Unhappy in pregnancy

[Lore]

Yes we did. I think that might have been when he fell in love.

Have you seem your ultrasound yet? Sometimes that can help you feel a little more excited about the baby. If there is any problems, they can monitor it. There are so many way screen for issues (like bloodwork) but u will have those tests down the road.

btw, my deafness is genetic. i have no problem having a deaf child but I do understand your worries as I sat there wondering what if they are? They will not have an easy life, there are times I worry they could hate me for passing my gene because they are miserable and even though I see things differently and accepted who I am, I did have this fear that if they were deaf, they may not share the same prospective. But it was a risk I took anyway as my first child was unplanned and my second is planned. I didn't want my son to be the only child (i have a big family so it didn't feel right). Now my mom knew she could have more deaf kids as my older sister Is too (and she have three deaf aunts as well) because the combination of hers and my dad's..but she ended up with two more kids after we were diagnosed. Everything turned out fine.

 

[AC1987]

aww, you almost sound like how I'm sure my DH feels in my pregnancy, he was never ready. He even told me he wasn't even sure if he wanted kids. But life happens, and now we have a DD that I know he adores, and a surprise on the way Its hard to wrap your head around surprises... especially when its not planned. I went through some phases where it felt like I was being cursed. But I am now at a place where I am just so excited So I hope you reach that place too

 

[hopettc3]

There's really no decision to make though. I don't understand.

I agree with wellsk. You don't know if you'll pass on anything to your baby.
I don't think you should make a decision based on a small chance that you might pass something on. I think its really important that you speak to someone about this as soon as possible. The women on here are very supportive and helpful, but you really need to see a professional who may be able to help you better.

I must have misunderstood then. I just believe its important to get help and speak to someone about how you're feeling. Not every dr will prescribe medication. Not all medications are safe during pregnancy so it would be best if you could talk through your problems and try to find a way to get past them. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you feel better soon.

 

[Lore]

I don't really consider it a surprise and I don't know if I'll get to that place. It seems completely impossible especially when no one seems to care what I'm thinking.

aww, you almost sound like how I'm sure my DH feels in my pregnancy, he was never ready. He even told me he wasn't even sure if he wanted kids. But life happens, and now we have a DD that I know he adores, and a surprise on the way Its hard to wrap your head around surprises... especially when its not planned. I went through some phases where it felt like I was being cursed. But I am now at a place where I am just so excited So I hope you reach that place too

 

[emicakess]

I don't understand what you are trying to get from this thread? All of these girls are giving you wonderful advice and are trying to support you, yet you push all of their ideas and suggestions away. What is it that you need?

 

[deafgal]

She wanted to Know if any women experience this too. That was her first question. If she experienced fear of health issues, I told my story. her feelings seem serious, i think she truly feels stuck with this child because she is in a relationship with the father who is excited about the baby. I think she want to make a decision that she feels she is not allow to have. There are a lot of women who felt this way but you won't find them on this board (hence the board Rule mentioned earlier).

 

[emicakess]

She wanted to Know if any women experience this too. That was her first question. If she experienced fear of health issues, I told my story. her feelings seem serious, i think she truly feels stuck with this child because she is in a relationship with the father who is excited about the baby. I think she want to make a decision that she feels she is not allow to have. There are a lot of women who felt this way but you won't find them on this board (hence the board Rule mentioned earlier).

I agree with this completely. I don't think she will find many women that can relate on this website. Atleast not as seriously and extreme as she is feeling.

 

[wellsk]

This is why I would say the OP maybe better off speaking to her doctor or midwife. They may be able to point her in the right direction. As emi said, most people on this forum were TTC, so it is difficult to relate to the circumstances, although we can all probably understand the initial shock and nerves that go with becoming a parent.

I think it's concerning that the OP has made the decision to have the baby for her DH and its obviously making her insanely unhappy. Which will not be healthy for her or the baby. Unless something happens to her frame of mind in between time (although she's already had a scan and felt no different) to make her more accepting of the baby and pregnancy. She will eventually resent the baby and her husband.

 

[Lore]

I wanted to know if anyone felt this way. I wanted some kind of reassurance but I guess I will not find it here, just told to get to a therapist or counselor. I am sincerely sorry I am a bother.

I don't understand what you are trying to get from this thread? All of these girls are giving you wonderful advice and are trying to support you, yet you push all of their ideas and suggestions away. What is it that you need?

 

[wellsk]

But surely you can see that if this is primarily a trying to conceive board. That most would probably not feel this way. I think you would find most people (including those who feel the same), would probably advise the same.

You seem pretty offended at the suggestion of a therapist, doctor or counsellor; which is a great shame, as it would probably really help you. Whether you believe it or not.

If it helps, my dad was gutted when he found out my mum was pregnant with me (and they'd been married 12 years! ). He didn't want to know anything about the pregnancy or hear about my mum's excitement either. However, myself and my mum both almost died during childbirth. After that point I became the apple of his eye and he absolutely adores me. He couldn't imagine his life without me, despite being so opposed at the start.

 

[Lore]

Actually I thought this applied to this board not trying to conceive "The pregnancy club is a place to talk to other members regardless of which trimester pregnancy forum you use." I've already said my feelings on counseling but that's fine. It doesn't matter and you don't have to post anymore. I'll just go.

But surely you can see that if this is primarily a trying to conceive board. That most would probably not feel this way. I think you would find most people (including those who feel the same), would probably advise the same.

You seem pretty offended at the suggestion of a therapist, doctor or counsellor; which is a great shame, as it would probably really help you. Whether you believe it or not.

If it helps, my dad was gutted when he found out my mum was pregnant with me (and they'd been married 12 years! ). He didn't want to know anything about the pregnancy or hear about my mum's excitement either. However, myself and my mum both almost died during childbirth. After that point I became the apple of his eye and he absolutely adores me. He couldn't imagine his life without me, despite being so opposed at the start.

 

[wellsk]

But we're actually trying to help you and understand. And work out a way for you to best move forward.

Your attitude smacks of someone with severe depression...

 

[Amalee]

I'm sorry you haven't found us more helpful on here. As someone mentioned, lots of the members here joined when trying to conceive or because they were excited about their pregnancy, so I don't think you will find many like minded people on this particular forum. Of the people who post and are unhappy about the pregnancy, all the ones I've seen have been looking for advice about making decisions, not people who seem to be comfortable staying in an unplanned situation that makes them so unhappy.

I tried to look for other resources that might be more helpful. Unfortunately, I mostly just found links to single questions that women asked that were similar to yours, not forums. Here are some sites that you might find more help at:

Edited

You may not link to third party forums, chatrooms, competing pregnancy/parenting resources, competing groups/pages or unapproved social networking Web Sites

I can't imagine how difficult this situation must be for you, and I hope you can find the support you're looking for.

ETA: Whoops, sorry. Well, you might be able to find some resources if you google pregnancy depression.

 

[deafgal]

Edited

You may not link to third party forums, chatrooms, competing pregnancy/parenting resources, competing groups/pages or unapproved social networking Web Sites

 

[Buggzxxx]

I agree and dont think you will find any like minded people here. With regards to suggesting therapy, I'm sorry if that offended you but I was only trying to look for a solution to help you. You have decided to stay in a situation thats making you miserable and I suggested professional help because as I said before this is not going to just go away. If anything things will get worse. I hope you at least feel differently once baby arrives and dont feel resentment towards it. Regardless of what you decide to do I think depression is a major issue here. I have alot to say regarding the view that therapist just give out pills, but thats not what you came here to hear so I'll not delve into that. If your looking for others to tell you that you will wake up one day and magically everything will be ok, Im sorry but I dont think you will find that anywhere. I'm not going to post anymore advice on this thread as I feel the advice I gave has been spoken about quite rudely (I still think the right therapist would make alot of difference). No offense, but I have taken time out of my day to try and help!

The best of luck to you

 

[Wobbles]

What some have failed to remember above everything is this is a SUPPORT forum.

Comments like 'what is it that you need' I read as rudely unsupportive and 'your attitude smacks of someone with severe depression...', this is NOT in the spirit of the forum some of you seem to have confused. If you think someone is suffering depression of any severity you don't tell them they have an 'attitude'. Someone with depression may not agree with any advice voiced and can be in denial of what their emotional state is, this is normal so if you feel the member is depressed and pushing advice away maybe that is why?!

BabyandBump is NOT focused solely on TTC, we are a support forum that is open for SUPPORT (funnily enough) from TTC to parenting and pregnancy/infant loss. How awful a member has been pushed away using this as the reason, it's incorrect and wrong on a high level to even be thrown into this conversation. The OP didn't mention abortion which was but the forum rules were thrown into the conversation wrongly only based on assumption... she turned to you ladies for support

I've closed this thread as unsupportive and hope the OP comes back and uses the forum for future support that most experience here on BabyandBump!

 

[Wobbles]

Would like to update this thread by saying thank you for making BabyandBump a safe support forum for yourselves and pushing out others. Member has deactivated her account, no surprise really.