Unhappy in pregnancy

[Lore]

I seem to be the only person who feels this way but I am 13 weeks and not happy at all. My husband and I had wanted to try to have kids. Later. We hd been using condoms for years but there apparently was a failure.

He is over the moon and all I hear is baby baby baby from him. He refuses to listen to me and tries to gloss over my worries. I have some issues that Ido not want anyone to have much less a baby.

I do not want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about naming it or how it will be fed or where it will sleep.

I guess I'd like to know I'm not really such the odd one out.

 

[Amalee]

I get overwhelmed sometimes when other people start asking me about pregnancy. It's really irritating to me when people ask me about names or future plans. Sometimes I wonder if we jumped into this too soon, and if we've made a big mistake. Sometimes DH and I both worry that we won't be able to provide the kind of life we'd like to for our child. Other times we're overjoyed and don't have a care in the world.

It's okay to feel whatever emotions you have. Pregnancy is stressful, whether it's planned or not, and thinking about big, stressful life changes rarely comes without some negative emotions.

I would like to recommend that you talk with someone, even if it's just here with us ladies. Everyone's really nice and understanding on here

 

[Lore]

But I cannot get overjoyed or even happy. I haven't been since I found out. I just stress or worry to want to tell my husband to shut his mouth. I get told once I get bigger or feel it move I'll be OK.

I get overwhelmed sometimes when other people start asking me about pregnancy. It's really irritating to me when people ask me about names or future plans. Sometimes I wonder if we jumped into this too soon, and if we've made a big mistake. Sometimes DH and I both worry that we won't be able to provide the kind of life we'd like to for our child. Other times we're overjoyed and don't have a care in the world.

It's okay to feel whatever emotions you have. Pregnancy is stressful, whether it's planned or not, and thinking about big, stressful life changes rarely comes without some negative emotions.

I would like to recommend that you talk with someone, even if it's just here with us ladies. Everyone's really nice and understanding on here

 

[leiaorgana1]

I think you do definitly need to talk to someone, even if it's just to get all your misgivings listed so you can sit your husband down and make him listen. That is not going to be fun, but you need it sooner rather than later because your resentment is going to build and there are no happy endings there.

It definitly sounds more serious than simply the shock of being pregnant and holding on to 'oh it'll get better when this or that happens' is unlikely to help you.

Is there a specific reason why not now? Are you certain that it's just not now or is this making you realise you'd rather not ever? Would you - if you could - undo this or is what is upsetting you the mental respons you're having isn't all fluffy clouds?

You don't have to be happy for nine months, you don't have to go baby gaga, you are completely ok feeling the way you are (I mean this doesn't make you a bad person or bad mom). The only thing you need is to be sure you are willing to bring this little person into the world and do your best for them, regardless of how you feel. Because once they are here, that is it, you owe them your very best care and love.
I know many people would scoff at that last bit and say 'duh yeah obviously' but it is really hard, kids are amazing but really, really hard.

This is happening. That baby is on its way. You have to answer some questions for yourself, you need to make your husband sit down and listen and you both have decisions to make.

 

[deafgal]

Be honest with your feelings..Sometimes it helps. Tell your husband this was very unplanned and you really were not ready to have a baby , that you don't feel excited yet. You will have to face a decision if you want to keep this baby or not so tell him now how he feels before he gets too attach to the baby. It could crush him.

 

[Lore]

I wanted children because we had talked about it but definitely not now. It was a big shock but he's thrilled and I'm not. If I could undone this yes I would undo this. Is that so bad?

I think you do definitly need to talk to someone, even if it's just to get all your misgivings listed so you can sit your husband down and make him listen. That is not going to be fun, but you need it sooner rather than later because your resentment is going to build and there are no happy endings there.

It definitly sounds more serious than simply the shock of being pregnant and holding on to 'oh it'll get better when this or that happens' is unlikely to help you.

Is there a specific reason why not now? Are you certain that it's just not now or is this making you realise you'd rather not ever? Would you - if you could - undo this or is what is upsetting you the mental respons you're having isn't all fluffy clouds?

You don't have to be happy for nine months, you don't have to go baby gaga, you are completely ok feeling the way you are (I mean this doesn't make you a bad person or bad mom). The only thing you need is to be sure you are willing to bring this little person into the world and do your best for them, regardless of how you feel. Because once they are here, that is it, you owe them your very best care and love.
I know many people would scoff at that last bit and say 'duh yeah obviously' but it is really hard, kids are amazing but really, really hard.

This is happening. That baby is on its way. You have to answer some questions for yourself, you need to make your husband sit down and listen and you both have decisions to make.

 

[Lore]

That's too far gone.

Be honest with your feelings..Sometimes it helps. Tell your husband this was very unplanned and you really were not ready to have a baby , that you don't feel excited yet. You will have to face a decision if you want to keep this baby or not so tell him now how he feels before he gets too attach to the baby. It could crush him.

 

[deafgal]

If it is,still just be honest with him how you feel.

 

[Lore]

I've tried.

If it is,still just be honest with him how you feel.

 

[deafgal]

It's more for your sake than his. I wouldn't expect him to change if he is excited.
If you are tired of hearing about baby stuffs, is there anyone you can stay with so you can work out your feelings without your husband being on cloud 9 distracting you?

[Post edited]

 

[Lore]

I don't but I can't really do anything about it. Nobody really wants to listen to me. I've been trying to distract myself so I'm not thinking of it but nothing works.

If you are tired of hearing about baby stuffs, is there anyone you can stay with so you can work out your feelings without your husband being on cloud 9 distracting you?

 

[Lore]

Doubled.

 

[emicakess]

I think you do definitly need to talk to someone, even if it's just to get all your misgivings listed so you can sit your husband down and make him listen. That is not going to be fun, but you need it sooner rather than later because your resentment is going to build and there are no happy endings there.

It definitly sounds more serious than simply the shock of being pregnant and holding on to 'oh it'll get better when this or that happens' is unlikely to help you.

Is there a specific reason why not now? Are you certain that it's just not now or is this making you realise you'd rather not ever? Would you - if you could - undo this or is what is upsetting you the mental respons you're having isn't all fluffy clouds?

You don't have to be happy for nine months, you don't have to go baby gaga, you are completely ok feeling the way you are (I mean this doesn't make you a bad person or bad mom). The only thing you need is to be sure you are willing to bring this little person into the world and do your best for them, regardless of how you feel. Because once they are here, that is it, you owe them your very best care and love.
I know many people would scoff at that last bit and say 'duh yeah obviously' but it is really hard, kids are amazing but really, really hard.

This is happening. That baby is on its way. You have to answer some questions for yourself, you need to make your husband sit down and listen and you both have decisions to make.

You said this perfectly.

I understand you are unhappy and uncomfortable with the idea of having a child so soon and it's totally normal and okay to feel that way. But you have to face the facts: you are going to be a mother. It's time to start thinking about and re planning your future. It will be okay and you don't have to be excited but you need to be REAL. Im sorry if I sound harsh but even though you used protection, you still took the chance of this happening by having sex. It's time to be real and start thinking about this innocent human life that is being brought into this world. I hope you take the steps needed to cope with this and I wish you good luck.

 

[Buggzxxx]

Gosh you sound very down to me I worry that you may (if you havn't already) slip into depression.

I think you should seek some help from a doctor. I'm not saying theres anything wrong with how you feel but you do seem extremely down and I think that needs addressing. The last thing you want is to resent this baby and for that resentment to cause issues with you bonding with baby. If you think you feel bad now, imagine how you will feel when baby is born, especially if you've spent months resenting that tiny little life. Please speak to hubby about councilling or therapy, don't down play your emotions, be completely honest.

I hope you can resolve this one way or another.

 

[AP]

Just a reminder of the forum rules please ladies, posts have been edited

While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.

 

[Lore]

I can imagine but I also can imagine it's worse than what I'm expecting. I'm just not sold on counseling though. My mom worked in a mental facility for a while and it seems like doctors see who they want to see and mainly just give pills.

Gosh you sound very down to me I worry that you may (if you havn't already) slip into depression.

I think you should seek some help from a doctor. I'm not saying theres anything wrong with how you feel but you do seem extremely down and I think that needs addressing. The last thing you want is to resent this baby and for that resentment to cause issues with you bonding with baby. If you think you feel bad now, imagine how you will feel when baby is born, especially if you've spent months resenting that tiny little life. Please speak to hubby about councilling or therapy, don't down play your emotions, be completely honest.

I hope you can resolve this one way or another.

 

[Amalee]

Some doctors do give pills pretty quickly, but if you aren't interested in medication, there are lots of other options. There are plenty of mental health professionals that can't prescribe medicine, even if they want to, because they don't have the schooling for it. Have you gotten any prenatal care yet? You can go to a doctor or midwife (without your husband so that you can bring up concerns comfortably) and get a referral to someone who specializes in mental health.

Even if you don't feel ready to talk about it much, you can at least figure out what your options are with someone so you know what options and resources are available to you.

 

[Lore]

I've gone for prenatal care once.

Some doctors do give pills pretty quickly, but if you aren't interested in medication, there are lots of other options. There are plenty of mental health professionals that can't prescribe medicine, even if they want to, because they don't have the schooling for it. Have you gotten any prenatal care yet? You can go to a doctor or midwife (without your husband so that you can bring up concerns comfortably) and get a referral to someone who specializes in mental health.

Even if you don't feel ready to talk about it much, you can at least figure out what your options are with someone so you know what options and resources are available to you.

 

[Amalee]

Was your DH there? Did you mention to your provider how you've been feeling about everything?

 

[Lore]

He did go too. I told her about some of my concerns but not how I'm feeling right now.

Was your DH there? Did you mention to your provider how you've been feeling about everything?