Unhappy in pregnancy

[wellsk]

I'm really sorry that you feel like this, it must be really tough, and I can imagine that seeing your DH so happy must make you feel really guilty and probably even harder on yourself.

I definitely think that you need to see your GP or a doctor, like a PP stated. It definitely sounds like some kind of depression (whether it be a general depression or prenatal), I think that if it was shock that you would have come round pretty quickly. Although bear in mind that it is a massive life change, and even for those of us who took many years and assisted conception to conceive, it is normal to question if you're doing the right thing and if you are ready to become parents, as well as have anxiety and worry.

Do you have any family or friends close by that you could speak to about how you're feeling if you feel that you cannot speak to your DH?

 

[Lore]

Not really. Everyone who knows seems about as over the moon as he is.

I'm really sorry that you feel like this, it must be really tough, and I can imagine that seeing your DH so happy must make you feel really guilty and probably even harder on yourself.

I definitely think that you need to see your GP or a doctor, like a PP stated. It definitely sounds like some kind of depression (whether it be a general depression or prenatal), I think that if it was shock that you would have come round pretty quickly. Although bear in mind that it is a massive life change, and even for those of us who took many years and assisted conception to conceive, it is normal to question if you're doing the right thing and if you are ready to become parents, as well as have anxiety and worry.

Do you have any family or friends close by that you could speak to about how you're feeling if you feel that you cannot speak to your DH?

 

[wellsk]

Hmm, then I'd say that your doctor, midwife or a counsellor is probably best, and the sooner the better really! Particularly since you appear to be unsure about how you feel about the pregnancy.
But I would also like to point out that you will have to face the fears of telling your DH exactly straight about how you feel, you will be urged to do this by the professionals too (whether that's with them or just you and your DH). As the longer this continues, the longer your feelings *could* continue and the more and more excited your DH will get about the prospect of having a child.

Have you thought about maybe writing a letter to your DH about how you feel. This may give you the opportunity to write down in great detail exactly how you feel and your DH time to read it without you both getting into any argument.

 

[Lore]

I'm not afraid. I've tried to talk to him several times but he just wants to talk about it or tell me not to worry if anything's wrong.

Hmm, then I'd say that your doctor, midwife or a counsellor is probably best, and the sooner the better really! Particularly since you appear to be unsure about how you feel about the pregnancy.
But I would also like to point out that you will have to face the fears of telling your DH exactly straight about how you feel, you will be urged to do this by the professionals too (whether that's with them or just you and your DH). As the longer this continues, the longer your feelings *could* continue and the more and more excited your DH will get about the prospect of having a child.

Have you thought about maybe writing a letter to your DH about how you feel. This may give you the opportunity to write down in great detail exactly how you feel and your DH time to read it without you both getting into any argument.

 

[wellsk]

Well then, doesn't a letter maybe seem like a good idea? As you're not having to try and force telling him when he won't listen.

I think it must be difficult on both sides, it seems that he has an idea of how you feel. But either he's hoping you'll feel better soon or that it will go away.

 

[Lore]

I don't think he knows how unhappy I am. He seems to think I'm just worried about passing on some of my own issues to it. That's part of the problem but since we really found out I'm just miserable.

Well then, doesn't a letter maybe seem like a good idea? As you're not having to try and force telling him when he won't listen.

I think it must be difficult on both sides, it seems that he has an idea of how you feel. But either he's hoping you'll feel better soon or that it will go away.

 

[wellsk]

But then you have to make a point of telling him exactly how unhappy you are and what your worries are. Is it possible that maybe if you do have worries about passing on problems that discussing them with a midwife/doctor might help you feel a little better?

At the end of the day, you and your DH have some serious decisions to make, together. Although as someone pointed out, it will be incredibly difficult on the relationship, as it seems that one of you will be devastated. The only way you can get through this is through communication, and it appears not a lot is going on from either side

 

[Lore]

I've brought that up with her. She isn't even sure she could test (which she said might hurt it anyway) for what I have because no one has even said if it's genetic. I have had one doctor tell me it's because I was premature.

I feel like I have to be the one who is devastated. He wants it. He's making plans for everything as it is.

But then you have to make a point of telling him exactly how unhappy you are and what your worries are. Is it possible that maybe if you do have worries about passing on problems that discussing them with a midwife/doctor might help you feel a little better?

At the end of the day, you and your DH have some serious decisions to make, together. Although as someone pointed out, it will be incredibly difficult on the relationship, as it seems that one of you will be devastated. The only way you can get through this is through communication, and it appears not a lot is going on from either side

 

[wellsk]

I don't really advocate Dr Google, but that will quickly tell you if the illness/disorder/symptoms you have are genetic or not. I'm guessing that if your midwife or GP are not too concerned or have obvious reason to believe that it is genetic, then it's likely that it's not, or if it is, it's rare. Bear in mind that just because you have a genetic disorder, it does not mean that it will be automatically passed to your child.

But if you are the one who compromises and it makes you miserable. You may continue to resent the relationship and even potentially the baby, if you do not begin to feel better.

 

[Lore]

I only see two options keeping it or not. How could you possibly compromise?

I don't really advocate Dr Google, but that will quickly tell you if the illness/disorder/symptoms you have are genetic or not. I'm guessing that if your midwife or GP are not too concerned or have obvious reason to believe that it is genetic, then it's likely that it's not, or if it is, it's rare. Bear in mind that just because you have a genetic disorder, it does not mean that it will be automatically passed to your child.

But if you are the one who compromises and it makes you miserable. You may continue to resent the relationship and even potentially the baby, if you do not begin to feel better.

 

[wellsk]

Well, one of you has to compromise, that is my point. I didn't say there was another option. However, you have made yourself the martyr without any serious discussion between yourself and your DH.

 

[Lore]

I do understand what you're saying but he's in love with it. So what do I get to do? I can't see anything I could possibly do other than to tell him it's sleeping with him which I have.

Well, one of you has to compromise, that is my point. I didn't say there was another option. However, you have made yourself the martyr without any serious discussion between yourself and your DH.

 

[LaDY]

Just wanted to give you a big It can't be easy the position you are in...do seek professional advice and take care xx

 

[Lore]

Thank you.

Just wanted to give you a big It can't be easy the position you are in...do seek professional advice and take care xx

 

[Buggzxxx]

Oh honey it can't be nice to be in this position. Maybe you could ask OH to read through this thread so he can see how you really feel and then you can work through the best way forward together. One thing is for certain, this issue isn't going to just go away. Who knows once you hve confided in OH fully, or someone impartial, you may feel in a much stringer position to move forward. A problem shared is a problem halved so they say x

 

[hopettc3]

I agree with wellsk. You don't know if you'll pass on anything to your baby.
I don't think you should make a decision based on a small chance that you might pass something on. I think its really important that you speak to someone about this as soon as possible. The women on here are very supportive and helpful, but you really need to see a professional who may be able to help you better.

 

[deafgal]

Have you seem your ultrasound yet? Sometimes that can help you feel a little more excited about the baby. If there is any problems, they can monitor it. There are so many way screen for issues (like bloodwork) but u will have those tests down the road.

btw, my deafness is genetic. i have no problem having a deaf child but I do understand your worries as I sat there wondering what if they are? They will not have an easy life, there are times I worry they could hate me for passing my gene because they are miserable and even though I see things differently and accepted who I am, I did have this fear that if they were deaf, they may not share the same prospective. But it was a risk I took anyway as my first child was unplanned and my second is planned. I didn't want my son to be the only child (i have a big family so it didn't feel right). Now my mom knew she could have more deaf kids as my older sister Is too (and she have three deaf aunts as well) because the combination of hers and my dad's..but she ended up with two more kids after we were diagnosed. Everything turned out fine.

 

[deafgal]

I can imagine but I also can imagine it's worse than what I'm expecting. I'm just not sold on counseling though. My mom worked in a mental facility for a while and it seems like doctors see who they want to see and mainly just give pills.

Gosh you sound very down to me I worry that you may (if you havn't already) slip into depression.

I think you should seek some help from a doctor. I'm not saying theres anything wrong with how you75015 feel but you do seem extremely down and I think that needs addressing. The last thing you want is to resent this baby and for that resentment to cause issues with you bonding with baby. If you think you feel bad now, imagine how you will feel when baby is born, especially if you've spent months resenting that tiny little life. Please speak to hubby about councilling or therapy, don't down play your emotions, be completely honest.

I hope you can resolve this one way or another.

maybe where your mom works does, but psychologists and counselors around here can't prescribe meds. If you tell them you don't want to deal with meds, they will work with you. I am speaking from experience. Edited, I see someone already wrote this

 

[Lore]

It isn't nice. I can show it to him but I don't know what it could do.

Oh honey it can't be nice to be in this position. Maybe you could ask OH to read through this thread so he can see how you really feel and then you can work through the best way forward together. One thing is for certain, this issue isn't going to just go away. Who knows once you hve confided in OH fully, or someone impartial, you may feel in a much stringer position to move forward. A problem shared is a problem halved so they say x

 

[Lore]

There's really no decision to make though. I don't understand.

I agree with wellsk. You don't know if you'll pass on anything to your baby.
I don't think you should make a decision based on a small chance that you might pass something on. I think its really important that you speak to someone about this as soon as possible. The women on here are very supportive and helpful, but you really need to see a professional who may be able to help you better.