Unexpected THIRD pregnancy-help!

[ParisJeTadore]

Where do I start?! Anyone else been in this situation and come out the other side doing ok?

DH and I were perfectly happy with our two little boys, didn't want more children and here we are, a day later, finding out I am pregnant despite barely dtd this last month. I am SO conflicted right now. I love babies. Love our children to pieces but adding a third creates so many issues for us. Our house is too small and car too tiny meaning we'd have to move, increase our mortgage and buy a van. The thought of being pregnant right now seems overwhelming: the morning sickness, exhaustion while I care for two other children, labour and birth (blah!), and postpartum recovery (which is always bad for me). I'm sorry if I sound negative, I'm trying to sort through this shock. I also worry how I will cope with three children when two seems challenging enough.

I am thrilled to think of my children playing with a third sibling but going through this whole journey seems so overwhelming to me right now. Anyone have some words of encouragement or advice?

 

[Mrsmac02]

I can imagine how you're feeling - from a personal perspective I plan on stopping at two, so I can see why you might be conflicted right now.

A friend of mine had her third (unplanned!) baby in October and she was devastated when she got a BFP for pretty much the same reasons as you.

However, she's making it work and they're all so happy to have another baby. Her sons now share a room (which they love, they think it's a sleepover every night!) and she bought a larger but older and more fuel economic car for the same price she sold her previous car for.

We women are way more resilient than we sometimes give ourselves credit for and as soon as that baby is in your arms, everything else will seem like less of a problem.

Good luck x

 

[weepolly]

I would always try to think of the future. Me and dh were only going to have one child but I'm pregnant now with number 2. I always think of when I'm older and would I look back and say "I'm so glad I never had another?" Doubt it!
I think I'd probably rather say "I'm so glad we have 2 children".

It will be hard for a while but you will get through it. Good luck xxx

 

[AmaryllisRed]

This was us in June. We had three and thought we were DONE. But oops! Baby number four is coming in a month! I did have some feelings to sort through. Shock, of course. And worry about finances, space, etc. And of course guilt over being anything but happy! But I believe that babies are a gift from God. And under the circumstances, clearly this baby was meant to be! I try to remind myself how very little babies actually need.

 

[USAF_WIFE]

This baby is a surprise and if I am totally honest not a wanted baby (at first). We live in a 4 bedroom home we already upgraded to a van after our 3rd supposed to be last. It will still put financial strain on us but we are preparing. We too were in shock id been in really bad health for over a month and I had blood tests and urine done and got the news I was pregnant. My husband and I freaked out the first night and then calmed down because while we know its going to be a challenge we will love this baby fiercely just like our others. I am nervous as heck waiting on my scan on the 27th to see if baby is growing right. I already love it! Eventually after the shock and panic you settle into the love effect. GL!

 

[VickyLou]

I totally understand how you feel. I am pregnant with number 2, my daughter is almost 14 months old. She was planned and wanted for 8 years. This one has come out of the blue, unplanned and really not wanted by my other half. He was happy with one. I didn't want another for a few more years. We found out on the 21st December, it was a huge shock, I was devastated if I'm honest. Felt 101 emotions. Then I had a scan and baby couldn't be found, I had to talk with the doctors about ectopic, miscarriage, potentially a blighted ovum, termination drugs etc. That devastated me even more. I had a scan yesterday and finally saw a baby and heartbeat measuring 8+1. Don't get me wrong I'm still in shock, it's going to take a while to get used to the idea that number 2 is on its way but the thought of my daughter having a sibling is great. It will take time but I believe things are meant to be and everything happens for a reason. Try to relax, think of the positives (there's always positives in every situation) and give it time to sink in. I'm sure as soon as you see it on a scan you will fall in love instantly. Good luck xx

 

[x__amour]

I definitely understand the overwhelming part. All our children were planned but sometimes I really struggle with my two and think how in the world I will manage with three. I know everything will be okay though as I'm sure it will be for you. We are born to adjust.

 

[babydustcass]

I can totally understand where you are coming from. We were done at 2 children too, but as my youngest grew older, I started wondering if we really were done. When my dd was almost 4 we'd decided to try for our third, so this baby doesn't come as a surprise to us but we'd already put in place before trying, the things your worried about so I can absolutely sympathise having this put on you seems incredibly overwhelming. Let me first say, everything will work out, it'll take a bit of juggling and perhaps some sacrifices but you have time to iron out the finer details. Were actually buying a new home and moving in JUNE like crazy people (due in july)! Just breathe, make a list if you need to because sometimes having everything you need to do floating around in your noggin playing on your mind is unhelpful. Define what is essential for you guys to do before baby is due, and what is a want rather than need, be realistic and you can do it

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

I completely understand where you are coming from. This baby is 100% unplanned, I did everything to prevent it and absolutely did not want another baby, I still don't if I'm honest.
I haven't bought any clothes, nappies, don't have a hospital bag - nothing. I still haven't accepted it and the thought of having to go through labour and birth really upsets me.
I am moving house, I have to return my lovely almost new car as it will be too small, I have missed out on job opportunities because of this pregnancy. The list is endless. I feel truly depressed and disengaged from the whole thing.
Sorry, I'm going on now. Hope you start to feel better about it soon x

 

[ParisJeTadore]

Oh ladies, thank you for your kindness and understanding I really needed to be heard and I am sorry for those that are going through a similar experience.

I like the idea of making a list. A million thoughts are floating around in my mind right now and it's definitely not helping.

To compound things further, my husband told me yesterday that he is really depressed about the realities of not having the money to fly home once a year with our kids (he's from out east and has been homesick for as long as I've know him) so yet another thing to add to our growing list of doubts and fears!

I know we will have to make this work-there's no choice and it's too late at this point I'm afraid. I keep telling dh that maybe we can stay in our small house and just make do. I'm sure we aren't the first!

 

[lauraairving]

I've not had any experience but I've heard managing wise it's easier to go from 2-3 than it is to go from 1-2. Just don't panic I'm sure you'll figure it out. I know it's scary, I'm scared with second and panicking how we're going to cope. All I can think is we've got about 8 months to get sorted and everything will work it's self out in the end. Sending hugs!

 

[nmariern]

I completely understand where you are coming from. Although we wanted to be pregnant for over 3 years ... We wanted one baby, but we made three in one shot. I worry for our financial situation, our house isn't going to work long term and we have to trade our pickup for a van... I cried and worried for my poor skin, my career... But at the end of the day... I know I can do this. It's not going to be easy, but it can be done. I still haven't figured out how we will do it yet, but I've got some time. And as scared as I am of 3 newborns... I would be sad if we lost one. Funny how the heart works.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I completely understand where you are coming from. Although we wanted to be pregnant for over 3 years ... We wanted one baby, but we made three in one shot. I worry for our financial situation, our house isn't going to work long term and we have to trade our pickup for a van... I cried and worried for my poor skin, my career... But at the end of the day... I know I can do this. It's not going to be easy, but it can be done. I still haven't figured out how we will do it yet, but I've got some time. And as scared as I am of 3 newborns... I would be sad if we lost one. Funny how the heart works.

A huge adjustment I'm sure Life seems to be full of surprises and, while three newborns is a lot, with some help I'm sure it will become a new way of life. I know what you mean though, how one event can change so many facets of your life and the plans you may have originally had. All the best to you.

 

[mrssat]

Well we did plan this one (our third) eventually. After years of discussions there were times we both thought no way we are done at 2. But like others have said the 2 we have got older & we wondered about another baby. We really took the attitude of let's just see what happens 2-3 weeks later af was late & I was preg! It was a shock!
We've had overwhelming thoughts about the car & house & finances & the dynamics of the family changing but I always come back to how much I love this baby already & I know we'll feel complete when he/she is here. Call me a romantic but I don't think anew baby really does have a negative effect of you think about all the new love it'll bring.
My mum never had enough room for us or money & she didn't even have a car. There waa 4 of us & she wás alone.It was tough for her but she loved every minute of it & says she'd do it again in a heartbeat. I had a great childhood because of my siblings (& mum of course) when theirs lots of kids to play with life is never dull!!

GL huni I hope you have a healthy 9 months. You'll all be fine when the shock sinks in. I'm hoping I will be too! Ha xx

 

[kittylady]

We are in exactly the same situation. We never planned to have a third, I am currently a stay-at-home mum so we rely on my husbands income but I am also doing a supposedly part-time degree (I am doing full-time credits for the next two years due to having to retake a year due to my last pregnancy). We will need a bigger car and we were already planning to move this year which will be more stressful. My husband has a really busy period with a new opening the month I am due and I can't even guarantee he will be there for my birth. Total nightmare but I can't ever bring myself to have an abortion so this baby is coming whether I like it or not x

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Our second was a surprise, as I had became pregnant on BC, but we made do. I wasn't excited about it and had a hard pregnancy. After he was born, that all changed. We are now expecting our third that wasn't a surprise but I know that there are going to have to be some major changes done. For one thing, we definitely need a new vehicle and I'm hoping tax money can cover that. For another, our house is also small even though technically we have four bedrooms. However, our house was originally a duplex and we've been doing little by little to convert it to a single family home by adding a staircase in order to have access to the other two bedrooms on the second floor (originally there was no staircase and you could only get to the upper floor by going around the outside). It is all a work in progress that I'm hoping we'll have finished by the time #3 comes.

 

[jessicaftl]

I can completely relate to your post!
It took years to get pregnant with my second son, due to fertility issues (PCOS). Imagine my surprise when I took a test a couple weeks ago after feeling bloated and nauseated that it came back positive. I'm still breastfeeding my nine month old son born last April, and we didn't plan for this one at least for a year or so. We're in the middle of buying a house, as well.
I'm still in shock, I haven't even had my scan done yet, but I'm already starting to show. My husband is probably more excited than I am, I imagine it will be soon that I am okay with things (I'm getting there!). You're not alone, it really can suck when you're not expecting it.
I try to think of it as a happy surprise though! Best of luck to you on having a decent pregnancy

 

[Reidfidleir]

I'm in the same boat. I mean we did eventually like the idea of 3 or 4 but we were hoping for a three year gap. Now there will only be 21 months between my youngest and this one! And yes we were preventing. One got past the goalie :/
Meaning we need a different vehicle much sooner too. I have mixed feelings. I want to be happy and excited but I'm finding it a bit difficult right now. I'm also hesitant to say anything to anyone because people's attitudes tend to be different after the first two babies...

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I'm in the same boat. I mean we did eventually like the idea of 3 or 4 but we were hoping for a three year gap. Now there will only be 21 months between my youngest and this one! And yes we were preventing. One got past the goalie :/
Meaning we need a different vehicle much sooner too. I have mixed feelings. I want to be happy and excited but I'm finding it a bit difficult right now. I'm also hesitant to say anything to anyone because people's attitudes tend to be different after the first two babies...

Reidfidleir, I remember you from my last pregnancy! Our children are very close in age (I have a three year old and a 14 month old).

I've also been feeling really hesitant about telling family or friends. While my husband insists everyone will be happy (no doubt they will), I think I fear judgment for having a third, especially when we made it well known that we were only having two children.

 

[Reidfidleir]

I'm in the same boat. I mean we did eventually like the idea of 3 or 4 but we were hoping for a three year gap. Now there will only be 21 months between my youngest and this one! And yes we were preventing. One got past the goalie :/
Meaning we need a different vehicle much sooner too. I have mixed feelings. I want to be happy and excited but I'm finding it a bit difficult right now. I'm also hesitant to say anything to anyone because people's attitudes tend to be different after the first two babies...

Reidfidleir, I remember you from my last pregnancy! Our children are very close in age (I have a three year old and a 14 month old).

I've also been feeling really hesitant about telling family or friends. While my husband insists everyone will be happy (no doubt they will), I think I fear judgment for having a third, especially when we made it well known that we were only having two children.

I recognized your screen name too I'm sure we'll both be ok! At least we're not alone! Ha!