how do you parent anyway maybebaby? do you punish, reward etc ? I done UP from the start but trying to turn around after doing certain other things can take a while to repair whats happened.
sorry for boring you all with essay problem,
so far i have bee doing your classic suppernanny approach of rewarding good behaviour (with a sticker chart and when it is finished a treat) and punishing bad behaviour with 'the thinking corner' (naughty step but called thinking cornier instead as i dont want the kids to label themselves naughty)
i dont know if it's too late to change approach now
any thoughts?
I meet a lot of parents that come asking for help when they try and change parenting, some day Ap and UP wont work for them when in fact its what they have done in the past thats created how their child is acting and its going to take time to change that, It wont happen over night. When punishing with naughty steps its ignoring your childs emotions and causes them to build up, explosive toddlers etc. Destructive behavior. Then they get punished some more and more anger builds up. This would make a childs feelings feel insignificant. You have to understand how these things have made your child feel in order to fix them. Its not to late.
https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/timeouts
A very good article on how children feel in time outs, naughty steps and thinking corners.
rewarding for good behavior often wears off, why should you reward a child to behave how you want? this is manipulation. Where does it end? expect good behavior, reward for things like passing exams in the long run its better for them to feel a proper achievement not having rewarded for something small the same as celebrating a big achievement. Kids are kids not dogs.
on reward charts.
https://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/tcags.htm
Sounds like I am giving off but I am not, as I said when you understand how these things make your child feel you can understand why your child is acting how they are and work on change.
Heres some alternatives to punishments.
https://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_alternatives.html
what I try and remember is (and I was raised negativity and conditional so know how my child would feel if I done the same) is that they are small adults who are new to the world. Like us all we make mistakes and mess up. We all still are learning and so are they. Adults learn to handle their emotions from childhood and what we do not will effect them for the rest of their lives. Emotional health is always ignored, people go for seeing rather than whats inside. So many people now have depression and other problems all stemed from child hood. I am totally for child advocacy and respecting children. Just think when your child acts out what would make them act like that and how would you feel if someone punished you for feeling jealous of someone, angry at something or shutting you off. Empathy is the key here. being on your childs side and not against your child. Often negative parenting will go against children, detaching children, pushing them back and causing rebellion.
Now I am not saying children who where positively parented have halos, none of us do. Just a normal range of healthy emotions they can learn to deal with our help.
you can join my page if you wish, loads of people ask help there
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Dangers-of-Baby-Training/126002307480818
This is about supernanny,
https://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/supernanny.htm
she does not care about children sadly its a battle of who is in control. When we start battles like this we always will be in battle. Sounds exhausting. Children are not being defiant or wanting to rule just wanting to be heard, respected and at least some sort of power to even decide small things. I see parents being told on supernanny to train children like dogs, removing every bit of power they have from them. Making the stand here and if they dont its punishment. This is breaking a child. Removing power from someone will cause them to want to break free, they will scream and do anything to gain power, sometimes outside the house they will because outside the house is where they are not under the eyes of parents and feel free to do as they want. Not a good thing at all. Causes so many problems later on. Of course the parent is in charge but not in a way it makes a child feel helpless.
I Parent along with my child, I grow with them to. I get down to their level and know they will come to me when upset and not bottle it up because they think I dont care. To build that it takes time, i done it from birth. So will take time for your child to build up trust again. Untrusting someone we love makes us do all sorts and act in ways we wouldnt when in love.
sorry for essay.
