computer geek hehe